Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Holy shit...

Currently: Broken Crying to: The sound of my beating heart… I’m not going to say anything in this post because it’s not what’s needed to be said here. I’ll go put it somewhere else. I made a new banner and it has a personally meaning behind it. It’s dedicated to my one and only love. They know who it is…and it hurts more than anything to know that they love someone else now. *sighs* I guess I went wrong somewhere. Everyone just leave me the fuck alone...and those who support this recent occurance in my life just needs to shut the fuck up... Art © Meilin Wong

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Saturday, May 21, 2005

Welp--

Currently: Hopless Sighing to: Healing Vision (Angelic Mix) by Desiree from DDR I don’t really have much to say tonight that I would like for everyone to see, so I’ll make this short. *laughs* I talked to my baby sister today and she told me that she was backstabbed by her best friend. I knew that bitch would eventually hurt my sister, and because of that, Molli is banned from Walker County because she and Memory got caught with damn pot and some pills and Memory told them it was Molli’s fault. Of course, Molli didn’t find this out until today and when she told me, I got furious. I already had a bad day and hearing that just made it worse. I love my little sister and to hear that she was hurting made me so mad. I hate Memory with a passion and I’d gladly beat the hell out of that girl for messing with my baby sister. Molli means the world to me because she’s the only thing I have left pretty much. She makes me smile and she makes me feel special. I’ll do anything for my sister. I had to go to the eye doctor today and I was dilated. Uuugh, I hate that shit! I couldn’t see for fucking hours and had to walk around with that damn thing over my glasses! It sucked, but I got new contacts! ^^ Right now, as you can see from my mood picture, I’m not in the best of moods. Kinda depressed but I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually. It’s taking more time that usual. Welp, that’s it folks. Maybe I’ll see ya tomorrow and maybe I’ll post some of my stories. LOL! *waves* Until next update! ~~Winter Yuy Art © ???

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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Malice Mizer + Exhaustion = A new dream for DDR

Currently: Exhausted Yawning continuously to: Sakura Sou by Gackt and some Malice Mizer songs from the CD Katie burnt me. No randomness tonight I don’t believe. LOL. I’m way too tired for doing anything right now. I’m just staring at Gackt…*drools* Sexy ass man I’m exhausted not from playing DDR (I did, but still--) but because my grandmother woke me up at 10:30 this morning and I had hardly ANY fucking sleep. I was so radamn I could barely walk this morning. She took me shopping! SHOPPING! Of all things! I was about to cry. I hate shopping…-_-;; That’s why I’m not your NORMAL type of girl. ^^; Other than that, I haven’t done anything today. I said I would upload some of my story I had, but I don’t feel like it again tonight. So sorry *bows* Don’t hate me! *cries* And Sakura, Kali is Bakura’s daughter in the RPs I do with Oreana(She’s here on MyO btw). Kali is my favorite character because she was the first child spawned from those RPs. We had to turn Malik into a female so that she/he could actually have Kali. Then everyone started popping out children/grandchildren/great grandchildren from there. I’ll have to give out the full list tomorrow. I’m waaay too tired for it right now. Oreana: I saw Michelle again today actually because she called and wanted me to come over and do more DDR. Starting to freak me out with how nice she’s being here recently. She even asked how you were. I was just staring at her in awe the whole time. Of course, she mostly talked about FFXI online and I was thinking, “Oh God. Please, be quiet. I don’t play the game and I have NO idea what you’re talking about”, but I pretended to be interested if anything. To everyone else, thanks for the replies to the posts! *huggles you all* and thanks for the hits! I’m almost to 200! *does the moonwalk* Let’s keep it up! *giggles* Holy shit, listening to this CD Memoirè by Malice Mizer is kinda freaking me out. This stuff sounds early French/European kinda, but with an alternative edge to it. And not to mention sounds like you’re at a damn carnival! *has the worst image of clowns and shudders* Scaaaary. I have a new dream now…I’m going to make up some moves for a MM song and do DDR to it. I know, call me crazy, but I get crazy ideas in my head when I’m THIS damn tired. Until next update! ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong

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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Skizert! Next up--

Currently: Content/Sleepy Yawning continuously to: Dears and etude by Gackt I’m in another one of those retarded ass moods right now, so watch out! Randomness abroad, folks. XD I had to help Katie with a DDR project today so I’ve been at her house since like…3-4ish this afternoon. I was actually dreading that I would have to see Michelle, but she was rather friendly today. It was shocking. She didn’t say a smartass word and anything. It was weird. So we laughed and had a good time whilst playing DDR. I tried Standard mode and-Oh God, my legs are killing me. Michelle, of course, did gloat with her grades she got, but she told me I was doing quite well on Standard with it being my first time. ^^ Slight ego trip on my part. While we were dancing, Katie grabbed my cell phone and told me she was going to call Oreana and say, “I love you for getting me kick that can!” and just hang up. I was like, “wtf?” and I tripped when I saw she had my cell. -_-;; She called and, unfortunately, Oreana wasn’t there. Katie said, “I got all psyched up to do it and she wasn’t there! *cries*” Of course, Michelle and I had to pat her a couple of times. KRIPSY KREME (random) Other than that, nothing much has been going on. I was actually planning on posting some of a story I had written on here tonight, but I don’t feel like going through and doing the entire html right now since I’m so drained. ;_; I’m about to fall out since doing DDR for hours and my creativity has been going wild as hell as of late. ^^ “And nothing says 'I love you' like reducing yourself to a smoldering pile of ashes.” (More randomness) And to answer Sakura Hyuuga’s comment, the poem pretty much states how Kali is a daddy’s little girl. She doesn’t have to ask or beg for anything because Bakura always gives it to her. She’s the Devil’s Child and she kicks ass with Shadow magic. As crazy as it sounds, Bakura and Kali are actually married and have children in the RPs. They have that close of a relationship. *whistles innocently* We weren’t intending for it to start out that way, actually. It just—happened unexpectedly. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls. (You know, it’s funny I say this right after mentioning to RPs due to Kali and Bakura having the ‘bunny ears’. Haha, more randomness still!) Well I think that’s it. I’m going to hit the hay. *yawns* Nighty night, folks. Until next update! ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong

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Monday, May 16, 2005

This and That

Currently: Sleepy and Playful Yawning continuously to: Gackt CDs I made a new banner, as you all can see. *points to it* The banner deals with the RPs that I do with Oreana and as you can tell, yes, that’s Bakura and his daughter, Kali. Oreana drew both of those images and I was so proud of them. She drew them very well! But in the RPs, Kali and Bakura are together. Bakura loves his daughter and Kali loves her daddy, more than you all could now. Now then-*steps onto a podium, unrolling a parchment* Friends, Americans, and MyOtaku followers, it has come to my attention that I am currently being stalked by an ex of mine. -_-;; And it has also come to my attention that, oops, don’t need to say that one here. Ah, what the hell am I trying to do? Updating like this in my retarded state of mind? *whistles innocently* I tried. Nothing has been going on lately except the usually. I haven’t gotten much sleep in the past couple of days so I need to catch up on that. I’ve been writing here lately! A lot actually so I’m happy I’m back into my routine of writingness. I’ll have to post some of my stuff here, but I’ll do that tomorrow. Before I go, I’m going to post the full poem that goes with the banner. Daddy’s Little Girl They say like father like son, Yet in my case it is 'like father like daughter', I am a daddy's girl, I don't have to ask, I don't have to beg, For I get everything from my daddy, You may think I am spoiled, Well, brother you are right, For I am a daddy's girl, I will get everything, I will conquer everything, Did I say that? Oops! Like father like daughter, For I am a daddy's girl, Stand back hear me roar, See me blink out of the shadows, And take your soul, For I am a daddy's girl, I may be beautiful, I maybe sexy, But you haven't met my daddy, Now stop staring and worship me, For I am a daddy's girl, Like father like daughter Until next update! ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

This and That

Feeling: Horrible/Worthless Clutching her chest to: Lust for Blood and Tsuki no Uta both by Gackt First off I want to say thank you to Oreana Minamino for being such a motivational speaker and getting me to watch Darkness Falls on FX tonight. I swear, I don’t think I’ll get a wink of sleep tonight due to that damn—fairy bitch. Let her come and get me! I’ll show you to my grandmother, that will scare her off. Or as Oreana said, “Actually, didn't that look like your grandma?” That was a burn right there. I’ve felt really bad all day—emotionally and physically and my emotional pain just so happened to get worse around this time. *sighs* I don’t know why—I was skimming through a piece of writing a couple of seconds ago and something caught my eye…something that hurt me very badly in a neglected way, but I cannot let it get to me due to my new attitude and I won’t let it hurt me anymore… *situates in her chair* Other than that, I’ve been listening to my new Gackt CDs (can you tell?) and I’ve fallen in complete LOVE with this man (not really, but you know what I mean). He’s such a genius and a brilliant composure! *huggles her CDs* Thank you Katie for burning them for me!! I think that’s it. I’m going to place the lyrics to two of the songs I’ve been listening to all night down at the bottom. That’s what has been my mood all day long. Sorry, it shouldn’t be this bad. *whistles innocently* Changed the midi music to something even more…dark. Why? I don’t know. ^^; ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong Tsuki no Uta (The Song of the Moon) A shining, pure white T-shirt A rainbow floating in a spray of water Gazing thoughtfully at the sky The wind plays with countless things Nothingness was our own happiness More deeply than anyone else, I even give my heart to you Even now right here, I'm only gazing at you If it's a dream that I cannot return to once more, I'll destroy it You're unforgettable, I want to see you once more The mirages pile up Your shadows, I collect them I keep waiting for you though the hands of my watch have stopped On sleepless nights, and on mornings when you have to sigh There's your beloved song of the moon Some time far away, when even our bodies are left behind Right now right here, only I remain I believed we'd always be together unchanging Once more, like I did at that time, I want to love you Lust for blood My uncertain soul melts entirely into oblivion While I'm puzzled by the visible scars, I stretch out my hand In a bright white field of vision, at the end, time is uncontrollable The tears running off won't come back, the promise from that day No one could stop them, the tears only we could forgive at our parting The past promise we made to stop the mistakes from repeating over again If you're going to erase the pains in my heart, then go right ahead and kill me Don't look so lonely, at least at the end I want you to smile Just for you Take another breath You can't find what's important Destroy all of the peace Make the same mistake over again No one could stop them, the tears only we could forgive at our parting The past promise we made to stop the mistakes from repeating over again

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Monday, May 9, 2005

Not in a good mood...

Feeling Quite: Sick as hell/in agony/horrible Vomiting food to: Mind Forest by Gackt There’s not much I can talk about tonight so I’m going to get straight to the point. I’ve been sticking by my new attitude. I haven’t gotten mad at anyone or anything for the past twenty four hours or so. Thankfully, I’m learning to keep my cool and hold my tongue back. I’m sick, I’m miserable, and I want to die. No, not die, but I’m sick as hell and I don’t know why. I feel fine one minute then the next thing I know I’m hunched over the cool porcelain of the toilet. I’ve probably contracted a virus—dammit. Oreana became upset last night/this morning and I spent four hours on the phone with her trying to make her feel better. Needless to say it worked, but it cost us both a night of restless sleep and mid day naps, which didn’t last long for me, but she’s alright now, thank Ra. Speaking of Oreana, I want all of you fans of her to read this part carefully: I am not her PDA nor her schedule book. I DO NOT know when she plans on finishing her fics nor do I know when she plans on writing them. DO NOT add me to your MSN/AIM list to ask me questions about her. I will refuse to answer them. If you wish to know anything, contact her. I hope everyone had a happy mother’s day. My mother is in West Virginia right now, but I sent her my wishes yesterday. I also got to speak with my baby sister and I was so happy that I cried. I miss Molli (my sister) so much. She and I grew up together and there were times that I had to raise her because my mother worked a lot and my father was well…a good for nothing. True, Molli and my mother may do things that I don’t approve of, but I’ll still love them regardless, just like I will love my friends and fiancée no matter what they do. I believe that it for this update. I may not update tomorrow due to having nothing to say or I’m in my bed as sick as a damn dog. Let’s not pray for the latter. ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong

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Saturday, May 7, 2005

A deep sigh of relief as the sun goes down

Feeling Quite: Satisfied and Calm Chanting a relaxing mantra to: Kakumei by DJ Taka feat. Naoki Lately I've been really uptight and stressed out over a lot of different things in my life. School, work, family, relationships, and the price of gasoline. It seems that lately even the small things have gotten so big. I can't see around them to what is important. Then I heard a voice. It wasn't from God or the Devil, it was just a reminder. A lesson of life I lost when I grew up. "When the sun goes down eventually it will rise again." I've been so preoccupied by people and opinions and tragedies happening all over the world, including those near my home, that I've found myself wishing for the silence of a hummingbird's wings. In the times of the crusades it is rumored that some people in search of religious cleansing would spend a year in silence. Imagine the thunderous clamor of a pen scratching paper would be during that time and now a pen scratching paper is as close to silence as you can get. Lately I feel that I have been a slave to my own anger. It's like I'm angry because toothpicks won't hold up a train track. What do I do when the train's coming? I've decided to give up on toothpicks and concentrate on the larger, stronger, more positive side of my personality and let the train take care of itself. Being polite can take years off of your life; especially when you're being polite for the wrong reasons. You wouldn't be polite to an axe murderer trying to kill you. Also, in a less serious sense, you wouldn't be polite to someone forcing their opinions on you either. I'm not a politician. I DO NOT have to please both sides of a dispute. My life is changing today. I do not consider myself "strictly religious", but I do believe in the wisdom of religious peace. Josh Billings once said, "Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute." Anger, jealousy, envy, spite, and malice will no longer be a part of my daily life. It is pointless to be polite just as it is pointless to be angry. From now on, my weapon against the worlds pressures will be...silence. I will NOT lay down for anyone to walk all over me, but I will NOT step on others for the satisfaction either. Some may call it indifference, rude, or even cowardice. Frankly, they can call it whatever they want as long as they call someone else to bitch about it. I'm finished. It's over. The gloves are off! Not because I'm ready to punch someone, it's simply because I don't need them anymore. A friend once said, "It's always easier to see something when it's not happening to you." I have found this to be very true. For most of my life, I have tried to figure out why people keep hurting my feelings when I'm just trying to be the best person that I can. Well, after putting a mirror to my own self image, I figured out why: I am a fan of anime, I do offer love unconditionally (sometimes to quickly), I love my family even through the arguments, and I forgive those who, by some standards, do not deserve to be forgiven, and I TRULY believe that everyone deserves a second chance. True, I have been described as somewhat "clingy", but that will change. I have realized I do not need someone else's happiness to sustain me. I must find peace and happiness within myself. It seems the easiest way to do that is to just be...myself. I am lose friends over this post or over my new attitude to the world, but frankly a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. If you know me and you want to walk out--go. This is not anger or hurt feelings. It's an invitation. "He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words." - Elbert Hubbard. ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong

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Friday, May 6, 2005

Same ole shit on a different day

Currently Feeling: Surrending to the Darkness(Defeated) Crying to the song: Dark Blue by No Doubt Didn't do much of anything today. I layed around in bed until mawmaw told me to come and eat with her up at the resturant. I didn't want to, but I really had no other choice. I wasn't very hungry at all. I've lost my appetite here lately due to all of the shit that I've been hit with. While I was eating, a regular customer of my grandmother's came in with her mother and asked me did I want to go around with her today. I was going to say no but mawmaw told me that I needed to get out and stop sulking around the house. So I put on my happy face and went with Marie today. We didn't do much of anything. I went with her to get her hair done and then we went to walmart and she tried to buy me something, but I wouldn't let her. After that we went to the bookstore and I was reading some manga that I hadn't bought yet and she forced me to get the ones that I didn't have and she bought them for me. ^^ It was sweet of her to do that so I'll have plenty of things to read and catch up on in my Rurouni Kenshin, Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist, and Full Metal Alchemist manga. My aunt called me and told me that she was having problems with her computer--again. I tried to talk her through some things to do with it for it to work and she had no clue what I was talking about so tomorrow I've got to drive to her house, which is 40 miles from mine (approximately an hour or so drive), and go to fix her computer for her. I've got to get up earlier, yet AGAIN on a day where I do not have school (since I'm out) and drive to fucking BIRMINGHAM for her. Tell me again why I do this shit for people? Oh yeah, because I'm nice. Grrrr, I need to start being a bitch again. ^^ I miss my fiancèe so much! I'm about to die if I don't talk to them...but I don't know what to do, I'm so confused. *gives them a hug the post* I love you baby and I miss talking to you, but I'm still trying to figure things out. Wait for me, love, I know you need time as well. You're my whole world and I'm nothing without you in it. *whimpers* Can I come back to you? Please...take me back...don't leave me when I need someone the most... I miss Charity too--so damn much. I cried on and off again today. She hasn't called me yet to let me know that she's okay. When she does call, I'm gonna kill her!! She's scaring me, but I left a message on her phone so she'll call me if she knows what's good for her. *pops knuckles* I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow besides read my new manga. Hell, I might sleep. I don't know if I'll be on my IM connections again or not. *blinks to try and keep her eyes open* My friends know my cell number if they want to check up on me and see how I'm doing and I have an email address, if any of you are worried, then use it. I'll be on the check my mail, just not talk to anyone. Guh, I must go to bed, I'm about to die. I'm out! *fades away into the shadows* Until the next update! ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong Random Quotes "She's uglier than stag lightning!!" "I'm gonna get drunker than Cooter Brown;, now, I'm gonna get drunker than a speeding bullet!" "I'm so good I scream my own name during sex!"

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Thursday, May 5, 2005

It's a never ending cycle of hurt...

Mood of the Day: Dark and Insecure Currently bleeding to the song: Dark Blue I changed the music on the site to something rather—depressing and mellow. Until things get better, it’ll probably stay in that dark and depressing tone. Who knows. Charity left today and I cried so hard. I’ll probably continue to cry spontaneously for days on end. I’ll miss her so much. She was more than a best friend to me—she was a sister. She was there for me through a lot of troubles in my life and she knew me almost better than anyone. She and Jessica have been my longest friends. Yeah, for a time I only thought they used me for cigarettes, but I found it wasn’t true when they proved that they would always be there for me. They never went back on their word when it came to that. It’ll be another year before I get to see her again, but I know I will see her again. Oh Lordy, I’m gonna cry again. I got an interesting surprise today when I checked my email one day and found that Rouge’s Ronin asked me to be the Author of the Month for May. I felt so—proud of myself when that was presented upon me. She never made me a little banner! ^^ I didn’t know my writing skills were that good, but I was proved wrong with that email. She’s such a sweet person and a kind one for naming me her author of the month! When I saw it today on her site I cried. Rouge’s Site I also got a sweet PM from tangertine that had a little banner that she made for me. I did cry when I saw that. It was so sweet of her to do so, especially when I’m having it so hard, it’s nice to know that people care for me. When I read her kind words (or anyone’s kind words) it makes me smile. Of course, I’m a sucker for giving kind words and romantic ones. *snickers* But to let you know there are only so many things that I will tell my friends when it comes to words. There are people out there who I love like sisters and if something were to happen to them, yes, a part of me would die, but there are words that I tell my lover that I would never tell my friends. Yes, I’ll tell a friend “I love you”, but I won’t sit there and sugar coat words for them like I would for my lover. That is just wrong and it does cause people’s minds to wander. I don’t know, I’m just weird about that. I have a hard time trusting people because I’ve been betrayed and backstabbed so much in my life that it’s hard for me. I never asked for anything from people and when I do receive something, it makes my heart swell with happiness; however, I also feel guilty because I don’t know what I can do for them! I have to start doing things for other people that do things for me; it’s the only right thing to do. I’ll have to start doing more things for people now, I must remember that. Damn, I’m emotional today. Anywho, I haven’t talked to my fiancée all day today and I—miss them. I really do, but I’ve got to show that I can go without talking to them for a couple days, besides, they wanted a break so I don’t even know if I can call them ‘fiancée’ anymore. It may be more like—ex-fiancée? Hell, I don’t know. I’m so confused right now I don’t know what to call anyone anymore. I got my paycheck of the board of education today and got a whooping seventeen dollars! Hell yeah! Well, you know what that’s gotta go to? Mother’s Day Cards! I’ve got to buy so many I don’t know what to think. lol. The money I have left will go for gas and cigarettes, since now I’m smoking for than ever since all of this shit that’s been dealt to me. Mawmaw’s been letting this lady stay with us for the past couple of days until pawpaw finishes building his apartments. Anyways, her daughter was killed a couple of days ago just before the girl was suppose to marry and then Deb’s (the woman who’s staying with us) husband left her after 19 years of marriage and she needed a place to stay until the apartment got finished. I feel sorry for her, but she’s a nice lady. Very sweet. And wtf is up with everyone’s lovers leaving them in their greatest times of need? That is fucked up right there, son. I need to make a new ID too. *whistles innocently* My current one is way to big and is getting rather old to look at. *tries to get ideas for it* Guh—I’m so tired. I think I may go to bed soon. All the crying and shit wore me out. ^^ I’m gonna finish watching some TV and hit the hay. I ish tired. Until the next update! ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong

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