Tuesday, May 3, 2005

My psychology paid off and she abandoned me when I needed her the most

Currently Feeling: Longing for someone—anyone to hold me… Currently Crying to the Tune of: Always by Saliva (Go look up the lyrics!) Welp, there it went. Thank you, Justin for fucking up my life. You asshole, I cannot believe you did that to me! Especially when you knew how much this meant to me… She loved me…she did, but then everyone kept having to but into our relationship and it made it worse. I’m mad at everyone, but I’m especially mad at…her… When I needed her the most she leaves me…alone. I was use to being alone until she showed me how to love again and now it’s over. It’s all over. She cannot be with anyone her heart cannot be into. *curls up in a ball* Why now of all times when my life is the hardest? I needed someone and she…she left… I went into a psychological mood last night and went to ask someone for help. I asked Mr. Mayhall about something’s and he reminded me about some definitions that I had a long time ago in his class. Do you people know the difference between being jealous and being envious? Most people don’t so I’m going to clarify exactly what they are. Jealously: Fear of losing something that you have Evny: Wanting something someone else has Now that you people have a clear insight on those two definitions now, let’s hope you won’t get them mixed up anymore because people do mix them up all the time. Just to let you all know, jealousy isn’t a bad things; yet, I’m being punished for it. The only thing I didn’t want was to lose the person that I loved and because she thought jealousy was a bad things, I did end up losing it all in the end. *sighs* Everyone has jealous tendencies and everyone gets jealous and it’s not bad, people! It’s human nature to be jealous! If I didn’t get jealous, that would prove that I didn’t value the relationship and I did, more than anything on this Earth. *sighs* But…there is nothing I can do now. We’re on a break—maybe that’s how things should be. One of my only best friends is leaving tomorrow and I don’t know what I’m gonna do without her. Charity—you always knew how to make me smile and I’ll never forget you. I don’t know when we’ll see one another, but fly on your wings and be free. Get out of here and be all that you can be. (The last part is irony and should be funny because Charity is in the army). I will shed many tears for you, my dear friend. Never forget me, we’ll always have our cell phones and our stories! I’m not kidding when I say I will cry tomorrow because I will. I wanted someone to be there for me when she goes and the one person I had is no longer with me now…I have no friend who will let me cry on their shoulders. You’re lucky, angel…at least you have some one… Wendi out… Until the next update! ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong [I don't stop breathing everytime the phone rings, My heart don't race when someone's at my door, I've almost given up thinking you're ever gonna call, I don't believe in magic anymore, I just don't lie awake at night, Asking God to get you off my mind.] I love you, my angel of the light…

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Monday, May 2, 2005

News Flash: Wendi has had her rampaged. Read on to see the details of the aftermath brought to you by MyOtaku.com

Currently Feeling: Like blowing someone’s fucking head off and parading around their dead body Currently Chopping People’s Heads off to the Tune: Toxcitity and Sweet Dreams(Manson version) It was all fine until some fucking bitch that was fucking my goddamn brother had to say something to her. Had to say something to everyone. Justin told me that he was going to bring her up to Bevill today and she was going to apologize to my face. By Ra, he better keep her within ten feet of me because I'm liable to jump and beat the living FUCK out of her. I'm a loose cannon right now and she just needs to stay the fuck away from me. She needs to apologize to Oreana and Jessie for what she said and caused. I'm in a true dark mode right now--no one wants to mess with me when I'm in this mood. NO one. Apology or not, her ass is STILL mine. If Justin tries to get me off of her, then his ass is getting it to. Stupid ass, hormone controlled brother. He called me when he was informed of what happened and he wasn't happy to say the least. He was damn furious with that bitch. He said and I quote, "I'm going to kill her." (And when Justin says that, he means it folks.) I heard him load his gun and screamed at him and Michael, who was beside him, to stop and deal with it rationally. He happened to call me this morning and told me to stay at Bevill for a couple of hours after my exam. It's almost 9:30 right now. He should be here soon. Grrrrr, damn bitch. My fiancée and I had everything worked out until that bitch had to step the fuck in and now it's making them think twice about us and twice as hard. *sighs* I should kill that--ugh, okay, happy thoughts. *starts her mantra* Dead puppies, dead puppies, dead Jews, dead Jews, dead bitch, dead bitch, dead BITCH! *growls and punches the wall, clearing her throat* And now back to your regularly scheduled programming. Aside from that, I wrote a poem for my fiancée last night and I was going to post it here buuuuut, I don't have it with me so there goes that idea; however, when I get home I'll update again and post it on here and MO along with some other things I've done in the past that I should've shown off. My angel said that trivial things don't matter to them yet they give and receive trivial things. Don't know what to say about that, but I think they liked the poem. ^^. I tried my goddamndest to make it work and to make them smile. Like I told them, it may not mean as much as the things Jessie does for them, but--mine came from the heart (as I'm sure Jessie's did as well) and I don't expect anything back. Well, at least I think I don't expect anything back. *laughs* Aside from that, don't know why my mood is horny right now on my GJ/LJ. *whistles innocently* Hey--I have basic human needs as well...dammit, but it really shouldn't be just horny rather: "So fucking horny and pissed and running on blood lust that she could kill some random mother fucker and then go and find someone to fulfill her needs." There, I think that sounds better. ^^ Hmmm--sure I could modify it, but not right now. I'll try later. The things I desperately want are seemingly unattainable and shall remain so until the end. I wish my hope would die away completely so that I wouldn't have to deal with it. I wish I could let go and not want anything at all. I want to be a shell of a human so that I don't have to hurt. I just don’t know what to do with myself these days... Okay, I posted this on my GJ and LJ this morning and things have changed. Things have changed in a good way. I told you that bitch would be mine! HAHAHAHA! Justin brought her up to the college and I beat the living fucking dog shit out of her! EAT THAT, BITCH! That bitch was bleeding from her nose, her mouth, she had a black eye. She couldn’t move. I busted her ASS! I’m pretty damn sure I broke something. So she’ll no longer bother Oreana, Jessie, and myself. I’m surprised I didn’t kill that damn—arrgh! Justin KNEW I was going to beat the fuck out of her and he let me…for a while until he realized that if I didn’t stop I would kill her. Michael was in the back of Justin’s Eclipse screaming at me to keep going, “Go Wendi! Beat her ass! WooHoo! *silence* Damn! *silence again* Holy shit! *silence once again* I’m glad I never pissed you off!” I feel a looooooot better now since that was done. That bitch fucked with the wrong person (me) and messed with the wrong people (Oreana and Jessie). She should’ve never opened her big fucking mouth and started on the people I care about. Oh hell to the no. Oreana was hurt because of her and I had to do something about it, not to mention Jessie was hurting as well due to Oreana hurting. I wasn’t going to let her get away with saying shit. I’m not like that. I got the revenge I swore I would get and the ass whooping I promised to give. Okay, now I’m going to post the poem that I wrote for my fiancée. Since they don’t ever come by here or whatnot they won’t see it, but it’s okay. So, here it is: Dry Your Tears Don’t cry my angel dear, I am here to wipe away all of your tears Feel and see my light As I take away your night Pay no deed to the other talk While you and I are on this walk For it is us here and now So let me take away that frown Remember all the times that I stuck by your side And took your hand so you could confide I know I am not perfection Let me be that light…that sun I will always be there for you My love will always stay true Angels aren’t meant to cry Dry your tears and stay by my side We are one you and I So come my love, let us fly Now I will spread my wings and take you in my arms Taking you away to paradise…my heart! There it is. Like I said before, I tried my hardest on that poem. I poured my heart into the words and I can only help that it heals things. NOW I’m going to post of some of the images and what not that I’ve done for Jessie and Oreana. I’ll just put up the link so it won’t take up like…a lot of room. ^^ Nayre Osiris Bakura and Raist Oreana and Osiris So that’s about it for this update. I hope you guys enjoyed the poem and images. I tell you one damn thing, Wendi feels better after what happened. *prances around like a proud peacock* I feel soooo daaaamn good. Wendi out! Until the next update! ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong

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Saturday, April 30, 2005

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack (and with horny goat weed!)

Currently Feeling: Playful and Horny! Currently Humming the Tune: Take Me Away and Drifting Away I just couldn’t leave you guys for so long! I’m terribly sorry that I acted like that, but I’m not going to leave. The things I had problems with are worked out now and will never be an issue again. I have faith in that and my lover. Anywho, aside from being extremely happy and playful *winks* I’m not going to be depressed anymore. I just cannot do it to myself. I was so dragged down by my own insecurities and misinformed people that it just didn’t help me at all. So, now I’m back and better than ever! I will never leave again so long as I have my friends by my side! *does the Electric Slide* I don’t really have much to say in this update since nothing has really happened. I’ve just been spending time online with ThiefKingBakura, Oreana, and Andrainea. Aside from that, haven’t been doing much of anything. Once this semester ends I’m going to pic back up writing and finish my stories that need to be finished. I’m glad to be back guys! Thanks for your support! I really needed it! Oh, and Andrainea created a RP forum, go and become members! It’ll be lots of fun! The link will be below RPing Forums Until the next update! ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong

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Thursday, April 28, 2005

Resignation

Currently Feeling: Depressed, Sad, Lonley Currently Bobbing Head to:Princes of the Universe I’ve come to announce my leave, you guys. I’m no longer going to update here—and when I finally got things to look good. Someone who I thought cared for me just completely broke my heart last night and has yet to make up for it. I’m sorry, but to be shunned and thrown out like that really does hurt. So, I’m leaving here. My page will still be up for view, but I cannot stay here. I’m tired of getting bitched at and called names for what I do. So sorry, guys. Oh, who am I kidding? No one every comes here anyway so I shouldn’t even worry about it much. I’m about to have my final break down and maybe this will land me in a mental hospital away from all of this crap. I’m just so stressed right now that I don’t know what to do… I took my math final and ended up getting a B in the class. -_-;; I hated that. I was so pissed. I wanted an A! ;_; I had to sub 4th grade today and oh ra—it was so much hell. I’m probably not gonna have a voice tomorrow. Damn brats. Aside from that, I’m not going to be doing anything. I quit and just stop whatever I’ve started. I’m no good to anyone anymore—if I cannot even get support from the same someone who I thought cared for me, there is no point. If I’m getting called names and dissed like a dog, then I’m through with it. So I’m sorry again that I’m leaving, but I have to. Unless someone drastic happens—then I won’t update or say anything. I may post my wallpapers here still, but who knows. I might just not be here at all. See you guys around! *hugs* Thanks for the small hits and support you gave me. ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

How does it look??

Currently Feeling: Defeated Current Song Running Through My Head: Amazing Kiss It’s here. How do you like it? The new way to do my moods and updates! Is this creative or what? It all happened from my damn stubbornness and Andrainea’s HTML skills! *hugs her* I’ve been feeling down here lately, I don’t know why. I just haven’t had the energy to do anything. Finals starts tomorrow and I’ve been so down in the dumps due to some things that I just cannot concentrate. My heart hurts every time I think about it. I feel so…unappreciated. It’s sad…that I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I’ve lost my appetite as of late. I just cannot seem to eat breakfast anymore or eat anything actually. It’s been so hard… I was thinking of writing a short piece of a fic for my fiancée dealing with the RPs we do, but I don’t know what should would think of it or if she would appreciate it. I had some cute ideas for it, but I’m not sure… Speaking of writing, I won’t send it because I don’t know if my skills are good enough. I mean, here lately I just don’t have fait in myself to do anything anymore. No one tells me anything anymore, I feel so…lonely sometimes… *sighs* I don’t like being called names either and when I was called a name, it hurt. It hurt very badly… I don’t know what else to say besides I hope you guys enjoy the new layout and what not! I have to thank my friend that helped me, she’s awesome. *hugs her* You know who you are, girlie girl! *gives you high five* Aside from that, I want thank everyone who stops by my page and replies to my posts. Guys, that means a lot to me. You don’t know how much I appreciate it. It makes me want to cry. I’ve never had no one do such nice things for me. The banner Tangertine made me did make me cry. I’ve tried to do so much for people here lately and I don’t seem to get any of it back. I kinda of feel unappreciated in that sense, but—I am starting to feel better as of late, just not as much as I want to. Well, sorry for this confusing post you guys! I’m trying to pick myself up so let’s hope it works. I cannot bomb out on my finals. I have to pass this semester. If I don’t, I cannot graduate in Spring of ’06. Welp, that’s it people! Until the next update! And I hope you all enough the new background and layout! *smiles* I’m going to make a new art ID here soon as well to suit the new layout! ^^ ~~Winter Yuy Art © Meilin Wong

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Testing
I'm tesing a new idea on how to do my posts and my moods and what not. So this isn't a real update, but once the coding starts working right, I'll update for real later tonight! ^^

and Andraniea--you are the queen!!

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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

New look!
Welp, spring time is here and I decided to give this place a new look besides all of the dark and dreary shit going on. I think it looks cute, if I do say so myself. ^^ *giggles* Sorry, had an ego moment there.

I'm trying to think of ways to express my emotions and stuff without being called a "trend whore", so I've got an idea on how to do that, I just need to set it into play. *grins*

I went to have my bone scan yesterday and it took damn forever! ;_; They had to inject me with a radioactive isotope and let it absorb in my bones before they could take the images, which took about two and a half hours for that to happen. (I slept in the waiting room, I couldn't resist.) After that was said and done, I went back for the x-ray and it took 35 minutes just to do the whole damn thing! (I slept on the x-ray table too. It was comfy. ^^) The radiologist said that it looked to be something wrong with the image so we had to do it again! (and guess what I did again?) After the second try, there was still "something wrong", but he said it was the same in both images so he'd send both sets to my orthopedic surgeon. Let's hope it's good news and not "you have to have surgery again".

Tomorrow is that last full day of classes and I am so happy! My math exam is at SIX IN THE MORNING on Thursday, my Speech final is at eight in the morning on Friday, my Sociology exams is at eight on Monday, and World Lit II is at eight in the morning on Tuesday. So--this means a lot of studying, isn't that right, Andraniea? *pokes her*

I'm still a bit mad at Michelle for what she caused to happen between Oreana and I. Not to mention Oreana and TKB and TKB and myself. I'd never had so many people jump on me at once and it was scary and heartbreaking. Everything is fine now, I hope. Michelle still hasn't apologized to me and I don't care if she does. Let her rot in hell--I don't have time for her shit. Katie says that Michelle told her to tell me that she was sorry, but I want to hear it from Michelle's mouth, not anyone else's.

Lastly, I want to thank everyone who comes and visits my site! You guys are so awesome and I hope you enjoy what is here. ^^

(~*bouncy, happy, loving*~)
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Sunday, April 24, 2005

Forget it--
I'm done with everything. I'm not writing anymore--I'm not doing anything anymore. I've always been told that losers only give up but I cannot take it anymore. If I cannot make anyone happy then I don't need to do things that make me happy or be happy. I tried so hard--I tried my damn hardest but it all went up in flames. I cried for hours and hours on end, got no sleep, and...nothing has worked. It's still not better--I'm being ignored and, yet again, shoved aside for someone else...I thought that I had helped...I swear that I thought my feelings were understood once I stated them...

I cannot help--I can do nothing to make it better and it kills me. I said to rely on me--to trust me and to believ me--but it wasn't done...

I can't write anymore...I have no skills and it's not use...I suck anyways...I thought I was good, but I was just proven wrong...

...I'll still be online...just IM me if you want to talk...who knows if I'll say anything back...

(~*Depressed and emotionally/physically sick*~)
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Saturday, April 23, 2005

Loads of fun and 100 hits!!
AAAAH! I cannot believe I'm in this good of a mood but I am, for some odd reason! *jumps up and down* I feel like I've done my good dead for a life time, even though I feel a bit depressed by it.

I got my "brother" to get Jessica's (ThiefKingBakura) number and called her on the phone at like 9 am this morning. She freaked the hell out like, "wtf is going on?" and I told her and we talked for an hour before I called Oreana Minamino and got them on a three-way call.

Thing is, Oreana and Jessica have become best friends and there was this problem way back (let's hope it's gone) when, but I decided to get them on the phone so that they could talk. Of course, for like an hour and a half I did nothing but let them talk and they were on speaker phone. I kinda felt neglected but I was glad that they had their fun.

They both deserve it. They care for one another so much and I didn't want to stand inbetween them and ruin their moment.

And I got the "Thank you" I deserved for it too.

Aside from that, I went to play tonight and it was so boring--it was a fucking MUSICAL! I had to be dragged to a GODDAMN musical...I ran out of that theater with Michelle at break neck speed and headed right to the car for a cigarette. I was about to die.

But I could not go because Katie is taking me to GA this weekend to see Oreana so I have to do something for her. ^^

THANKS FOR 100 HITS YOU GUYS! *dances* You guys rock so much! I was going to make something, but ob53zt tang3rtin3 beat me to that point.



Thank you so much, Tangertine! You're awesome and you made me smile with this image! *huggles you*

(~*Sleepy and bouncy*~)
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Thursday, April 21, 2005

And weeeeeeeeeeeee!
Well I actually woke up in a really good mood today! ^-^ That is a rare occasion for me. I'm still a bit depressed about some things in my life right now, but I'll eventually get over them.

I went to the doctor yesterday and they said that I might have to have surgery. -_-;; Something about fluid build up in my hips and knee joints and I was just sooooo happy. *said sarcastically* But I'm not posting this here to get sympathy or pity, I just thought you guys should know. I can handle a surgery, but I just don't wanna go through another one. *sighs*

I've been really urked by some things lately--that deal with someone I know. Just the way this person...says she won't do something then I find out that they are doing something, it just kinda wigs me out in a way. I don't know, I just feel so damn confused when it comes to this. O.o. A part of me is telling me just to ignore everything and let the water just roll off the window, but there's another part that says to be pissed and depresssed about it constantly. Hell...I don't know.

I finally sent Oreana the profiles she requested for our RP characters last night. Heh heh--she asked me for those like a month ago or something and I just got around to doing it last night. I waited too long and now her arm is probably so fucked up she may not be able to draw anything. *pouts* Let's hope not.

Other than that, THANKS FOR 100 HITS! You guys are awesome! *hands out Krisy Kreme doughnuts* I'll have to make a little banner tonight or something for you guys! I feel so loved!

(~*Estatic*~)
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