Wednesday, October 5, 2005

Blocked...
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Well okay this will be my last emoish post or rantish.. depends on how you wanna see it... Blocked I log online one day to see you on.. Suddenly you log of as I am shown on your list.. That name doesn't see you on, nor do the names that you know... My name no one knows about sees you.. Blocked by you I am.. I guess you're going by that old saying outta site.. outta mind.. Get it through your head... I'll never forget you.. No matter what.. I'm move on... Why can't we stay friends... I don't see any reason we can't.. You just want me to forget I knew you... I understand... Why won't you understand I won't... Fine.. you wanna play that way... I'll forget you... I'll ruin that part of my mind... Just for you.. I'll do that "I never thought it'd be this way... I never thought I'd hurt so bad.. I never pictured every moment without you in it oh you left so fast..." -TK

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Tuesday, October 4, 2005

Honor..
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I honor the wish to leave you alone and not near.. there is one part I cannot honor.. that is your wish I forget you... I can never do that.. Well after all the hurt and pain in my life some light is shinning through... not all good though, but it be light none the less. My out look on life has really changed.. I, yes me, said that dead solves nothing.. I nearly fainted at that. Cause here I am normally being the down one asking people why I should live. Well now I am telling you.. I have finally noted that death solves nothing.. in fact it makes it worse. Well I got a lycan friend now who seems to have a lot in common with me, I might give this a shot, but I'll wait for a while before I do anything... Well things have changed at school.. I finally got rid of the rumors when they come back.. oh well.. thanks to Mark I know what to do. ^^ and now they have kinda died down because I am standing up to 'em. ^^ Which is a change for me.. A big change. I am normally the wolf in the corner with my tail between my legs cowering, now I hold my head high and bare my fangs. Seems like my depression was broken because of what you said to me.. I'll still love you Iruka.. but thank you for all you said and taught me. I know to learn from my mistakes and I shall learn from mine with you. I don't know if you read mine anymore but thank you.. for everything.. my mind may forget you but my heart will not... oni is gonna be wierd, us being co-workers and all... I just hope Kakashi can keep your mind away from me cause I don't want to go through it all again.. This is goodbye Iruka.. I'll comment on your MyO and I still want to be able to talk with you, if you'll allow me to do just that. -Tala Kyo~*

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Monday, October 3, 2005

In memory of my pained heart
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Okay I don't know how to start this off so here we go.. You want me to.. live a life that I no longer want. Live a life where I have forgotten about you, all memories gone never to be seen again. A life in which we never go near or do anything together.. fine if that's what you want... I'll live that life.. I'll erase you from my mind and my heart. I won't think of you ever, I'll keep away... I'll try to love again... That life however will be hard for me to live... cause believe it or not.. I really loved you.. I thought this would be forever.. but I had to do, go and say the words lets stay friends... those words killed me the second I said them.. Now a pained heart.. a friend to me.. even if I erase your memories for me.. my heart will still pain cause no matter how hard I may try... a heart can never forget, and mine be no exeption to that rule... I still wanna say fuck love.. it's worthless... well I just said it huh.. but... fine, for you I won't give up, I'll keep looking for a person that isn't out there.. The tears I've cried wanting together again.. the tears of a hurt, stupid girl.. if this is life, who needs a hell.. cause I don't know anything that can be worse than this.. if there is.. then I hope I never end up there... I'll life this lie life... I'll keep looking for a love that isn't there... just because you want me too.. I never wanted it to be this way.. I wanted to stay by your side till the end of time... till death... -Sighs- Well it seems as though I have finally had a taste of true, honest to god love... then I go and ruin it... I am a fucked up person to go an do that... Iruka I donno if you are gonna read this now... I'll honor your wish... as much as it'll pain me thought it might be easier to tell me to stay away... A little comment I know I'm human people, humans hurt, humans mess up and humans die.. this is how I know I am human.. I hurt, I've messed up.. big time... as for dying... I have already died on the inside... Iruka... from me to you... I still will love you no matter what happens... To everyone else who reads these posts... you can tell I fucked up... this'll be my last post for a while... I just want everything to get back to normal... -Tala Kyo

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Sunday, October 2, 2005

Downwards to the ground...
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I've been hidding my saddness behind a mask called a smile. I put on a show for you, so you wil not worry. I don't ask for help even when I need it. I have learned that to give trust is to betray oneself. Life I've thought up until now as a game, one where if I lose I can come back and play again... Now I know life isn't a game. I can't just come back once I've died, I just lay in limbo, waiting for something that'll never come.. as I am waiting now.. That short poem/motto that I found seems to sum up my who life. I'm also starting to feel that love is pointless... I want to patch things up with Iruka but.. seems fate has other plans.. namely rita, seems that nature and fate have teamed up to keep us appart. I am still kicking myself for what I did that thursday in september.. I wish I could be forgiven and take it all back up that can't happen. I can't be forgiven for the stupid mistake I made.. and no one can go back in time.. My head hung low as tail tucks between legs, a scared little dog that submits to all. Ears pinned back against the skull.. a wounded animal.. some amuzment for a sick person to play with... I know this seems ranty or something else along those lines.. I don't really care.. Seems that everyone I like will never like me more than a friend.. I have already figured out that fate wants me alone.. so I guess I'll play along with it and be alone as it seems that I am to be.. I guess you should consider this my goodbye post.. I don't expect myself to update this again.. hell I may even get rid of it.. Oh well if you wanna talk I got my yahoo and aim up.. MSN just add @hotmail.com Iruka.. if you read this.. I'm sorry -turns and slowly walks into the distance, darkness slowly swolling the body- ~TK

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Thursday, September 29, 2005

Doctors are funny
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Well I fuck my last post until I get 100% sure. Well seems I gotta doctors appt monday so I'll find out then if my body don't end up giving up on itself before then.. >> I'm going under to much pressure right now, with heart stress for reasons I don't want to go into at the moment. Asthma, homework and a lot other things. Well I failed English >> No one comment on that.. I also failed AP History of the americas.. feel free to comment on that though. Linucon is today got 4 o.o FOUR shifts.. one from 4pm-? on friday midnight to 4am and 8pm to midnight sat.... then 4am to 7/8am on sunday >> Sleep must die >< Sunday I am gonna keil over.. -Tk

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Ladeda
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Okay I'm bored/Hyper/tired... for those who know me in real life know that ain't the best mix when it comes to me. Well I went and saw corspe bride... I'd give it 2 and a half stars.. It had its moments but he deffently could have done a better job.. only 6 people in the whole movie theater.. no gaurd on duty so theater hopping was a must do. But I didn't do it cause my friend didn't wanna get caugh ;>> Well my sickly-ness has gotten worse instead of better. I think I gotta feaver now and the thing on my leg is now bigger... tw00t?? Oh well it'll be gone as long as what my is joking about isn't true... oi... I swear if I am I am gonna faint.. cause 1) it is the last thing I need with school going on.. 2) Who's is it.. I mean to my knowledge I havn't done it o.o Yeah.. I guess I should stop hitting myself I mean, what are the chances. x3 OH OH OH... Good news though.. x3 Alchohal is the new health drink if you only have one a day for girls and two for men. ^^ Now that means I can drink and Tequila is the new weightloss aid x3 I love this. Well while writing this I've been doing reserch and found out something that is now really starting to make me believe I could be pregnant cause one can have their period and still be >.> one single word for that F-U-C-K >< So that means even if I have one I could still be.. Oh well if it turns out I am... I'm gonna keep it, I ain't gonna kill it. Though I might and more likely will put it up for adoption cause I'm still a kid. Look every look I admit I am still a kid.. Oh well tis all for me... just a rant about what I've been kidded on >< -TK Your Japanese Name Is... Tanaka Shijo What's your Japanese Name?

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Being sick Suxs
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Well I ain't letting what my mom said get to me. I ain't preggy god damnit x3. Sorry I am in a random, weird mood once again. Well I'm sick now... gotta bad headache.. my knee is about to be a grapefruit once again.. damn spider bites. Oh well someone will see it and send me to the nurse then my mom will take note and take me to the doctors and I'll get my Anti-botics >.> or my horse pills as I call 'em. Well I'm on Security for Oni-con so everyone beware of the might ninja minon Tala. Teehee >3 Naw, those of you how know me, know I ain't that evil... -chuckles with a light evil grin playing- Now I wouldn't ya guys know that. I am working Video for this con hear in austin this weekend called Linu.. So Far I've worked Speical Programing at O-chibicon (-Coughsuxoredcough-), Video at Afest and now Video for Linu and Securtiy for Oni x3 I am working my way up there. Well now off to work on my Essays and chapter reviews for AP US History >.> -TK

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Monday, September 26, 2005

Times..
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Okay, I wanna kill my mom cause she is making this joke that I am Preggy, just because I don't feel good in the morning does not mean I am gonna have a baby pop outta me. >.> Can someone please tell her that. Well I gotta hang out with Mint, Levi, Mark, Newbeh, and Sugersnake last night. We hung for a bit at Mint and Levi's house then headed over to Marks. I gotta bounce on his tarmpoline(Okay I know I misspelled that x3). After that he got his ATV out ^^ I finally gotta drive one and now I want one even more than I used too.. School today ;-; so I gotta go.. -TK

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Sunday, September 25, 2005

Tired... rambling post...
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Well I ain't getting to hang out with my cousin at all cause her cell phone is a port Arthur area code so I can't get ahold of her to hang out with her... I havn't see her in over 2 years... I really miss hanging out with her.. Well seems like Iruka's phone is ether dead or she is just keeping off, ether way I can't reach her to hang out. So everyone who came up cause of the hurricane I can't hang out with.. this suxs... I hardly have time to spend with my friends anymore.. cause of school and these past few days the hurricane has just caused crazyness 'pon me.. with trying to figure out me and houston.. my family.. one of my cousin got stuck on the road, freeway, in houston cause she ran outta gas... her husband couldn't leave cause he is a firefighter... Well, I gotta hang with Newbeh and Sugersnake a bit tonight.. It was fun. I am trying to clean my room at the moment, which is a first for me seeing as I never, willingly, want to clean my room.. well this time I am cleaning it, willingly. ~~~ Days o' crimson moon ~~~ How many nights will past that'll make me look 'pon the night, Night called day.. the moon o' the day, the sun, A crimson moon burning bright 'pon this land. Tears falls from the gray sky, my only safty from the the crimson moon. Tears that are clean and clean, pure almost, They hit the earth and become soiled and unpure. Like us humans that soil this land. -Unknown Alright I stole a poem I liked but I beat you'll never find it. -TK (Tala Kyo) Out

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Friday, September 23, 2005

Another thing on rita..
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Seems rita took a turn towards Port Arthur and Port Necues. Where most of my dad's family lives. I tired to get through to them last night but not go, they didn't pick up. So I tired my oousin's Cell this mornin'. Finally I got them, they are safe in Austin.. and that lifted a weight off my sholders. Also the fact that Iruka left and didn't ride out the storm. I'm happy that they didn't stay. Well as of yesterday I am now 17 years old. Gonna renew my DL today if I can. ;;^^ My school is housing the people who fled the hurricane so no school for me today. Well I still gotta go by because I need to get my TEA fourm x3. Well two hurricane's both cat 4 hitting almost the same area and both hitting one right after each other... this should tell us something, the earth wants the twinks gone ;3. -Tala

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