Monday, May 16, 2005

Do di do...
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Okay to start things off. I'm am going to say say sorry to anyone who gets hurt readin' this. Alright well went to school and in Bio we started dissecting a mouse. -.\\ I cannot do it. Okay rest of the day same ol' same. Once again, I started thinking about things. That's never good for you people who know me. First thought. I started thinking about this dream I had. Seth I needa talk to you about it. ASAP. Second thought is somethin' I'll only talk to Seth and Wuffers about. Sorry Mark but it is between us. Third thought was about somethin'. I know I got school and other stuffs. But when I'm able to hang out almost No one, NO ONE. Calls me to ask to hang out with me. I expect summer to be the same. Even know I'll have no set time to be home I doupt that I'll get any calls, IM's, ect to hang out with anyone. This is why I'm really thinking about no longer making friends after a-kon. Speaking of a-kon here is the final count final room update. It seems Sub has a room with someone else same goes for Lala, Wolfie, and Zappa. So I guess the count is me, my mom, and Amy. I don't got the shoes, kunai holder, hip bag for my cosplay cosplay costumes. *Sighs* Oh well I guess I'll just be uncomplete. I also have almost no money for a-kon anymore *Sighs again* Well I guess I can go just to have fun. My cosplay costumes are as fallows. Raver kakashi, Neko-kakashi, kakashi, Kabuto, and Mizuki (all uncomplete). I see no point in entering hall cosplay or normal now. Mark I give up and you win. Mark- *Gets on knees and begs* would you make me a kunai? I'll pay for it. Seth- I needa talk to you about the dream. Wuffers- Ladeda Zappa- If you don't want to be friends, fine. I could care less at this point, if you are or arn't my friend. Sorry to say it. Sorry to sound so rude but it is the truth. Tol- great to see you comment. Heh, bettter late then never.

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Sunday, May 15, 2005

Sleep overs are fun *winks at Seth and Wuffers*
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mood: Meh... Well I went to school on Friday. Nothing really to post for it but the whole time I was waiting for it to end so I could go to Seth's home. As soon as school let out I went to my house to get something I forgot then I got gas. I got onto I-35 and started to head to SA. Heh, almost fell asleep, xD much fun. Well I got into Bumper to bumper traffic for about an hour. Listened to the Killers CD about 3 times, during that. I got out of it around 5:30-6 and had fun on I-35. Got a top speed of 80-85. Only, ONLY because everyone else was and I didn't wanna cause road rage. Even know I had my knife with me xD. Well I got into a bit more traffic at around Buda, and gotta listen to the killers's CD another full time before I got moving fast again. Around NB I stopped at a gas station and called my mom and Seth. Then headed off again. Found out I forgot the way to her house. *Shrugs* I know all but the last part. Well I got onto the loop that runs past her house. Got lost around a Wal-Mart and called Seth who told me Wuffers was over then gave the phone to her dad, who told me how to get there, that I forgot later on. Well after turning back around and once again doing the turn-a-round about 2 more times I called Seth again. XD I forgot again. Well got the way from her dad. Well okay, got lost in a neighborhood this time. ;;^.\\. Wasn’t Seth’s ether how sad is that? Well I finally got to Seth’s house Woot. She hugged me then I went up to her room where I meet Wuffers. Us three hung out up there just talking and looking at pictures. Finally Seth wanted to teach us how to rave. But when we went downstairs her parents are still talking with Wufffer’s mom, though I cannot say something wouldn’t have happened if my mom came. =P We dropped our glow sticks on the ground then went back to Seth’s room. She showed us some AMV’s she made and some video’s on rave moves. I don’t think I’ll ever be that good. Well we finally were told that we could have the downstairs. When we got down there we all just started stretching our own ways, until finally Seth said we could copy her. So I became the copy ninja =P. After stretching out Seth showed us the hand stall. I got that down, but couldn’t do more than one at a time. Well we just did our own thing for a while, I learned a few new things and bowed down to Seth, along with Wuffers when we saw her rave moves. Seth went into the kitchen and got all of us Mountain Dew. We took a rest and just sat around on the ground a bit, and like good little Raver Ninja’s in training we tried to do the Figure 8.. With our feet ;;^.\\. Needless to say we weren’t that good at it with our feet. After all that we went into the Living room, putting our glow sticks in a bowl to make a mini- glow stick camp fire we sat down. After talking a bit Seth went to go get the boom box, god who used that word anymore, and her music. Seth put in the Naruto them track, then came back and sat down. Seth and Wuffer’s had “fun” over on the loveseat. I got a picture of it with Wuffer’s cam. Well they sat and talked after Seth’s mom pulled out the couch/bed. I stared at the fan for 10min before going to bed at around 1 but I had to drive home the next day so I needed sleep. I awoke many times during the night. So I really didn’t get much sleep. I woke up after Seth’s parents took a picture. X.\\ God I am not a morning person so I don’t think that was one of my best pictures. We got up after a while then got some breakfast, I bet even if I didn’t wanna eat Seth would have gotten a spoon and forced food into me. <.\\ Well we cleaned up then went into Seth’s room. She did some stuff then went to go take a shower. I did a few more hand stalls not missing any. Woot. Wuffer’s took some pictures of a Miroku and Kakashi plushie in some Yaoi poses. My idea. Then after Seth got out of the shower we went to go play DDR. I never got pasted a C T.\\. I am getting better but not a whole lot. Well we got a lot of DDR pictures. Wuffer’s mom back after going out with Seth’s parents to buy books. So we had a few more rounds before she had to leave and go home. Well the pizza arrived just as Wuffers left and Seth made a few comments. Then we went back upstairs and Seth and I watched old TV shows we cannot believe we liked, only because it was random we found out. Seth plugged in her gamecube. I sat down and watched her play for a bit until Ian arrived. I ran into the bathroom to put on my Kakashi outfit. We went into Seth’s room and watched a few AMV’s. I need to learn how to make one. *Sighs* As if that’ll happen. Well I head off and go home T.\\. I wish I could’ve stayed longer. On the way home I sat in silence. No music, no talking to myself, no nothing but the wind blowing in through the window. All I did was think. I nearly fell asleep on the way back. I wanted to call someone to see if we could hang out but I realized that there was nothing we could do together. I realized that, that was true for a lot of my friends. Some I can hang out with no prob but most it is not possible. So I guess that’s why I seem to be pushing myself away from people. Cause there is nothing we can do together. Also I donno if anyone really wants to hang out with me anymore. Well about half way home and deep in thought, I found out I really don’t care anymore so I was tempted to run my car into the cement divider. I couldn’t do it. Well nearing the exit to had off to Mark’s house I finally turned back on the music. I got to the awards banquet around 6. Got one award then left to go to Wal-Mart. Got two packs of glow sticks, the new anime Insider, a black tank top for the dance at A-kon, and two things of glow in the dark fabric paint. When I got home I talked to Seth and Wuffers. I want to say sorry for all I said last night right now. Well I went to bed around 1 after leaving Mark and IM telling him I got home safe. Woke up late. Then got online. Talked with no one until Wuffers got on and then lala got on. I left to go to a Japanese-American thing at ZP. After that I went to the County line and got stuffs to eat. Well storms coming so I’m gonna get off. Mark- I wish I could catch you online more, I miss talking to you. Seth- It was fun at your house. I’ll be at your birthday. Wuffers- I had fun meeting you and Seth. Minty- you get the same comment as mark. -Tala out

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Friday, May 13, 2005

Look at the post below this.
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Heh, I posted right before the thing restarted so take a look at the post right below this. Please.

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Thursday, May 12, 2005

HotTub.. bout time too.
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Well I finally got to drive me car to school, Alone. HAH. Freedom is mine. ^.\\. Failed my last bio test but passed this one. An A I finally got an A on a Bio test. W00t. Well study skills did nothing but relax. W.history we gotta work on our Art project. Then math, another art project. Well after school, I went to the mall. New manga count. Prince of Tennis vol 7 FullMetal Alchemist vol 1 Rurouni Kenshin vol 14 Hands off vol 3 I.S vol 1 Whistle vol 5 Lsment of the Lamb vol 6 I also got the new Newtype and Animerica. Then went to eat. *Blinks* Three meals a first in a long time for me. Before I left I called Lala and Wolfie and went back to the mall to meet up with them. I went into Hot Topic for the first time. I never knew they sold anime stuff. I don't think I'll go into it again soon but it's a kool store. Oh yeah I'm also gonna be staying the night at Sethy's house on friday night. So don't expect another post until late sat or early sun. Cause as soon as I get home I got an FFA awards thingy to go to. Last year I won outstanding freshmen. That ain't gonna happen again, for my 10th grade year. On my late sat early sun post I'll be posting all my a-kon room rules. So look for them. As it stands now my room is full, Lala, Wolfie, Zappa, Amy and myself are in the room. I donno if anything has changed but if they have let me know ASAP.

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^.\\
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Alright well I got some things in order and I'm a lot better. Also the fact I got my DL yesterday really helps cause now I'll be able to hang out a lot more with mark, Tol, Mint, Levi and I'll also be able to just leave the house and get out and just relax a lot more by just not being home. Which will help me a lot as I hate my house. Only reasons I'm still in here is 1)because I have to live here till I'm 18, 2)Internet access 3)Close to school. Meh and a few other reason's I'd rather not say. Okay now with that said I'm able to hang out with people a lot more and I'll love to do that... only thing is I'd like an Invite to hang out instead of asking all the time. Tori, mark and Seth the challange has been set. mysticdaystar (9:23:26 PM): Ummm. *is about to get hit by seth's icha icha book* pharaohess_selen (9:25:10 PM): ouuu Missy!!! pharaohess_selen (9:25:12 PM): T_T pharaohess_selen (9:25:19 PM): You havent eaten!? mysticdaystar (9:25:34 PM): well breakfast pharaohess_selen (9:25:42 PM): Honey child Im gonna shove food down yo throat at AKon! mysticdaystar (9:26:02 PM): I will run off pharaohess_selen (9:26:20 PM): Nah uh! Seth and Phlinx will stop you pharaohess_selen (9:26:28 PM): X3 AND WE SHALL SHOVEL FOOD mysticdaystar (9:27:01 PM): *would like to see this* mysticdaystar (9:27:49 PM): If you guys can catch me pharaohess_selen (9:28:22 PM): Ohhh I will catch you pharaohess_selen (9:28:24 PM): ^_^ pharaohess_selen (9:28:36 PM): So can Phlinx, you can help me train for SLS! mysticdaystar (9:28:44 PM): SLS?? pharaohess_selen (9:28:51 PM): Summer Leadship School pharaohess_selen (9:28:55 PM): its RIGHT after Akon mysticdaystar (9:29:15 PM): Phlinx i bet will be the only one to catch me when I really run pharaohess_selen (9:29:20 PM): Like the day after akon pharaohess_selen (9:29:50 PM): Ohh I will try my best to catch you pharaohess_selen (9:29:51 PM): ^_^ mysticdaystar (9:30:36 PM): XD is that a challange> mysticdaystar (9:30:37 PM): ?* pharaohess_selen (9:30:43 PM): Yes

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Alone...
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Mood: Alone Song and Singer: None Okay to start this off I am sorry for anything you may read in here. I know it has sounded like I'm getting better, well in all honesty I ain't. I have just made it seem like it, cause I didn't wanna worry any of you but now, today, I'm gonna come out and post my true feelings. I've kept up with this only to let my "Friends" know how I'm doing. But I guess sence no one reads it I don't see any reason to post in it any more. I'm only seeing comments from one person, so she's the only one who I know for sure reads it. I also only see myself get mentioned in Tori and Seth's otaku more than anyone else. I can feel myself drifting away from a lot of people. Which I knew was goin' happen but I never would've guessed I'd be this early. *shrugs* This always happenes when I make friends. We drift, ether they stop talking to me or for some other reason I'd rather not say. Also I might point out I see my "friends" getting together and I never know about it until it's to late. I know I'm in school and have to be home at a certain time, but even on weekends: Friday, sat, and sun. I don't get invited to hang out. When I'm outta school I'll have no deadline to be homw but I bet even then no one will invite me to hang out. Seth, Tori and Mint are the only ones who really talk to me anymore, but Tori, and seth I can feel some slip happing. Makin' friends is just so troublesome I think that I am just gonna stop. My list of people I call friends have gotten smaller, because I don't feel like they see me as Friends. I understand that I talk to much in IM, so guys if you don't wanna talk to me just tell me to SHUT UP and I will. I'm "NO" longer gonna IM people first anymore. Cause I get the feeling that you only talk to me cause you feel like you have to. I get no or one comment of myotaku post's so I think I'm just gonna stop posting all together, I may just stop coming online. This might scare a few people well I'm sorry and "DON'T" get worried. I have already written two suicide notes and half of a third. I don this only because when I write them it makes me think about me life. I never plan on using them, or will I didn't plan on using one. But I'm never gonna use them again. If i write one it's just to set my feelings out in a way that doesn't involve physical pain. Yes I know it causes emotion pain and scars (some dont' heal) but it makes me feel better. I love to hang out with people and it makes me feel better. In fact if you notice it's only when it's quiet or I see having fun do I get down and depressed. See I never really go hang out with people who are having fun unless I'm invited and more often than not I'm not, so I sit by myself and become depressed. At school it's the same, only when I get invited to come over and hang out I get turned into a scapegoat of the group. I might drop out of High School cause of that. People don't relize that it's what they do to people like me that cause school shootings. In fact I'm surprized that I havn't done it already. Since no one really seems to read this I'm only gonna leave little notes to the people who comment after this post. Mark- I know you work a lot and are busy, but I'm starting to feel distant towards you. Even if i don't want to I some how see that you where online when I saw and all I saw was busy and I never got an IM. I don't mean to sound rude so I'm sorry if I do. Seth and Tori- I feel some slip happening between us. Mint-good to hear from you again. Everyone else *shrugs* So on an end note I'm "NO" longer gonna IM people, you'll havta IM me first that way I'm not forcing you to talk. This is the only post that has made me even remotly cry real tears.T.\\ -Tala out.

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I've been bad
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-xD Meaning I havn't posted much. Sat-went back to the Airshow. Missed my mom's Bday but don't really care and it don't seem like she cared ether. Got her a present while there, one of those magnets for the car that says. "Home of the free, Because of the brave." I got one that says "Never forgotten Pow's and MIA's" Now I can support my cousin. Well no hot air ballons but I gotta see the F-16 fly again. Sunday- Gotta sleep in cause I've been awake to 4 every night. Well went to go get Dev. First time driving that far and I did no problem, but for on the way home, when I messed up the gas and break pedel. o.O thats never gonna happen again. Well we got my friends N64 so I got a game system for a bit. We played that for a bit then went outside and sparred with my bokkens, well I sparred, Dev kinda grappeled more. Got hit in the leg twice. Lucky I don't feel pain the much. ^.\\. I got lots better. I may even be a worthy fighter at your birthday sis. Well we took him home, my mom drove cause of the storm. Said good-bye to him and then went back home. Where I cleaned up a bit from the mud then fell right to sleep. Monday- Well woke up and cleaned even more off before school. Got there late then got breakfast. Gave Fluffy a tiger plush. She loved that. Then the bell rang I and I stood up and walked to the other side of the room to swimming. Nothing really happened in swimming, only that it turns out I'm better in Latin than someone in Latin 2. ^.\\. German we just watched to Video's. If we didn't havta write out Q&A i'd fallen asleep. Skipped lunch as normal. Ag class we took notes and I finshed our work for my group. Got a lime coke from a friend, not too bad but it could use less lime *wishs the coke machine wouldn't have ate my doller so I could've had a Dr.Pepper. English did work on our thesis. Oh well thats one class I'm gonan not pass. Mark-Glad to see your alive and kickin'. Your gonna havta explane to me those things you figured out. I'm not much of a gamer. Seth-If all goes as planned I'm coming friday. Tori-hope you feel better. Mint-Glad to hear from you. Everyone else. Take care.

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Saturday, May 7, 2005

Ravin' My ani-drug
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Somebody I know came up with that. ^.\\ My new saying, even know for some people that's not really true. Well I was able to go to sleep late and sleep late. No school ^.\\. I looked all over for a ride to your house from the greyhound station sis, but not where to be found, oh well. *Winks* next friday. Well got up and stayed in bed looking at random things on my wall and other stuff for about 30min before I got up and got online. No one was on, so I logged off and got on Guild wars for a bit. Then got on Furcadia and talked with a friend. ^.\\ I bugged the hell out of 'er today. Much fun. Well she told me she had tickets to an Air show in temple. A weekend long one. Glad that I was able to do something since I was not able to hang out with you today seth sissy. Well I walked to 'er house after stopping at Walgreens and Family doller. Got a cozzie(sp) that says Normal People worry me. Ain't it the truth =P. Well I called her when I got to the coner. Heh, they didn't want me to walk across 183 so 'er dad picked me up. Well we headed off to it around 5. We stopped at a McDonald's and I got the 10-piece nuggets. I also had a side order of Suicide. A joke people, when you have a drink that has Coke, Pepsi, Dr.Pepper, ect. Mixed together it's called a Suicide. Funny story about how that name came to be, but I ain't gonna talk about it. Well we got there just as the anthem was being sang. Well some kinda fighter plane was just flying over as we found a place to sit down. 2x's faster than the speed of sound that thing rocked. I wanna fly it now. *Laughs* Don't worry I'll be safe, *evil look in eyes then looks at the air force people* Ummm... it is loaded isn't it? xD. Well Amy and I went to got wonder around. My voice just starting to come back. Think I lost it again, later on in the day. Well we found some neat stuff as other planes where flying around and smokin'. All the fun in the world for about the first hour then the smoke gets on ones nerves. Well Amy bought me a dog tag *barks then looks for coller*. Well as the it became darker they started to sell glowsticks, and glow hair things. Yes whoever knows me knows my first thought upon seeing the Glow sticks. RAVIN' TIME xD. Well upon it getting dark they had a remote controled copter with lights and stuff on it. God I needa have one. Well upon it getting darker I went to go wonder around, so much glow sticking. I saw a lot of people ravin', even though most didn't know they where. Well I got a thing for a-kon's, not telling sorry, rave. I started to go mad with ravin' fever. I needed a glow stick bad. Heh, I got my wish and got a blue one Yay! Of coarse second I craked it I had it in my hand and I was playing with it like carzy. I even saw a few people staring at me, namely the cops and amry peps. Oh yeah I signed a banner that's going over seas to IRAQ for the army people. My heart goes out to them. Hears a little known fact about me. My cousin, Jessica Lynch, almost never came home. But because she did I respect them and what they do a lot more. Well I saw the firework show and they set off mini a-bombs. I could feel the heat it was great stuff. ^.\\ Well I got home around 11 and got on ASAP. Mark- Take care bro, I think you'd loved the air show maybe you can go a day *wink wink* (Is hinting that we could hang out) Tol- Great looking capes on Guild Wars. Seth- T.\\ So sorry I didn't come over today but there is always this coming friday. Everyone else- Come to this air show on sat or Sun it is Freaking awsome. ^.\\. -Tala out.

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Friday, May 6, 2005

*Disappers in a puff of smoke*
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Okay well it looks as if I'm still going be posting ;;^.\\. Today ain't gonna be my best day. I was promised that I'd have my DL by wed. But do I have it NOOO. All because my mom didn't read the book saying I had to take tests and such. I can handle that but it's friday, all the tests are done, and I still don't have my DL. no DL=No trip to sethy's house. T.\\. My mom knows that I had my heart set on going up there today. This is why I hate 1)making promises and 2) Getting them. Promises that people tell me, in my mind, are just words, written or said. Almost every promise I've gotten from someone it's be broken. When I make my promises I make them clear. That way if anything happens I've made it clear that, that thing was going to happen. I made some promises to friends that I'd give a ride to a-kon. EVERY single one of you still has a ride even if I have to tie you to the top of the van. I hope I am making that as clear as day. So far people who are coming with me are as fallowed. I know some of you doing read this. 1)lala-ru 2)Wolfie 3)sub 4)Amy 5)Zappa 6)Me 7)My mom -My mom and I get the front seats. So SHOT GUN!!!.- Seth- T.\\ Mark- I'm gald I'm not the only one having that problem ^.\\ Tori- T.\\ everyone else take care.

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Thursday, May 5, 2005

Ladeda.... Cookie
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Mood: Lonely, ect... Song:Honestly Singer: have no clue and don't care Well I stayed up till about 4am working on tests and other stupid, F***ing stuff so I can get my DL. I took a few brakes to play Guild Wars and furcadia. Then got back to work and got them done. Okay well you all know what I do at school so no need to post that. During Bio I feel asleep during his lecture. *Shrugs* He walked over and hit my desk HARD with a wooden rod. That woke me up. I glared at him and say, clearly, I'm just gonna go back to sleep. Which I did, moments later. A classmate woke me up that time and i shruged saying I told you that I'd go back to sleep. I managed to stay up for around 10min before falling asleep, yet again. The teacher woke me up again, thankfully without the road or he'd gotten a taste of my colorful vocab.I managed to stay up cause he said he was gonna be asking questions. He asked me what the weight of a females brain is. I responded 1250g. I didn't even have my notes in front of me, or with me for that matter, and I was asleep his whole lecture. Man did that shock him. XD I loved it. Next period I was gonna sleep some more but we had to go to a different teachers room, towards the end someone's cell got stolen. Since I was the only one who didn't move at all for 90min I was set free to lunch. Lunch time, I got to sit next to the school cop, Oh goody *rolls eyes* I looked I was stoned for crying out loud. W.History we got tons of notes, and I found a new song I like. Almost passed out in that class. Math, we had a test and that was it. First math test I think I'm gonna fail. Well got home and here is where it gets GOOD. X.\\ I called my mom, and I ain't geting my DL this week. What fun another day of getting ready to kill myself cause I cannot get out of my house when I need to. Stress has been a big factor for me this week. I am at the breaking point. All this week I have been having mixed feelings, I'm going crazy right now. I feel like I'm letting two of my friends down, and I hate to do that so I'm also feeling guilty. I'm also feeling like I'm being avoided again. All this week I've been down and depressed. If you want to know IM me on yahoo or AIM and I'll tell you but I'm not gonna post it here. I feel left out of a lot of things, I know where I live is to far for anyone to go to pick me up so that makes it hard to hang out with people. By the looks of things I'm not gonna get my DL till next Wed. So that's not gonna change anytime soon. Personally for everyone who reads this today.. I DON'T CARE what happens to me today, tomorrow or whatever. I'm always gonna be like this, when I make friends they seem alright at frist and I getta do all types of stuff with them but that seems to have almost stopped. I love to be by myself, yes i know. But I hate the feeling of being lonely which I am also feeling right now. I cannot seem to do anything right. I bet if I tried to kill myself I'd take me 2 days to die so I'd just be in pain until them. I'm a loser that no one likes. I have come to accept that and I know that I'm gonna always be alone.. I'd just like the feeling to leave me. I really need to get my thoughts in order and a lot of things together. But right now with school I can't. Also if I tried now the stress would kill me. So yeah, that doesn't look like a plan anytime soon. Everyone I'm sorry you had to read that. Mark, seth, and Mint more so to you guys than anyone else. This might be mylast otaku post for a while.. -tala... out...

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