Sunday, June 18, 2006

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Friday, June 16, 2006

Emo ness below...
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Mood: Very alone... Walking Alone Come together like a foot in a shoe Only this time I think I stuck my foot in my mouth Thinking out loud and acting in vain Knocking over anyone that stands in my way Sometimes I need to apologize Sometimes I need to admit that I ain't right Sometimes I should just keep my mouth Or only say hello Sometimes I still feel I'm walking alone Walk on eggshells on my old stomping ground Yet there's really no one left that's hanging around Isn't that another familiar face Too drunk to figure out they're fading away Sometimes I need to apologize Sometimes I need to admit that I ain't right Sometimes I should just keep my mouth Or only say hello Sometimes I still feel I'm walking alone Sometimes I need to apologize Sometimes I need to admit that I ain't right Sometimes I should just keep my mouth Or only say hello Sometimes I still feel I'm walking alone Okay to put this blunt... I suck at being a girlfriend and a friend all together... I keep making my love feel like he isn't important to me, I keep doing things and he keeps feeling unloved. I keep trying to change what I do and all this other stuff but I just suck at being a girlfriend... no other way to put it. As ether Zappa or Iru once said "You take things to heart more than you should." That quote is true. Everytime he feels unloved I think we are going to split and I just shut myself off from him and just go quite and start to cry. I don't know what to do... I'm lost and I just want to go and curl up in a dark corner and stay there until time forgets about me. To add onto this... I don't know what it is about me that causes people who I call friends to talk shit about me behind my back. They know how emotionally unstable I can be and yet they still do it. I have to say something I'm not proud of... but my old thoughts returned to me. Those who know it okay, if you don't I ain't telling. I treat friends like family and they know it too... which, I guess, is why I take this like I do. Father's Day is coming up... I promised myself I wouldn't miss him when he left. I do though, he was right when he said that I'd blame myself for him dying cause I do. Everytime father's day, christmas and his birthday roll about I always get down and depressed. Which is probably why I am taking everything that's been going on worse than I normally would. I wish that I could vanish for this one day and just forget it's going on... cause no matter what I do, be online, go to the mall, go eat, stay home in my room, listen to radio, and/or watch tv... I am reminded that it's father's day. As much as I hated him... he still my dad and wether I wanna or not I love him... I shouldn't feel this way... but for the first time in my life... I feel alone, turly alone.

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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

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A-kon post time I guess Thrusday: I dropped off my ex-kitty at EJ's house and then she and I went to go shoot arrows at a local archery range while waiting for Zappa to get there. After he got there we headed to Goodwill <333 I love that place. Made a Last Minute cosplay choice and they didn't have what I needed ;-; -whines- so we left and went to another Goodwill closer to my house. They had the leather vest, shoes and shorts I needed... I ruined the shirt x3. So after dropping off EJ back at her house I made a last minute ditch into the other Goodwill near me and found a shirt. I was now able to be Yuffie at A-kon. Wooo, and second I got home Miroku called and told me he was in the park near my house so I ran to meet him. -was uber happy to see him again- I packed my stuff with difficultly, Miroku kept pouncing me and pinning me down, you know the normal stuff xD. So me, Squishy, Miroku and Amy went to play in the Hot Tub. Poor Zappa didn't join us. Friday: I kinda drifted off, cuddling/under, Miroku. I woke up in time to finish packing and our group left at 3am to head to a-kon <3. We all pretty much slept on the ride up there. When we arrived it was around 7am and we couldn't check in. ;-; So we left our stuff in my moms van and ran around the con. I had to work registration and saw a very old friend while working <33333 I was ta uber happy to see her again ever if I didn't relize it till I lost her in the crowd ;-;. So after my shift we all went to my mom's van while she checked us in -yays- She comes back to tell me It's My Birthday I stand there shocked and speechless... I mean my Bday is in Septmber o-o so yeah... I am 17 again >< -cries- But I used it to get money from my mom for a new set of ears and tail along with money. So I run around the con. Getta set of Black ears and tail and then went back to the room. Changed into Black Hayate and looked around for my Hawkeye finally found her when I was going back to my room to become Yuffie x3 hehehehe. Well I stayed up there and clung to Miroku then ran off again. I was really hyper and didn't relize I'd left them behind until later on in the day when Miroku talked to me. Got some compliments on my Yuffie O-o that shocked my uber much. Went back to the room and spent most of the rest of the day with Miroku.. didn't go to the rave cause I really couldn't that day cause my Ankel was killing me. OH OH OH I shared an Illagetmant Kiss with Proz, Tol and some random girl in the Sex at Cons panal XDD. Saturday: No working for me at A-kon today so I had a free day. Stayed in the Hotel room till 3pm >.> yes I am lazy. Finally left with Miroku and Amy and walked around. Miroku was in cosplay and got pictures taken of him. So I wanted to cosplay and went to change into Yuffie ;-; no pictures -shrugs- oh well. I changed into Kirara later on in the con and got petted by random people x3. I got two new cosplays to be done by Oni-con (Sango and Yukina) Sunday: Went to the bruch then ran looking for Zappa so we could leave.. bout it. Stayed with Miroku in the house for a bit. ^.^; Thats my con. Didn't buy anything other than the tail and ears and ramune and bawls.

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

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I shall post about teh con when I am feeling a bit better ^.^

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006

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Mood: .... A-kon's coming up... only reason I'm going now is because I'm Zappa's ride. Iru, Ita-Kun, Electria, and (more than likely) Miroku... all people who I wanted to see... arn't going anymore... at least one tells me the truth as of right now.. one is lying and two I havn't figured out yet yet.. so yeah... I got a little black kitten I think I am allergic to him... yay >.< I finally get an animal I want and geee... guess what I cannot keep him... On the good news my hair is cut..

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Monday, June 5, 2006

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Mood: Mixed up Well Wed Miroku comes up to stay with me and head with us to A-kon. I'm looking forward to this ^.^; maybe it'll be the thing that'll brighten up my week seeing as I ain't looking forward to A-kon anymore... I mean like I stated in my last post I met Iru... and yeah. Most of the raver nin's will be there as well, I finally patched things up with Kris. He still thinks I hate him... I think... o-o but we've drifted that much I can tell and I don't think we are friends like we were before. Phlinx, levi and Mint are going to be there along with a lotta the other nin's. I know me and almost all the nin's I was friends with I ain't anymore... Yeah... I know people change don't tell me this cause I know it ain't that. They all just got annoyed with me hince why I'm not going to make an attempt to hang with them like I did at SKC. Well... onto a happier note?? I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow.

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Sunday, June 4, 2006

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Mood: Meh A-kon is in four days, for those of you going I can't wait to see you there. A-kon is a big thing in my mind, I meet Iruka there I knew more people. I am torn between being excited about going and... well... I don't needa say the rest I guess. Oh this is probably gonna be my last post intill after A-kon. So yeah, have fun without me. I am leaving for A-kon with My mom, Zappa, Amy and Miroku. They are also the ones staying in my room along with me. I have no room ground rules, just have fun. 'kay? By...

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Friday, June 2, 2006

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Mood: Sore After two days of not shooting my bow and my arm is ready to fall off... >< I should have know that I couldn't handle that 60 pound anymore, I needa play with it a bit more to change the poundage. Well as of this moment I know I have to re-take American History >< Damn me for not turning in my work. I'm a senior in High School now... my last year of school. My last year of living with my mom and grandma. An Update of my home thing, there is a house that is near my current house that has been abandoned for about two years now, my mom says she is going to buy it. So as soon as it goes up for auction depending on how much my mom is willing to spend and how much it goes for I'll have my own home ^.^v woot. I also offically have job ^.^ I don't start until September and when I turn 18 but Borders Express's Manager at my mall said the day I turn 18 I have a job with them ^.^ seems like things are turning good for me. I might have a house and I have a job. Now all I need is a new car xD. I still want to be gone from my house this summer but currently I'm okay I just hope nothing like before happens and I should be good ^.^ A-KON COSPLAY Dragon whos name I forget - DONE Human Kirara - Needa New shirt then DONE One more little update. Current Pets 1 Guinea Pig -Eskamo 5 Mice- Ninjustu, Taijustsu, Keaf, Loki, and Tweak 1 Beta Fish- Phlisopher Stone (Philly) 2 Dogs - Doc and Shatzie I might be getting a cat soon I needa talk with someone about keeping it at their house. ~TALA ^.^

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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

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mood: Pissed off I'm currently pissed off at my mom right now, my phone has finally broken so its unable to be used... it'll ring and all I just cannot answer it and all this other stuff. Afrer I get my new phone you won't be hearing from me for a while unless you call because I am leaving my home and... running away is what you can call it. My home is just to stressful, when I left to go see Miroku I was happy to be out of this hell hole that I live in. Oh yeah it was great, I loved being there. I was happy to see him and I enjoyed being with him, but like always when I'm away from my house I find something that causes me to be down and what not. I started to think that it wouldn't last, I've had a few long distances and they've never worked out. This is what I felt while down there, I give my heart to someone else that I found I truly love and... it'll be shot and I'll... well nevermind... I'm just worried that something will happen and it won't work out. Well right now I am more than likely gonna keep my idea of running away... not going to A-kon or anyother con again. I... never mind.. Why don't everyone just forget they know me and let me die alone like I am going to anyway. I've lost friends that I thought where family, and I found out that only two of my friends worried why I wasn't online for almost three days... yeah great I love to know that my funeral will be a big group...

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

~*RANT BELOW*~
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Mood: Somewhat Highly pissed Okay well... first off... today wasn't a very good day for me. Start things off. 1)Wake up with my whole left leg killing me (from hip joint to ankle) 2) I can't wear any of my shoes without pain 3) Find out I have NO Money for food for the rest of this week. 4) Find out I am failing two classes I know I am passing 5) Ram my arm into the metal part of a dry erase board (currently a bruise and hurts like hell) 6) People run into me in the halls at school and say Excuise you.. 7) I get banned from Furc... 8) My lip is swollen Now to talk about number 7 there... I randomly get whispered by Cironir saying that I used the dragon scales from a furc glitch to get Digo items... which right there is pure bullshit... in getting banned I lose all my alts until the game dies... all the money I spent on digos is gone... so I lost all my May money because of the fucking Furcadia staff. After all my alts finally got banned (including ones not mine) I log off and go into my room balling my eyes out. So yes.. today went from meh to Bad to worse to terrible all within a 10hour time span... and here I thought my life was just getting better. So... yeah... I had one tiny thought about my death but I just curled up in a ball and kept crying. I don't think my life has ever been this bad. The whole time I was in my room I just wanted someone to curl up with, so I call up EJ and go over to her house (which for those of you who know me, know it was very bad for me to actually drive out there) Well going back, after my 3 months are up I highly doupt I'll be going back onto Furc. I think I am just gonna leave it alone and let other people get fucked up over it. Rest in Peace: Tala Namid Zart Swiffer Window Doby Docy Splicer Glitterz Nextal ... so on I never noticed how much I love that game, I lost all my friends on that game last time I was banned and It'll happen again so I am just gonna stay gone. Which makes me wonder why I am still getting online, no one talks to me... well only one or two. My heart has just fallen and my life has gone back to how I was before Miroku right now. I love him to death so when I getta talk to him I'll probably cheer up a bit... I just wish he was here and not in Houston. I bet if I leave the net... none of you guys will even notice I am missing... it'll be like it always is. No one talking to me but Group IM's... if you want me to stay just gimme a reason (I highly doupt anyone will) -TK

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