Monday, April 11, 2005

   Umm. Sorry ya'll this is a rant today.
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Song: If nobody believed in you Singer: Joe Nickels Day started off very bad. I woke up late and was rushed to school. Sore from yesterday so I was limping all through school. Thought I’d gotten my life back on track *shakes head* nope I was wrong. Well I will get all into that later. Well I got to school and sat with some of my school friends. I guess I don’t really seem them as real friends anymore. The breakfast line opened up late *takes chalk and makes a mark* chalk another one up for my mood. School started and Bio was first. Had to make up the 6 weeks test for that class. Bet I failed it *makes another mark with the chalk*. Found out there was a rumor going on about why I wasn’t in school Wednesday and Thursday. Some jackass thought I’d be funny to say I got into a wreck and broke my arm. If I find out who I swear to god I will kill them and scalp them. Fell asleep in Bio, don’t care really. I also found out the one day I’m not in Bio class they do something fun *makes another mark*. Anyone other than me see a thing going on? Second period, normally my fun, laid back class. *Shakes head* nope not today. Had to work on my math HW which I forgot about until a classmate reminded me that we had it *makes another mark*. I got done with that and then had to do class work for my fun class, first time ever *makes another mark*. I think the only highlight of my day was that I got to listen to my trance CD during this class. Got done with all the work and then left for lunch. Okay, today I really didn’t feel like eating at all after breakfast. But I did anyway, donno why I stopped caring about everything this morning. I sat down at my normal lunch spot, would’ve gotten my CD player out but the F***ing teachers at our “LOVELY” school think that music corrupts us in some insane, sick, twisted way. God I hate my school, only teachers are allowed to listen to music and we can only listen to what they pick *makes another mark*. Okay, left lunch early because I don’t feel like being around people anymore today, but guess what it’s school we are forced to be with each other *makes another…* you know what you get the picture I’m not gonna do that anymore. Got to my W. History class and found out I had to turn in our binder on Thursday. I never keep a binder, lucky me because I was sick I got a few minutes to get everything and hand it in. Took notes then watched a video. I wanted to sleep through it but nope we have a worksheet to go with it. Math time *cusses*. Well would you look at that another test I have to make up. The F***ing test didn’t even make any sense *rips up the test*. Okay got back into class and would you look at that, super hard HW. If anyone of my friends is good in Geometry please IM me, I will pay you dearly to get you to do it. Got on the bus and went home. Did some thinking on the bus and at home. Turns out it is harder for me to leave my past then I thought. If I hadn’t posted last night that I would no longer kill myself today would’ve been a day I would’ve done it, if not tried *laughs* as if trying works *sighs* yep I’ve tried before not with a knife but high BP meds. *Looks up at the sky, out the window and tears fall*. I really have never told anyone but two people that before, and some how it got all around school. People avoided me like I wasn’t human. To be god damn honest with you all I didn’t feel human. I just wanted everyone to die but certain people (you know who you are), but when I got home and talked with Mark, my mood changed and I lightened up. Even without knowing it, you always cheer me up when I’m down Mark. Seth if I’d met you before that I bet you’d cheered my up too. But yeah, getting back to today. My comp crashed about a 100x’s and I was cussing up a storm, if my computer hadn’t started working again I’d thrown it out the window without a second thought. On highlight when I got home was that Vic M (A voice Actor who plays Edward Elric and Dark) was on and he said Hi to me even know he was busy. Okay well I am not in one of the best moods today and like I said if I hadn’t taken that vow I’d try it. It’d get me out of school and then everyone would avoid me again and I’d be all alone at school like I am anyways. I have no true friends at school, well I have one but that’s it. Before I start going into things that have come back into my mind. I am gonna go cause even with that vow there are something’s that’d make me break it. Seth-When you get to this point. “I’m sorry, but I had to get all this off my chest before it explode and I did something I’d regret.” Love ya sis take care. If you get on and I’m on after you read this I’d like to talk. Mark- Same thing as with what I said to Seth. If you read this when you get home from work, IM me I know you can cheer me up no matter how down I am. Take car Bro (Still hopes you don’t mind me calling you that). Ummm, to everyone else. Chris, Tori, Mint, KC, Alora, Sub, Tolarin, and to everyone else, take care now all of you, along with you and a few others (who for the life of me *excuse the wording*) remember, you guys are my only true friends that I feel I can trust cause I know you’d never betray me. But there are only two people who I trust fully right now. (You two know who you are, or at least one of you knows you are I have yet to tell it to the other person). If I don’t post tomorrow ummm yeah, worry if you want but, I’m gonna skip a day so I can get this back where I can post like I used to. Talk to ya’ll when you IM me. I don’t really feel like IMing anyone today. If I already IMed you I think that’s the only IMing I’ll do. So please IM me I do want to talk and if you can try and cheer me up but ummm, yeah like I said up above Mark seems to be the only one other than Sethy who can cheer me up when I’m in these moods. -Tala out.

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   Kill the waterfall ninja's.
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Day started off good. Got up around 8 and got ready for the picnic. Forgot my Bokkens -.\\. Left to goto minty's house at around 9-9:30am. Got there before 10, and some un-needed Visuals. X.\\(thanxs tol). Sat around the house for a while then we left to head off. Stopped at McDonalds, I got a med. coke and ONE hotcake. We ate there then we left to go back to mint's house. She forgot something. Then we left to head to SG. On our way we got some rain. I got to listin to my new Trance CD and read one of my new mangas. We stopped at a truck-stop. Mint and I looked around while our other car-mates saw a man about a horse. We left after that. Got to SG a little after noon. I got to have a Bokken fight with someone, I think it was DarkJedi. I remembered to take my meds thanx god. I walked around a bit and then got bored and ate my lunch. I hate it when you're right Mark, J/K. ^.\\. It turns out your idea about it beening a food allergy is right. I am allergic to Tuna-fish. I figured that out because I had a tuna-fish sandwhich. The other austin-boarders arrived. I gave Alora a lee keychain. Gave mint one too, not of lee though. After that I ran around again. It was hot as hell there. I found two nice places to just sit and think. Boy did I do a lot of thinking. Sethy you'll love what it is about (see car ride home part). Went down to the dry pond and watched Newbeh and Levi fight it out. Mint didn't wanna fight me T.\\ (ish unloved). Newbeh handed his Kendo stick to Tol. Tol got his thumb hit HARD. It is still red and hurts. I feel sorry for him but at the same time laughed at his pain. Went back to my spot and sat down. I don't think I've ever been so quiet in my life. Ran around again. Damn BP(blood pressure) got low so i stole a coke. Then sat back down in my spot. I got some pics I'll try and post them later. Mint, Tol, Levi, Zappa and I all left to go to the mall. Everyone but me played Para Para. Then we went to the food court and got another lunch. I neve thought McDonalds and Mall could be used in the same sentence. But, I was wrong. I got some Arbys for lunch. After that we wandered around half the mall then went back down and levi and mint played some more para para. We left the mall and went to the game place everyone from the picnic went. well almost everyone that is. Wasted a bit of my money. But oh well *shrugs*. Mint, Levi and I left Zappa and Tol to go to a gas station to get some cokes. I got a beer, Root beer that is. ^.\\. Had fun with it all. Watched people play DDR and see how much I really stink at it. Oh well all that means is I gotta practice more. We left the games to head to Mints house (or at least that's what the plan was.) Okay now to my long thought paragraph. We got into the car and started listening to my trance. I was going to sleep but a song, Holes in the floor of heaven, popped into my head. I was doing everything to get that song out of my head and that is where the thinking begains. My first thought was. Why do I cry? My dad wasn't the best dad and I have very few If any good memories of him. I stared at the sky and tears did form at my eyes. I never got the answer to that question. Then I got to the thought why did I ever put a blade to my wrists. I looked at the scars on my arms and hands that I caused. "I can never take then back, they'll never go away" was my thought. "What did I have to gain by killing myself?" I closed my eyes then re-opened them. "I have nothing to gain but everything to lose." Was my answer. "My friends would kill me if I ever killed myself." For the first time EVER i thought about that. "My death would bring me nothing, but sad and angry friends" It was on my mind way to much. "Is that what I want? Do I want to leave behind my friends? No, it is not what I want. Even in the worst of times a friend is still a friend" It has taken me this long to relize it. Alora, Levi, Mint, Tol, my sis and bro, Zappa, Bunny, Newbeh, Sub, and everyone else. Even in the worst of times you are still my friends and I don't want to leave you. See i have just now relized that. I thought if I killed myself it would end all my problems but now I know, It would only cause more. "What, did I think I'd leave this hell that I call earth for a better world someplace I've never been and with people I've never met" That's not what I want. I want to stay here on earth with all my friends. Why it has taken me this long, I'll never know. Just one of lifes many unanswered questions. Maybe that's why I was able to put the blade to my wrists but never was able to carry it out. *Shrugs* I donno and I wouldn't like to know. I have finally left my past behind me and I am looking ahead to the future. My past memories are just that past memories. I should be thinking more about memories to come and not ones that have already happened. I had a bad past and now, NOW, I have finally left it behind me. I am happy, my life has changed. I may slip into my past everynow and then. But that is better than living in it like I used to do. The past is past and should be left as such. *Bows to sethy* Thank You for helping me see it. Okay now that, that is out of the way on to the ride home. I was just thinking and saw minty getting out Levi's cell. She called Mark and we made a little side trip to go visit him. *Cheers* I have finally found someone with a room as bad as mine. Thanxs Mark now I don't feel so bad. ^.\\. Everyone was stealing Mark and Mike's Dr.Pepper. We went back into Mark's work shop and I got to see where he makes all his weapons. We went back and sat around then we left. I think I was the only one who asked if i could Have a Dr.Pepper. I am a nice guest I don't take without asking. Oh, yea I also got to see the rivalry in action. *Two thumbs up* very sweet. Tol, got called a Btich by minty. Lol. Mark I hope I didn't bug yea. I have been told I get on peoples nerves and I never wanna get on yours. I found out ether Mark or his Bro has a winner dog with the same name as my winner dog, Shatize( i know I misspelled that). Well I got on Mobile yahoo IM. Talked with Sethy and Bunny while leaving marks house. Levi, I trust your no lights night driving. Well Tol and Mint got into talking about an upcoming con in KY. We got to mints house and played N3. Tol and Mint whooped Levi and my ass. We won like two rounds then they had to drop me and Tol off at our homes. Ummm... Not going into what we talked about on that car ride. -.\\ Lets just say toooooooooooooo many,much, un-needed info and visuals. Dropped Tol off first then I got dropped off. Well that's my day and I'm sticking to it. Seth- Take care. Do NOT try to do to much. Mark- Take care now, and stay safe. Zappa-Love Ya. I am sry about at the mall and game place. I just don't act like a GF. Sub-Cya maybe you can spend the night friday. Mint & Levi- Take care. *note to just mint* xP. Well got a nasty storm, Big surprize, attacking my house right now. ---Tala out.

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Saturday, April 9, 2005

Happy Manga Day ^.\\
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Stayed asleep until about 1 then got up and got online. Talked with mint, gonna go to her house round 9-9:30am then we're: Mint, Anubis, and I, are gonna go pick up Tol. Did really nothing until around 6 when I went to the mall. Oh happy days, Waldenbooks had a manga sale, buy 2 get 1 free. Bought 10 and got 5 free. Immortal Rain 5 The Mythical Detective Loki 2 Bleach 6 GetBackers 8 Beet the Vandel Buster 3 and 4 Prince of Tennis 6 Descendants of Darkness 4 Eyeshield21 1 HunterXHunter 1 The wallflower 3 Until the Full Moon 2 Mermaid Saga 4 Rurouni Kenshin 13 Red River 5 And one normal book Blackwood Farm Then I went to Best Buy and found a 6CD pack of trance music for a very cheep price. Well thats my day. Gonna go practice my raving and then ask my mom if Subaru can spend the night this friday. Phlinx- Take care now Bro Sethy- Talk to you tomorrow lil' sis. Sub- Stay safe Tol, Levi, Mint-See you all Sunday Newbeh- Cya sunday Zappa- Take care.Love ya

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Friday, April 8, 2005

No more sicky days.
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Went to bed early again. Damn new meds. For some reason unknown to me, I can no longer post comments. School was same ol' same ol'. Zappa-I am sorry I don't act like all your other gf's. But it is the way I am. I have been betrayed so many times after opening up to people. I've got some trust issues. That's all. I will start to be more open as the year goes on. So don't worry okay. Also for the rest of this week and into the next week I don't think I'll be online very late. Due to new meds and other things. Like sundays SG picnic. I am sorry to all my other friends who I talk to online if i seem angry, or annoyed. It's not you, it is my new meds. i'll be back to my normal self by skylarcon. Seth- Have fun at UIL and stay safe. Love ya sis Bunny- Have fun at your thing and be safe. Phlinx- Take care of yourself. Mint, Anubis and Tolarin- Cya you all Sunday. To everyone else- Be safe and have a good weekend.

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Thursday, April 7, 2005

Life is evil.
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Song: Don't laugh at me Singer: Mark Wills Mood: Stoned I went to bed before 9 *faints* now thats something rare for me. Woke up many times during the night. Damn new meds I'm so tired and I look stoned. Finally woke up for good around noon. Yes I got to miss school again. Bio, and math i missed the 6 weeks test. > Stayed in bed for a while then got on around 1:20. Just missed mint. Well thats my day in a nutshell. Seth- Be safe and good luck at UIL Bunny-stay safe Phlinx- Take care now, Hope I'll talk to you tonight Zappa- Love ya, may not be on a lot for the rest of this week. Mint and Anubis- see ya sunday Tolarin- see you sunday too Sub-ttyl and stay safe

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005

sick days are fun -.\\
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-Sorry for a short post. Song: Thunder Rolls Singers:ummm Mood: Kakashi Woke up around 7 found my cheek swollen up like I had just been hit hard. *shrugs* don't know what happened. Mom let me stay home and got a Dco's appt for nine. Doc told me something I already knew. I am fat and over weight. Got blood drawn, so tried I didn't even relize it. Got lots of meds. So i'll be happy and tired until i run out. -.\\. Went back to bed when I got home. Fell asleep until 2-2:30. Got online around 3-3:30 and no one on. Called Sub and chatted for a while. Still bored and happy, tired too ready to sleep. *Falls onto comp and blacks out, hears seth's yell* Huh, what I'm up. *Falls back asleep and dreams of sethy yelling at me about not taking care of myself.*

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Tuesday, April 5, 2005

Happy Ching Ming Festival.
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I went to bed before 11pm. Some call the news. ^.\\ lol. Woke up around 5 then at 7. Met friends at school and finished my Bio Hw. > Got it done and turned it in start of class. Found out I got a 100 on the test we took april 1st. Wow that's a first. Took notes to get ready for six weeks test. Did nothing next period. W.History teacher said I could not answer any of the questions cause I was so smart. X.\\ ack. math, got a 95 for now in it. Thats my day in all of it's glory. Got an FFA meeting at around 6 so I'll post after that. Getta play kick ball. Kicking my friends balls is fun xD. I had to put it that way because it was my ffa friends that brought the balls for kick ball. I got to kick it twice. First time I got out the second I made it to first base. I even got to make it to home. Had some coke, diet, after the meeting and then got to drive home in a nasty storm, my poor car. The storm includes golf ball sized hail, cloud to ground lightning (there's a tounge twister), bad rain, and high wind.Jeee I sound like a weather person on the news. xD. Mark hope you're okay seeing as the front of the storm is gonna hit you. To Tolarin, Minty, Anubis, Alora, Newbeh, Bunny and all other central Tx area, stay safe during the storm.

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Monday, April 4, 2005

BOGIES!!!!
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xD. Just for you sissy. Had a good day though DLST skrewed with my mind when it went from 1:59 to 3. Man did i spazz out. Went to school this morning, same ol' same ol'. Swimming worked on my fairy tale. The true story of little red. The wolf was innocent you hear. Then got ready for german. Had to present skits to the class. I got sock puppets yelling at me. what fun. Then watched the chapter video for 7 and 8. Ag class learned some new animal repro vocab xD. Always fun. I have a new word "Cowpers." English I fell asleep in cause we where reading something I've read 17 times at least. So i was bored all i wanted to do was read my new book "The Codex" very good I give it two thumbs up right now. A friend came home with me from school and I thought her the fig 8. Not a slow learner I must say. Got to drive my car around the city and had a lot of fun. I'm not a bad driver. I wore my konoha headband all day at school it was fun. It wasn't the metal one but a fabric one so it was easy to bend where i wanted to put it. Got a ride to the SG picnic. Thanxs a ton Anubis. Getta go with Minty and tolarin too. I'm cosplaying as kakashi and gonna bring my bokkens.

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Sunday, April 3, 2005

PAPER!!! xD
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Okay i think I feel asleep on peps last night sry. Went to bed around 4 damn daylight savings with that lost hour. Well woke up very late about 1 or 2. Sat in bed and listened to the radio while staring at the roof of my room. Got online later and chatted with bunny and my onii-chan. Then got off to go to walgreens in my car. Can't wait till may 2nd. Got an air fresher for it that is a hummingbird. Came back and got online chatted again with bunny and my onii-chan. Bored all day with nothing to do. Depending on what happens I may be spending the night at my Onii-chan house. well thats my day. Boring huh? Oh yea got some new plans for a-kon. IM me to know them. ^.\\.

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Saturday, April 2, 2005

Life is good to meh. For now.
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Well I went to sleep on Zappa and while waiting for phlinx to get on. Woke up around 4 and chatted with phlinx for about 20min then I got off and went to bed. Woke up around 9 and just layed in bed for 3hrs, listing to the radio. Got out of bed finally and got online. Stayed on for about 30min after no one on I logged off and layed on the floor. Got a call from my mom to go outside. She had been out car shopping. She is outside in a electron blue PT. My dream car . She let me drive it around for a while then took it back to the dealers It wasn't our's YET.^.\\. She Looked at a van while there too and she brought it home. That did nothing for me so I stayed online and chatted with friends. Mom brought that back to the dealers and I stayed home. Got a call from her about an hour ago she's getting them both *squeals*. I am finally getting my dream car. *note i said car if i could I would get a truck* I have a nickname for it. Anyone is welcome to give me another. For now it is called kakashi's 1000 years of pain mobile. My little slice of heaven. Got a CD player auto windows. 2003. I love it. As soon as it turns may 2 it offically becomes Mine. Utill then I have to share it cause i don't have my DL. But when may 2 comes around expect me to be gone a lot more. Sis expect fun visits on the weekends and days off from school. Well that is my day and a good one at that.

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