Friday, May 5, 2006

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Nobody , never, will understand anything Such love is artificial honey, Artificial honey, artificial ice Artificial paradise, turn if faster on. And I won_t tell anyone, that I love robot, I love robot, I love robot. Robot, robot, robot, I love you, we wanted it so much Robot, robot, robot, I will turn you on, and lets fly. Robot, robot, There are electronical storms in your heart. Lets fly, lets fly, lets fly, lets fly. Robot, robot, robot, I love you, we wanted it so much Robot, robot, robot, I will turn you on, and lets fly. Robot, robot, There are electronical storms in your heart. Lets fly, lets fly, lets fly, lets fly. Such love, is unreal fly, Artificial honey, artificial ice. Such love, is artificial laugh, Artificial snow, and all that is like a dream. And I won_t tell anyone, that I love robot, I love robot, I love robot. Robot, robot, robot, I love you, we wanted it so much Robot, robot, robot, I will turn you on, and lets fly. Robot, robot, There are electronical storms in your heart. Lets fly, lets fly, lets fly, lets fly. Robot, robot, robot, I love you, we wanted it so much Robot, robot, robot, I will turn you on, and lets fly. Robot, robot, There are electronical storms in your heart. Lets fly, lets fly, lets fly, lets fly. [Robot] Nikto nichego nikogda ne poymet Takaya lyubov', iskusstvennyi med Iskusstvennyi med, iskusstvennyi led Iskusstvennyi rai, skoree vklyuchai I ya nikomu ne skazhu, chto ya robota lyublyu Robota lyublyu, robota lyublyu Robot, robot, robot, Ya tebya lyublyu, my tak khoteli Robot, robot, robot, Ya tebya vklyuchu I poleteli Robot, robot, V tvoem serdtse elaktronnye meteli Poleteli, poleteli, poleteli, poleteli Robot, robot, robot, Ya tebya lyublyu, my tak khoteli Robot, robot, robot, Ya tebya vklyuchu I poleteli Robot, robot, V tvoem serdtse elaktronnye meteli Poleteli, poleteli, poleteli, poleteli Poleteli, poleteli Takaya lyubov', nereal-nyi polet Iskusstvennyi med, iskusstvennyi led Takaya lyubov', iskusstvennyi smekh Iskusstvennyi sneg, I vse kak vo sne I ya nikomu ne skazhu, chto ya robota lyublyu Robota lyublyu, robota lyublyu Robot, robot, robot, Ya tebya lyublyu, my tak khoteli Robot, robot, robot, Ya tebya vklyuchu I poleteli Robot, robot, V tvoem serdtse elaktronnye meteli Poleteli, poleteli, poleteli, poleteli Robot, robot, robot, Ya tebya lyublyu, my tak khoteli Robot, robot, robot, Ya tebya vklyuchu I poleteli Robot, robot, V tvoem serdtse elaktronnye meteli Poleteli, poleteli, poleteli, poleteli TATU- ROBOT Namid: Um... I guess this post has been forced upon me as well?? o.o;; -shrugs- Tala: -looks up at Namid from her little ball- Just post, I'll comment... Namid: -shakes head and looks at Tala- Turns out... after Tala's near brush with death... in almost all the cen-tex storms latly she's kinda become a worry wort about them. Tala: -throws another shoe at Namid- Well for give me for standing so close to where the lightning struck.... -whines and curls back up, rubbing her left side- Namid: Forgive me you are right... -hugs Tala- but you shouldn't have been outside hun. Tala: -whines and stays in ball- I've become a coward... a coward... what good am I now... -looks around for someone to latch onto and to feel safe with and finds no one- ;-; eeeerr.. Namid: You don't feel safe with me?? -feels another shoe hit him- Yeah... you felt safe with doc -pets him- Tala: The only true friends are the ones that can never talk back to you -whines and looks up- Namid: You really miss him huh..?? -hears silence- Fine I'll shut up now... Tala: -Stays in a darkened corner in a ball wishing that someone could be there to hold her-

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Thursday, May 4, 2006

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Namid: Well I am going to post for Tala today... She went to school like everyother day... she saw one of her ex-friends (as of today) and tried to say hello... but all she got was Tracy turning her sholdier and looking away being all quiet... then today at lunch.. they same thing happened to her... Tracy was happy and chatting with the friend she was with then when Tala said hello all she got was the cold sholdier and shut up at that very moment... it hurt me to see the look in Tala's eyes when that happened... She had the mixutre of confuision, saddness and anger all mixed into one single gaze. -huggles Tala seeing her in the corner- it'll be okay... it'll be fine... -hugs- Tala: You are just saying that to try and cheer me up... Namid: Yeah... doesn't look like it's working though does it... -shakes head- It doesn't help that you miss zappa ether does it. Tala: -shoots quick glance at Namid and throws a shoe at him- Namid: Hey now... -rubs lumps- it's true though. Tala: -whines lightly and stays in corner- Namid: I shouldn't say anything that isn't about me right?? -hugs tala tightly- ^ Look its Zarts husband -pokes Tala trying to cheer her up-

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Wednesday, May 3, 2006

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Song: Gomen Nasai-Tatu What I thought wasn't mine In the light Was one of a kind, A precious pearl When I wanted to cry I couldn't cause I Wasn't allowed Gomennasai for everything Gomennasai, I know I let you down Gomennasai till the end I never needed a friend Like I do now What I thought wasn't all So innocent Was a delicate doll Of porcelain When I wanted to call you And ask you for help I stopped myself Gomennasai for everything Gomennasai, I know I let you down Gomennasai till the end I never needed a friend Like I do now What I thought was a dream A mirage Was as real as it seemed A privilege When I wanted to tell you I made a mistake I walked away Gomennasai, for everything Gomennasai, Gomennasai, I never needed a friend, Like I do now Gomennasai, I let you down Gomennasai, Gomennasai, Gomennasai, Gomennasai till the end I never needed a friend Like I do now Well... I'm sick from school... I think whatever Danzig had at the con, both amy and, I got. -whines and curls up in bed under the covers trying to block out all light and noise- Namid: -pats Tala- I think I should clear something up from my last post... I love mexicans and what they are doing to get accepted here in the states... just when I am a human sign they tend to think "Oh hot girl maybe I can get lucky," then they honk, wave, yell profound things at me. Xavier: -chuckles- Well then.. I'm not hot >< I'm not even cute... I'm over weight and got a bad acme problem ><. Namid: Take a deep breath -demenstrates- In and out -breaths- ahhh.... I'm on fire >.>... Xavier: Well... you seem better... Hehe... I feel a bit better emotionally but... -shakes head- I still feel like everyone wants me dead. ---I will try and have all my "friends" up with an Icon by the middle of next week... should you already have one you'd like me to use PM me with it... please and thank you.~~~~

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Tuesday, May 2, 2006

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You know... you really don't realize how much you use your pinky until you cannot use it. >< Well day start off with a test and a teacher yelling at me for not using an ace bandage on my arm/hand... -shrugs- Skipped most of last period... kinda down because it seems like one of my school friends is avoiding me... I can home, put up something and got the mail... found out an ant had bit me... I'm deadly allergic to ants... so I had to lay down. Quit my sign job cause the mexicans where getting on my nerves... I love mexicans honest... but when -shivers- never mind... Well I think I am going to become a bit anti-social... if no one wants me then fine... Namid: -looks up- I just miss my friendship with Seth, Sethos, Mark, Mint, Levi, Suger, Newbeh... just about every bordie has started to avoid me... am I reall that much of a pain people... am I??

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Monday, May 1, 2006

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"A heart, something that cannot be held by more than one person" True quote but what do you do when a bit of your heart is slowly being taken from the whole thing. I give my trust to all of my friends, but with that trust goes tiny pieces of my heart. A lot of those bits are gone forever cause they left with the ones who I thought were my friends. Time and time again, they slowly leave me... as I always said they would... and sure enough it's happened. Namid: Tala...? What is it Namid? Namid: I can't stand to see you like this, you know this. -hugs- If I didn't already have a mate I'd take you. But we cannot be together, you're my guardian and my brother. You'd be taken away from me if you took me as your mate. Namid: I know this... I can't believe you'd let yourself be taken from me just to make me cheer up. -curls up in a corner- You know I retired from the raving ninja clan, your joy... and mine... Namid: Why did you do that? Because... hardly any of the members care about me... I found that out at Shio... I wish I could take Ian's advice and not regreat things... but... skrew it... Namid: -hugs tighter- I miss Jeff -whines and curls up in arms- why did he have to die... it's all my fualt he died... if I had been there... he... Namid: It's not your fualt... there was nothing you could have done to save his life. I won't even go where he went... I'm like Zabuza with Haku... he was pure and innocent... while me... he goes to heaven and me... I am left to walk this earth... I never even saw his face and depite people saying he wasn't real, I know deep down he was real... now I'll never get a chance to prove it... he's gone... really gone... -cries and hugs into Namid- Namid: All will be alright... all will be alright... He didn't call... I assumed... I never knew... I never said good-bye... Namid: I'm here... I know Namid... thank you for being here for me... you're one of my last true friends.

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Sunday, April 30, 2006

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I want to post a song I wrote while at SKC but I can't find it... okay well I will say this... my post is almost Highly emo... so.. nevermind... not like anyone reads this... Friday: I left for SKC and got there... wandered around... wanted to hang out with people... -shrugs- I donno... about the time of the mini-rave... I was really down... I found someone I deeply loved had gotten into a car wreak... spent the whole night trying not to break down and kill myself... then I got to thinking... all but one of my ex's is at this con... oh the fun... I thought of other things... oh yes... this is only for my "friends" who went to the con... I have found who my true friends are... and it's not the ones who I thought they where... they came and tried to cheer me up... they saw I was down and wasn't feeling to hot... it made me happy but pissed me off that only TWO of my friends did that... I went up to the room to relax and try and sleep... last thing I got... after feeling really Sucidial and calming down to just want to sleep... I have to deal with some of my room mates and their friends talking about Suicide and they many ways people do it... I really that annoying that you all want me to go away cause I'll answer that... Saturday: I found a friend who arrived on this day and he is a true friend, he is my master and his brother is my pack mate, they rock. Getting ahead... same ol' same happened... Found out that the person who was in the wreak on friday had died... that hurt me... I true loved this person and he listend... he knew when to cheer me up and all this other stuff... now... -sighs and shakes head- I guess.. nvm.. well I'd post some more... but it'll be more emo... I'll say this now and only now If you just want me to up and DIE I WILL!!!

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Hope...
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itsu ni naku kokoro YURARI namidatte'ru konna toki ni maicchau na... sotto hoho wo tsutsumu hosoi yubisaki bukyou na yasashisa wa ijiwaru to urahara (sore wa rururu mimi wo sumasete iki wo hisomereba kikoeru kasuka na MERODII itsumo chikaku ni iyou ne mimamotte ite ne issho ni utaou yo tokidoki wa KENKA wo shite ashibumi shitari mo suru kedo hontou ni nakusenai mono 'ta-i-se-tsu' wo shitte'ru tsunaida te no nukumori kotoba nante iranai rururu FUWARI minna wo sasaete'ru ito ga kanaderu kasuka na MERODII kitto kanashikutemo ii? tanoshii hou ga ii! issho ni utaou yo daremo ga hitorikiri de ikite yuku koto nante... rururu mimi wo sumasete iki wo hisomereba kikoeru kasuka na MERODII zutto chikaku ni iyou ne mimamotte'ru kara issho ni utaou yo ~~~~~*** Translation ***~~~~~~ Strangely, my heart is being pulled in all directions And at a time like this, too... By those slender fingertips gently touching my cheek Clumsy kindness is The exact opposite of cruelty (that's...) Lu lu lu... If you listen carefully and hush your breath, You'll be able to hear the faint melody Always stay near to me and watch over me, okay? Let's sing together... At times, we fought and stomped our feet in anger But I know that the things I can't bear to lose Are, in truth, 'Precious... to... me. The warmth of our hands together Makes words unneeded (like this...) Lu lu lu... The strings lightly holding everyone up Are playing this faint melody Surely, they can play a sad tune, right? But a happy one is better! Let's sing together... A person living life All alone... (can't be done) Lu lu lu... If you listen carefully and hush your breath You'll be able to hear the faint melody Always stay near to me and watch over me, okay? Let's sing together... ~~~~Rururu ~~~~~by: Okui Masami _______________________________________________ -Ears are pinned back as she enters the room from outside- Why do people have to live...? Xavier: You know how much I wonder that same thing? -sighs lightly and limps into a corner where she curls up in- You try waking up at 7 in the morning... after sleeping for a good amount and still being sleepy... What the fuck is wrong with me...? Xavier: well.. Namid: Xavier -glares and hits- Then I go to school... get yelled at by my teacher about my driving... yeah as if I don't get that enough... then I find out my blood pressure is deadly low almost letting me pass out... then I go stand as a human sign for 2 hours getting honked at by old guys who think they'll get lucky.. then I got to CERT for 3 hours... I know I'll be dead soon... Namid: It'll be okay Tala... No it won't... I've lost all my friends But Sarah, Amy, Zappa, Iruka, EJ and Tyshi... Right at this moment... It is looking like I won't be into houston until 8-9pm on firday IF I'm lucky... I want to leave thursday or 4am Friday to go to houston... but because I'm bring Amy with me... -sighs- So I don't even know if I'll want to go to SKC if I have to Pay for parking that I'll only use for 5 hours... -sighs- I'm pissed and depressed... I really wish I could trust my "friends" ones who I let... Namid: -picks up in arms and hugs- It'll be okay Tala... It'll be okay... -nuzzles lightly and carries out of the corner to a coutch.- -looks at Namid and curls tail around, holding onto tightly- I wish I could have someone who'd act like you Namid. Namid: -smiles lightly- you do have one... you just won't say it to that person... -shakes head- I can't... that heart belongs to a person I've never even met and probably never will. -curls up in a tight ball on the coutch- Namid: Against what you think... -shakes head- Nevermind Tala you're right... you can't take something back that you let go. -Hits head- I am such a moron... just someone end my life for me... Namid: I won't let anyone kill you... including yourself... -hugs and points- It looks like me, hehe

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Sunday, April 23, 2006

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Namid: Tala you are the one who really needs to post... Meh... alright... well... I got to talk to a friend I hadn't heard from since 3 years ago... okay well I am getting ahead of myself... My mom woke me up this morning out of a crazy dream... into reality... a harsh one... my two dogs had darted out of the front door and she came in a woke me up saying she couldn't find them... as soon I heard that I was awake... of corse my first thought was that they'd get stolen like one of my past puppies... or get run over -remember the Dalmation and shivers- but I got into my car and drove around the neighborhood and I found them. Namid: You kept your promise with Doc again didn't you? Hehe... yeah I did. I never want to lose him -whines- I love my doc-boy. Well after shooving them back into the house I went back to bed... >< took me a while but I managed it... woke up at 10 something... about 4 hours after I feel asleep again. Went to swim in the Barton Springs which felt nice. Namid: I wanted to go -pouts- Hey now, you had your chance... Namid: hehe -rubs back of head- true Well.. again I miss all the fun... I read about O-kon a lotta my "friends" went to... half of my heart feels we arn't really friends anymore... I don't know if we are or arn't... -sighs- Namid: Tala... Yeah I know... quit assuming... along with talking to my old friend I also talked to another one who I had made at Ushicon... we hadn't talked since last day of Ushicon and she remembered me O.O;; -is uber shocked and blushs- hehe Xavier: oh god... another one...

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Friday, April 21, 2006

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I did my site over... though I ain't as good with HTML as all my other friends so you'll just have to pardon my suck ass site until I figure all of the stuff out. Namid: Tala... Yeah I know... I'm being childish... fine this is what comes with having ADD and ADHD along with an overactive hyper glad... I try to be more adult but I can't fucking be more adult... I mean 12 year olds can be more Adult than I can... I know it's true... I'm just a fucking 5 year old in a 17 year olds body... I promised I'd let two people help me find myself... skrew that... Melissa took me with her when she left and that guy in 4th grade took my trust with him. Namid: So?? You don't understand... if they think I am being childish now and hate that... then they'll hate what I was... I think It'd just be better on the world and on everyone if I shut up and never uttered a word again... then I can seem adult while... nevermind... Namid: Calm down Tala... You try calming down... I found out I had MPD (multipule Personality disorder) about a week ago... true no doctor thing told me I had it... but it's not hard to figure out... I black out, lose time periods and don't know what happened during them... I arrive in places without knowing how I got there... I don't need a fucking doctor to tell me what I got when I can find out myself... I get brusies without any memory on how they got there... you don't need a fucking doctor to tell you anything... they are just there to tell you that you are right or wrong... Namid: Chill down Tala... WHY!!! -foams and curls up crying- You have no I idea what it's like to have someone you love who isn't real... and someone who you love who won't let you back... like I said...all I want is to find someone far enough away to miss... yet close enough we can visit... -crys- Namid: What about.... Don't you dare post that... you can say it to that person and that person alone... but that is it... -TK

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Random art
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Tala drew this while at CERT class... she was kinda depressed then... and still kinda is... just heh.. yeah.. -Namid

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