Monday, April 11, 2005

   Umm. Sorry ya'll this is a rant today.
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Song: If nobody believed in you Singer: Joe Nickels Day started off very bad. I woke up late and was rushed to school. Sore from yesterday so I was limping all through school. Thought I’d gotten my life back on track *shakes head* nope I was wrong. Well I will get all into that later. Well I got to school and sat with some of my school friends. I guess I don’t really seem them as real friends anymore. The breakfast line opened up late *takes chalk and makes a mark* chalk another one up for my mood. School started and Bio was first. Had to make up the 6 weeks test for that class. Bet I failed it *makes another mark with the chalk*. Found out there was a rumor going on about why I wasn’t in school Wednesday and Thursday. Some jackass thought I’d be funny to say I got into a wreck and broke my arm. If I find out who I swear to god I will kill them and scalp them. Fell asleep in Bio, don’t care really. I also found out the one day I’m not in Bio class they do something fun *makes another mark*. Anyone other than me see a thing going on? Second period, normally my fun, laid back class. *Shakes head* nope not today. Had to work on my math HW which I forgot about until a classmate reminded me that we had it *makes another mark*. I got done with that and then had to do class work for my fun class, first time ever *makes another mark*. I think the only highlight of my day was that I got to listen to my trance CD during this class. Got done with all the work and then left for lunch. Okay, today I really didn’t feel like eating at all after breakfast. But I did anyway, donno why I stopped caring about everything this morning. I sat down at my normal lunch spot, would’ve gotten my CD player out but the F***ing teachers at our “LOVELY” school think that music corrupts us in some insane, sick, twisted way. God I hate my school, only teachers are allowed to listen to music and we can only listen to what they pick *makes another mark*. Okay, left lunch early because I don’t feel like being around people anymore today, but guess what it’s school we are forced to be with each other *makes another…* you know what you get the picture I’m not gonna do that anymore. Got to my W. History class and found out I had to turn in our binder on Thursday. I never keep a binder, lucky me because I was sick I got a few minutes to get everything and hand it in. Took notes then watched a video. I wanted to sleep through it but nope we have a worksheet to go with it. Math time *cusses*. Well would you look at that another test I have to make up. The F***ing test didn’t even make any sense *rips up the test*. Okay got back into class and would you look at that, super hard HW. If anyone of my friends is good in Geometry please IM me, I will pay you dearly to get you to do it. Got on the bus and went home. Did some thinking on the bus and at home. Turns out it is harder for me to leave my past then I thought. If I hadn’t posted last night that I would no longer kill myself today would’ve been a day I would’ve done it, if not tried *laughs* as if trying works *sighs* yep I’ve tried before not with a knife but high BP meds. *Looks up at the sky, out the window and tears fall*. I really have never told anyone but two people that before, and some how it got all around school. People avoided me like I wasn’t human. To be god damn honest with you all I didn’t feel human. I just wanted everyone to die but certain people (you know who you are), but when I got home and talked with Mark, my mood changed and I lightened up. Even without knowing it, you always cheer me up when I’m down Mark. Seth if I’d met you before that I bet you’d cheered my up too. But yeah, getting back to today. My comp crashed about a 100x’s and I was cussing up a storm, if my computer hadn’t started working again I’d thrown it out the window without a second thought. On highlight when I got home was that Vic M (A voice Actor who plays Edward Elric and Dark) was on and he said Hi to me even know he was busy. Okay well I am not in one of the best moods today and like I said if I hadn’t taken that vow I’d try it. It’d get me out of school and then everyone would avoid me again and I’d be all alone at school like I am anyways. I have no true friends at school, well I have one but that’s it. Before I start going into things that have come back into my mind. I am gonna go cause even with that vow there are something’s that’d make me break it. Seth-When you get to this point. “I’m sorry, but I had to get all this off my chest before it explode and I did something I’d regret.” Love ya sis take care. If you get on and I’m on after you read this I’d like to talk. Mark- Same thing as with what I said to Seth. If you read this when you get home from work, IM me I know you can cheer me up no matter how down I am. Take car Bro (Still hopes you don’t mind me calling you that). Ummm, to everyone else. Chris, Tori, Mint, KC, Alora, Sub, Tolarin, and to everyone else, take care now all of you, along with you and a few others (who for the life of me *excuse the wording*) remember, you guys are my only true friends that I feel I can trust cause I know you’d never betray me. But there are only two people who I trust fully right now. (You two know who you are, or at least one of you knows you are I have yet to tell it to the other person). If I don’t post tomorrow ummm yeah, worry if you want but, I’m gonna skip a day so I can get this back where I can post like I used to. Talk to ya’ll when you IM me. I don’t really feel like IMing anyone today. If I already IMed you I think that’s the only IMing I’ll do. So please IM me I do want to talk and if you can try and cheer me up but ummm, yeah like I said up above Mark seems to be the only one other than Sethy who can cheer me up when I’m in these moods. -Tala out.

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