Friday, April 15, 2005

There for me.
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You said you’d be there for me, You’d be there when I need you, But now when I need you the most, Where are you to be found? You’re gone, you’ve disappeared, I guess I should do the same. Promises are just words, Ether spoken or written. They don’t mean a thing to you, So I guess you thought that’d be the same for me. But I need you now, Now more than ever, Why aren’t you there? Okay now that, that’s out of the way on with my post. Thursday- I got to talk with Seth, Tori, Newbeh, Alora, and Tol last night. Tol I thank you for last night, talking with you really helped. But, It’s back and worse than last night. I got off a little after 10, and for once went to bed without being forced to by Seth or Mark. *Shrugs* I guess I’m really not feeling much like myself. Well I woke up super late for school, we know what that means. When I got there I met up with a school friend and she got on a long talk about Yaoi. I didn’t want her to know I wasn’t myself so I joined in on the talk. I gave her some images that burned her eyes. Then I got my breakfast. Well first period started and I thought I was gonna have a good day against all odds. But, boy was I ever wrong. I sat down at the table where the swim team sits and got out my new Manga and my diet Coke, Pepsi. A girl, the one that called like 20x’s, got a hold of my bottle cap and was spinning it around. I didn’t mind until she wouldn’t give it back. I reached for it and when she moved it away I moved my hand with it, making me spill coke all on my Manga, binder and the table. Yeah, now today is gonna be a long and bad day. I got some napkins to clean it up with. I cleaned off my Manga first and low and behold one of the pages gets ripped. So I put it up after I finished drying it. What pissed me off even more was she didn’t even help clean. Well I got out some paper and sat alone, and I was happy with that. I’m almost always alone at school. I wrote some new poems. I’m not gonna post them cause they go way to deep and I don’t want anyone to read them but certain people. I am back to my old self that I’d thought I’d lost. Let’s just say my Gaara side has finally surfaced fully. I tried to cry but I couldn’t I tried my hardest but know tears came out. I guess the only tears I can cry now are crimson. I bet I could cry for real if I had someone one to lean on, just hug them and break down; letting everything roll out. Well I hate to say it but for once in my life I’m asking for help when I need it. YES, I NEED HELP. I don’t want my old thoughts to return and for me to carry them out. I forced them out last night with help from Tol but I’m not so sure I’ll be able to tonight. Well second period and we watched a movie about a guy traveling through Austria and Germany. We had to write 10 questions with the answers. I was the first one done and I laid my head down and tried to sleep. But, none came so I just sat there with my eyes closed for about 45-50min. Okay didn’t eat lunch so all I’m running on right now is a small plate of popcorn, and one of those ready made bowls of lucky charms and a piece of toast. I doubt I’ll eat anything thing else until dinner and then I bet that’ll be small. Third period and we are taking notes on the breeds of meat cattle. Okay, now done with that we got free time. I got on the comp and did nothing. So I got off and went outside and sat alone. I love being alone right now. But I still wish I had that person to run up and hug and just break down on. Well forth period and I found out we have to write a thesis. I was gonna do mine on wolves but after talking with Mark, I’m gonna do it on teen Suicide. It hits close to home so I’ll be able to do it well. Next we got to look at this made up Newspaper that has real articles on it. That was it. Got home and got online. Talked with Mint, and Mark. I got off soon after cause my comp spazzed out on me. I got back on around 6 then it did it again so I really didn’t get on till 6:05-6:10. I got to talk with one of my favorite VA’s on AIM and then he had to go. Well shrugs this is it, so I’ll leave you with a quote I wrote yesterday. “Hidden in the shadows of the world. I vanish, written out of history, erased from this world like I'm a mistake that no one like. People come and people go. I stand alone in the shadow's till I finally vanish for good. No one heard me cry, no one saw me, no one stopped to care for me. Always thinking Life will get better always looking at the good things. Thoughts have changed over time. Darkness has filled my soul, my heart has hardened. I trust no one, not even myself. All who I loved gone, all i cared for gone. I ran from my problems by hiding in myself. The darkness has left me too even the shadows of the world and my mind. I'm gone. Anyone miss me? I doubt it. No one remembers my name, everyone I knew has been gone for I don't know how long.” -Tala Friday- Went to bed around 9:30 *glares at seth*. It is to early to go to bed. Well I DIDN'T eat anything before going to bed, sry seth. Woke up a little early and a little late. I'm guessing that means I'm gonna have half the day good and half the day bad.*Shrugs* I donno. Got to school late, not a way I like to start my day. Well I sat with a school friend for a while. I got my breakfast a little later; two rolls, and a small bottle of juice*name later on in otaku*. I didn't finish the second roll, they are small ones too. I'm sry sethy I did try I just couldn't eat it. Her BF arrived and we headed upstairs to an arrive that no one goes to, but us. We sat down for a while and I spilt some of my juice. Bio class and we had a test I forgot all about. Luckly I knew all but three of the questions so I know I got in the 80's. We got some free time after it and I layed my head down. The teacher Dr.Evil (his nickname) got the notes ready and we took some on our new area. Study skills and I got to work on my math and W.History WS's. I finished my math and all but half of my W.History. I put them up and got out my CD player. I sat in a corner and leaned back. I closed my eye's trying to sleep but I couldn't as old memories flooded back.... ain't gonna go into it. Well I just sat there thinking things over then got out my cell to try and get my mind off things. No one on so I put it up and closed my eyes again this time just letting my memories over take me. At least I was in the darkness of my mind. Well I put up all my stuff before the bell rang and left to lunch. Got to lunch and got my normal lunch. Finished it and Chatted a bit then left for W.History. Got to W.history and saw we had pratice TAKS tests x.\\. Someone kill me now, I hate TAKS. Okay well bell rang and we got to start on the TAKS thing for about an hour. I was the third one done and got a 70% with one question right they said was wrong. Almost passed out in this class three times. Well math time. Oh goody more TAKS, I bet that myotaku starting on the 19th will have rants about it. Well we did warm-ups on it and handed in our HW, then got two more WS's for HW. Well headed to Anime club after school. I owe the teacher sooooo o much. He gave me $1.25 to get a coke. I'm gonna pay him back monday. Well we watched the first 2 eps of Naruto. Everyone Loved SNJ and the bloody nose that fallowed. I think I made a lot of future Narutards. Well I am not doing Hinata, sry zappa. But I donno how I'll go from Grayish hair to blackish-blue fast enough so I am going as the teacher that tell Naruto about the Scroll of Sealing. Mizuki I think that's how you spell his name. So my a-kon list is. Kittycat-Kakashi, Kakashi (normal), Raver Kakashi, Kabuto, and Mizuki. After anime club I left to go wait for my mom. She didn't show up so my bad day, Yes i had one, got even worse as I had to walk home, approx 2.5miles. I needed the exercise so I'm kinda not complaning about that. I am still needing that person to breakdown on. If i could get to these people I would with them, Mark, Seth, Bunny, zappa, Tol, and Mint. I got home and got online. Then got off and called Mint asking if I could come over. Levi said today would be a bad day so I'm going tomorrow around 11. I'm gonna sit on the stairs and read manga and listen to my CD player. A man from COX came over I now have cable for my comp so it should no longer crash when I'm online. Well I know this ain't what seth wants to hear and I know I'm gonna get yelled at by Mark and her for it. But it's 8:40 and Last time I ate was at 12:00. So all I've gone on today is One roll, one small bottle of Strawberry Passion(yes thats the jucies name), Chicken Fried stake, a small bag of fries, and a small carton of Chocolate milk (the lunch type milk from Oak Farms). Mark- (I know I should be the one hearing this, first part) Take care now, and be safe. Seth- Heh, sry bout all that. I am trying Honest I am. Mint- I might breakdown on you tomorrow I'm sry. Zappa- I do love you and I'm gonna try hard to open up but until I breakdown, most likey with mint, I cannot do that. Tol-Thanxs for Wed it helped me out. Tori- Heh, Hi and take care. Newbeh- Don't kill your sister now. ^.\\. Well this is Tala saying good day. What would you look like as an anime character (over 100 different pics!)(modified!) by Jrockfangurl14 Name or Username Age what you look like - you are- hyper usual mood- pissed off Quiz created with MemeGen!

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