Thursday, May 5, 2005

Ladeda.... Cookie
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Mood: Lonely, ect... Song:Honestly Singer: have no clue and don't care Well I stayed up till about 4am working on tests and other stupid, F***ing stuff so I can get my DL. I took a few brakes to play Guild Wars and furcadia. Then got back to work and got them done. Okay well you all know what I do at school so no need to post that. During Bio I feel asleep during his lecture. *Shrugs* He walked over and hit my desk HARD with a wooden rod. That woke me up. I glared at him and say, clearly, I'm just gonna go back to sleep. Which I did, moments later. A classmate woke me up that time and i shruged saying I told you that I'd go back to sleep. I managed to stay up for around 10min before falling asleep, yet again. The teacher woke me up again, thankfully without the road or he'd gotten a taste of my colorful vocab.I managed to stay up cause he said he was gonna be asking questions. He asked me what the weight of a females brain is. I responded 1250g. I didn't even have my notes in front of me, or with me for that matter, and I was asleep his whole lecture. Man did that shock him. XD I loved it. Next period I was gonna sleep some more but we had to go to a different teachers room, towards the end someone's cell got stolen. Since I was the only one who didn't move at all for 90min I was set free to lunch. Lunch time, I got to sit next to the school cop, Oh goody *rolls eyes* I looked I was stoned for crying out loud. W.History we got tons of notes, and I found a new song I like. Almost passed out in that class. Math, we had a test and that was it. First math test I think I'm gonna fail. Well got home and here is where it gets GOOD. X.\\ I called my mom, and I ain't geting my DL this week. What fun another day of getting ready to kill myself cause I cannot get out of my house when I need to. Stress has been a big factor for me this week. I am at the breaking point. All this week I have been having mixed feelings, I'm going crazy right now. I feel like I'm letting two of my friends down, and I hate to do that so I'm also feeling guilty. I'm also feeling like I'm being avoided again. All this week I've been down and depressed. If you want to know IM me on yahoo or AIM and I'll tell you but I'm not gonna post it here. I feel left out of a lot of things, I know where I live is to far for anyone to go to pick me up so that makes it hard to hang out with people. By the looks of things I'm not gonna get my DL till next Wed. So that's not gonna change anytime soon. Personally for everyone who reads this today.. I DON'T CARE what happens to me today, tomorrow or whatever. I'm always gonna be like this, when I make friends they seem alright at frist and I getta do all types of stuff with them but that seems to have almost stopped. I love to be by myself, yes i know. But I hate the feeling of being lonely which I am also feeling right now. I cannot seem to do anything right. I bet if I tried to kill myself I'd take me 2 days to die so I'd just be in pain until them. I'm a loser that no one likes. I have come to accept that and I know that I'm gonna always be alone.. I'd just like the feeling to leave me. I really need to get my thoughts in order and a lot of things together. But right now with school I can't. Also if I tried now the stress would kill me. So yeah, that doesn't look like a plan anytime soon. Everyone I'm sorry you had to read that. Mark, seth, and Mint more so to you guys than anyone else. This might be mylast otaku post for a while.. -tala... out...

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