Sunday, June 12, 2005

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Mood: Lost, alone, and confuised Well last night I cried myself to sleep. The people who know me should know what I wanted to do at that time... Well okay skipping the whole day and coming to the afternoon... I talked with someone... and I talked with seth. Sis, I donno what to do. I just donno anymore. After my batt almost died while talking to ya, I curled up on my bed and cried. I can see that tonight is gonna be a repeat of last night. Well I had plans to go to main event tomorrow, but I'm not going to go. In fact this is gonna be my last post for a while. I'm just gonna leave home, run away for better words, and get my thoughts together. I just don't know what to do right now, I have no one who I can turn to near me. I just want away from everything going on. I just want to vanish for a while... see how many people forget me and how many care to remember me upon my return. I still want to talk with some people and they know who they are. I'll have my phone on me, and I'll pick up. I don't know where I'm going to go, even if I did I wouldn't tell anyone other than two people. After I finished with my cying which lasted an hour, I got up and did a few things. I am just going to avoid all but some austin people. I am going to become really distant to everyone but certain people. I just need to get all my thoughts together and think somethings over. One of which is what I think everyday: why am I hear? I have yet to find that answer. I want to find that answer before I do anything again. I hope I can spend the night with Seth soon, I know that being with her and being able to talk about somethings with her will help lots. I am just confuised right now, I don't know what to do. I just need to get away from all of it. I wish I could stay at a boardies house for a while just so I can get away from home. But, I havn't talked to anyone about that so I'll more than likey be sleeping in whatever I can find. Like a home being built and no one living in it. I want to go on, but I don't know how much longer I can stand the present. I know I said I wouldn't live in my past; well I'd rather live in it than the present right now. Like Sasuke my dream is in the past. Mark- If you wanna talk just give me a call. I'll pick up, I ain't gonna be distant towards you. I am hoping that you'll comment and give me some advice. Seth- Same shout out as mark. If you ever find a day when i can spend the night let me know and I'll head down ASAP of that day. Wuffers and Tori- Please don't be worried. I shall not do anything worse than running away.. I hope.

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