Thursday, February 23, 2006

Don't read if you don't like ranting/emo
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Mood: Depressed and kinda Shity again Song: What hurts the most I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house That don't bother me I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while Even though going on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok But that's not what gets me What hurts the most Was being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was tryin' to do It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go But I'm doin' It It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone Still Harder Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret But I know if I could do it over I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart That I left unspoken What hurts the most Is being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was trying to do What hurts the most Is being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was trying to do Not seeing that loving you That's what I was trying to do Ooohhh.... At school.. I started to think about something that never had crossed my mind… what is love to me… do I confuse love for lust at times or do I confuse lust for love… I don’t know why I thought that… I just did… I know that I love two people with all my heart, one of them I wish I could give up… I wish I could let go of… but I can’t… -sighs and shrugs- This week is probably gonna end up being shity for me… Sunday, my chest was still hurting from what I did Saturday, along with my leg.. I also started to not feel good; Monday… my ankle nearly snapped, my leg hurt and my chest hurt so bad I couldn’t breath, laugh, talk, hic-up, or cough without it hurting me; Tuesday… my leg still hurt, my chest still hurt, I lost my voice for almost all morning, I had a bad coughing fit… then, I rammed my elbow HARD into the corner of a desk… Well I was going to post this yesterday and didn’t so Today.. I nearly fell on the stairs while at school… almost twisted my elbow outta its socket…. Going back to the first part of the post… I don’t what’s going on with me… even with as much worrying as I am going about my G/f… I still cannot get my mind off Iru… what I saw today didn’t help much ether… I found out that my G/f is an Ox and according to the book I was looking at… Ox’s and Dragon’s don’t mix… Well after I hung up from EJ… old thoughts started to drift back into my head… like… -shakes head- I’d get killed if I say it… I know I am supposed to call Seth, Sethos. When I feel this way but… -curls up- I don’t want to bother them with my problems… Why did Rita have to hit… why couldn’t I have waited just a few simple days…why couldn‘t I have let the words gone unsaid….what would my life be like if I had waited till that weekend… so many questions… all left unanswered… all I want to know the answer to… Forgive me… forgive me, my life… forgive me all. I know what shouldn’t be done… I know what I should do… but knowing and doing are two completely different things. I am not going to leave my life as I… kinda… wish I could… I just need a wake up call… I guess… something to let me know… know that I needa forget the past… think ahead… and just give up on things that will never come to past… Again that single thing is torn… making me feel like I am dying… inside out… the bad get worse, and when you can’t think they can’t get worse… the worse gets worse… -TK

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