Friday, June 16, 2006

Emo ness below...
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Mood: Very alone... Walking Alone Come together like a foot in a shoe Only this time I think I stuck my foot in my mouth Thinking out loud and acting in vain Knocking over anyone that stands in my way Sometimes I need to apologize Sometimes I need to admit that I ain't right Sometimes I should just keep my mouth Or only say hello Sometimes I still feel I'm walking alone Walk on eggshells on my old stomping ground Yet there's really no one left that's hanging around Isn't that another familiar face Too drunk to figure out they're fading away Sometimes I need to apologize Sometimes I need to admit that I ain't right Sometimes I should just keep my mouth Or only say hello Sometimes I still feel I'm walking alone Sometimes I need to apologize Sometimes I need to admit that I ain't right Sometimes I should just keep my mouth Or only say hello Sometimes I still feel I'm walking alone Okay to put this blunt... I suck at being a girlfriend and a friend all together... I keep making my love feel like he isn't important to me, I keep doing things and he keeps feeling unloved. I keep trying to change what I do and all this other stuff but I just suck at being a girlfriend... no other way to put it. As ether Zappa or Iru once said "You take things to heart more than you should." That quote is true. Everytime he feels unloved I think we are going to split and I just shut myself off from him and just go quite and start to cry. I don't know what to do... I'm lost and I just want to go and curl up in a dark corner and stay there until time forgets about me. To add onto this... I don't know what it is about me that causes people who I call friends to talk shit about me behind my back. They know how emotionally unstable I can be and yet they still do it. I have to say something I'm not proud of... but my old thoughts returned to me. Those who know it okay, if you don't I ain't telling. I treat friends like family and they know it too... which, I guess, is why I take this like I do. Father's Day is coming up... I promised myself I wouldn't miss him when he left. I do though, he was right when he said that I'd blame myself for him dying cause I do. Everytime father's day, christmas and his birthday roll about I always get down and depressed. Which is probably why I am taking everything that's been going on worse than I normally would. I wish that I could vanish for this one day and just forget it's going on... cause no matter what I do, be online, go to the mall, go eat, stay home in my room, listen to radio, and/or watch tv... I am reminded that it's father's day. As much as I hated him... he still my dad and wether I wanna or not I love him... I shouldn't feel this way... but for the first time in my life... I feel alone, turly alone.

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