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Birthday • 1993-05-02 Gender •
Female Location • Here Member Since • 2005-05-30 Occupation • Life preserver :) Real Name • Belina
Personal
Achievements • http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said Anime Fan Since • Ever since Pokemon Favorite Anime • I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3 Goals • Make it out of here in one piece Hobbies • Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown Talents • :)
myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
I think this guy makes a lot of sense. It seems like a real shame to me that only women ever question gender roles and men don't seem to be as interested in who they are as men/boys and what that means because in order to build a better, more egalitarian world, I think both constructs have to change.
I have to rush off to class now. Sorry. I swear one of these days I'll figure out that posting on campus in between classes isn't a good idea.
Have a beautiful day, everybody!
ily
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Basically, I have to research the effects of space travel on the human body. It's pretty interesting. With all the risks involved (bone density loss, muscle atrophy, hemerrohage(sp?), stroke, etc) I'm surpised they let anyone in space at all.
On a less scientific note, Margaret wouldn't stop bitching so I finally broke down and spelled out the reasons why I left her. Hopefully she'll finally leave me alone. I REALLY don't want to go back to where we were a year and a half ago. (was it really that long?)
I've got other stuff to worry about.
Oy. I've got lab today. '-_- Looked at it in the manual and it's about 10 pages long. Kill me.
How are you all today on this fine Monday morning? anybody have today off? Apparently it's a Jewish holiday today so all my siblings and my mom (a cafeteria lady) got off.... Lucky bastards.
ily
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Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Question of the day: How do you tell if a guy genuinely wants to be your friend just because he platonically likes you as a person or is just talking to you to get into your pants?
There's this guy in my math class who I honestly don't know about. I don't know what it is about him, but he just gives me the weirdest vibes, like I shouldn't let my guard down around him.
And I really don't know if it's just me being suspicious and he's just a friendly, talkative person or he's some kind of manipulating creep trying to build my trust so he can take advantage of me. For now, I'll just be civil and try to keep my distance because I don't know what else to do. :/
Secondly, I got a message from Margaret on facebook yesterday basically telling me she knows everything I've said about her since we broke up because she's been stalking me through mutual acquiantances(sp?) and how dare I ruin her good name by telling lies about her that all happen to be completely true (i.e. that she's a scorned, passive-aggressive, manipulating psycho), how dare I imply that my ending the relationship was in any way, shape or form her fault when I apparently threw away twelve years of friendship for no good reason (no good reason other than the fact that she was driving me completely insane), and basically I'm just some foolish, immature, ungrateful bitch and I need to own up to it and stop blaming her for things that are her fault.
She almost immediately afterwards goes on to say that I'm also a beautiful, smart, kind person with so much potential and she admires/belives in me to this day.
Potential for what, she did not say, but based on the gist of her letter, I'm assuming she means potential to be her lackey.
I never noticed this when we were friends, but she has the most prolific ability to make absolutely no sense whatsoever and still make everyone feel like shit.
I mean... I understand she's pissed at me, but still seems to like me as a person because that's how I feel about her most of the time, but there's so much scorn and rage and self-righteous fury behind her good instentions that if by some miracle we did get back together, I just know that she'd hold a grudge and hold it over my head for the rest of my life and frankly, that's not any kind of friendship I want to have.
So, after crying A LOT and basically telling her to stop being a self-righteous, passive-agressive bitch because that's the whole reason I left in the first place and that I never meant to hurt her or her "good name," only to tell my side of the story, I told her it hurt me to leave her every bit as much as it hurt her to be left (doubt she'll believe it, but whatever, it's the truth), but that I just couldn't stay and be abused by her anymore. I also told her an abridged, sugar-coated version about why I don't want to reconcile the friendship.
Haven't checked my facebook for any response yet, but it'll proably be something terrible and preachy and guilt-trippy that'll make me want to kill myself.
ANYWAY. Just needed to get that out, so if it was hell to read, sorry. If it wasn't, great.
Oy... My head is so freaking sore. I don't know if that's the right word, but it hurts too much to think, so I'm just going to leave it.
It feels like I've got the weight of the world on my head--not my shoulders, but my skull, just crushing me to the ground.
I have to worry about how to get out of here (my house), how to graduate on time when I only have this semester and next semester left and God only knows how many credits, how to get a job, how to keep a job because I'm bad at everything, how to tell my mom the truth while convincing her I'm not going to Hell (which I very well may be), and how not to starve.
How does one go about growing up when they're as scared as the day they first came out of the womb?
I just want to sleep forever.
Btw, hope the video helps, Crystal Flute. ^_^
No, Faroe, I'm not moving in with Josh quite yet. I might after I get my liscense and/or a job. I'd feel guilt if I couldn't help out with rent. Plus, as soon as I tell my mom she's gonna give me the whole "living in sin" schpiel. :P
In my mind, we're already spiritually married, just not legally. And honestly I would marry him now if I had the money and if he had a more secure job, but I don't and he doesn't so oh well.
And, yeah, I know we're young (I'm nineteen, he's 21) but my grandmother got married when she was the same age, and my mom got married when she was 22. Both had/have extremely successful marriages. In other words, I don't think age is so much a factor as maturity is.
As mentioned earlier, I'm extremely fcking stressed out and need the lols, so heres a video.
Not a lot of time right now. I'll probably post again later in the day. Sorry, guys. I've been pretty busy. Guess we all have.
Drank coffee this morning for the first time in who knows how long. Jumpy as a rabid, flying squirrel (sp?).
Josh is supposed to sign the lease for the apartment today, but he has to make a down-payment of $350 on it and the people he works for haven't been paying him and keep gypping him out of hors, so I don't know what's going to happen. It stikes me as really fcking sad that you can't even trust your family to pay you fair wages anymore. Was it always like that?
Any of you ever heard of Fildenkreist? He's this martial artist and physicist who developed this new form of pilates/yoga where you perform basic movements with the least amount of energy possible. I did some last night as a warm up in my self-defense class and it really helped my back, shoulders, and neck. I'll probably post a video later.
Not sure who I'm voting for this September. On the one hand, I'm still traumatized from Bush so I don't know if I can trust Mitt, but Obama's such a socialist! Which is whatever. There's nothing wrong with socialism itself--in fact there are many attributes of it that I much prefer to capitalism, but people are so flawed and greedy that they simply can't be trusted with absolute power. I think that's why socialism usually leads to dictatorship and opression. :/
Not to mention, Obama-care... Not a fan. So, I don't know... We'll see.
I gotta get to class now though. Probably be on later to check everybody's posts.
ily
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Sunday, September 2, 2012
Really worried about Stephy (alphonse 13). She's still no out out of the hospital. :( Hope she'll be okay...
The heat's gradually calming down here, but it's still annoying. Especially now that all the things I'm allergic to have decided to start blooming.>.<
*sigh* I vaguely remember a time where I could breath out my nose and didn't have a perpetual itch at the back of my throat.
Other than that, today was okay. Went to Joshes church picnic. Food was good, but the thing itself was kind of boring.
Also, I saw Margaret on Saturday at the viewing for my friend Liz's dad. We only said one word to each other, but I was kind of shock up afterwards. At least there was no confrontation. It's just weird to be on the outside looking in with someone you used to be so close with.... :/
Anyway, the benadryl I took earlier for my allergies still hasn't left my system, so I'm going to sleep.
night
ily
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Thursday, August 30, 2012
Ughhhh. So many things to rant about, so little time.
First off, I read the first 15 or so pages of 50 Shades and wanted to kill myself. It's the laziest prose I've ever read--and that includes multiple children's books. EVERY. OTHER. SENTENCE: Subject verb noun. Subject verb noun. Subject verb noun.
At first, it was tolerable. Then it was hilarious. Then it was all I could do not to gouge my eyes out with a spork.
Not to mention, this... Yes, this... TOTAL... ELLIPSE...ABUSE!!!!
Ana is an idiot. She does whatever people tell her to do without any question or suspicion, then is completely shocked when it all blows up in her face. Christian has the potential to be a good character, but is so over dramatic and just in general so overdone that I can't take him seriously.
That said, if you do decide to read 50 Shades of Gray, do so in small doses. As in, a chapter a day max. Anymore and the pure stupidity might render you brain dead.
SECONDLY: Robert Gladden, the Perry Hall High shooter is now getting media coverage and according to the local paper, anyone who has ever dyed their hair black (like Gladden), hidden behind their hair (like Gladden), liked Invader Zim (like Gladden), or put their head down on their desk (like Gladden) is a potential violent psychopath.
I really didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read that. Guess I shouldn't be surprised because it's the media and they exaggerate and over-dramatize EVERYTHING, but come on. A skinny kid with long hair snaps and suddenly every scene kid is potential killer?
I also noticed when they interview students on the news, they never show the emo/scene kids--and I know they're there, because as strange as it sounds, there's always an equal number of preppy kids as there are scene/emo kids. That's always been my experience, anyway.
Yeah, I know, I know. Undesirables. Still, it's pretty fucking ridiculous.
THIRDLY: I'm bad at self defense and Josh made fun of me for it. >:( Meanie.
How are all you doing? Anything to rant about?
ily
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Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Second day at school was a lot better than the first. I probably should have scheduled a little bit better so that all my worst classes weren't all on the same days, but oh well. Masochistic as ever.
Lonely as hell right now. Josh felt too sick to come over, so I'm stuck here, stuck on impossible math problems, missing him. It's probably very twenty-first century of me to be here whining about how lonely I am when there are real, live people in the next room over (brothers and sisters.)
Got a free veggie burger today. Was nummy. I'ma go look for something to read. Might troll on 50 Shades of Gray just because I can. I fully expect stupidity, hypocrisy, and shameless smut and am determined not to be disappointed. XD
Speaking of which:
Yeah. This is the high school I went to, guys. My brother was there at the time. He wasn't in the cafeteria though. Doesn't seemed to be fazed at all. I almost had a heart attack when I heard. He wouldn't answer his cell phone, so I immediately began to assume the worst.
I'm so shocked. I mean, I always knew it was possible, but when I think school shootings, I think Columbine, where there was a huge concentration of bullying and cliques and social hierarchy. Perry Hall is crowded and under-funded and falling apart, sure, but it's primarily a safe, suburban, receptive environment.
And is it wrong that I feel just as bad for the shooter as I do for the victim and his parents? I mean, he was obviously messed up. He needed help, and nobody helped him.
I almost feel like if I hadn't met the friends and got the teachers that I did there, I could've ended up not exactly like him, but close.
Or maybe I'm just letting my heart bleed like I usually do when stuff like this happens. It was very interesting to turn on the news and see the girl I partnered up with for theater arts class in 12th grade and the boy who used to copy off me in Spanish class in tenth though. Shawrty had a mustache. Made my tool senses tingle.
In other news: I really freaking suck at Science. Had a lab today that took my group nearly three hours to complete and I couldn't contribute anything because my brain was completely dead. On top of that, I got algebra. :P Oh, yes. This year is going to be fun.
Sorry. I forgot to tell you guys that I was going to vacation with my family in Williamsburg, Virginia. I'd planned on posting once I got there, but alas. No free wifi. :(
Mostly spent the week at Busch Gardens, which was fun. Got to see some impressive plastic. Ride some impressive roller-coasters. Spend time with my family when they weren't screaming at each other.
I also got to go to daily mass with my mom every morning, which I'm definitely going to miss. There's a lot of solace to be found in morning meditations and prayer. It's a really good way to start the day.
Classes start for me on Monday. :( Kind of excited. Kind of nervous. Kind of hesitent to go to sleep when I know there's so much to be done. Got to see if my financial money went through, print out my schedule, get my binders and books ready, etc, etc.
I also have some exciting news: Josh is FINALLY moving out of his parents' place. :D While I was gone he found a 2 room mates and a relatively cheap apartment close by.
There are only two downsides:
One: The aforementioned room mates are his ex-girlfriend and her sister.
Two: In order to pay rent, he'll have to get a second job, which means I'm not going to get to see him as often as I'd like.
For the first con, I'm not really worried about them getting back together because this is the same ex we went to New York with and after about 3 hours with her we wanted to strangle her. I'm more worried about Josh having a mental breakdown because of her.
