Thursday, August 16, 2012

I have "The Worst Pies in London" stuck in my head. XD Must be a Sweeney Todd week.

I noticed that all my favorite romantic novels contain the least amount of sex possibe. Just got out a Stephenie Plum novel and loved it. I get off on feelings, not sex. Then again, that's what lust is--anticipation.

Oh. And the following video made me realize I am not nearly cool enough to be a slam poet.

It also made me realize anxiety is not at all the worst thing that could happen to a person, but let's be humans and focus on the negative: I am a pedestrian amateur--or maybe amateur pedestrian. (Is there such a thing as a professional pedestrian?)
Ah well.

Was hoping New York would give me the urge to write, but it all it did was give me the urge to spend money and be a total tourist. :/ Well, I mean, it did inspire some creativity at first simply because I'd never seen Manhattan in person before and it was beautiful, but after a while it just made me feel small and insignificant and inexonorably(sp?) ordinary.

I really wonder how anyone can live like that 24/7. Maybe you just get used to it. Maybe it's a matter of perspective. Maybe New Yorkers look at the giant sky-scrapers and old, Gothic stone churches looming a million feet overhead with the neon billboards and penthouses and God, and think: "People built that. If people can work together and make something so beautiful, maybe we're not fucked after all."

In any case, I definitely see why New Yorkers are notorious for going to therapy like Medievel(sp?) England went to church. Being in the city is like being a child. You're afraid and insecure and lonely and in awe all at the same time. It's a lot of feel. A lot to process.

Am I ranting? I feel like I'm ranting. Yeah, I'm ranting.

Well, my butts asleep, so I'm going to go for a walk. Talk to you all later.
ily
~Belinda
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Wednesday, August 15, 2012

There's just something so gratifying about singing songs about cannibalism. :,D

I got from New York the other day. Definitely an adventure. Not sure it's an adventure I'd repeat, for it involved getting a migraine from walking through Times Square at night and having to put up with several bouts of both snobbish bitchery and bitchy snobbery. But the city was beautiful and we got to see a show we've been wanting to see for a while. It's called Avenue Q. It's a parody of Seseme Street about life in NYC. Here's a sample.

Yeah... It was fun.

In other news, I'm debating on whether or not to read 50 Shades of Gray. I've been receiving mixed reviews about it. Joshes sister thinks it's a masterpiece and my mom thinks it's the work of the Devil, but she thinks anything involving sex is the work of the Devil. And I've never really enjoyed explicit romance novels. I mean, I read Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but that was different. Every single sex scene wasn't written in excruciatingly grotesque detail. So I don't know. What do you guys think?
Is the story line worth all the erotica crap for someone who's not interested in said erotica crap?

I have to admit I am curious.

Aside from all that, today promises to be an extremely lazy one. I'm not even sure I'll see Josh today. I think he's baby-sitting his niece.

Guess I'll go troll some terrible Harry Potter fanfiction. BRAIN MELTING, COMMENCE!!!!

ily
~Belinda
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Saturday, August 11, 2012

FUCKING MANHATTAN: no. Just no.

Is it weird that I go all the way to New York City to escape the suburbs, end up miserable in it, and rejoice in staying in Staten Island? Yeah, probably.

Good night!
ily
~Belinda
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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Saw The Woman in Black yesterday. Huge mistake. Freaked me the freak out. Had a pretty stupid ending too.

Also, I'm going to New York this weekend. Not sure whether I'm staying in Staten Island or Soho yet. All Depends on whether or not we're getting hotel. The chick we're going with, Allison, is going to see whether we can stay with her friend there or not. Personally, I'd rather stay in a hotel because I don't know this friend of hers and I don't really feel comfortable staying in some strangers house. :/

I don't know. We'll see. Gonna go get some nom-noms.
Peace.
ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, August 5, 2012

@Corn: As for as denominations go, yes, they're all Christian. They believe the same basic things with different emphasis placed on different parts of Christianity. Some emphasize the fall of man, others God's infinite mercy, etc, etc. As far as Judaism, Christianity, and Islam goes, no. The Jewish God and the Christian God is the same God, but the Islamic God, from what I understand--which is not much, I admit--is a fire-and-brimstone, wrathful, vengeful, severe, worship me or die kinda Guy. Think Old Testament. It seems to be a very peaceful religion in which everyone strives to be the best person they can be and I've met several Muslims who are some of the most friendly people on earth, so please don't think I'm bashing them, because I'm not, this is just my understanding of it.
And, yeah, Catholics have always had a bit of a superiority complex because we're the oldest denomination of Christianity, founded by Jesus Christ Himself, and blah blah blah. Probably nothing you haven't already heard before. :P I will say that I do prefer Catholicism to other denominations of Christianity because it's such an intricate and complex organization, complete with concrete interpretations, and I just like that so much thought was put into it, you know?
But yeah... People will be people.

Lute: Definitely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oy. Just realized for the second time how miraculous it is that my parents got married and stayed together this long.

On my dads side of the family: flaming liberal, feminist, modern art snobs.

On my moms side: staunch, blue collar, traditional Catholics.

For the most part anyway. There are a few exceptions on both sides, but you get the general idea.
I'm not going to say completely different worlds, because my mom and dad do have several things in common in their backgrounds: Both came from big families, both were raised Catholic, and both were never wealthy growing up.

And they get along great. It's just that sometimes life happens.

Like today. On facebook, my aunt Cathy posted a wallpost burning my mom for supporting traditional marriage and being a total lemming where the church was concerned and calling her a priest-worshipper and a sheep and all this other shit. In a way, this is understandable because she's always hated the Church with a passion because her dad pretty much shoved it down her throat when she was younger and didn't leave her room to think for herself, so now she's got all this bitterness and anger towards it and it's just... *sigh*

But on the other end, if half my Catholic friends knew my opinions on some of the things the Church does, they'd probably think I was a total heathen. (Well, maybe not TOTAL, but...)

It's just such a double-bind. When you're an atheist, you get bashed by Christians. When you're a Christian, you get bashed by atheists. Really can't win one way or another.

And on a completely seperate note, with all the prejudices out there, why even bother posting anything on Facebook anymore? You could post song lyrics and you're bound to piss somebody off. I guess it's okay if you don't mind people biting your head off, but I kinda do. >.>

Shit. Just realized I made this whole thing about me. Sorry. DX My brains been slowly dying all Summer.

I guess, you know, I just feel torn... Part of growing up, I guess.

ily
~Belinda
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Saturday, August 4, 2012

I'm annoyed. '-___-

We were watching this movie and during one scene everybody was in church and naturally the preacher was preaching, the congregation loudly affirming everything he said, and my mom pipes up with "Boy, I'm sure glad I don't go to a church like that! How embarassing(sp?)! That's not worship, that's just preaching!"

Like, OHMYGAWD!!! Ever heard of make a joyful noise unto the Lord? Sure, there's a need for solemn, silent prayer every now and again, but there's nothing wrong with enthusiasm and passion. Besides, there's plenty of Catholic priests that preach the same way and she's never complained about them. The only reason she commented on this guy was because he was Baptist.

There are a lot of things that I disagree with in the Church, but one of my least favorite things is the complete snobbery with which all other denominations and religions are treated. It's so, so stupid. We all believe in the same God. So what if we worship Him in different ways? He doesn't seem to mind!
tjiuetheutjiojidojoidjfidrjiRABBLERABBLERABLLE

*deep fcking breath* Okay... Okay... Calm down, Belinda.

ANYWAY. Going down to Ellicot City today. Spending the night over my frinds Jay and Roses with Josh. That should be fun. It's where my mind goes to melt. Things have been way too heavy around here for my comfort.

Speaking of melting, it's been so damn hot. >.<
I know it's August, but still. Feels like a swamp in the south.

Gem of the day:

ily
~Belinda
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Friday, August 3, 2012

Bored as a mothertrucker.

At Joshes house. Hijacked his computer. His parents are home so I don't have any opportunity to tackle him. Olympics are on, but it's just volleyball, so it's whatever. Volleyball seems to be on of those sports where it's fun to play but boring to watch.

And it's kind of interesting but also logical that men are always supposed to have bigger sex drives than women when they're the same. After all, women experience pleasure through their clit and men through the penis and from what I;ve heard/read, the existence of the clitoris wasn't even discovered until late, so that's a lot of lousy lays women had to put up with. Probably not a lot of fore-play either, but that's just my guess.

Well, Josh is getting all bitchy about me jacking his labtop, so I guess I better go.

ily
~Belinda
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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize sex is more like candy for the mind then it is anything of substance. Especially in it's addictive nature. When you stop eating chocolate, you get used to it and it's not that big a deal anymore when you see it and can't have it. Obviously, you still crave it from time to time but not to the extent you would if you allowed yourself to have some from time to time.

I think the same is true of sex. Once you start, it's practically impossible to stop. But if you do stop for a while, it becomes a lot easier to do without.

Or maybe that's just me. :/

I dunno. Maybe it's my hormones, maybe I just naturally have a higher sex drive than other girls, maybe it's the sci-fi manga porn--I'm sorry, I mean SEINEN--that I've been reading, but I've been getting turned on a lot easier lately and a lot more often.

Oy... I don't like this. '-.- I don't like looking at a person and seeing only a sexual object just because that person happens to be attractive. That's not respectful. It's completely dehumanizing. Maybe it's also natural and completely evolutionary, but it still doesn't feel right.

Can't wait for school to start back up so I can get my mind off all of this. *sigh* I still have to pay for my classes and get my books. Have to do it soon too because we're gonna be taking a trip to Williamsburg on the 18th and we're not going to get back until the Sunday before classes start. Yeah, definitely gotta remember to talk to my dad about that...

ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, July 29, 2012

Sally was born of crooked doors and dirty windows, but she always saw straight and clear
And when she broke out, she didn't break a thing.
Despite what her mother told her, she could never quite bring herself to see the world in completely black and white--she loved her colors too much.
She always danced in one way or another whether there was music playing or not and even when she fell, she never hit the ground.
Some thought she should be more cautious, but she loved to grab life by the lapels and say "I'm with you, kid. Lets take over the world."
Whether she was a caged bird or not is a matter of opinion, but if she was, it must've been a pretty big cage to fit the distance from east to west and north to south, because that was the extent of everthing and everyone she touched.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tired. Slept maybe two or three hours. My mind, though heavy and stumbling, is awake however.

OY. '-.- I need to get back on a better sleeping schedule. Been going to sleep at 2 or 3 and waking up at 12 or 1. Yeah. It's bad.

Went to cheesecake factory for dinner last night. Double-dated with Josh and his brother and his girlfriend. Fun was had. Food was good. Weight was gained. All that.

I've come to really dislike myself as a writer when I'm on my A.D.H.D. meds. They make me all nit-picky and critical to a point where I can't get anything done. I've never had more respect for ghost writers/book doctors. They're mediums for crazy, incoherent, stuttering people like me. Completely necessary.

arrrgh... I want a nap so bad, but I'm afraid if I take one I won't be able to sleep tonight.

If this keeps up, I'll end up going to sleeep so late it'll be the afternoon of the next day. Yeah, I'll just wake up at midnigt and do everything I need to do, then screw around til lunch time and then pass out. lol I think I read a book where someone did something like that once. It was so hot during the day--like, afternoon time--that they had to sleep most of the day and be awake at night. And then they switched back once it started to get cool out again. That's actually pretty smart.

Probably really bad for your body, but smart. I'm gonna fight my heavy eye-lids and heavy everything else until I pass out. Ta!
ily
~Belinda
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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Yeah, it's kind of fantasy/supernatural. Very shounen-y. It's meant to be a manga/anime, so thats why I haven't tried to write a story with these characters in it because I'm not sure how it would translate into a novel.

In other news, I feel extremely torn about the whole gay issue. On one hand, I was brought up to believe that homosexuality is a psychological disorder and can--and should--be cured. I'm not talking about "pray the gay away," but genuine psyochological techniques to "reorient" gays into a heterosexual life-style(http://www.reorientationtherapy.com/?page_id=7). Plus there are all these people who used to be gay that are now straight. (http://www.reorientationtherapy.com/?page_id=6, http://www.peoplecanchange.com/stories/index.php)

Like, what am I supposed to make of that?

On the other hand, however, everybody is a little gay in way or another, I have several gay friends and relatives, I genuinely believe gay couples are good for the planet because they usually don't reproduce but adopt kids instead, which is great because the world is already 20% overpopulated, and it just seems incredibly insensitive to me to say to someone "I think you're a great person, but you have a disease and you need help" because of who they're attracted to.

So, I don't know. I do, however, believe that it's none of anybodys business but a persons own who they're sleeping with or attracted to and bullying of any kind because of it is completely wrong and not at all what God wants.

So that's all I can say about it with conviction for now. I want to say to my gay or bi friends, if they're reading this, that I'll always love them no matter who they sleep with or are attracted to.

ily
~Belinda
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