Sunday, February 26, 2012

The conflict between my "feminist" and Catholic beliefs reached an all-time high, so I got some books about the Church and women out of the library. One of them is called "The Women Around Jesus" and it focuses on various women in the Bible and their role in Jesus's ministry, which appears to be a lot more important than conventional theology makes it out to be.

What strikes me the most is that these women were all so different--some in background, some in temperment, some in both--but they all still found and became themselves in Jesus. In apostleship and discipleship, they were empowered beyond any earthly means of empowerment. Once they accepted Jesus and found their niche in the Church--some of them preached, some evangelized, some ministered to the sick, some baptized, some were even believed to kill dragons--they were completely confident and at peace with themselves, free to be who they were.

I guess in that context then, feminism and Christianity have a lot more in common then they appear to.

ily
~Belinda
Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, February 23, 2012

http://www.socialscience.nl/SocialScience/application/upload/files/Vol3_Is1_02Coca.pdf

Have to do an analysis on an article about gender construction for women's studies. Hope this will do. I'm dizzy. -.-
Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Corn, I agree with you. Whether theres a satanic, secret society behind the music industry or not, it's still run by a greedy, manipulating bunch of bastards. It's so hard to be an artist these days. I almost feel sorry for musicians/singers. You really can't get a break unless you sell out. There's no room for integrity; but there's so many of them that know that going in and still plunge right into the muck, head first and full speed. I mean, sure, fame is addicting, but at the end of the day, is it really worth it? It doesn't seem to be. :/

School's finally started to get busy. Tests and assignments and social experiments everywhere. It's both kinda cool and kinda frustrating. Some of the assignments are really interesting, but they're all really time-consuming. I get dizzy if I think about it too much.

Katsucon was fun. Ridiculously expensive and exhausting though. I didn't even go for the whole time and I still could have slept through the next week after I got home. I bought a yukata! :D
It's really pretty. I'm very tempted to wear it to school. lol

I'll post pics later as soon as I have more time.
ily
~Belinda


Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, February 16, 2012

I'm really, really sick of this whole eating disorder thing. Not mine (I'd like to think I eat somewhat decently) but America's. The only people who approve of stick-thin bodies are fashion designers who make millions of dollars marketing that image. I know because I was stick thin in high school and NOBODY told me I was pretty or cute or sexy except two guys, one that left me for some other chick a week after we starting dating and another that was constantly trying to change me in other ways (accusing me of not being free-spirited for not flashing my tits at cars, for instance.) Lesbians/straight guys/the world/whoever you're trying to please don't want skeletons, they want tits and butts and hips and thighs and maybe even a bit of belly fat. Now, I'm not saying skinny people are oppressed because they're not by any means, but it's definitely one of those grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side type of things.

I spent most of my teenage years wishing I had boobs and a butt, and now that I do, I feel great, but as I continue to age and my metabolism continues to slow down, I'll most likely one day find myself wishing to be as skinny as I was in high school. That's just the way it is. :/

ANYWAY. Not much else to report on. Watched a bunch of stuff about how the Illumanati runs the music industry and now I'm scared to death to listen to anything, so I'ma give up listening to secular music for Lent. (Which starts next Wednesday in case anyone cares.) Also, Katsucon starts tomorrow. Should probably print out those tickets. Hmmm... Yup.

ily
~Belinda
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, February 13, 2012

Ughhhhhhhhh. I really don't wanna go to health.
''''-___- I'm allergic to it. Makes me feel like hellll...th. (sorry. Pun addiction.)

So what can I say? Guilt complex. Frustration. Don't really know where to go from here. I'm at the point where I wish the world would just freeze and give me a second, a minute, an hour, a month to breath. I don't want to read text books and memorize facts and blurt out trivia. I want to discuss and think and feel and write.

Education sure ain't what it used to be.... if it ever was.

All I want to do is write. Why do I have to have a college degree to do that?

ily
~Belinda
Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Kinda wanna clip my nipples off and sow my vagina shut. If I died in the process, I'd consider it a plus.

God may forgive me, but I can't... I'm so, so sorry.

ily
~Belinda
Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Having a very lazy morning. Kind of forcing myself to write. I'm not necessarily blocked, I just don't feel like doing it. :/

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH... My back hurts.

Stephy, I completely agree with you. These days, everybody has at least one disorder. I don't think there's such a thing as a "normal" person anymore--if there ever was. People say cavemen didn't have things like OCD or ADD, but I think some did and there just wasn't a name for it yet. :/

afkfhksjkfjak... I don't wanna go to speech class. '-___- It's boring. I feel like I should still be in bed. Blerrrgh.
ily
~Belinda
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

So tired.... I notice I'm always tired now. I guess that means I'm doing something right. lol

Could someone please explain to me Heraclitus's theory of change? In juxtaposition to Perminedes's(sp?) theory of sameness? No, nevermind, my head might explode.

Anyway, last post. Basically, I was looking up some stuff about ADHD because both I and Josh have it so I figure our kids will as well. Well, I found a bunch of articles describing symptoms and difficulties and even a non-profit organization about ADHD awareness. That's all well and good, but the way it was described made ADHD sound like some terrible, serious, incredibly limiting disease like a severe, mental retardation. And maybe for some people that's how it is, but for me and for all the people I know who have it, it's not, it's just a condition we happen to have--like blue eyes or a high-pitched voice.

So, you know, when I came across this literature that implied to have ADHD was to be abnormal and seriously impaired, I was deeply disturbed. I felt less than human, almost if that makes any sense--like a test subject, something to be studied and kept in captivity and not necessarily respected. That's how the poem came to be.

And anyway, I just want to say something here and now on the chance I'll never get to say it again--I am not my disorder. I am not a statistic or an ongoing study or a member of some sort of sub-human alian race. I am a human being--a damn capable and competent one at that. (Maybe not always capable and competent, but in general, yeah.) And I don't want to be treated as anything less. I don't think anybody does, and I wish all these scientists and doctors and every other patronizing person would understand that.

There's a lot more I could say about being "normal" and what the hell that even means, but I think you get the gist.
ily
~Belinda
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, February 6, 2012

Completely Normal
Put me on medication because of the size of my eyes.
Keep me in a box on a wheel chair because my forehead is too wide.
"Madame, could you tell us what these ink blots mean to you?"
"Miss, are you aware your hands are one and a half inches below regulation size?"
"It's okay, baby, just tell the nice lady about the primal scenes and the nice men in white coats will lead you to your room."
I am just fine.
(Down hospital-white, anaseptic-scented, flourescent lit hallways.)
I am just fine.
(With my arms buckled into a tight X over the heart they're sure might implode any second.)
I
(In a yellow, sponge-walled room with plexiglass windows.)
am
(With them staring at me, talking to each other behind their hands.)
just
(Making notes, endless notes.)
fine (?)

~Belinda
Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, February 5, 2012

My brain's beating like doldrums.

I feel like I've get a Velcro wall inside my head and everything that goes in stays in until it's all one big, blaring, indistinguishable mess.

It hurts. Every sound and sight and beam of light hurts. I just want to split my skull open and shake it all out. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. rfhieruafhiosahfoi I can't even remember how it started.

Took some head ache pills. Maybe that'll help. Maybe there's just an invisible hatchet stuck in my brain. I don't know.... I need to get out of here. Get away from myself. I'm so tired.
ily
~Belinda
Comments (0) | Permalink