Saturday, February 4, 2012

I'm soo tired of this. Having the urge to please people but at the same time knowing its hopeless. Joshes dad doesn't like me and he probably never will. I've tried to be polite and greet him whenever I see him and clean up after myself whenever I make the slightest mess, but its never good enough. I'm never good enough.

So fuck it. I'll keep my mouth shut and be civil, but I'm done trying. He's just going to have to deal with the fact that me and his son are in love and I'm not going anywhere/ Anyway, this keyboard is really pissing me off so I'ma get off now.
ily
~Belinda
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Friday, February 3, 2012

Woke up thinking about Bob Dylan and oral sex. Ever wonder why cock-sucker and pussy-eater have completely different connotations?

Just to go on speaking of genitalia, I think everybody needs to get over theirs. God is a man AND a women--a hermaphrodite, literally. I mean, if He/She made both man and women--and in my world He/She did--then it only makes sense that He/She would have both masculine and feminine qualities and be able to embody both. Strictly speaking, though, God is a spirit and has no physical body and therefore has no genitalia anyway so nobody can really define Him/Her as any particular sex, but people being people and having a pathological obsession with gender roles, I suppose He/She has to be defined as one of the two. The only reason I think God is referred to most often as He is because when The Torah and the Bible were written, people were even less comfortable with the idea of an intersexed and/or part-female deity than they are now, which is very odd considering how many goddesses there are in all the religions of the ancient world, and the Greeks even had a version of the creation story were men and women were originally created as one entity, but Aphrodite or somebody was jealous of their unity or something and seperated them. :/

My mind is a bit of a river at the moment--everything flowing out at once.

I'm taking a women's studies course this semester. At first, I was really nervous because I figured I'd be surrounded by a bunch of stereo-typical angry, religion-hating, Planned Parenthood-worshipping feminists, but that's really not how it is at all. I relate to my teacher a lot more than I thought I would. She's a fun, eclectic older white women with dreadlocks who vaguely resembles Professor Trawlawny(sp?) and teaches a women's self-defense class. She's married and is a doting grandmother.She's as loving and as fun and as understanding as any women, really. I'm still a bit nervous about what will happen when we start learning about abortion and expressing our views on it, but I at least feel that my views will be respected now.

I just wish there was room for feminists in the feminist movement who believe in equality of the sexes but who don't think equality should be synomous(sp?) with sameness and shouldn't be built on pills and abortion and anger and hatred. That said, while my beliefs about abortion are parallel with those of the Catholic church, I do approve of contraceptives. In my opinion, a person is a person from the moment of conception, not from the moment of erection. There's a difference between fetuses/babies and sperm/bacteria. Plus, so far all the accounts of abortion written from the female point of view have been filled with regret and sorrow, but none of the accounts of females using contraceptives; and there are forms of birth control that the Catholic Church does condone. I think it's called Natural Family Planning? Look it up. It's pretty interesting.

Anyway, what I'm trying is I wish there was a middle ground, some way I could reconcile my feminist beliefs with my Catholic ones, but there doesn't appear to be. lol I guess I'm going to be the first Jesus Freak Feminist? I don't know. There's gotta be a better way to word that. XD Suggestions for a better name?

ily
~Belinda
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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I don't know who I am anymore. I used to have a very vague idea, but then everybody started calling me something different and now I'm just really confused.

I was almost positive that I was no longer The Girl with Blue Hair, but The Girl Who Temporarily Dyes Her Hair Blue For an Anime Convention/Role Because Wigs are too Expensive... Now I'm really not so sure. I don't like it. I had these thoughts once before after my application to art school got rejected because for the longest time I didn't feel like a legitimate artist, but I thought at the time the thoughts of endless doubt and uncertainty would go away once I got over myself and they did, but this time is different. I don't have any notions of self-centeredness or self-importance, I just am honestly at a loss for how to define myself. I guess it's time for me to find myself, but I have no clue where to look or how.I honestly don't even completely know what that means. To find myself. What am I, a lost pair of glasses?

I don't see why I can't just let myself find me, if that makes any sense. Probably doesn't. Oh well.

I gotta get ready for class.
ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, January 22, 2012

It's freezing in here. >.< Oyyy... For some reason, no matter how big the fire is in the fireplace down here, the area by the computer is always freezing in the winter.

I'm sleepy. Dizzy. Stiff. Semi-automatic. Why does my medication always make me feel worse? Not that I can complain with the grades it gives me. Supposed to see Josh today, but I have no idea when. His best friend seems to have latched himself onto his house and won't leave.

Did everybody die during the week again? It's like a tomb in here.

I'd find something amusing to post, but I'm half dead so... beleeeeaaahhh.
ily
~Belinda
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Saturday, January 21, 2012

It snowed here last night. This vanilla chai tastes like liquid peanut butter. 0.o

Stuck inside for the second day in a row. OHHH, CABIN FEVER.

I meant to bleach all of my hair, Corn, but I fucked up and got it all streaky, so most of my hair actually looks black now. #ohwellz.

Last week of freedom before I go back to school. Part of me is looking forward to it, part of me is dreading it, part of me is scared shitless. (I'm bored, lazy, and neurotic.)

I'ma TRY to play Sims 3 today, but it keeps glitching and lagging and freezing up, so I don't know how far I'll get. :P Oyy. Need a new topic to write about. Last topic was the leg lamp from a Christmas Story. This one:


Any ideas for a new topic?
ily
~Belinda
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Friday, January 20, 2012

PICTURE TIME, PEOPLE.


Lookin sexy. Soakin up the bleach.

Bleachin.

Bleachin.

Bleachin.

Bleached. At this point, I was really pissed because I meant to bleach my whole head, but as you can see, it's streaky as hell.

Valerie with a mustache.

Me with a moustache. And goatee. HAWT.

The baaaaaad case of Smurf hand after I put in the dye.(It was also all over my other hands and face and neck and back.)

The finished product. Prolly get a better picture later--try putting my school girl uniform on again now that I have the hair. I don't know. :/

ily
~Belinda




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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I want to say something clever and witty and ballsy to certain high-class douchebags who will ask me in the distant future what the hell I was on when I dyed my hair blue. Unfortunately, due to either my inability to come up with snappy comebacks in a timely manner, my extreme pussy-mouthedness, or my pathological craving of approval, this will probably not come to pass. So I've prepared a list of responses that I am now going to list here so all my attitude and frustration don't completely go to waste.

Here we go.

LIST OF RESPONSES TO THE INANE QUESTION "OHMYGAWD, EW, BELINDA, WHY IS YOUR HAIR BLUE?!":

1. Because I like it that way, and being that it is MY hair, not YOURS, my opinion is the only one that matters. Now shut the fuck up and drink your Koolaid.

2. Because there's an anime convention in town in a few weeks and Josh and I are dressing up as anime characters for it. My character, Kaname Chidori(sp?), has blue hair and I could not find a wig that costs a reasonable amount of money, so I decided to be practical and spend 10 bucks on a complete hair-coloring package which included gloves, bleach, instructions, applicator, AND instructions. Technically, it's for theatrical purposes, and I am technically just being theatrical, so you have no business disrespecting me for it.

3. Hey, bitch, do I open MY big fat mouth every time I think YOU look like shit? No. Sit down and eat your turkey, honey.

4. OHMYGAWD, EW, [INSERT NAME HERE], WHAT IS THAT THING ON YOUR FACE?!... Whoops. Sorry. That's just your face.


Yeah... I'm just a little bit angry this evening. I am through trying to impress completely stupid people who I myself don't even like. I know a whole battalion of people that will attest to my awesomeness and, buddy, if you're too stupid to see it, that's your problem, not mine.

I'm gonna go drink some tea. If you guys ever need someone to attest to any of your awesomeness, count me in. :)
ily
~Belinda
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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I just had an AWESOME dream. I was the director for voice actors of this anime I had written a million years ago when I was in 6th, 7th grade maybe? Even though I don't write about this anime very often, all the characters are still in my mind and all their situations still play out in my mind from time to time. Anyway, it was awesome.

Question: If life were a John Hughes movie, who would you be?

I would most likely be the really geeky, teenage girl with glasses and braces and the alien headgear and a pony tail held back with a scrunchie. lol The thought just came to me this morning. I have an urge to watch 16 Candles now. lol
ily
~Belinda
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Friday, January 13, 2012

Sorry. I know all of you guys are busy with work and school and stuff I probably should be doing, but I get a little self-absorbed when I'm writing. Writer's Ego. Occupational hazard. :/

I'm really sleepy for some reason. I think I might have gotten too much sleep. Everything is foggy.

Prolly gonna go play Sims now. Might paint my nails later. Emma got these really pretty bottles of glittery nail polish for Christmas. :)
ily
~Belinda
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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Wow. Thanks for the editing, you guys. That was really helpful. '-___-
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