Friday, April 15, 2011

SO...
What happened with me and Margaret was I saw her on Wednesday and she mostly ignored me, but every now and again I caught a snippet of conversation about her little brother or about her friends, who I also consider myself friends with, and I realized how much I missed being her confidantem, her ride or die, her partner in crime.
I couldn't say anything right then though because quite frankly I just didn't have the guts to do it in person so I sent her a text on the way home that said "I miss you."
She responded with "Oh really? Well, you sure have an interesting way of showing it."
And I apologized, repeating again that I missed confiding in her and having her confide in me and she basically blew up,
went into a whole giant fit of "Well, you never should have told me to screw off!"--which I didn't, by the way. I merely said we needed distance because I was getting tired of all the fighting about Josh--"I was just leaving you alone like you asked!"

And I apologized AGAIN, saying I'd done that because I thought her intentions in harassing me about Josh were to ruin our relationship so she could have me all to herself like it's been for the past year--which she seems to prefer.

"That's a very low-minded way of thinking of me. You should know by now I'm not self-centered. And I was only saying that you could do better."

I said I thought she could do better too, because at honestly she's an amazing girl and deserves somebody every bit as amazing as her and her boyfriend, although epic, is not.

"DON'T. YOU. DARE compare my boyfriend to yours. Mine has a job and straight A's, yours is unemployed and failed his classes and is a critical, mean bastard."

First of all, there are a lot of people who have jobs and straight A's and are complete psychotic losers, so those little labels she's so proud of don't mean a damn thing.
Second of all, I NEVER in any way, shape, or form verbally attacked her boyfriend, so I don't know she was so defensive--and offensive for that matter.

But at that point I was just too tired and miserable to say anything, so I cried myself to sleep and went to school late the next morning.

I then explained to her what I meant in that last text and she said
"Well, it didn't come out that way!"
Like it's my fault she was being a paranoid, arrogant bitch.

Anyway, I then asked if we could discuss this in person or over the phone.
Her response: "I guess, but even texting is fine. You just have to try harder to see things from my point of view."

In other words, she'd much rather see me walk on eggshells and bend over backwards to please her and give her every excuse in the world to lash out at her.
All I replied with, though, was:

I know, but I'm tired of saying the wrong thing and offending you and crying myself to sleep because of it.

And she said:
"Well. I'M not saying the wrong thing. I'm telling you the honest truth. YOU'RE just not owning up to what you did/said to me."

This is the point where I blew up last night.

After about five minutes of unsuccessful attempts to calm myself down, I finally keyed back:
"Fine. I abandoned you. There. Happy?"

And I haven't checked my phone yet to see what she said back, but franklly I don't really care.
We're done.

Clearly, my only mistake was even trying to apologize in the first place.

So I guess you guys, my family, Josh, and a couple people at school are my only friends now.
ily
~Belinda
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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Had a fight with Margaret last night.
I told her I missed her and she bitched me out for saying distancing myself from her in the first place and for my boyfriend and for getting upset when I started crying because of it.
*sigh* Thus the drama continues.
Gotta go. Bell just rung
ily
~Belinda
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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Saturday and Sunday night performances of the play were amazing.

I'm so incredibly proud of all my cast members and my teachers. I understand now why we all worked so hard.

Words cannot even begin to describe how wonderful it feels to come together as a group of artists and create something amazing.

I'm proud of myself--and for once I feel like I don't have to justify it.

Yesterday and today are pretty eh. :/ Not much to report. Stayed home sick yesterday because I was so sick and worn out from the play.
And today is of course a bunch of make-up work bullshit. It's not as bad as I thought it would be though.

Hanging out with Josh today. Hopefully that'll be fun
ily
~Belinda
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Saturday, April 9, 2011

No. I'm not okay, but I'm trying to be.

Opening night of the play was last night and it was great but I was a disaster. Almost fell down the stairs on stage.

I'MAFAIL. :/

Got a real nice stage wound. My ankle almost started bleeding. It's not broken though, which means I will have the pleasure of doing it all over again tonight! :D Hoo. Fuckin. Rah.

I think it's because everyone told me good luck (which is bad luck) and to break a leg (I almost did). So wish me a great big steaming pile of merde, everyone. :)

Although now I'm deathly afraid of getting a giant case of projectile diarrhea onstage... >_>

I JUST CAN'T WIN!!!!

Hanging with Margaret later.

My parents need to get out of their room so I can shower.
I'm still soaked in last night's fail juice. >.<
ily
~Belinda
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Thursday, April 7, 2011

My grave-robber, constant caller.
Break into my crypt, break into my body, my mind,
Empty my eyes.
Would you like me better beneath the ground than beneath the sheets?

Why won't someone just close my eyes?
Close your mouth.
You'll catch flies.

Face down in the mud, can't remember to breath,
Can't remember why.
Are you alive yet, are you alive yet?
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Thursday, March 31, 2011

I am dead.

Sick, overworked, eyes are burning, the days not even over, I haven't done a damn thing and I'm already stressed.gghfihdityuidtyiififti7578td5f76y88r6r8

So. DAMN. TIREDDDDD.

"Never again, never again,
They fired two shots to the back of our heads
and we're/ all/dead/ now."

'-____________________________________________-

Oy. Kill me.
ily
~Belinda
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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sweeney Todd in Ten Minutes

NARRORATOR: As our story begins, we see Benjamin Barker with his wife and child. Mr. Barker was the best bar—

PIRELLI interrupting NARRORATOR: Pardon me, Ma'am. I was just walking by and could not help but notice you have a bit of an, ah, um... Well, a bit of a [stage whisper] bald spot. [With bravado] Might I, your humble Pirelli, interest you in a bottle of my miracle hair-growth elixir?

NARRORATOR: Uh, thank you, Mr. Pirelli, but you see I'm kind of in the middle of something here so—

PIRELLI interrupting NARRORATER: Very well! [Turns to address audience] What about you, ma'am? Or you sir? Don't be shy, there's enough for everyone! [Starts singing] 'TIS PIRELLI'S MIRACLE ELIXIR. THIS'LL DO THE TRICK, SIR. TRUE, SIR, TRUE. WAS IT QUICK, SIR? DID IT IN A TICK, SIR. JUST LIKE AN ELIXIR OUGHT TO—

NARRORATOR, while PIRELLI is singing, sneaks up behind him and slashes his throat with a knife.

NARRORATOR: Ugh! I hate product placement! Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Mr. Barker was the best barber in town. He had the prettiest wife and baby. How sweet [smile]. A happy family as you can see. [Slyly] But for every happy story there is always a villain. Judge Marley was jealous of Mr. Barker and wanted his wife and child. And soooo he did what he does best. [Beat] He got what he wanted. He sent his assistant, Twiddle, to send Benjamin Barker away in exile on false charges. But Barker returned with a soul burning for revenge—especially upon hearing his wife is dead and his daughter is now a young girl living with Marley. Once consumed with such rage, there is no turning back. You become a different person. Barker became a different person—Sweeney Todd, a demon barber filled with nothing but bitter hatred. You reap the consequences for having such vengeance in your heart. [Exits]

TODD pantomimes out scene with wife and baby

SCENE 1, ACT I

MRS. LOVET: Mr. Todd! My meat pie business is absolutely wonderful thanks to our great team work, love!

TODD: That's great. [Emotionlessly] Mr. Twiddle is coming today. We have to prepare for his arrival. [Beat] You should prepare a pie for him.

MRS. LOVET: Alright, love. Anything for you. [Yells] Toby! Where are you?

TOBY walks in with a towel, wiping his hands

TOBY: Here, ma'am.

MRS. LOVET: Get a pie ready and heat up the stove. We will be having company.

TOBY: Yes, ma'am. [Heats up stove in back]

MR. TWIDDLE walks in with a cane and an evil grin

MR. TWIDDLE: Hello, Mr. Todd. I came for that special shave you gave me last time. I have been looking a bit rough around the edges.

TODD: [smiling] Right this way, Mr. Twiddle. [singing] YOU, SIR. YOU SIR, HOW ABOUT A SHAVE? COME AND VISIT YOUR GOOD FRIEND SWEENEY. YOU SIR, TOO, SIR? WELCOME TO THE GRAVE. I WILL HAVE VENGENCE! I WILL HAVE SALVATION! WHO, SIR? YOU SIR? NO ONE'S IN THE CHAIR... [Slashes Twiddle's throat. Beat. Comes down from his shop]

MRS. LOVET: Are you alright, love?

TODD: No, not until I have Marley's throat in my grasp. [Tiredly] Toby, please clean up the pie. Mr. Twiddle won't be eating today. [Mutter] Or ever again. [Exits]

TOBY: Why did he change his mind, ma'am?

MRS. LOVET: He just wasn't that hungry, my dear.

TOBY: I don't trust Mr. Todd, ma'am. He doesn't care about you the way I do. [beat] I will take care of you. If he ever hurt you I would kill him. [Looks at her seriously] I would.

MRS. LOVET smiles at him emotionally.

NARRORATOR: Creepy, isn't it. [shudders] Well, do you think Mr. Todd got what he wanted? [Motions back to scene 2.]

SCENE 2

TODD, excited: Finally! He is coming! Judge Marley is coming! [beat] Ha ha, Mrs. Lovet! He is coming, he is coming, my revenge is almost complete! He will be here any minute. [Toby walks in.] Toby, my boy, will you prepare a pie for Minister Marley? He will be joining us today.

TOBY: Yes, Mr. Todd. [Goes to heat up pie.]

MARLEY, entering: Hello, Mr. Todd.

TODD: Hello, your honor.

MARLEY: Hm.

TODD: Leave us.

MRS. LOVET watches from the window and calls TOBY over silently to leave with her

TODD and MARLEY sing “Pretty Women (Reprise)”

SCENE 3

NARROTATOR: Look who found out a dirty little secret. [Smiles and looks at scene 3, steps back.]

MRS. LOVET, panicking: Todd, my love, I'm sorry I didn't tell you your wife was alive. I'm sorry I lied, I really am! But I did it for us! I wanted to be with you!

TODD, furious: YOU LIED TO ME! [Slyly] You want to be with me? [They start to dance] Forever and ever?

MRS. LOVET: Yes. [beat] Yes. [beat] Yes.

TODD throws her into the furnace and MRS. LOVET dies painfully. TODD kneels down next to his dead wife. TOBY is watching and goes to grab the shaving knife

TODD: Don't I know you, she says. My wife... [beat] She was my wife.[emotionally] I'm sorry, my love. I'm sorry.

TOBY slashes the back of MR. TODD'S neck and he dies.

NARROTATOR: Revenge. Isn't it a powerful thing? Mr. Todd killed his own wife and almost killed his own daughter. In the end, he was killed by his own blade. A perfect ending to a tragic tale.

Everyone bows
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UFDFSEKRGVFWEBVUAIWEBCAW... I'M SO BORED!!!! >.<
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Monday, March 28, 2011

So I figured out how I lived without him all these years: Margaret.

We actually had a conversation the other day. I don't think she's trying to be petty, I just think she's worried about it.

I think blowjobs are bad luck for me. I've only given them twice, but every time I do, something goes wrong. :P

Rehearsal is 6 to 9 today. '-__- Argh.

Apparently, I've changed a bit in the past couple months. I'm really not sure if that's such a bad thing though.

Haven't written anything creative/serious in a while. SHAME!!!! >.< Yuu have no idea. I don't even have an excuse.... Not a good one anyway. I lied to Marg about the play.

Told her it was this weekend to avoid looking like a douche for not going on this weekend retreat.

Honestly, I just don't want to give up a weekend with Josh, but I'm afraid to tell her that, because I know she'll berate the hell out of me. ARGH. But I hate lying to her. I've never done it before this. '-___-

Gotta go. I'm late for my jog to Kenosha.
ily
~Belinda
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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Waiting for my therapist to log on skype so we can have our little video therapy session thing. She's almost half an hour late, which is not like her at all.

I checked my email and she didn't say anything about a cancellation. :/ *siiiigh* confuzzlingness.

Sweeney Todd in Ten Minutes actually turned pretty good. Everyone ended up committing to it at the last minute and let me tell you, they DELIVERED.
It was a bit rough in some places because not everybody knew all their lines and we didn't get to block it as much as we would've liked to, but considering we only had a week to work on it, it was pretty good.

I ended up getting a costume for my Mrs. Lovet part from my friend Molly. I got to wear a corset! My boobies looked amazing. :)

Also, saw Sucker Punch with Josh the other day. It was really good, but parts of it made me cry. The story's a lot deeper than the eye candy would have you believe.
It's kind of like a live action anime, but better.
I recommend seeing it, like NOW.
SHAMELESS PLUGGING, OH EM GEE!!!

No idea what I'm doing today. :/ Might hang with Josh again.

Oyyyyyyy, the world feels so perfect in his arms. I really can't figure out how I lived without him all these years.

I really hope we never break up because if we do, I don't think I'll ever be the same.
ily
~Belinda
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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I hate people.

Especially divas and divas who won't text me back about divas. '-___-

Me, Savannah, and maybe Tyler are the only ones who give a damn about Sweeney Todd in Ten Minutes. Everyone else is completely unfocused and unmotivated. All they wanna do is talk and laugh and make people laugh, and if our script/story had no potential whatsoever, I wouldn't mind a bit, but it does. It could be AMAZING if people were actually fucking trying, but no one is and no one wants to and it's enough to make me want to strangle the bitches. '-___-

Also, hung out with Margaret on Sunday. Everything was pretty much exactly as it was before the whole thing with Josh, but that's mostly because no one brought him up.
Anyway, I found out we don't have to completely disown each other after all, which is good.

Anyway, my thumbs are REALLY sore, so I'ma stop typing liiike...
ily
~Belinda
...NOW.
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