Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Hearts
Now I’m not saying I’m not human and I’m not saying I won’t mess up
Because darling, you know I am and you know I will—I don’t know how not to.
But don’t you think for one minute that just because I kiss his lips as opposed to only Your crucifix that I love him more than You.
Even if I tried, in the midst of all these translucent and trivial valentines, I could never lose sight of Your burning heart and bleeding side.
Without him, I’m a wreck, but without You, I’m dead.
And I know this sounds strange because every word I’m praised for is Yours and I can only take credit for my mistakes, but with every cliché, my intention’s to say I love You and no matter how weak my flesh is, I promise my spirit is always willing.
Like a hose to a water balloon, You fill me to bursting.
Whether society makes me their David or their Stephan, the best thing I could possibly be is Yours

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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Last night Josh told me I was breath-taking. If that was the case, I had to wonder, then, why was he breathing so hard?

I met his ex the other day at play rehearsal. I freaked out a bit because her reaction was "he's GROSS!! He has a small wiener!" I was half-tempted to say "Well, I don't really plan on doing anything with his wiener and even if I did, I have an even smaller vagina, so..." But I resisted. XD

Anyway, he picked me up after play rehearsal, we went to the mall to kill some time, and then we went over to his house and watched Kick Ass and a good chunk of Sweeny Todd.

We basically dry-humped through the majority of Kick Ass--his dick sure as hell didn't feel small--and I completely fail-whaled at Poker Facing as per usual. I mean, for the first twenty minutes I was an absolute ice-queen, but I gradually started to crumble and then I just... Yeah, I was gone. >_> lol

Anyway, it was really nice. I think I like cuddling with him more than I like making out, because when we're snuggling we're more loving than sexual, but I definitely enjoyed it.

I'm seeing him again today, but my best friend Margaret will be with us so we're probably just going to cuddle. :)
ily
~Belinda
P.S. Am I talking too much about Josh on here? Are you guys getting annoyed? Because just say so and I'll stop, but I honestly consider you all my very best friends and I feel like this is a very important moment in my life that I want you all to be involved or at least informed in. But if it's annoying, just say the word and I'll shut up about him.
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Friday, February 25, 2011

@Sara: I actually live in Baltimore County in a suburb called Perry Hall, but I'm sure there are plenty of people on our police force who "belong behind bars" according to the last post. And, there's no such thing as TMI on the internet! Psych. X) But seriously, don't worry about it.

@Emily: Like, I know, gurl, I know!

So it's Friday and I seriously must be channeling Paris Hilton because I'm in total dumb blond mode. I don't know what it is, but I cringe at every other word that comes out of my mouth. Basically, it's one of those days where I can't do anything right.
In which case, play rehearsal should be very interesting. '^^

Our raving lunatic of a choreographer is going to try to teach us three dances in three and a half hours. Yeah, there goes my pride...

I mean, don't get me wrong, I can dance. I can freestyle--but I fail-whale all across the universe when it comes to learning choreography.

In Joshua/Silly Banana/Ninja Muffin news, I need to do some serious Poker Facing and/or vamping. We text each other all day and call each other every night and I'm always tired and I never get anything done anymore and I'm depending on him WAAAAY too much WAAAAAY too early.

I just don't want this to be a symbiotic relationship like how it was with Shaun. I want to still be able to be my own person this early in the game.

Another thing that bothers me is he refuses to commit. Like, it's been about two weeks since we started kissing/cuddling on a weekly basis and he already admitted to falling for me on multiple occasions and he still refuses to call himself or be called my boyfriend.

I mean it's damn obvious this is turning into something serious. We're way past the point of no return. I don't understand his hesitence.

ARRRRRRRGH!!! Boys are stupid. '-__-
~Belinda
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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I just found out that blowjobs are illegal in Maryland.

No wonder Baltimore is so fucked up--the entire police force must be behind bars. XD

ily
~Belinda
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Monday, February 21, 2011

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
And I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

These lyrics PERFECTLY describe how I feel about Josh right now. He teased the hell out of me for nearly three hours and I loved and hated every second of it.

*sigh* I think I'm gone, guys. Fr srs. All I ever want to be anymore is with him.

This is either love or a bitch of an obsession and I'm pretty damn sure it's the former.

Oy... Lord, save us all.

ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Good news: I resisted buying hair dye.
Bad news: I blew all my money on make-up.
More bad news: My best firend's dad got into a car accident. He's not mortally injured, but he thinks he broke his nose.

and now it's raining. and now Josh is talking to me on the phone... in an Australian accent.
Yeah, I'm gone.
ily
~Belinda
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Saturday, February 19, 2011

So. Hung out with Josh yesterday for about six hours and kissing him is like being struck by lightening and Margarets mad at me because I told her to relax when she asked if I was alright, and mom expressed disappointment over not getting to meet Josh because due to his impeccable timing he got to my house right after my dad left and right before my mom came home and Valerie's mad at me because I didn't get to play with her at all yesterday, and, and, and....

Yeah.
Here's a poem. (I'm already writing poetry about him. Oh, Lord help me! '-__-)

You're so electric that this isn't even a relationship, it's electro-shock therapy.
I'm so dolled up that this isn't even a date, it's a game of house.
All-out sensual, semi-sexual cat and mouse.
But that's okay because I could never take anything seriously anyway
and since love is a game of give and take and I don't have anything left to give, maybe we're better off with just games.

ily
~Belinda
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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

ARRRRRRGH!!!! '-__-
I can't sleep. Now that I'm finally home, after being exhausted all day, I can't sleep. Really, is it any wonder why I never go to bed without Melatonin?

I think I was a coke whore in another life because even though I've always been straight edge, I've been craving some really hard-core drugs lately. Luckily, I don't have the money or the courage to do them so I'm safe.

Oyyy... Angst.
Never trust anyone who says "trust me."
Honestly, I'm a compulsive liar lying amongst the salt of the earth so a grain of salt to take these words with shouldn't be hard to find.
He keeps me up all night and drops me off in the graveyard only to tell me to get some sleep.
He's my crack and my morphine
"Take these pills to offset the shakes,
Take it a day at a time to offset the pills."
Panic! kids at the back of my mind,
giving me directions to the Disco
It's the only safe place to burn away these days.
Why can't the Fever swallow me just one more time?
I don't mind the Sweat because life's always Odd, but seldom Pretty, and I'm just so tired of playing with words that won't play with me back.

ily
~Belinda
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Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy singles awareness day, everyone.
On this very special day, I am going to try to seduce you all with what is possibly the sexiest love song ever written.
Here it is:

Enjoy!
*but please do not cum on the carpet*

I've been texting Josh. I'm supposed to go over his house on Saturday for a belated anti-Valentines day feast. :) He's making burgers.
We're not officially going out, but I can tell he likes me hardcore so who knows. :/

In other news, my bff has been fighting with her boyfriend a lot lately and she's been really depressed so I'm not sure how much longer they're going to last. Which is unfortunate, because Jeff's a great guy, but oh well. What can you do.

Also, my 5-year-old sister Valerie is already caught in a love triangle. XD A kid at her day care gave her a stuffed dog today, but a week ago or so another kid told her that he fell in love with her. XD
*sigh* Dayum.

ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, February 13, 2011

Well... I hung out with my friend Josh for most of the afternoon yesterday and with him, Margaret, and some other people to dinner and a movie and... he kissed me.

I guess I should have seen it coming because he kept saying things like "you're adorable" and "you're beautiful" and he kept touching and hugging me, but... Well, I didn't.

He just got dumped by his girlfriend on Friday so I didn't expect to flirt with me hard-core like he did, but he did, and the only thing that bothers me is the possibility of me being a replacement.

I don't want to get my hopes up, but I'm so fucking happy. I've never had anyone as cool as him like me like that before. Like, I know he's not perfect, but somehow that doesn't seem to matter because when we're together, we just flow, if that makes any sense. There's no awkwardness, no discomfort, just this natural, steady rhythm of conversation and laughter.

He's like a best friend that I can snuggle with. XD

*sigh* Please let this last. It's been so damn long since anyone held me like that.
ily
~Belinda
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