Saturday, February 12, 2011

Well, I got second place in the poetry slam, which made me feel great, but then I went to school the next day and found out almost no one cared, which made me feel less than great. I wonder what would've happened if I'd won.

Honestly, I think I could've, but by the time it was my last turn, I only had two poems left and they weren't really slammable.
So I decided I'd just read my poem about God and let the other girl, Beatrice win.
I didn't regret it at the time, but looking back, I probably should have just made something up on the spot.
ily
~Belinda
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Thursday, February 10, 2011

Poetry slam is TONIGHT, everybody.
There are about 12 contestents including me and they're all amazing so wish me luck. This is my senior year, so I'll never have another chance to compeat.

We're sitting around in school now, waiting to draw straws or something to decide who goes first. I am HELLA fuckin nervous but I know either way though it's going to be awesome.

Lol I have been at school all day... Or at least since about 7 in the morning--and I'm not going home until nine o'clock at night. *sigh* I really will miss these days... This happy, satisfied exhaustion.
If there's nothing like this in college or "the real world," I am going to be very miserable.
ily
~Belinda
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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Shoes are cool because they're shiny and prevent blisters. They also hold the potential to make the wearer look like either a teacher, a business women, a hooker, or all three, which in my mind is always a plus.
The end.
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   This is my baby sister Valerie's favorite emoticon
*OYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY*
I am so tireddddddd.
My baby sister is reading over my shoulder... If she could read. (She's only 5.)She also wants me to tell you that she had a Cars birthday cake.

Anywaaaaaaaaaaay, I just got back from play practice. It was actually a lot of fun, but twas tiring.

And now Valerie's dragging me over to the WII to play Legend of Zelda: Windwaker so she can watch.
*EPICSIGH* Well, it's a tough job, but somebody has to do it. Oh, how shall I survive?
ily
~Belinda
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Friday, February 4, 2011

Not much to post at the moment.
Today was way better than yesterday and my mommy's making Shrimp Tortellini now so the whole house smells Italian.

And this is going to sound incredibly obvious, but I learned today that you really can't judge people by their looks. This girl, who at first glance appears to be epitome of preppy--loud, obnoxious, Hollister-clad, cheer leader--is actually really cool. We actually have a lot in common. A lot more than I thought we did, anyway.

She's bookish and quirky like me, but in a different way. I'm not sure how to explain it.

Anyway, I'm happy. :)
Everyone have a good weekend.
ily
~Belinda
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Thursday, February 3, 2011

So today was pretty FML.

I got flogged with makeup work and unwanted criticism, got stressed, got frustrated, got lonely, almost quit the play, got talked out of it by The Singing Teacher Guy, Mr. Pusatary, sung my lungs out at play practice until my throat was about to bleed, devoured a Snickers bar--the first chocolate I've eaten in about a year,--got picked up by my dad, got more depressed on the ride home, started crying, got home, and raced to my room, where I collapsed on my floor, sobbing violently, until my mommy came and consoled me and told me stupid jokes.

And... It's the guy thing again. I know it's stupid and immature and... stupidly immature, but I'm tired of being ignored by the entire male race. It's not even about the lust anymore, I just want someone to talk to and hold my hand and hold me together when I feel like I'm about to fall apart. But I don't want just anyone, I want...someone who's perfect for me.

And I know that kind of stuff takes time and I should just shut up and be patient and not think about it, and all I want to do is get over it and move on with my life, but... I can't. It's like an old wound. Every time I think it's healed and try to move, it just opens again and bleeds and bleeds and bleeds.


*siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.*
I'm so tired.

That enough angst for everyone? No? Me neither.
Here's a video

This video is so beautiful. It makes me cry every time. :) You all are perfect to me.
GROUP HUG, EVERYONE!!!
~Belinda
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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Didn't go to school today.
Had a really bad panic attack in the morning. My mind was racing so fast it felt like it was going to rupture, my heart was beating so hard that I almost couldn't breath, and my lungs felt like they were about to collapse.

Then, for whatever reason, I started thinking of babies. Specifically, my future ones. As I thought more and more about it, I fell more and more in love with the idea until I was crying tears of joy and writing a passionate love letter to my future first born.

Yup. :/ Just your typical morning.

After I told my mom about it, she tried to persuade me to go to school, but I was too exhausted and too afraid I might have another panic attack once I got to school.

So instead she called my shrink, who was too busy to talk to me at the time and still has yet to call us back.

At this point, I'm just resting in the aftermath of it all. I don't know why, but my bones feel like they've been stretched to their limit. My body feels so heavy and bloated and I've barely eaten anything all day.

That's probably just the ADHD medication though. I took a higher dose than I usually do because I'm all out of my normal meds.

Ugh... I feel so weird. So lethargic and detached and... floating.

Anyway, there's no point in going to school at this point. I'm too drained and exhausted to do anything. I've never felt so skeletal.

Still, I'm kind of glad this happened. I have a reason to live now, a reason to become a better person. My baby.

The truth is, I've been looking at this love thing all wrong. It's not about fun or hearts or slow motion or sex. It's about sacrifice.
In life and in love, you get what you give. Maybe not always in the way you expect, but then again things seldom happen the way you expect them to.
But people--including me--are always afraid to be the first ones to give. Always afraid to take the risk. But if there's no risk then there's no love.

Anyway, I'm not ready yet and I know it better than anybody, but I hope I will be one day.

All I want to become right now is the best mom my future kid could ever hope for, just like my mom is to me. It'll take a whole slew of miracles, an endless supply of patience, and a lot of time, but my kid's worth it.

Ugh. XD I feel so weird talking about it. Ahhh, I'm so weird.

Pardon my cheese.
ily
~Belinda

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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Bob Dylan Would be so Proud
Manic Panic, color me frantic.
My downward spiral, never-ending and Tantric.
My hearts a time bomb, like tic, tic, tic.
Forget the dealer, just give me my fix, fix, FIX!
Covered in white, but I'm the last person you'd ever suspect of innocence.
Lost all my diligence in a sea of indulgence
While she put her head down and said she was a dead man
While the past screamed "shut up and get in the Sedan!"
The only reason I sleep with the fishes is because I can't ever find the right hook,
The right hook.

Pretty, pretty, pretty please, I just want to be pretty please.
Pretty, pretty, pretty please, I just want to please, please!
I just want, I just want... to sleep.

ily
~Belinda

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Monday, January 31, 2011

My Dinosaur's too Awesome for Titles.
Pterodactyls don't care how hideous a person looks without makeup, how big her nose is, or what her pants size is. If they're hungry or even if they simply "could eat," assuming the individual has showered in the past five days and she is in the general area, the beautiful little predators will swoop down and eat her, no questions asked, God bless 'em.
For, unlike other species, pterodactyls are not racist or sexist or fascist or homophobic or worst of all nit-picky. Because let's face--strong opinions are only right and acceptable when they're ours.
One might argue that all dinosaurs share this lack of discrimination and therefore should all be considered equal to the pterodactyl, but there are three very important qualities that these great, reptilian, majestic birds have that most if not no other dinosaur does.
One: Pterodactyls are capable of flight. Therefore, if, perchance, an occurrence should ever occur in which unfathomable boredom should settle in the pits of one's beautifully small mind, it need only say "Fuck this, I shall take my pterodactylly awesomeness elsewhere" and simply take off.
Two: Pterodactyls have their very own Pokemon counterpart known as Aerodactyl, which is although based upon a dinosaur, of the dragon variety. It is therefore unspeakably powerful and rare and has a tendency to, as the great William Shakespeare (allegedly) used to say, pwn teh $h1+ 0u+ 0f u.
Since pokemon and flying (Well, okay, maybe just pokemon) are indisputably the most valuable resources the world has to offer, the fact that pterodactyls are the only dinosaurs to be made into pokemon cannot help but make it glaringly obvious that pterodactyls are, as Lord Byron (allegedly) used to say, +3h $h!+.
Now, one might argue that while there only exists one dinosaur pokemon, there is a whole slew of dinosaur digimon, among which there is no pterodactyl-based one. Well, dear reader, there is a very simple and logical explanation to explain that: Digimon are in fact rejected Pokemon. Once the graphic artists saw that all the other dinosaurs were simply not great or "pwnsome" enough to be made into Pokemon, they gave them all to the digimon graphic artists.
Three: Pterodactyls are the best bullshitters. They're even better at it than bulls! I know this for a fact because, well, this may come as somewhat of a shock, but I myself am an avid bullshitter and when one has been bullshitting for as long as I have, one knows a master bullshitter when she sees one.
But what use, you may ask, could a pterodactyl possibly have for bullshittery?
Quite frankly, I have no idea. Perhaps they made a dinosaur Sistine Chapel and painted the ceiling with it. Perhaps they used it to build a giant tower that could somehow defy gravity without falling or floating and called it The Leaning Tower of Bovine Posterior Discharge (or Bullshit, for short.)
Alas, very little remains of the no doubt intensely industrial and highly artistic Pre-Meteor Era. It was probably much akin to the Italian Renaissance.
One thing, however, is infinitely, certainly certain: My dinosaur is better than yours.


ily
~Belinda
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Saturday, January 29, 2011

Loading some songs on my sister's MP3 player like I know what I'm doing. I don't :P

Ummm.... Let's see. We didn't have school all week except for Tuesday because of snow so I mostly hung around my house except yesterday. Went riding around with Margaret and my new friends Josh, Tsun Su(Or however the heel you spell his name. He's Korean) and Jill. We went over this kid Eric's house and watched old episodes of the Green Hornet on Syfy. Then we went to the mall and hung around. Laughed at all the scene kids who follow us around EVERY. DAMN. TIME Josh is with us--which is weird because the only thing scene about Josh is his taste in music.
Which reminds me, on a sidenote, I nearly went death yesterday from Josh blasting and screaming along to Chasing Victory on his stereo. Fr srs, that boy can scream.

Anyway, it was fun.

Today, I'm probably gonna go over Margarets house and then to our friend Krystal's son Anthony's first birthday party at this place called Owen's Restaurant.
And that about sums up my weekend so far. /:
ily
~Belinda.

P.S. Emily, I CALL PTERODACTYL!!!
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