Sunday, January 9, 2011

Hey. Does this poem sound too preachy? Be honest.

Whenever you step out of the shadows and into the light, where I can see the trail of tears streaming down your cheeks, you have no idea how much I ache to throw my arms around you and tell you it's going to be okay.
I so desperately want to tell you everything happens for a reason and you are loved more than you could ever imagine and, please, just have faith.
But I know you don't want my Bleeding Heart Christian Candy because you're allergic to my opinion and my religion, and you'd much rather play the Blame Game.
So, let's play:
My worst days are not God's fault.
They're mine for letting them get to me.
Our best friends getting hit by a drunk driver and dying are not God's fault.
It's the drunk drivers for knowing better but choosing the worst choice anyway.
All the evil in the world and in history is not God's fault.
It's ours and our ancestors' for putting it there.
The fact that you've experienced so much trauma and tragedy that you no longer believe in God is not God's fault.
It's yours for not knowing enough to know that sometimes horrible things just happen because people just make stupid decisions regardless of what God plans or wants for you.
The best time of your life starts when you stop blaming God and everyone else for your problems and accept Their help in dealing with them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Saturday, January 8, 2011

Today was quite beastly.
Went to my future college. Drove around a bit. Went to the mall with my bestie and her boyfriend. Found the most GORGEOUS purple dress at Wallmart and bought it for five dollars.

I'm happy. :)
The only down side is, now I'm too hyper to go to sleep.

Also, last night I had the most epic, nerd-tastic dream-it was entirely in Pokemon gameboy form. Not even kidding.
ily
~Belinda
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Friday, January 7, 2011

UGHHHHHHHHHHH....
Seems like every time I think I have a huge breakthrough, something totally wtf-tastic happens that totally throws me off. '-__-

Ergh.
Thank God it's friday.
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Thursday, January 6, 2011

Dominatrix(To the tune of Womanizer by Britney Spears.)
I am Gaga, you are Grayson Chance.
I'm the star, you're a shitty cover band.
So get out from my shadow and get out of my spotlight.
You've got a room to rock, but I've got a world to rule, honey.
You said I'm crazy?
Well, baby,
This is stage is an asylum,
Where we let loose our demons and ride 'em.
So take a seat
And take notes if you want to because I'ma show you how it's done.
(How it's done, baby.)

[Chorus]
Dominatrix, with or without the whip, Domina,
Dominatrix, here's the kick, Domina, Domina,
Dominatrix, free bit(ch), domina, domina-
I'm a dominatrix, baby.
You can smirk and talk smack,
Try to make your put-downs fact,
But I know what I am--just what I am, (Dominatrix)
I know what I am, just what I am (Dominatrix)

(And you...)
Cannot hurt me anymore.
(And you...)
Are just another voice from my past's door.
(Because you...)
are not my dominatrix.

Dominatrix, with or without the whip, Domina,
Dominatrix, here's the kick, Domina, Domina,
Dominatrix, free bit(ch), domina, domina-
I'm a dominatrix, baby.
You can smirk and talk smack,
Try to make your put-downs fact,
But I know what I am--just what I am, (Dominatrix)
I know what I am, just what I am (DOMINATRIX!)

(You)
still say I'm crazy.
(Well,)
what's wrong with that, baby?
(As long as)
I'm a dominatrix.

Won't let your
Poker Face deter my Just Dance.
Wasted too much time
Already on this Love Game.
It's really such a crying shame,
Because we could have been best friends
Had you not cut me so deep,
But that's just who you are.
(Who you are, baby.)

Dominatrix, with or without the whip, Domina,
Dominatrix, here's the kick, Domina, Domina,
Dominatrix, free bit(ch), domina, domina-
I'm a dominatrix, baby.
You can smirk and talk smack,
Try to make your put-downs fact,
But I know what I am--just what I am, (Dominatrix)
I know what I am, just what I am (DOMINATRIX!)

But now it's time to let this anger go.
This story's not a man-eating dragon, but a stranded pigeon dying to get home.
So let's let it go.
Let it go.







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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Ughhhhh.... Don't have a song today.
Probably will tomorrow though.
I'm so expletive tired. '-___-

I've been tired all week, hell. My arms are about to fall off.

I've been listening to a lot of nostalgic songs lately. Lots of early Cute is What We Aim For. I am in love with Shaanty's voice in lyrics, fr srs as a heart attack.

It's weird. In some ways, middle school was the worst time of my life, but in some ways it was the best--mainly because it was Myotaku's golden age and it felt just like a family.
There are some things I don't miss though. I don't miss Danny, who was this devastatingly hawt scene kid who used to post pictures of himself on his page. I was kind of in love with him, but didn't really know how to show it without hurling insults and cryptic poetry at him, which I feel bad about because he was actually really nice, but oh well. The funny thing is, after he quit myotaku, the Dan in my neighborhood (A.K.A. That Bitch, That Guy, That Spawn of Satin, My Arch Nemesis) showed up almost immediately. That's actually one of the reasons I thought we'd end up together.
I thought God was making the first Dan up to me with the second Dan, but no. God doesn't work that way--he doesn't punish and he doesn't repay... not in this life, anyway.

Oh. And I got into the play, but I'm an extra/ensemble, meaning I probably won't have any lines. Argh. '-__-
ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, January 2, 2011

My Soul is a Bulimic Cannibal
Like a joke, I am taken way too seriously.
A scandalous accident of society.
The curtain rose much too soon--I was meant to be behind the scenes, not in them.
But the camera loves me too much to let the lights let me escape, and these prying eyes love me too much to let me try.

Behind these concealer masks, we'll be seen clearer than ever--whenever and whether we like it or not.
Like it or not,
They'll stop us in the streets and say,
"Hey! Weren't you on the TV last night?" every other night.
Famous fakes of infamous flakes.
We are stark naked in their clothes
And no one notices, but everyone knows.
Everyone knows...

Like a horror villain, this story won't die.
A broken record stage, a theatrical cage--
I'll be stuck swallowing and regurgitating everyone else's every habit and detail until there's no one left.
Well, I picked a theme, but every other theme picked me.
Painters, actors, authors, monsters, starlets...
I'm not famous, but everyone I eat is.


Behind these concealer masks, we'll be seen clearer than ever--whenever and whether we like it or not.
Like it or not,
They'll stop us in the streets and say,
"Hey! Weren't you on the TV last night?" every other night.
Famous fakes of infamous flakes.
We are stark naked in their clothes
And no one notices, but everyone knows.
Everyone knows...

They didn't live long enough to eat their hearts out so I did it for them.
They didn't live long enough to eat their hearts out so I did it for them.
I couldn't help it that their souls made such good coats.
I am empty and there's no one left, there's no one left
To ingest.

I won't live long enough to eat my heart out so will you do it for me?



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Monday, December 27, 2010

She Never Sleeps, Rachel.
Lock me in this cold white cell forever with my meaningless and pretty things.
You can have all my memories, all my stories.
"It's all on the tape, it's all on the tape."
Why was I given a past when I have no future?

Am I just another girl in the well,
Meant to drag the witnesses to hell--Better as bitter?
Better as bitter?
All this time, in bed, I fritter.
I'm always away but always found in the same place.
Well, this is not what I meant when I said I wanted to be on TV.

Take the scarf from behind your back,
Force it around my mouth.
As I fell into the dark, she fell to her knees, and
Cried:
"All I ever wanted was you. All I ever wanted was you."
When the stone blocked out the light, I couldn't help but wonder if she would've had she known what my birth would come to and what would come of it.

Am I just another girl in the well,
Meant to drag the witnesses to hell--Better as bitter?
Better as bitter?
All this time, in bed, I fritter.
I'm always away but always found in the same place.
Well, this is not what I meant when I said I wanted to be on TV.

Oh, I am just another girl in the well...

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Sunday, December 26, 2010

Hey.

So Christmas was alright. I was dead tired though because I watched The Ring on Christmas Eve and COULD NOT fall asleep... Until I moved downstairs, where the Christmas lights were up. For some reason, festive lights wields off all thoughts of Samara.

Anyway, my presents weren't that great, but my Christmas was. Hella people came over and I got to see my cousin Kayleigh, who I have not seen in literally forever.
Today's really boring though. It started snowing, so I can't go anywhere and honestly there's nothing to do here so it's pretty lethargic.
Hope you all had a Merry Christmas.
ily
~Belinda
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Friday, December 24, 2010

It's Christmas Eve, everybody! :D
Can you wait? I know I can't.

Went ice-skating today and somehow miraculously managed to avoid falling on my ass and breaking an ankle. I'd never been ice-skating before that.

Oh, and the singing audition for the musical went okay. I don't know if I got in or not. If I did, I probably only got chorus because my voice really isn't that strong and I was obviously nervous as hell the entire audition.
This was the song I had to sing btw:

I'm pretty sure I didn't sound anywhere near as good as that but oh well.

If I do get in, I hope it doesn't interfere with the Winter Poetry Slam coming up in January.
ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, December 19, 2010

Get that E taken care of last week.

Singing and acting auditions for 42nd street are tomorrow and I'm nervous as a crack addict in strip search. I can't sing for shit. Fr srs.

Well, actually, no, I can sing a little bit, but there are going to be kids there who are classically trained in singing so I'm pretty much screwed. But I REALLY wanna do this, guys! I've never been in a show before and now is my last chance, so please, please, PLEASE pray for me, okay?
ily
~Belinda
(Only 6 more days! :D)
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