myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-05-02
Gender
• Female
Location
• Here
Member Since
• 2005-05-30
Occupation
• Life preserver :)
Real Name
• Belina

Personal

Achievements
• http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said
Anime Fan Since
• Ever since Pokemon
Favorite Anime
• I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3
Goals
• Make it out of here in one piece
Hobbies
• Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown
Talents
• :)

myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.

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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Fuck it. I might as well start digging my grave in the backyard because I'm going to die here.
Fuck me.
And fuck them for asking.

I don't want their pity.I don't want their questions. Yeah, there's something wrong with me. No, I don't know what it is. No, you can't help me.

Sorry for the mess. I'll clean it up in the morning. For now, let me lay back in my gutter and sleep
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Monday, October 28, 2013

These are the ruins of my glass castle, my childhood.

I'd go on, but I'm so sick of words. My head aches for action. I can't help but think I'll always be pissed at him for ripping me from my world and I can't make a decision one way or another so please stop asking me. My friends are all flocking around my flightless body telling me to soar, but I'm fine on the ground as long as it's with him; I ache to be whole again.

But the worst part isn't being away from him. The worst part is going to see him and then having to leave. I am so sick of the back and forth, the up and down, coming and going--when the hell will I be able to just stay?

I'm tired of phone calls. I'm tired of skype. I just want him.

ily
~Belinda
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Thursday, September 26, 2013

I missed the hallow coffin of this website. Like the ghost of my childhood. I don't miss the pain, but I miss you guys. I miss baring my soul to strangers and close friends. Its the whole reason I started writing in the first place.

I am not grown up yet. Not even close. But I have to leave the land of Teenagerdom eventually.

And I feel like I'll always be a baby in some way just because of my mother but I know I'll get a job and a license and a car. I will leave the nest and be all the better for it no matter how much my mother worries and cries and begs me to come back.

I can't be everyone elses crutch forever and I won't let myself be the invalid.

I won't be anyones burden
Ily
Belinda

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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

No. Josh and I broke up. I'm with Chris now.

Things are better. Hopefully I can keep them from getting worse.

I need Jesus. I need sleep. I need somethingbetter than forever

Hope whoever ends up reading this is having an easier time than me. I love you
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Friday, July 19, 2013

Restlessness has been driving me insane.
I think it may have even seeped off of me into the sky because the way it's roaring now I'm not so sure the earth stands a chance. I've been stuck indoors with no escape all week. I can't even really walk anywhere because of the heat--it's 100 degrees right now!
Yesterday, I risked a walk to Dunkin Donuts, but honestly the only reason I made it was because of God and Hector (my walking stick).

I've become very fond over the Summer of naming inanimate objects. My knives have names, my unfinished cross has a name, even my cross necklaces have names!

No, mom. I haven't changed a bit.

Saw Josh at a bonfire a week ago. It was tense as hell at first, but I ended up getting an apology and now I think it'll be a bit easier to keep from hating him--or at the very least fantasizing about skull-raping him with a fork.
I'm actually supposed to go to a bonfire tonight too, but with the thunder storm I'm not so sure that's happening. Not to mention, my ride won't text me back. ''-_-

Saw Monsters University today. It was surprisingly compelling. A very inspirational underdog story.

"Mikey, you may not be scary, but you are fearless." The feels! ;~; It was a very powerful lesson in embracing who you and the gifts you have. I think we all need to do more of that. Reminds me of a book I saw at the library the other day called All The Wrong People Have Self Esteem. Couldn't help but chuckle to myself about that--mostly because it's true.
ily
~Belinda
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Saturday, June 29, 2013

Things are better between me and Chris now, but I am scared shitless about what will between my mother and his when its time for us to decide where we're going to live. She doesn't want him to live here and there is no way I'm living there so just pray for us, okay?
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I don't know what's wrong with me. He thinks it's the sex. I think it's the distance.
All I know for sure is I'm not satisfied anymore and I was when I was with him every day. Being with him in person is my fantasy. Were there times when I couldn't stand him? Of course. That's only natural. We were around each other almost nonstop. But for the most part I loved it.

Even when he was at work from 8 til 4:30 I loved anticipating his return while I was out walking around town or pacing the fairgrounds or making rosaries or watching How I Met Your Mother on netflix.

And talking to him feels different now. It's still enjoyable, but it leaves me hollow. I don't know what to do.
ily
~Belinda
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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Hello from Illinois, everyone!

Been living at Chris's house for almost a month. I fly back to Maryland on Saturday. It's been interesting. I've started to make rosaries with Christopher. It's quite soothing. He has a silver one that I made for him and a green one he made himself. I got my old plastic one that my mom gave me and a blue, glass one. Unfortunately I seem to have misplaced the latter. :(

Went to an anime convention in Kentucky with Chris over the weekend. Twas quite chill. Got to meet Rikki Simmons (the voice of Gir off Invader Zim), his wife Tavisha, Greg Ayres (Negi, Leo from Ghost Stories), and his brother Chris Ayres (voice of Frieza(sp?) from DBZ). Oh, and Amy Grant (Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangeline) was there too but I didn't get to talk to her.
Anyway, it was fantastic. I'll probably post pics up later.

I'm pretty sad to go home. Wasn't really ready to leave yet. Then again, I'm hardly ever ready to leave anywhere.
Ily
~Belinda
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Friday, May 3, 2013

I want to die.
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Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Compulsive liars seem to love me.

Or at least love to fuck with me. Can't trust a word anyone says anymore.

In other news, math text books are completely counter-productive.

I love you all for what it's worth.
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