Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I feel like I'm made of glass. My rib cage is about to split at any moment and my insides will spill all over the floor.

Everything is floating, but the burning behind my eyes and cheeks won't stop. I can feel all the pipes and veins beneath my skin.

He makes my soul feel like a monster.
The voices are everywhere
And the silence...

There's a certain buzz and hum to it.

Isn't there an old cliche that says age brings wisdom and understanding? Because my grandmom's a pretty big indication that it's bullshit.

Not only is it impossible to teach an old dog new tricks. It's impossible to show an old dog the necessity and sometimes beauty of new tricks. They're always stuck in their old ways. There's no reasoning with them.
I hope I never become like that no matter how old I get.

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Monday, March 29, 2010

Is any guy better than drugs? I seriously doubt it. I'll be racked with these addictions until my dying day. They are my cross to bear, and depending on how I deal with them, they could make me or break me.

Enter the room, close the door, lock it, and draw the blinds. Lie down, keep the light on, but still close your eyes. It's easier to see his face that way. Free yourself of the clothes that constrict you and let your fingers softly tiptoe inside. You'll have to knock on the door for a few minutes in order to get it open, but be gentle and wait. Don't force yourself, otherwise you might just tear yourself apart.
Once you're in, your mind will begin to cloud and if you let yourself go deep enough, he might just come in the room to see you. He'll want to come inside too, but don't let him. If he follows your fingers inside, your body won't be just yours anymore and he'll make you his doll. He'll chain you down and make you dependent on his kisses and skin and hands and hypnotic eyes so that you will never be able to escape, no matter how bad he hurts you or how much he makes you cry.
Right when he's about to ask entry, that's when you leave. The second you come out, he should disappear. After that, you get up, dress yourself, and open the curtains so the sunlight can burn away every trace of him.
Now that the sun is illuminating the room, you no longer need the lamp so turn that off and go wash the smell off your fingers.
Congratulations. You have just become your own drug.

ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, March 28, 2010

Now I'm sick of all these real boys in real life telling me I'm not big enough here and not small enough there.
All they ever do is laugh and lie and cheat,
And all they ever want is a nice hunk of meat.
See, I want a guy with eyes the size of frying pans
designed especially for me in Japan.
He would be gorgeous, funny, and sweet as honey.
We'd love each other so much, I'd even put up with all the paper cuts.

I want the theme songs and the fan service.
I want the 2D action in my 4D setting.
I don't care about the boy next door or the high school quarterback,
I wanna starry-eyed anime samurai with a real nice katana.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And THAT is my anime fangirl rap so far. Any suggestions? :)lol I wanted to rhyme about something besides D and school and my boring life for once.

On a side note: I got new shoes yesterday.I shall post pictures tomorrow because I'm just that awesome and life is just that uneventful. :)
ily
Belinda
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Friday, March 26, 2010

hggghhjjbgjfytfyjgf98y49387y59ourfzksflsuodu. f'sdfpoispf0is nfpoisprox.fksairu489ekhf

And that is why it burns when I pee. :)

So anyway. It's Friday right before spring break for me and I am exhausted, bored, and overall just killing time.

I'm gonna sleep/read for 100 years when I get home. Margaret wants me to to go to the movies with her and this guy she likes, but I probably won't. Her moms supposed to drive us, and the last time she drove us to the movies, she had the hugest mental breakdown. I'll spend a year of springbreaks trapped inside my house before I get into the car with her after 6:00 again.

I really don't like updating in school. Everybody's always reading over my shoulder--MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, PEOPLE!!!!!

Those guys I told off last time I updated are still harassing me. The dood keeps insisting his friend likes me and is always staring at me during lunch, but I don't believe it. The friend hasn't said a word about it and honestly I've had it up to my ears with boys anyway. Most of them are so stupid and loud and childish and I just wanna scream.

I got this book out of the library called Winter Girls. It is deliciously depressing. I love it.
:)
~Belinda
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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, sweet Heaven!

School is driving me absolutely crazyyyyyyyyy!
I am dead serious. Not even those extra Y's are an exaggeration. If Spring break does not come soon, I... I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be pretty.

I got some coffee from Dunkin Donuts today.
Unfortunately: Coffee tends to make people happy and criminally inane.
Fortunately: I lack the emotional energy to care.

And what else? Um...

There was an interesting conversation in lunch today. I was in the process of exiting the cafeteria when some random guy called me over to his table. This is what was said.

Guy: Hey, so my friend *points to guy sitting next to him* really likes you. He says you're cute every day. He wants your number.

Me: Why didn't he ask me for it then?

Guy: Because he's a pussy.

Me: Oh. Sorry, I'm not interested in pussies.

Now, I realize I might have come off as a bitch there, but let me explain. I have been getting fucked with by douchebags who say their friend likes me when said friend really doesn't ever since I entered high school. It's the same stupid trick over and over again, and I'm sick of it.

Besides that, even if the guy was serious about his friend liking me, he needs to man up and stop making his friend do all the talking for him. Seriously. Men need to just be men and get over themselves.
Yes, I'm aware it's difficult to ask someone out you really like, but it's possible, damn it, and in most cases, it's worth it!

Sure, you might get rejected, but so what? At least then you'll know for a fact that it's never going to happen instead of wasting your time wondering whether the person likes you or not.

*sigh*

Okay. I'm done ranting. I'm gonna go read my manga now.
See ya.
ily
~Belinda
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Saturday, March 20, 2010

Ever feel like you're not enough? Like everything people want is just the opposite of what you are?

That's how I feel right now.

ily
~Belinda
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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

ZOMG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I am so bloody frustrated. I just want school to be over already! You have no idea. Fr srs.

I don't even like this creative writing class anymore. It doesn't even feel like a class, to be honest. It feels like a free period without the free.

All I wanna do is reeeeead! >.< ARGH!

Other than that, everything's pretty uneventful.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, btw. I shall commence stuffing myself with green cupcakes when I get home.
MMMMMMMMM, Sugar and food-coloring. Yummy :3
ily
~Belinda
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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I always think if I get to a certain point in life, I'll look back and everything will make sense, but it seldom does.

Listening to Tegan and Sara's "Hell" because it's just that catchy.

I feel like, emotionally-speaking, I'm ready for a new relationship, but I'm slacking off too much to deserve it. Like if I did, my academic career would completely tank.

I've read this story so many times but I still don't know the ending.
I couldn't even guess.

We got our midterms yesterday and I got a D in English. Annnnnnnnnd today I probably failed a test. '-_- Arrrrrrgh.
ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, March 14, 2010

So. I finally saw the new Lady Gaga video for Telephone at like 1:00 in the morning last night and I must say I'm thoroughly disappointed. It just... it was weird, it was original, it was Gaga, but it wasn't the Gaga I know and love. Like, to quote Shane Dawson, it didn't have any punch. It was just a bunch of random crap that didn't make any sense.
Like, it was controversial, but I felt like it didn't have any reason to be controversial. It was just being provocative for the sake of being provocative. There was no message, and that bothers me.
Because if there's no message, then it's completely pointless.

It's been a pretty shitty weekend so far. The highlight was probably getting to see my friend Nick in his school's production of Joseph and The Amazing Technicolor Coat.

I seem to be getting overcome by this impossible depression and I don't know what to do besides pray and wait for it to pass.

Everything just sucks today.
Srsly.

ily
~Belinda
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Thursday, March 11, 2010

So I FINALLY finished the story I've been killing myself over for Creative Writing...

And now my entire existence is yet again devoted to answering stupid questions on inane worksheets my teachers won't stop throwing at me.

Ahh, the splendor or life. I'm in a fabulous mood.

No, Stephy, I am not head-over-heels.
If anything, I'm arm over leg.See it's a very bipolar crush. One day, I'll be sitting there, planning our wedding, the next I sort of forget he exists.

And, yes, Corn, it is the young man in my creative writing class. I don't know why I'm writing like a total priss today, but I suspect it has something to do with the Honer Roll breakfast I went to. They were all talking about what it means to be a lady or gentlemen.
It kind of reminded me of a Lifetime special.
It was interesting though. I kind of wish I would have written down the questions Mrs. M had everybody answer because they were really good questions.

Anyway, I gotta go so bye
ily
~Belinda
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