Thursday, January 7, 2010

Honestly... I feel like shit.
Like some wounded soldier on the front lines, just waiting to die.
Ugh.
And today was actually a pretty good day too. '-__-

I just had to come home and realize how pathetic I was.

Okay, so sue me--I do want the fairy tale ending. I am lonely, and even with all the bullshit I'd have to put with, I want a boyfriend.

Not just any boyfriend, mind you, but...*sigh* How do I put this?

I don't Romeo and Juliet, I just want a happy ending with a lot of kissing and hugging and hand-holding, and all the other happy, rainbowy, mushy, puppy-involving shit. '-__-
At the very least, I don't want to feel this empty. Not even half this empty.

I wanna stop comparing myself to everyone else around me.
I wanna stop feeling like there's something hopelessly wrong with me.
I just wanna be comfortable with myself.
And I'd like to do it before getting another boyfriend, because my insecurities have in the past caused all sorts of trouble with my relationships.
Honestly the main reason I want a boyfriend is because I'm horny. XD (Well, I'm lonely too, but usually I'm just horny.)

This calls for pictures!

Her hair is SO. FUCKIN. COOL.

Lmao I typed in "scene boys" and got this! XD

Totally gay, but still very fuckable.

Maybe next time I should type in "scene boys that are not transvestites."

This one is my personal favorite.
Anyway, that's about it. I'm gonna go cry or touch myself or something now.
k bye
ily
~Belinda

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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Gossip
Pink and red are not my colors,
So in the grand tradition of pretending to be everything I'm not and being ashamed of everything I am,
I'll paint all my shadows red and all my tears pink.
When I get up behind that podium, you're the first one I'm going to thank:
"Oh, thank you so much for making me everything I am not."

Oh, what did you say?
That I'm too skinny? That I'm too blond and too dark and too loud and too much like me?
Oh, what was that?
I'm not short enough and not quiet enough and not tight enough and not her enough? And you haven't hurt me enough?
Well, fuck it.
Keep your gawddamn bad romance.
She said you were a monster.
She was right about you, she was right about you.

Pink and red are not my colors
So in the grand tradition of pretending to be everything I'm not and being ashamed of everything I am,
I'll paint all my shadows red and all my tears pink.
When I get behind that podium, you'll be the first one I thank:
"Oh, thank you so much for making me everything I'm not."

Maybe if you would have stopped at breaking my heart, I could let this go,
But you also twisted my soul.
(I bared my soul, and you raped it. You raped it.)
Now my teachers and my parents always tell me to give it my best, but how can I when you already got the best of me?

Pink and red are not your colors,
So in the grand tradition of worshiping everything that you are and hating everything you're not,
One day you'll turn white and choke til your face becomes blue.
When I get on that throne, you'll be the first one I thank:
"Oh, thank you so much for making me every bit as insane as you said I was."
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Monday, January 4, 2010

Oh, Snap.
It is 2010. 0_0
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

I wanna ask what you guys' New Years resolutions are, but resolution is just a more polite way to say promise, and promises are way too intimidating, in my personal opinion. So, instead, what are you guys' goals for the New Year, if you have any?

Mine are as follows:

1. Regain the ability to think straight.

2. Regain the ability to walk in a straight line.

3. Escape Hannah Montana once and for all. Jeezas tapdancing Cristi! I don't care if you can sing or how cute you are, shut the fuck up, Miley! '-___-

4. Stop bitching about how much the world sucks and actually do something about it for a change.

ANDDDDDDDDDD that about sums it up. ily
~Belinda

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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Stephy, I opted to name that Tiger you gave me Printz. He's rather insecure about his small stature so he likes sitting on peoples heads because it makes him feel taller. He's also rather cocky, just like a little prince--which works because I can't pronounce Z's very well, so his name comes out sounding like prince. lol
We recently got a new webcam, so I've taken about 4 or 5 pictures so far of me and Printz. lol I'll show them to you in a minute.
Ladedadadaaaaaaaa~! :)
I'm in a pretty good mood today.
MORE INCOHERENT POETRY!!!

Doc said to love myself and get plenty of rest.
But I'm too familiar with myself to truthfully brag and my eyes just won't stay shut,
So I'll love Jesus and Shane Dawson and get plenty of caffeine instead, and that'll have to be enough.
I wanna be laughed with without being played with for once.
I wanna feel this good all day long without having someone else fall apart.
I do not claim to be a success or a failure, just a sure-fire effort, nothing less, maybe more. Maybe more.

Well, it'll take a lot of work and a little bit of luck, but we'll get there, we'll get there.
Just keep your faith and remember why we fight like we do.
Because forgetting what we're fighting for is the same as forgetting to fight.




Printz is glamming out. lol
ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, December 27, 2009

Today was great.
Got to go over Margaret's house and play Monopoly with her and Nick--it was beast.
(SIDENOTE: I refuse to be un-legit and use the E-word, so instead I'm just going to be obnoxious and call everything "beast" and "hard.")
We exchanged countless Panic! at the Disco references. The conversation went as follows.

Nick: Hm. It's 5 in the afternoon

Me: No. It's 9 in the afternoon--and your eyes are as wide as the moon!

Nick:It's the SIZE of the moon.

Me: Well... I write sins, not tragedies, so back off.

Nick: But it's better if you do.

Me: Well, I would, but I'm too busy praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety.

XD Ah, good Gandhi, I love him.
Honestly, he makes me so joyful, I forgot to be sad that he recently acquired a boyfriend. lol
I can't decide if I wanna marry him or beg my mom to adopt him.
Not so sure it matters though. I'd probably be happy with either one.
ily
~Belinda

P.S. Stephy, I got your present. Thanks so much. It made me smile. Also, I sent you a little thank you note.
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Thursday, December 24, 2009

Listening to Switchfoot for the first time in, I think, 3 years or so. It feels longer for some reason. *shrug*

In other news... IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE!!! Despite myself, I'm pretty stoked. Too stoked, in fact, to go to sleep, even though it's about 15 minutes to 11. It doesn't feel like it though.
Other than that, not much is going on.
My brother got a bass guitar as an early Christmas present and he's been strumming it constantly ever since. He might be getting an amp for it tomorrow. I don't know.

Anyway, for the first time in a long time, it's incoherent poetry time, kiddies! enjoy.

Take a picture of this man and memorize it,
Day after day, hour after hour,
Looking at him through the lens of your minds eye.
I almost fell in love with him again, but that's just because I keep pushing myself backwards.
Not once was I ever accidentally in love,
just reluctantly in lust and like.
Because love, for me, is a well,
And I have no idea how deep it goes.
I just barely managed to scratch the surface.
I might just drown, but I hear from the half dead that it's the best way to die.
Unfortunately, the half-alive also say it's the worst way to live.
I'll take my chances.

Ha.
Of all the things to write of, I picked love. How cliche is that? Ugh. '^^ Oh, well, I'll have to forgive myself somehow. lol
ily
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS!!!! :D
~Belinda

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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I'm... very confused.
I know he hates me, but is it because he's still scared of me or because he's just a douche or because I'm me and he's him or...?
And if he doesn't like me, then how come he was looking everywhere but at me?
I don't know.

Don't mind me, I'm just thinking outloud.
Anyway. They actually did make us go to school today, even we had Monday and Tuesday off. Wasn't that bad though. Got some cookies, got some love, got to see Liz, got to hug Vinny. :D lol
I hadn't talked to Vinny in person in forever. He hangs elsewhere in the mornings now, so I don't get to see him that much. v.v
But he seemed like he was in a good mood today though, so that was good. lol
Anyway, Merry Christmas to whoever bothers to read this.
ily
~Belinda
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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

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Monday, December 21, 2009

Well,
I was supposed to be going over Margaret's house today, but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. My parents need me to watch the kids while they go Christmas shopping, and they haven't even left the house yet because my dad just woke up about an hour and a half ago and our tree got bent and fell over, so now they have to fix it.
Ah, well.
Guess I'm just gonna have to wait til after Christmas to give her her gift.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, I COULD CARE LESS.
ily
~Belinda
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Saturday, December 19, 2009

Pink hair, blue hair,
It's not fair, it's not fair.
I can't take one more X,
they poison me with each and every kiss.
I want innocence.
I hate this.
They took something that could have been so beautiful and made it into just another sex dream.
Blindfolded this story, tied it down, and beat each and every possibility of beauty out of it.
Dliated my pupils so wide,
I could have went blind.

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