Friday, December 18, 2009

I'm sick. '-__-
Got a cold. Congested as a motherfucker, and my throat feels like sawdust and sandpaper.
Needless to say, I'm staying home from school.
Got the whole house to myself and my grandmom because everyone else went to the dentist. Kinda feel bad because I was supposed to go too, and even though I didn't, my mom still has to pay for me. Arrrrrrgh! I hate seeing good money go to waste. '-__-

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Thursday, December 17, 2009

:P
So here's what happened between me and that kid this morning.

That Kid: Will you go out with me?

Me: No.

That Kid: Okay.

And then we walked back over to our friends and continued to screw around til everybody left for first period. X3
He wasn't hurt at all. He probably still likes this chick Taylor, who hates him for some reason, and decided to ask me out as a last resort. Either that or he wasn't expecting me to say yes anyway.

My friend thinks I'm a bitch for saying no to him, but I'm not going to agree to go out with just any guy simply because he likes me. I've been down that road. It never ends well.
And besides, I like someone else, so... *shrug*
Oh well.

I'm in school right now. 6th period. Bell's about to ring in 2, maybe 3 minutes, if not less.
Today's a good day. Feeling pretty sleepy. Pretty comfy.
ily
~Belinda
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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Dood.
Today is soooooo weird. DX
I mean, I love it, but it's scaring the shit out of me.
It all started when I was in an unusually good mood this morning. That never-and I mean NEVER-happens that early in the morning.
Things continued normally after that until my lunch period.
Remember that kid who bit my elbow and asked if I had a boyfriend?
Well, he came up to me and told me we needed to talk. This probably means he's planning on asking me out.
THAT HAPPENS EVEN LESS!
And now, I have the hugest urge to watch Moulin Rouge! 0_0 Which is actually perfectly normal, BUT STILL!!

So, overall, it was a pretty good day. XD
Watch and enjoy!

The dialogue is all in French or something, but the song's in English! XD
ily
~Belinda
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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

   Ehhhhhhhhh...
No. Okay? Just no.
A world of no.
Not today.

*sigh* I am so sick of this house, this neighborhood, this town, those screams, those tears. I don't know what I want, but I know it's not this.

There's not a single person on this earth that understands. (well, except He Who made me.)
I just... I'm tired of being lonely.
I'm tired of people staring right through me like I'm not even there.
I'm tired of people completely misunderstanding every word I say and saying they know what I mean, even though they don't.
I'm tired of him saying he'll talk to me later when he won't.
I'm tired of feeling uncertain about everything, and I just want to feel happy again for as long as possible.



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Monday, December 14, 2009

Alright, first thing's first:

I am completely shocked and flattered that people actually bothered to read the first draft of my one-act play. Hardly anybody ever reads my stuff anymore because it tends to be about 2 or 3 pages if not more than that. So whether you liked it or not, thank you for reading it.

And now then... (HUGEDEEPBREATHOMG) I have earth-shattering news: I am no longer Skittles. That is, my hair is no longer yellow-ish blond with pink and orange streaks. For the first time in about 5 years, my hair is it's natural color, and I cannot tell you how weirded out I am by it. I can't decide whether I love it or hate it.
The reason I consider this change so earth-shattering is because, this is going to seem very weird, but I have always thought of my hair as the most direct representation of my personality, and have almost always instinctively acted according to my hair-color.
For example, I was more hyper when I was blonde.
I was spunkier when I was a redhead.
I was more anime character-like when I had pink streaks.
I was more aloof and calm when my hair was blue.
And now that my hair is back to being only one darker shade away from being black, I'm more... Sleepy(?) XD
Or, at least, that's what it seems like because I've been dead tired all day. lol
The cool part is, I still have strands of pink and blond left to mar the darkness. It's almost like God knew how I wold interpret it, so he let me have some bold colors left over so my "neon edginess" or ,whatever you want to call it, wouldn't be completely covered over by natural "dark browness." Like, if you think about it in terms of my personality, I'm finally fully being myself, but because of all the years I spent hiding behind and experimenting with different colors and different facades, I'm more me than I was before I started dying my hair. I'm different and special, and for once in my life, I'm not ashamed of it.

Right. Now that I've spent an entire paragraph talking about my hair, let's talk about something completely insignificant like love. XD

I didn't want to say this, because I thought if I didn't say it, it would just turn out not to be true and just disappear. But it obviously won't, so let's get on with it.

I am completely and utterly infatuated with someone who will never like me back. And I'm not just saying that because I'm insecure, I'm saying that because he is completely gay and I'm pretty sure he has a boyfriend.
So yeah. It sucks majorly,

And in honor of this major suckage, I present Trouble by Nevershoutnever:


ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, December 13, 2009

One Act Play (second draft)

On a rooftop of a tall apartment building, Cora, a homely-looking teenage girl lies unconscious, facing the sky. The sun is in the middle of setting, so the sky is arrayed in shades of pink and orange.

CORA: (Eyes slowly flicker open. In a daze, she sits up, groggily) Where am I…? Hm? (Looks down to find in her hand a dagger splattered with dried blood. Eyes widen in horror.)

MAN’S VOICE: (Chuckles insidiously) Happy birthday, sweetheart.

CORA: (Startled, gasps and drops dagger. In shock) Vash! What did you—what happened?!

VASH: (Pleased with himself) Nothing, dear. I just took care of a little something for you. I told I’d surprise you, didn’t I?

CORA: (Points to dagger, furiously) Whose blood is that?!

VASH: (Sigh) Think, Cora. Who have you spent the last four years trying to please? Who did you take those wretched pills for, so I couldn’t come out at night and protect you from him? Who did you give everything to? Who, in turn—(Pauses briefly to suck in a breath through clenched teeth. Barely concealing his rage) Who, in turn, ripped your goddamn heart out of your chest and tore you apart?!! Who took everything and left you with nothing?! (Shouts, furiously] Who has been making our life a living hell from day one, Cora?!?!

CORA: (Just stands still for a few seconds, completely shocked. Barely above a whisper) Dave. Oh, my God, Vash. What did you do to Dave?

VASH: (Pauses briefly with a cold emotionless expression, then grimly gestures towards the ledge of the roof)

CORA: Oh my God…! (Starts hyperventilating) You—you killed him?!

VASH: (In a pacifying murmur) No, baby—we killed him. We share the same mind and the same body, don’t forget that. And let’s face it—you wanted him dead every bit as badly as I did.

CORA: (With frenzied anger) No, I wanted him gone! Like, moved to a different city or school or something, I never said anything about killing him! (Deep breath, shakes head) How could you do this to me? You were the only one I had left and then you turn around and do this! I mean—what the hell, Vash?! I thought you loved me!

VASH: (Frustrated sigh) Of course I love you. Don’t you see? I did this for you. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to watch him tear you apart without being able to do anything? It practically killed me!

CORA: Yeah, but—(Pauses, sighs, and grouchily mumbles something unintelligible. Hurriedly) You know what? We’ll discuss this later. Right now, we need to get out of here before—(Stops dead in her sentence at the sound of heavy footsteps coming up the stairs from below. Contorts face in a frustrated growl and curses under her breath as she ducks behind a tall chimney a few feet away)

MIDDLE-AGED MAN: (Bursts through the door holding a gun. Shouting) Police!

(A barrage of five police officers with guns all crowd onto the roof behind the first police officer.)

FIRST POLICE OFFICER: We’ve got you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

(Officers slowly stalk the perimeter of the roof, guns in hand, for about a minute. Cora inches deeper and deeper into the shadow of the chimney, completely panic-stricken)

SECOND POLICE OFFICER: (A flicker of interest comes to his face as he spots the abandoned dagger) Captain! (Walks over to the dagger and points to it)

CAPTAIN: (Turns in the direction of second police officer, holsters his gun, walks over, and bends down in a half kneel in front of the dagger. Bemused.) Well, well, well. (Stares intently at dagger) Looks like we got ourselves a murder.

THIRD POLICE OFFICER: (Apprehensive) But—but Captain, all the evidence so far points to suicide. How do—

CAPTAIN: (Still looking at the dagger. Shakes head.) Suicides slit themselves and write notes, not stab themselves in the leg and jump off buildings several miles from their houses. (Gets up, finally removing his gaze from the dagger) Of course, we won’t know anything for sure til we dust this knife for fingerprints.

CORA: (Shivering in fear. Looks as if she’s about to faint)

THIRD POLICE OFFICER: (A rather heavy-set man, his face crinkles in curiosity as he glances in the direction of the chimney Cora is hiding behind. Taking his gun out of the holster, he slowly walks towards the chimney, completely unnoticed by the other officers, who are now preoccupied dusting the rooftop for footprints and fingerprints)

CORA: (Closes her eyes, appearing completely oblivious to the approaching officer. Whispers) We’re gonna die. We’re gonna die, Vash.

VASH: (Shakes head, whispers back) No, baby. I’ll get us out of here. Just leave everything to me.

CORA: (sleepily opens eyes. Eyes roll to the back of her head as she begins to fall forward)

THIRD POLICE OFFICER: (Comes around the corner of the chimney right as Cora is about to fall off the roof. Dives forward and catches her, tackling her back on to the roof. They both land with a loud thud, alerting the other officers to the Third Police Officer and Cora. Sits up, panting) Are you alright, ma’am?

VASH: (Lays there motionless for a moment, just blinking with a blank expression. Shakes head slowly, then contorts face in fake misery and covers face with hands. Feigning sobs, imitating Cora’s voice) Oh, officer! It-it was horrible, you have to stop him! He—he’s going to kill me! He—(Breaks down in fake tears and throws self in an embrace at the Third Police Officer, pretending to cry on his shoulder)

THIRD POLICE OFFICER: (Face softens in sympathy. Consolingly hugs Vash. Pats Vashes back) There,there, miss. No one's going to hurt you. You're safe now, you're--

VASH: (Abruptly rips gun out of Third Police Officer's holster, twists Third Police Officers hands behind his back, and slams the barrel of the gun to Third Police Officers head. Threateningly holds the gun there. Shouting to other police officers, in regular voice) Drop your weapons!

OTHER POLICE OFFICERS: (Gawking in shock at Vash and Third Police Officer)

VASH: (Readjusts the aim of the gun from Third Police Officer's head to his shoulder, pulls trigger. A deafening “bang!” sounds as the gun fires)

THIRD POLICE OFFICER: (Cries out in pain as the bullet hits him)

VASH: (Puts the barrel of the gun back to Third Police Officer's head. Screams at other police officers, more insistently) Drop your weapons or tubby here dies!!

CORA: (Frantic) Vash! What are you doing?!

VASH: (Voice is tinged with impatience) Trying to get us out of here. It's the only way, now be quiet! Let me take care of this.

CORA: (Desperately begging) No, Vash, please! You've already used our body to kill Dave—don't kill this officer too! We have enough blood on our hands as it is!

CAPTAIN: “Our body”...?

FOURTH POLICE OFFICER: (gasping) Oh my God. She has split personalities.

VASH: (Screaming) Everybody, shut up!! For the last time, drop your--

CORA: No!! (Pushes Vash, so that he trips back from Third Police Officer, as if tackled.)

VASH: (As if struggling against someone else's weight) C-Cora! (screaming) What the hell do you think you're doing?! (Manages to move against Cora's will just enough to aim gun at police officers. Shouts at them) Don't you move!

CORA: (Hysterically screaming) I'm not gonna let you hurt them, Vash! They're innocent people! They don't deserve to die! Not like this!

VASH: (Angrily) Cora, if I don't kill them, they're going to take you away from me! They're going to force you to take more of those goddamn pills, imprison you in some asylum somewhere for the rest of your life, and I'll never see you again! Damn it, I love you, and I'm not gonna let them tear us apart!

CORA: (Screaming) I don't care!

VASH: (Looks as if Cora just punched him in the stomach. Pained whispering) What...?

CORA: (Deep breath. Quietly, calmly) I don't care that we're never going to see each other again, Vash. See, I loved you more than anything, but... you're a murderer. A psychotic murderer. I could never love someone like that, and I'm not going to let you make me a murderer too. (Shakes head sorrowfully) I'm sorry, Vash. I don't love you.

VASH: (Eyes are wide and unfocussed. Is shaking violently. Coldly, desperately whispering) You don't mean that.

CORA: (Looks at ground, as if to avert eyes from Vashes pain) Yes. I do. And you know what else? You're not even real.

VASH: (Eyes begin to fill with tears. Shakes head slowly and body continues to shake violently. Abruptly pulls gun's trigger as if by reflex. Gun fires, bullet hits Captain in the chest)

CAPTAIN: (Cries out and doubles over in pain)

(Other officers race over to the captain, panicked)

VASH: (Screaming) Is that real enough for you, Cora?!?!?!?! You stupid bitch, I'm never letting you go!! You belong to me! You're mine, you got that?!

CORA: (Stumbles backward as if pushed.) No. (Holds gun to temples) Get out of my head! (Stumbles farther back as if pushed harder. The force of Vashes attack makes her drop the gun)

VASH: (Still screaming) I did everything for you, Cora!

CORA: (Continues to be pushed farther and farther back, nearer and nearer the ledge)

VASH: I literally killed for you!

CORA: (Her hand, as if having a mind of it's own, punches her hard in the stomach. Moans and falls to the ground in pain. Is now just one more push away from the ledge)

VASH: What the hell do you mean you don't love me?!

CORA: (Glances behind her at the ledge. Smiles. Gets to her feet.)

VASH: (Curiously, quietly) Cora...?
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Went to see New Moon last night with Margaret and her friends--it was amazing, and my humble opinion, better than the book. Of course then again, they're both so completely different, I can't really compare them.
Anyway, one of Margarets friends, Nick, that I met last night was absolutely amazing. We were dancing and making comments and laughing our asses off throughout the whole movie. I really wish there were more guys out there like him--guys I could just laugh and enjoy myself with without everything getting all complicated.
After the movie, the parents of one of Margaret's friends treated us to Pizza Hut after the movie. It was really nice.
After that, me and Nick had a brief dance-off in the parking lot, which was amazing. XD I kinda wish we would have filmed it. lol

Today's probably gonna be pretty quiet though.
Not much to do, just read my book for English class and maybe I'll play Sims 3 too.
I don't know

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Friday, December 11, 2009

One act play
On a rooftop of a tall apartment building, Cora, a homely-looking teenage girl lies unconscious, facing the sky. The sun is in the middle of setting, so the sky is arrayed in shades of pink and orange.

CORA: (Eyes slowly flicker open. In a daze, she sits up, groggily) Where am I…? Hm? (Looks down to find in her hand a dagger splattered with dried blood. Eyes widen in horror.)

MAN’S VOICE: (Chuckles insidiously) Happy birthday, sweetheart.

CORA: (Startled, gasps and drops dagger. In shock) Vash! What did you—what happened?!

VASH: (Pleased with himself) Nothing, dear. I just took care of a little something for you. I told I’d surprise you, didn’t I?

CORA: (Points to dagger, furiously) Whose blood is that?!

VASH: (Sigh) Think, Cora. Who have you spent the last four years trying to please? Who did you take those wretched pills for, so I couldn’t come out at night and protect you from him? Who did you give everything to? Who, in turn—(Pauses briefly to suck in a breath through clenched teeth. Barely concealing his rage) Who, in turn, ripped your goddamn heart out of your chest and tore you apart?!! Who took everything and left you with nothing?! (Shouts, furiously] Who has been making our life a living hell from day one, Cora?!?!

CORA: (Just stands still for a few seconds, completely shocked. Barely above a whisper) Dave. Oh, my God, Vash. What did you do to Dave?

VASH: (Pauses briefly with a cold emotionless expression, then grimly gestures towards the ledge of the roof)

CORA: Oh my God…! (Starts hyperventilating) You—you killed him?!

VASH: (In a pacifying murmur) No, baby—we killed him. We share the same mind and the same body, don’t forget that. And let’s face it—you wanted him dead every bit as badly as I did.

CORA: (With frenzied anger) No, I wanted him gone! Like, moved to a different city or school or something, I never said anything about killing him! (Deep breath, shakes head) How could you do this to me? You were the only one I had left and then you turn around and do this! I mean—what the hell, Vash?! I thought you loved me!

VASH: (Frustrated sigh) Of course I love you. Don’t you see? I did this for you. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to watch him tear you apart without being able to do anything? It practically killed me!
CORA: Yeah, but—(Pauses, sighs, and grouchily mumbles something unintelligible. Hurriedly) You know what? We’ll discuss this later. Right now, we need to get out of here before—(Stops dead in her sentence at the sound of heavy footsteps coming up the stairs from below. Contorts face in a frustrated growl and curses under her breath as she ducks behind a tall chimney a few feet away)

MIDDLE-AGED MAN: (Bursts through the door holding a gun. Shouting) Police!

(A barrage of five police officers with guns all crowd onto the roof behind the first police officer.)

FIRST POLICE OFFICER: We’ve got you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

(Officers slowly stalk the perimeter of the roof, guns in hand, for about a minute. Cora inches deeper and deeper into the shadow of the chimney, completely panic-stricken)

SECOND POLICE OFFICER: (A flicker of interest comes to his face as he spots the abandoned dagger) Captain! (Walks over to the dagger and points to it)

CAPTAIN: (Turns in the direction of second police officer, holsters his gun, walks over, and bends down in a half kneel in front of the dagger. Bemused.) Well, well, well. (Stares intently at dagger) Looks like we got ourselves a murder.

THIRD POLICE OFFICER: (Apprehensive) But—but Captain, all the evidence so far points to suicide. How do—

CAPTAIN: (Still looking at the dagger. Shakes head.) Suicides slit themselves, not stab themselves in the leg and jump off buildings several miles from their houses. (Gets up, finally removing his gaze from the dagger) Of course, we won’t know anything for sure til we test this knife for fingerprints.

CORA: (Shivering in fear. Looks as if she’s about to faint)

THIRD POLICE OFFICER: (Face crinkles in curiosity as he glances in the direction of the chimney Cora is hiding behind. Taking his gun out of the holster, he slowly walks towards the chimney, completely unnoticed by the other officers, who are now preoccupied dusting the rooftop for footprints and fingerprints)

CORA: (Closes her eyes, appearing completely oblivious to the approaching officer. Whispers) We’re gonna die. We’re gonna die, Vash.

VASH: (Shakes head, whispers back) No, baby. I’ll get us out of here. Just leave everything to me.

CORA: (sleepily opens eyes. Eyes roll to the back of her head as she begins to fall forward)

THIRD POLICE OFFICER: (Comes around the corner of the chimney right as Cora is about to fall off the roof. Dives forward and catches her, tackling her back on to the roof. They both land with a loud thud, alerting the other officers to the Third Police Officer and Cora. Sits up, panting) Are you alright, ma’am?

VASH: (Lays there motionless for a moment, just blinking with a blank expression. Shakes head slowly, then contorts face in fake misery and covers face with hands. Feigning sobs, imitating Cora’s voice) Oh, officer! It-it was horrible, you have to stop him! He—he’s going to kill me! He—(Breaks down in fake tears and throws self in an embrace at the Third Police Officer, pretending to cry on his shoulder)

THIRD POLICE OFFICER:

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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Let's have some fun,
This beat is sick,
Screw it,
I'll have a great time with or without the disco stick.

Baby, I'm on my way.
Taking off at break neck speed.
There's a song in my heart and a fire in my soul.
I'm on my way, I'm on my way.
And he can't stop me because The Highest is behind me,
His support every step of the way.
No, I'm not gonna stop,
I'll never look back-- oh hell hell no.

Eyes to the front.
All I wanted was to feel my best for once,
but the world couldn't even give me that much.
Now I'm not turning my back on the world,
I'm just turning my thoughts and eyes to Heaven.
Giving me heart to The Highest so all the devils won't be able to reach it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well. That was weird. 0.o
I'm actually feeling pretty good today. Huh. Strange.


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Saturday, December 5, 2009

He looked right at me and wrote "Belinda, you're creepier than my dog. You should just do gay."

You know what the worst part is? He's going to be there tonight. I am out of hope, completely shut down.
More than ever, I am now confident that I have nothing to lose.
Absolutely nothing.
And whatever I do have, it doesn't matter, it won't save me now. Trusting my innocence and my "difference" to get me through this would be like trusting a good nights rest and a good meal to get me through a nuclear missile bombing.

I will never believe in anything again.

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