AIM • don't have 1 E-mail •Click Here Website •Click Here Yahoo! Messenger • kafjioaj9a...
Vitals
Birthday • 1993-05-02 Gender •
Female Location • Here Member Since • 2005-05-30 Occupation • Life preserver :) Real Name • Belina
Personal
Achievements • http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said Anime Fan Since • Ever since Pokemon Favorite Anime • I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3 Goals • Make it out of here in one piece Hobbies • Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown Talents • :)
myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
I really hate this time of the day, when the hectic rush of the school day is over and done with and all I can think about is him. I can't help being reminded of him. He's everywhere.
I can't eat spaghetti comfortably, because it reminds me of the time I was over his house and he cooked me a spaghetti dinner.
I can't watch cartoon network anymore because that was his favorite channel.
Hell, I can't even go in my own room anymore because I can't stop thinking of all the times he was in there with me.
In short: SDJKNSKHAKFKHJKKKJKLA!!@!! Argh. '-___-
But I'm tired of bitching about him. Let's bitch about something else.
People make absolutely no sense.
When someone does not like someone else, why can't they just ignore them and let them be? Why do they ALWAYS have to play these stupid little head games and start a fight? Girls especially. It kills me. It really does.
And, yes, Roxas, you can call me Belinda. Honestly, I don't care what you call me as long as it doesn't make me cry.
In other news, I seem to be in a creative slump lately. Haven't written anything in weeks. Mostly because I'm just too damn tired everyday. *sigh*
Ever get that feeling that you're on the verge of becoming a parody of yourself? That's how I feel right now.
I dumped him yesterday. I just couldn't take it anymore. *sigh* It was nothing but pain and misery and it just didn't feel worth it.
So I ended it and I cried. And cried. And Cried.
And dyed my hair.
And cried again.'-_-
It is just such a disappointment.
You know that 1 Fray Song, "How to Save a Life"?
That's basically how I feel.
"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere along in a bitter descent."
~Belinda Comments (0) |
Permalink
Monday, September 28, 2009
Oh my God.
I messed up so much. I didn't dump him yesterday. I was going to, but then I realized I just didn't want to. I still love him.
So I call him up and ask if I can see him tomorrow. He says yes, but he sounds really dead. I ask if he's okay, he says "not really." I ask why, he says "I can't really say." So here I am worrying myself to death for the past 12 hours.
I call him back to ask if he wants me to come over his house or if he's coming over my house.
He says his house, he still sounds dead, asks me if there's anything else, and I tell him he's making me worry. He says "you should worry. You're getting kinda possessive and clingy. Oh my fucking potato!
There I was, about to dump and he calls me clingy?! What the hell am I supposed to do, leave him alone for the whole weekend?
I could just die. I could just shrivel up and die right here right now.
Seriously.
~Belinda Comments (0) |
Permalink
Sunday, September 27, 2009
This is it, this the end
Wow...
So much has happened. I'm an emotional wreck. Worst emotional roller coaster I've ever been on.
I keep thinking of this one book title I saw in the library. "It's Called a Break Up Because It's Broken."
Something in our relationship broke. I don't know what it is or how to fix it or if it's even possible to fix it. I've tried everything and he doesn't want anything to do with me.
I guess he's just going to fade out now and become another stranger. What a liar. He said we'd try to be friends.
I guess in the end, the age-old cliche proved to be true: "'I love you' is 8 letters. So is 'bullshit.'"
I'm probably going to spend the entire day either hanging out with Margaret or on the computer, playing Sims 3. Also, I'm going to take all the hair-dye out of my hair.
All the colors I dyed it remind me too much of him, and I need to forget about the past 7 and a half months as soon as possible.
What I have learned though is good friends and family like you guys are absolutely irreplaceable. I love you all so much and am eterenally grateful to all of you fir getting me through these past few centuries/days.
~Belinda Comments (0) |
Permalink
Friday, September 25, 2009
Hey, guys. Thanks so much for trying to cheer me up. Unfortunately, today wasn't much better.
I almost broke up with Shaun today. He didn't even care. Matter of fact, he said it occured to him to break up with me.
And, no, Stehpy. I still have my "innocence." I said not until marriage, I meant not until marriage.
Honest to God, this is the worst I've ever felt in about 3 years.
I'm so depressed, I can barely even find the words to describe it. Comments (0) |
Permalink
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Stayed home sick yesterday.
Shaun's starting to feel like a sex toy--and not in a good way.
I've been feeling like the ultimate failure--in the worst way.
Honestly this is just like a relapse of the worst parts of last year. It's only the 4th or 5th week of school and already I'm back to wishing time would just stop and allow me to cry myself to sleep for the rest of my meaningless life. *sigh*
Help me out here, huh?
I don't know what else to do.
ily
~Belinda Comments (0) |
Permalink
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
My head hurts. My feet stink.
My boyfriend has been home sick for 2 days in a row now. I've got homework coming out my ass and blood seeping down my throat.
Is there a bright side?
Yes. The Sims 3 is now installed on this computer.
Ahhhhh,yes. Life is grand. Very grand.
ily all
~Belinda Comments (0) |
Permalink
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Hey, Chris.
Honestly?
Fuck it.
It's the same damn cycle every day: I fail, I try to give up, no one will let me, I miraculously am stupid enough to get my hopes up, I fail again. And repeat until I'm dead.
I ain't got a single prayer left in my body.
Now, I'm not saying God abandoned me
But it seems these days, the only thing I'm good at is abandoning God.
Scream at me until I'm everything you want me to be.
Back me into this corner until I'm every bit the prodigy you see on the surface.
You don't know me.
But you know my voice.
And that's enough to silence me forever. Comments (0) |
Permalink
Monday, September 14, 2009
AH, FUCK THE WORLD!
I can't go on like this.
A.P. English is just not worth it. No fucking way.
I don't care. I could just about keel over from all the stress it's caused me these past few weeks.
Srlsy.
Anybody see the VMA's last night? Lady Gaga's performance was the dictionary definition of amazing.
Creepy? Yes.
Captivating? Hell yes.
For some reason, my insides hurt really bad after watching it though.
Anyway... Yeah, I actually cried about the whole AP English thing twice today. Once in school, once in the car on my to the doctor's office. *sigh* I just really want this year to be over already.
I feel as if something's been ripped out of me. Like a release. Who knows. I might just be able to breath now.
ily all
~Belinda Comments (0) |
Permalink
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Ahhahahaha. Oh, Stephy.
You and your dirty mind.lol So blatheringly awesome.
And the best part is, blatheringly is not even a word, according to spell check xD lol I'm just laughing at everything today.
Tried for my school play on Thursday completely on a whim. I would've been fine, had it not been a musical. I can't sing for shit, but I can act pretty well.
Anyway, found out the next day they ended up not casting me because, as mentioned above, I can't sing. '-__- It didn't really hurt that bad though. I was kind of expecting it. I mean, I went in to that audition completely unprepared, so it made sense.
Other then being totally shot down though, Friday was the best day ever.
I got to go over Shaun's house directly after school. His mom drove us. ^^
It was fun, to say the least. Honestly, I've never felt more comfortable and at peace than I did yesterday.
I love that kid to death.
ily guys
~Belinda Comments (0) |
Permalink
