Sunday, June 21, 2009

Cassie/porn master: I'm afraid our porn is going to be delayed. Cause I only write when I'm horny, and I haven't been horny lately, so sorry.

Jenny:*hugs back* I luffle joo too. It wasn't really so much a haircut as much as it was a trim. I only had my bangs cut. lol

Corn: Literary porn. If it were published, I suppose you'd call it a "romance novel," but most of it's so emo it's not very romantic. But there is hella sex, in ungodly grotesque detail. Haven't written any gay porn yet. See, I specialize in writing what I know, and since I've never been gay, much less had gay sex--or heterosexual sex for that matter--I can't very well write gay sex scenes.I wouldn't know what emotions to describe. It just wouldn't seem authentic.

Tere-chan/mewtohru: lol Yeah, most guys are. But he does all kinds of staff for me, so I really shouldn't complain. *shrugs* He's a great guy. I'm happy. I'm just going to stick to my usual choppy, flippy style. It works for me.

Okay. So Shaun didn't come over on Thursday. Turns out, he thought he was supposed to come over on Saturday for whatever reason. So for the entire day I was pacting around the entire house, waiting for him to show up, and he never did. Needless to say, I was pissed. Matter of fact, here, let me pull up the angry rant I wrote on myspace about it:

"FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCK!!!!!
I'm so pissed off right now.
My boyfriend is an idiot.'-__-
He ALWAYS has to be the one who gets to decide when we see each other. He never lets me choose. Gawd!
FUCK.
THIS.
SHIT!
I've been looking forward to him coming over all day, and once he finally calls me back, he says he thought he was supposed to come over on Saturday even though I told him 5 fucking times that he was supposed to come over today. ARRRGH!!
Why won't he listen?! Now we're not going to be able to see each other at all this week because he couldn't pay attention long enough to find out what day he was supposed to come over.
*sigh* Seriously...
Why am I in this relationship again?"

P.S. I was totally on my period that day. I promise I'm not that scary all the time. ^^

Anyway, he did eventually come over Saturday, and we had a great time, so everything is good now, and all I can say is I hope it stays that way.
Because if we have a huge fight and either break up or go another whole week without seeing each other AGAIN, I think I might just crack. Seriously. There's no way in hell I can go a week without him. Believe me, I've tried.
I almost broke down in tears at the bathroom in BJ's. lol I'm such a wreck. '''^^
Keep praying for me, okay? God knows I need it.
Love you guys
~Belinda
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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Okay. So...
I'm working on the porn I'm gonna send to Cassie. My brother completely restarted the computer, so I hatve to reinstall microsoft word now. '-_- Argh...
I'm gonna get a haircut today.
And then Shauns supposed to come over. I don't know when though. I'd call him, but he's probably still bed... despite the fact that it's about 12:15 at noon.
Ha. Lazy bum.
Anyway, I gotta go now.
Have a beautiful day, guys.
~Belinda


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Monday, June 15, 2009

Shaun=Awesomeness
Okapi's=Wheeeeeeee! :D
Margaret's ex-boyfriend=total WTF-ness to 1048759387508973987592087402th power.
Sims 3= less than or equal to Shaun.
Pineapple Express=Whateverrrrrrrrr

...Ya dig?

Awesome. I'm gonna go write porn or something.
If anyone wants me to post some of it here and/or send some to you, just say so in the comments.
Kay?

Thanks. Bye.
ily
~Belinda
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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Ha.
No one's commenting me anymore.
I feel shunned.

"Makes you wanna cry."
Yeah. I think I might cry.
Seems like I'm always on the edge of breaking down these days. Ah. What happened to me?

In other news, Jenny's allegedly leaving Myo.
:( Saaaad.
~Belinda
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Friday, June 12, 2009

Wow. I'm really tired.
Supposed to be going bowling with Shaun at about 9:30. We were originally supposed to go much earlier, but my mother and I ended up driving all the way to Perry Hall lanes at 7:30 in the morning to discover that it doesn't open til 9:30. Needless to say, she was upset. So was I. I sacrificed 2 and a half hours of sleep for nothing! '-__- Argh.
I'm gonna go try to sleep with my eyes open now.
Nighty night.
I love you all
~Belinda
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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I'm neurotic, to the bone. No doubt about it.
I wanna cry, I really do.

Alright, here's my dilemma: My mom wants me to get a Summer job. I wanna get a Summer job. I mean, I do, but I don't. I just... I don't feel like I'm ready. Every time I picture myself getting a job, I just freak out.
And, DAMMIT! ALL I FUCKING WANNA DO IS PLAY SIMS ALL DAY LONG!!!
I'm fine dealing with someone elses problems, as long as I don't have to deal with my own.

Oh, I'm about to throw up, I'm so stressed right now.

In other news: I've had Kelly Clarkson stuck in my head all day. It's a song called "I do not Hook Up." If you like Kelly, go listen to it now.
If not... Well, then there's something seriously wrong with you.
Bye bye now.
ily
~Belinda
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Monday, June 8, 2009

Fuck. Fuckity fuckity fuckity fuck.
I'm addicted to The Sims 3 right now, I could cry. Spent about 7 hours on it yesterday and if I don't get to play it sometime this week soon, I'll probably have an aneurysm. That's just how hooked on it, I am.
Oh, and speaking of unpleasant addictions, Dan saw me kiss Shaun good-bye today. It was very disappointing because he didn't react at all. I was at least expecting a hint of surprise at the fact that I was finally over him--hell, MORE than over him, actually.
But, no, I didn't get shit. *sigh* I really don't know why it matters so much to me, honest. I know I'm over overreacting, but the fact of the matter is, no matter what I do, no matter what happens, Dan's always going to have some effect on my thoughts and feelings. It's just the way he is, the position he holds in my heart.
Oh, and all manner of insane Soap Opera bullshit has been going on with my girl Margret. Her boyfriend broke up with her Saturday, her best friend Krystal ran away from home shortly after that, she missed a fantastic job opportunity because of this, and on top of all that, now she's gotta get ready for the SAT's.
'-___- If anyone reads this, please pray for her. I'm definitely going to be.

Well... I'm probably going to go stress somewhere else now. Mope in my emo corner, most likely.
I love you guys
~Belinda
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Thursday, June 4, 2009

Cassie: I know. You dirrty, dirrty girl, you. (You earned those extra R's. lol) It's not that I couldn't think of anything, I just kept getting distracted by the concept of what I was writing and sort of zoned out.lol

Ah... No one commented me today. '-_- Meanies.
Speaking of meanies, I found out some chick in my English class apparently hates me and has been trying to sabotage me for no good reason.
Eh.
Whatever.

I mean work on the porno/"romance story" I started yesterday. Which basically means I'll be sitting in one spot for hours, thinking about sex.
Damn... Now I'm horny.

Finals start tomorrow. On a fucking Friday, of all days. '-__- Oy... I honestly don't feel like doing anything right now.
Let's go youtubing. >_>
MOUSE-CLICKER THINGIE, AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!


I love that song. I found it on Jenny bean's profile. And he's so cute.
ily
~Belinda
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Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Ahahaha. I just wrote a porno. X3
Yup.
2 and a half pages, and it only took me about 2 hours. I'm kept getting distracted by memories of my muse. >_>
Anyway, my head hurts and nothing much really happened today, so please amuse yourselves with this video:

Ehhhhhhhhh... Somehow that wasn't as good as I'd thought it would be.
Hang on, let me try again.

That's better.
ily all
~Belinda
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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Hey, guys.
Thanks so much for all the comments.They really helped.
I'm just really going through some deep shit right now.
Like... I don't know what to call it. It's not really so much a self-loathing complex as much as it is an identity crises. See, I'm a completely different person depending on who I'm with and where I am. I've got a million different roles, and that means I gotta be a million different people to fill them all properly. In school, I gotta be the serious, professional, helpful student. At home, I gotta be the fun but responsible oldest sibling and/or second mother. With my friends, I gotta be the insane, funny, witty cynic with a heart of gold.
But when I'm stuck in just one role--in the dreamy-eyed, in love, oh-so-sickeningly obsessed girlfriend role--it completely throws me off, and interferes with all the other parts I have to be. And, well, it's just frustrating, you know?
Because each and every role I play, no matter how diverse or seemingly contradictory, is a crucial part of who I am, and I don't want to lose it.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
ily all
~Belinda
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