Monday, June 1, 2009

"Two weeks you've ran away."
I wanna run away.
Staying home from school today. I've got 2 appointments today: One, just a regular pediatrician appointment for my eczema and the other, an orthodontist appointment.
Shaun made me cry twice yesterday.
I really don't like myself right now. I used to be so independent and strong, and now I'm just... another clingy girlfriend. Oy...
Self-loathing complexes. How I love them oh-so-much!
ily all
~Belinda
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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Wow, I Can Get Sexually Frustrated Too
Your Honor, don't judge me. I'm just another juror from the peanut gallery.
I'll have my time behind the dependents desk all in good time. We all will.
And I'm only as big as my desperation will let me be. So let me be.
The more space he gives me, the harder it is to breath. Or, at least, the harder it is to see the point.
"It's not rape if she enjoys it." Well, it's not stalking if he keeps pulling me in.
I just got out of the worst restraining order in history.
Why are they making me suffocate myself with self-restraint?

And, that, me friends, is what happens when I explode.

I'm gonna go sit in the corner and feel sorry for myself now.
ily all
~Belinda
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Friday, May 22, 2009

Hey, guys.
I'm in school right now. Bells about to ring in, like, 5 or 6 minutes, I think.
Days going pretty slow so far, but, hey, it's Friday.*shrugs*

Lots of screwed up crap is going on with my wife/soulmate/bestest friend, Margaret. Some guy she doesn't even know is threatening to rape her, she lost her job because she wasn't acting happy enough, her brother got punched in the face by the same guy who's threatening to rape her, and I don't know, everything's just really screwed up. I'm going to see her on Saturday, so I hope I can help. I feel kinda guilty about it, because I haven't seen her in forever, so I don't know, like, maybe if I would've been visiting her more often, there might have been something I could've done. *sigh*

I've actually been a pretty shitty friend to most people recently, actually. Mostly because I've been too caught up in Shaun lately. What can I say: When I love someone, I love with a passion. Everything else just disappears. *sigh* Still, that's no excuse.
I'm sorry to anyone I might've been neglecting lately. I promise I'll get better. I honestly do still love you all dearly.
Talk to you guys later.
~Belinda
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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I just found a fucking tick in my hair about 5 minutes ago.
And mom thinks it's been there since last Saturday.
'-__-
My world has officially exploded. Alert the media.

Oy. I am scared shitless right now.

Besides the tick, today absolutely sucked monkey balls. Rabid monkey balls.
I almost missed my bus, I barely had any time to snuggle with Shaun in the morning because my friend was so pissed that the yearbook staff spelled her name wrong that she wouldn't stop hunting down everyone until she could convince someone to pay 200 dollars just to correct the misspelling--which, of course, she didn't,--I barely ate any breakfast before I left for school so I was starving all morning, the fucking teachers kept yelling at me because while we were watching movies in 4th period I kept holding hands with Shaun, and to top it all off: My eczema is getting worse. Ergh!

*HUGE SIGH* Man, I need to laugh. I think we all do.
In which case, here:

I shall now resume jerking off...
ily all
So much so that I will think about you all when I masturbate. Bye
~Belinda
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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

He's my Winona
Okay, first off, Cassie: Don't worry. Me and him have long ago agreed to wait until marriage for sex. He's also perfectly okay with me not giving him oral, so it'll be awhile before we do anything beyond dry-humping and making out.

Second off, Lee: Yeah, I know. It's just been really hectic lately, and it's really annoying because all I honestly want to do is be with my boyfriend. But I've got a million other things to worry about, so I don't even have the time to relax by myself much less with my boyfriend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things I've recently learned:

1. Simon Baker, the actor who plays Patrick Jane on The Mentalist and Christian Thompson in The Devil Wears Prada, is actually from New Zealand.

2.According to spell check, I can't spell New Zealand.

3. There are security camera in my school absolutely EVERYWHERE. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they had them in all the stalls in the bathrooms to make sure some kind of illegal bathroom sex isn't taking place.

4. Teachers and counselors at my school are not the least bit fond of public displays of affection.

5.Local assholes Jordan and That Guy are the absolute best gay couple that never happened.

6. Eczema is a bitch.

7.For that matter, so is my book bag. And my books.

8. I wanna scream I love him from the top of my lungs, but I'm afraid someone else will hear me.

9. I'm getting REALLY good at dropping FOB and Panic lyrics in my posts and actually meaning every word of them.

10.If mine and Shaun's relationship does end, then I am going to shoot myself.

11. This shooting will probably be accomplished with a camera to document my misery, but still. I really do love the kid to death.

Okay. I'm gonna go whore All Time Low on youtube now. Good bye!
ily all
~BElidna
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Thursday, May 14, 2009

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
WHY CAN'T THE WORLD JUST LET ME AND MY LOVER BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!?!!?
Honestly, all I wanna do is lock myself in a room with him for however long I can possibly go without food and sleep. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah. It is. I know.
Too bad I can't quite bring myself to care.

In all honesty, the world really is a broken bone.
And I'm not just saying that because it's a Panic at The Disco lyric either.
Oy... My head hurts. I am soooooo tired.
Geez...

Yup. Sounds about right.
ily all
~Belinda
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Monday, May 11, 2009

I honestly wanna do him side-ways on a hammock, in the ear, with a toothpick and a mountain of whipped cream. *sigh of ectasy* Ah, wouldn't that be the life! Fr srs.

I found an old letter from my mom, about 2 years ago, in which she admitted to having asked God to give me "a double portion of love." In other words, my habit of over-loving everyone and everything is almost entirely her fault. lol XD Thanks, ma.

That Guy's always looking at me from the corner of his eye now. I think he can tell something's different. I'm not as obsessed and clingy as I used to be. I have everything I need now, and I think he's noticing. I'm not sure though.
Anyway:
SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF HIM:
G.I.N.A.S.F.S.-Fallout Boy
Lollipop-DaveDays(originally by Lil Wayne)
(Coffee's For Closers)-Fallout Boy
Left Side, Strong Side-Cute Is What We Aim For
Time-Cute Is What We Aim For
Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too-Say Anything (It's more the title of the song than the actual song itself, though)

SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF DANNY:
I Wanna Marry My Stalker-Finger 11 (lol Those kooky Canadians!)
The Girl's A Straight-up Hustler-All Time Low
G.I.S.N.A.S.F.S.-Fallout Boy (It reminds me of Dan more so than it does Shaun, actually)
Are You Gonna Go My Way?-Lenny Kravitz (Again: more so the title than the actual song)
I Hate Everything About You-3 Days Grace
Curse of Curves-Cute Is What We Aim For
This Is How I Disappear-My Chemical Romance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
The card said a million different adjectives,
But I fear there's no words for this.
A nod of the head and a speechless breath just don't quite cut it;
But they're all I got.
They're all I can manage.

The sunroom's at it's best in the dead of night,
When we're the most alive.
Saturday in Monday's wake:
The word's are not enough, will never be enough, but they're all I got.
They're all I got.

ily all
~BElinda
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Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mothers day
I'm very pissed off.
Why did no one comment me?! Don't you all love me anymore?! :((( *insert sad puppy noises here*
So, anyway...

School tomorrow. I don't wanna go. Waah.
:(
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/yourmomgonewild/b782758f.jpg[/IMG]
Can't help it. She's hot. Love her make-up. lol

ily, all
~Belinda


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Friday, May 8, 2009

Uwaaaaaaah! It's Friday. And Shaun's now here.
I can honestly say I love that guy now. I'm probably opening Pandora's Box by saying/typing that to someone besides myself, but all I can say is God's Will be done. If we're meant to be, we'll be.*shrugs*

Also: Cassie, thanks for the awesome, awesome card. I luffles it very much.^^ If anyone wants to see it, here's the URL:
http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w253/ladyavarice/fobbday.jpg
Tis Wen-Wen-tastic.^^
Everyone else: thanks so much for the comments.They were lovely.

Now let's see...
Yesterday was the release of the school's literary magazine, The Vignette. 2 of my poems were published in there, and I got to read one of them at the unveiling yesterday. So it was sort of a recital. I kinda fucked up though. There was one part of the original that was almost completely left out of the printed version, so I ended up stammering over that part for a second. '-__- Argh... But people told me I did a good job, so either no one noticed or no one simply had the heart to tell me how badly I really did. I don't know. *shrugs*

Ahhhhhhhh... School's almost over. We'll be going to Florida in August. Most of August. :( I'm not going to get to see SHaun for most of a month.
No fairrrrrrrrrrr.

I might hang with Margret tonight if she's not busy. I'll have to check. Anyway, have a great weekend, everybody. Bye,
ily~Belinda
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Monday, May 4, 2009

Lets see...
Yesterday involved: relatives coming over, relatives giving me stuff (including my very own emo-tastic, pirate jakcet not sold anywhere in any Hot Topic [be jealous]), watching Yes Man (Jim Carey is my hero), falling asleep in the middle of the day while attempting to read Siddartha, waking up with a very irritating kink in my neck, only getting to eat half my slice of ice cream cake because I can't eat chocolate, and, of course, a very short, somewhat troubling visit with Shaun in which I accidentally left my phone over his house. (Stupid, stupid me.)

Today involved:
Waking up, trying to straighten my hair with my brand new straightener, having my efforts at perfect straight hair dashed by a very rainy morning, being envied mercilessly by Ashley because of my spiffy new pirate jacket (ahhhhh, that felt good), being taught extremely pervy sign language by some chick who's name I can't even remember, cuddling with my Jamaican Scotsman (because I'm now referring to him as Shaun Mon), enjoying the total epicness of my epic friend, forgetting to chastise Shaun Mon for forgetting to bring my phone to school so he could return it to me, coming home from school, doing homework, reading my book, and hating myself for not having any time to work on the story I'm supposed to be writing.
'-_______-
And I call myself a writer...
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
Please love me anyway
ily
~Belinda
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