Friday, February 27, 2009

This guy Sean asked me out on a date. We're set for movies, come next Saturday.
Um...yay?

Ehheh. I really don't know about this.
It's not that I don't like the guy or anything,--although I like Danny 10,000 times more, but Lord knows that's a lost cause--it's just... I suck at relationships. I always have.
No matter what, I just always manage to find a way to screw everything up somehow. And I really don't want to lose Sean as a friend, because he is just a total sweetheart. I'd never forgive myself if I ended up hurting him, of all people. He is just so cool.

In other news: It's Friday. Hallelujah. I'll be going over Margret's house at around 6, and we'll hang out, and I will promptly explode into a hysterical puddle of hysteria.
Oh. and I really cannot think properly at all right now, so... Here's a video.

Yeah.
That there is my friend Heather's theme song, as she's been telling me for the past 2 weeks now. lol
Alright, I'm about to go get something to eat, but before I go, has anyone read Shakespeare's A Midsummer's Night Dream? If so, then I am totally the 21st century Helena. Except, you know, without the happy ending. lol
I'ma go dive head-first into a carton sea-food salad now. bye.
I love you all.
~Belinda
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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Tuesdays...
Hey. I just want to start off by saying: thank you all so much for the prayers. They really helped.

Insane Rascal: Here, here!
P.S. Thank you X infinity. I really need it.

Cassie: If anything, you should wish for faith 100 times better than mine. Like constant faith, because mine comes and goes. I really wish I could be burning for God 24/7, but I have ADHD even with something as major as that, so I have to settle for random moments of clarity every now and again.

Jenny: ily 2, Jenny Bean. :) I hate to preach, but even when you don't want to, you really should pray. Trust me, it really helps, even when it doesn't seem like it. It's very tedious at first, I know, but it gets better the longer you do it.

Twists of Rain: Yeah, I thought it was pretty stupid of him too. But hey. Men are supposed to be pigs. They were created so the population wouldn't die out because they are physically programmed to always want to make babies.

Somebody drew a smiley face on my paper today. :) I'm happy. lol


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Sunday, February 22, 2009

...I am so tired. *sigh* ''-__-
My English essay is finally done, and I know it sucks to the point that when my teacher reads, I'll probably be demoted all the way back to 6th grade English, but I am far too exhausted to do anything about it. Besides, I still got an art project to finish and math homework to get started on. *yawns*

It would be so grand to sleep for the rest of the year. I honestly don't see what I'd be missing out on. What is to change? It's all the same, every day.

My best friends boyfriend broke up with her because she didn't feel comfortable making out with him yet.It really kills me that there hasn't been a guy yet who thinks she's worth waiting for, because she's such an amazing girl. The lucky bastards should just be glad she's even going out with them. I mean, really!
It wasn't as if they'd been going out for that long anyway.
It had only been about a little over 2 weeks.

*sigh* Men are such fickle, impatient, hormonal creatures. I know they're not all bad. I know there are some who can wait, but... Why do they have to make it so hard for me to believe in them? Why do they have to make it so hard for me to not hate them?
I just want to understand. Really. I don't want to hate anybody anymore. It never does any good.

Look, do me a favor, okay? Pray for me. Even if you don't believe in God, even if you don't like God, pray for me. Because I can't do this by myself.
Pray for me that I'll be able to break free from my shallow and petty grudges. Pray for me so that I'll be able to set the world ablaze. Pray for me that so that I'll be able to let everyone know how amazing and beautiful and special they are and how much God loves them and how much they should love each other and love God. Because they have a right to know.
I'm not trying to convert anybody, I promise.
I don't care if you never go to church for the rest of your life.
I don't care if you doubt and disagree with everything anybody's ever said about God.
I don't care if you don't have a religion.
This isn't about religion.
This is about the truth.
And, the truth is, my friends: You are beautiful. Beautiful in a way you couldn't even fathom, and you have purpose. A great purpose. I mean, you're so amazing, how could you not?

And one more thing: you are loved. You will always, always, always be loved in a way that you never thought possible.
And maybe you guys don't understand now, but it is my deepest hope that you will one day. Because, like I said, you all deserve to know exactly how spectacular and beloved you are. Everyone does.

ily
~Belinda
P.S.PRAY FOR ME, PRAY FOR ME, PRAY FOR ME, PRAY FOR ME, PRAY FOR ME, PRAY FOR ME!!!
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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I really wanna go back to being home-schooled.
The complete and utter stupidity of the bureaucratic school system is ruining my education. It is literally impossible for me to learn and enjoy what I'm learning anymore. Seriously. It's like my mind is being poisoned. I HATE IT.
All they ever do is give me papers with the most idiotic questions that I shouldn't even be dignifying with answers.
And, honestly, all I want to do is learn better.
Like, just read. Study the classics.
I don't need a bunch of over-the-hill, washed-up teachers ordering me what pages to do for homework or what questions to answer. (not that there aren't some teachers who actually like their job. There are.)
It's just too damn much. I'm sick of it.
There's no curiosity anymore. No will to learn. And, to me, that shouldn't even count as an education.
*HUGE DEEP BREATH*
OMG...
Got's hella homework to do. ''-__- I'm just gonna go drown in self-delusion now.
Bye. ily
~Belinda
P.S. Stephie, you are epic. Thanks so much for the comment. I had no idea I could smile so much in 2 minutes.
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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I'm sick. And cold.
Had a fever last night. Twas very blahhh. Couldn't sleep for the longest time.
And, yes, I did stay home from school today. Gonna have hella make-up work to do when I go back tomorrow. Which is totally not epic. '-__- Totally.

I'm alright in bed, but I'm better with a pen.

Our conversation this morning went as follows:

Him: What I really wanna know is, are you gonna go my way?

Me: It depends--are we growing up or just going down?

Him: We're going down. Down, in an earlier round. It's just a matter of time until we're all found out.

Me: That's why they say "Hey, man, nice shot."

Him: But I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses.

Me: Then just sit back. Can't take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid.

Him: Oh, shut up and drive. You walked into the room with a pencil in your hand. You saw somebody naked and you said "Who's that man?"

Me: Because something's happening here, but I don't know what it is.

Him: I'm having another episode.

Me: You just need a stronger dose

Him: Well, keep telling yourself you're not the desperate time.

Me: But you've got me looking in through key-holes.

ANNND end random lyrical sample moment.
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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Today=shittiness.
My alarm didn't go off, so I was almost late to school, and was completely paranoid and insecure for the entire morning.

Dan wore a shirt today that says "I don't know what's goin on." Well, he should know: He's the one who's making it all happen.
The one who's really clueless here is me.

I drew a picture of him a day or 2 ago, but I didn't get his hair right: It's actually 10 times flippier than I drew it. I swear, only God could design hair like that.

He gave me a really weird look on the bus this afternoon. A questioning look. Like I was doing something really bizarre. Truth be told, I didn't even mean to look at him. I just happened to be looking up at the time because I wanted to know how many kids got off at a certain bus-stop. Twas curious. *shrugs*



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Sunday, February 8, 2009

So...
School tomorrow. Ew.
I honestly have no idea what to talk about. I got hella books from the library so all I want to do right now is read.
dsafhilaflahlalajklnfkajnhkd
Here's a video:

ily all
~Belinda
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Thursday, February 5, 2009

Behold: Mah new hiar.

Yeah, it doesn't really show up all that well, unless the light is really, really intense.
But it's pretty. I like it. *shrug*

Oh. And apparently My Chemical Romance did a cover of Bob Dylan's Desolation Row. I IS INTRIGUED!!
COME, LET US OBSERVE!!!
My Chemical Romance - Desolation Row

OH. MY. FUCKING. MONITORS!!!
That was horrible!!! I couldn't understand a word Gerard was singing, and the lyrics are the best part of the song! I mean, just read this:


They're selling postcards of the hanging
They're painting the passports brown
The beauty parlor is filled with sailors
The circus is in town
Here comes the blind commissioner
They've got him in a trance
One hand is tied to the tight-rope walker
The other is in his pants
And the riot squad they're restless
They need somewhere to go
As Lady and I look out tonight
From Desolation Row

Cinderella, she seems so easy
"It takes one to know one," she smiles
And puts her hands in her back pockets
Bette Davis style
And in comes Romeo, he's moaning
"You Belong to Me I Believe"
And someone says," You're in the wrong place, my friend
You better leave"
And the only sound that's left
After the ambulances go
Is Cinderella sweeping up
On Desolation Row

Now the moon is almost hidden
The stars are beginning to hide
The fortunetelling lady
Has even taken all her things inside
All except for Cain and Abel
And the hunchback of Notre Dame
Everybody is making love
Or else expecting rain
And the Good Samaritan, he's dressing
He's getting ready for the show
He's going to the carnival tonight
On Desolation Row

Now Ophelia, she's 'neath the window
For her I feel so afraid
On her twenty-second birthday
She already is an old maid

To her, death is quite romantic
She wears an iron vest
Her profession's her religion
Her sin is her lifelessness
And though her eyes are fixed upon
Noah's great rainbow
She spends her time peeking
Into Desolation Row

Einstein, disguised as Robin Hood
With his memories in a trunk
Passed this way an hour ago
With his friend, a jealous monk
He looked so immaculately frightful
As he bummed a cigarette
Then he went off sniffing drainpipes
And reciting the alphabet
Now you would not think to look at him
But he was famous long ago
For playing the electric violin
On Desolation Row

Dr. Filth, he keeps his world
Inside of a leather cup
But all his sexless patients
They're trying to blow it up
Now his nurse, some local loser
She's in charge of the cyanide hole
And she also keeps the cards that read
"Have Mercy on His Soul"
They all play on penny whistles
You can hear them blow
If you lean your head out far enough
From Desolation Row

Across the street they've nailed the curtains
They're getting ready for the feast
The Phantom of the Opera
A perfect image of a priest
They're spoonfeeding Casanova
To get him to feel more assured
Then they'll kill him with self-confidence
After poisoning him with words

And the Phantom's shouting to skinny girls
"Get Outa Here If You Don't Know
Casanova is just being punished for going
To Desolation Row"

Now at midnight all the agents
And the superhuman crew
Come out and round up everyone
That knows more than they do
Then they bring them to the factory
Where the heart-attack machine
Is strapped across their shoulders
And then the kerosene
Is brought down from the castles
By insurance men who go
Check to see that nobody is escaping
To Desolation Row

Praise be to Nero's Neptune
The Titanic sails at dawn
And everybody's shouting
"Which Side Are You On?"
And Ezra Pound and T. S. Eliot
Fighting in the captain's tower
While calypso singers laugh at them
And fishermen hold flowers
Between the windows of the sea
Where lovely mermaids flow
And nobody has to think too much
About Desolation Row

Yes, I received your letter yesterday
(About the time the door knob broke)
When you asked how I was doing
Was that some kind of joke?
All these people that you mention
Yes, I know them, they're quite lame
I had to rearrange their faces
And give them all another name
Right now I can't read too good
Don't send me no more letters no
Not unless you mail them
From Desolation Row

Copyright ©1965; renewed 1993 Special Rider Music

And THAT is how you do Desolation Row, people!

What really kills me is that now all the teenies are probably going to think it's an original MCR song, not knowing that it's a Bob Dylan cover.
Oy. I'm pissed.
AND I still have epic writers block
ily all
~Belinda


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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I miss the days when she used to beg,
Despite the fact that things are probably better off this way.
The natural order of things couldn't concur:
To be respected isn't enough anymore, I need to be idolized.
Baby, I'm as indestructible as paper planes, and every bit as likely to crash.
I'm only a god as long as you say I am,
Only hideous as long as you say so behind my back.
And, I hate to say this, but I'm willing to sell whatever's left for a chance at an audience.
It doesn't even matter if That Guy's listening anymore, as long as everyone else hears, everyone else understands.
But it's kind of hard to give it my best when they have already gotten the best of me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*sigh* Yup. That about sums it up.
It's okay, you don't have to understand. Honestly, it's enough that you read it.

It doesn't make any sense. Nothing ever happens, but I'm always so emotionally drained. The world truly is a broken bone.

The weird part is, I'm not really in despair at all. Yet, all I want to do right now is put on an immaculate pair of pajamas, crawl into bed, read a life-time supply of excellent literature, and cry myself to sleep.
Hell, these days, that's all I really want to do... If I could spend my whole life, reading my books, writing my stories, talking to God, and konking out at the end of the day with nothing to restrain me from releasing every single tear I ever held back, I'd be the happiest girl alive.

I want to relax and I want to forget.

And I hate to bust out the oldest line in the book, but is that really too much to ask?

ily all
~Belinda
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Sunday, February 1, 2009

My brother and I dyed our hair pink today.
The sad/funny part is, his actually looks pinker than mine. Mine just looks bright red. *shrugs* Eh well. It did say on the box that it worked best on non-color-treated hair, and this is only the second time Robert has had his hair colored, whereas it's about the 4th or 5th time for me.

My grandmom loved the part of my story I showed her. ^^ She's my biggest fan. lol
Which reminds me, I still have to send Cassie the second chapter.

Man, I've got massive writer's block today. Srlsy.
There's, like, nothing going on up there today.
ily all
~Belinda
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