Sunday, September 14, 2008

After math of after mass...
Alright,
So let's see...
Things that have changed in the past 24 hours or so since I last posted. Hmmm...Well:

1. I have my little brother's bestfriend's phone number.

2. I made it through my first mosh pit with no broken bones. GO ME!

3. Thanks to my oh-so-reliable, God-given gift for writing depressing poetry, my grandmother probably thinks I'm suicidal.

4. I had a day dream during church about tackling That Guy to the ground. To this hour, I'm still trying to figure out whether it was just the heat , or is God trying to tell me something here?

Now, let us move on to myspace for the What Happens When I Don't Log on For A Whole Day portion of this broadcast. *opens up myspace in different window*

1. I apparently slept straight through an outing with my bestest friend on Saturday.

2. Evidently There's only one person who loves me enough to comment me.

3.Tia had fun last night.

4.I'm really starting to develop a very unhealthy fear of my myspace message inbox.

5. Dean can evidently listen to the Final Fantasy X soundtrack and copious amount of death metal without getting a migraine. Damn that multi-tasker.'''-___-

6.Cassie honestly thinks I could go more than a week without reading HSNE. HA! AS IF SUCH A THING WERE POSSIBLE!!!

7.I am now and will always be a total n00b when it comes to games.

8. Myspace caption thingies are the spawn of Satin. Or, worse yet, the spawn of Jordan.

9.Dean has now apparently resorted to watching porn. I am now caught between thinking "Oh, how very predictable''-__-" and stupidly hoping "Maybe he's only doing it to fill the void in his heart that I left because he's so miserable without me. :D" ...Er, yeah. You can see which split personality of mine got the brains in this screwed up family.

10. I will never be a cutter. Just a subconcious masochist.

11.I've got GINASFS stuck in my head now.''-__-
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU THAT HURTS, SO LEMME SEE YOUR MOVES, LEMME SEE YOUR MOOOOOOVESSSS....

12. My sort of kind of not really ex's dad is apparently a coke-head with a mistress. *cough, cough, DRAMAAAAAAAAAA, cough*

13.Dean's family puts the "fun" in "dysfunctional."

14. Ya ever wonder why "dysfunctional" is spelled with a Y instead of an I? Cause I do.

15.Dean has no life whatsoever.

Annnnnnnd... That's about it. ily all.
Love, Belinda
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Friday, September 12, 2008

fajr3ojruj9u4...Uh-huh
It's Friday. Thank You, God. *sigh of relief*
This week has been, hands down, the most hectic, dramatic, and chaotic of my entire high school career so far. And I can't help but think that it's only going to get more exhausting. Yeah, "This, too, shall pass." And then something worse will come along.'-__- Oh well.
Other than the loveless love drama thing, I can't complain. I'm not failing any of my classes. Nobody, as far as I know, flat-out hates me so far.
So I'm definitely surviving so far.

For those of you who are wondering, Dean appears to be doing fine without me now. So, no, no more breaking down in tears over lunch. *shrugs* Whatever. As of now, I just don't care that much anymore. The relationship was kind of doomed to end horribly anyway. I mean, he's a senior and I'm a sophomore, so like I said, even if we did manage to make it through the entire year, we'd only have just that much time together and that'd be it. Not to mention, I get the feeling Dean never really liked me that much, personality-wise, to begin with. Then again, I get that feeling with all the guys I like, so it's kinda hard to tell.

But anyway. I'm gonna go see this new band called When Gotham Falls tonight with my brother and his friends. There's gonna be a moshpit there and everything, so I guess you could consider this my first official "concert." I've also been to 2 Battle of the Bands, but one of them was at my school and the other one was at my church. So, yeah: my first mosh show.
I'm definitely going to stay outta the moshpit though, because otherwise I WILL be crushed. >.<
Seriously. I weigh less than 170 pounds. I'm not that durable.
But anyway, I love you all and I hope you guys all have a beautiful weekend.
Love, Belinda
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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dramaaaaa
Dean broke down in tears over lunch today.
When I went to ask him what's wrong, he just looked at me, shook his head, and looked down. *sigh* I'm worried. He's been looking completely miserable for the past few days.
Yet, in a sort of selfish way, I kind of hope it's about me. I know this sounds completely bitchy of me, but I can't but hope he suffered at least half as much as I did.
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Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I will die a virgin.
I say this not with despair but with determination. I mean it. No more romance, no more affection, no more obsession. I'M DONE.
I just can't put myself through this again. Never.
It's just not worth it. I actually broke down in tears once I got home from school today.
It's not so much the fact that he used me as much as it was the fact that I fell for it. I ALWAYS fall for it. I'm ALWAYS the victim of misplaced affection and I am so, so, so bloody sick of it. So tell those bastards with the scene hair, the guyliner, and the sob stories to find a new stalker. I'm sick of it. I quit.
~Belinda
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Monday, September 8, 2008

I'm sick and tired of writing songs about you.
I have Disturbia stuck in my head.'''-___-
Damn that Rihanna.

It was a very uneventful day today, thank God. No drama, no trauma. Mostly just head-aches and misery. Nothing to report on.
Poor Dean was still feeling sick from Friday, when he ate those radioactive pickles from Burger King. I really ought to sue those bastards. Not that I'm really all that desperate for revenge or anything. I just need the money. Then again, so does Dean. Unless he goes into a coma or something, we'll probably split it.
Oh. And anime club is tomorrow. ^^ WHEEEEEEEEE!!
I get to see Aquia and Natalie again! Can't wait!

Oh. And about yesterdays poem?
Well, as you all could probably tell, I spent the entire weekend feeling like a whore. Dean's whore, actually. '''-__- Yeahhh, it's complicated, but the short and short of it is, I have become something that I swore to God and myself that I would NEVER become: a friend with benefits. And it's driving me insane.'''-__- Seriously. For one thing, I CANNOT take being "just friends" with somebody who I like so bloody much.
For another, I can't take being physically loved by someone I'm not dating without feeling like I'm being used. I'm just too fragile for that.
*sigh*
Yet, when Dean doesn't do anything with me, I end up feeling all neglected and freak out that maybe he doesn't like me anymore. Oy. '-__- So, basically, I'm a complete masochist when it comes to this shit. I just refuse to be pleased.
But... That's basically it.
ily

Love, Belinda
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Sunday, September 7, 2008

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU 2 WERE DATING
I get sexy new heels and emo poetry. Ergo: Prepare to rock, bitches.

You're always reaching for my hand and wearing my heart on your sleeve, but you never, ever want just me.
You said you didn't want to get hurt again.
Well, darling, good news: You'll be walking away from this completely unscathed as I shatter into a million pieces.
And you said that this was only to get to know me better,
But you're just testing me to see if I've got the taste and what it takes to be your new favorite brand of eye-candy.
And they call us an item,
But God knows you're the only person, and I'm just your toy.
They say every dog has his day.
But, baby, you're living proof that every used gets a chance to play the user.
So three cheers for the revenge of the victims:
From heart-broken to heart-breaker,
From hunted to hunter,
From addicted to addiction.
But for me it'll always be from one obsession to the next.
I can never get the desired effect.
But, honestly, this drama was always what I wanted, to some extent.
And, besides, at the end of the day, you were always a sucker for a lay and I was always a sucker for a lie.
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Saturday, September 6, 2008

Ummm....
Went to the mall with Dean and my friends yesterday. It was... bipolar. At first it was kinda awkward, but it got better.
Dean pretty much knows everybody. Everybody, unfortunately this really annoying guy who I'm almost positive was either on drugs or slightly retarded. I know that sounds really mean because my brother has autism and all, but seriously: the guy wouldn't shut up about his penis! He even started harassing my friends about it!
It was NOT a good moment. '-_-
But good ol' Margret Margaritaville told him to leave. And he listened. So that was cool. ^^
God evidently thought so too, because about an hour later, He rewarded Margret with the oh-so-delayed arrival of her new boyfriend Sebastian.
Which brings us to the second topic of this post: two of my bestest friends are now dating each other. And I'm kinda worried. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally ecstatic for them and all, but... What if they break up? I mean, I've known Margret for 10 years and I have to see Sebby every day because he rides my bus, so... It's bound to be awkward. Not to say they're completely wrong for each other or anything, but I never thought of them as a couple. Ever.
Hell, I never even considered the possibility of them meeting each other. They go to different schools and don't even live that close to each other, so it didn't seem very likely to me. Still, I'm happy for them. Sebby's a great guy and if I had to hand-pick somebody for Margret, then somebody like Sebby would probably be one of the top candidates. I mean, she deserves someone who'll respect her and like her, and I'm pretty sure that would be Sebby.

And now for the final topic of the post: My mom knows about me and Dean. 0_0 And I didn't even have to say anything about it: She GUESSED. Seriously, it was hellazzz scary.
On the way home, we stopped at the grocery store and as soon as dad got out of the car was no longer within ear shot, she smiled at me all knowingly and was like "Something happeneddddddddd!^.^"
Me: O_O ...Huh?
Mom: you kissed somebody, didn't you?
Me: HUH???
Mom: Awww, your first kiss? Who was it? It wasn't a random stranger, was it?
Me: Hell no. Er, I mean, HUH...?
Mom: Was it Sebby?
Me: No, it was Dean--Er, I mean, um... Shit.'-_-
Mom: What? Awww, but I like Sebby. And Dean looks weird!

But the good news is, she said she wouldn't tell dad. She was obviously slightly disappointed though. She saw a picture of Dean before then and I think she's slightly afraid of him now. Margret said he was kinda creepy too. XD I don't care though. So far, I really like him. A lot.
The thing is... I barely know him. I think I might be falling too fast and too hard. Oy...'-_-
I always do this. I ALWAYS rush in before I know what the hell I'm getting myself into. No matter how many times I crash, I can never learn to wait.
I hate that. So much. *sigh* Pray for me, guys.

Love, Belinda

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Thursday, September 4, 2008

That Guy and This Guy
Hey. You know what's really, really weird?
That Guy's name is Dan Bennett, his initials therefore being DB. But the guy I like now's name is Dean Barris, meaning his initials are DB too.
Two DB's in a row! lol
But, anyway, about Dean...
He's awesome. Completely, completely awesome. He's a non-pompous religious anime freak like me, he's easy to talk to, he's funny, he's smart, he's nice, and best of all: he likes me back.^^
He sat with me at lunch today and walked with me to my class after. <3 It was very boyfriend/girlfriend-ish. There was a lot of hugging/holding involved.^^
But there's only one problem: He's a senior and I'm a sophomore. Meaning, he's gonna be graduating this year. So I only got this year with him and that's it. '-___- Oy...
Oh well. It's not much of a happy ending, but there's nothing I can do about, so I guess I'll just have to enjoy it while it lasts.
I mean, I can definitely tell already that we're probably going to last longer than me and Hunter did. Seriously: no contest.
Hell, I might even eventually start to prefer him to last years DB. I'd say it was a definite probability at this point.

Unfortunately, life obviously just can't bring itself to rock this much for much longer, so I just know something's going to go horribly, horribly wrong. But due to my natural bliss at having found someone great that actually likes me, I simply cannot beware this time. So, in other words: I'm screwed.
Ah well. Might as well enjoy this brief period of utter perfection while it lasts.

But you guys better still love me when it all goes to Hell. Because God knows I'd never be able to make it without you all.
Love, Belinda
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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

dum da dum da dummmmmmmm
Oy...
My back feels broken. And, ya know what, I don't really feel like talking about my shittytastic day today, so let us proceed to the video:

Yeah. Sorry for being lazy, guys, I just really don't wanna talk about it today.
I love you all
~Belinda
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Sunday, August 31, 2008

Shut up and be proud
REPLIES TO COMMENTS:
Jenny: I know, right? It rules! I mean, it creeps me out, but I can't help but enjoy the attention.^^ And, don't worry about it, I love your comments.

Cassie: It wasn't, really. What do you mean SUDDENLY? Wasn't I always a very interesting person? (j/k)And, yeah, school buses kinda suck. But my friend Staci is gonna start driving next year, so she could probably drive me to school.

Hey, guys.
I got 2 poems for you all today. The one, I wrote last year about That Guy, and the other, I wrote just last night and it's kind of a continuation of the first one. So here we go.

THE AFTERMATH
She asked me to tell her story.
But I don't do biographies and she didn't do legacies.
Her only New Years resolution was to survive and she couldn't even do that right.
"Well, there's something inside me," she said. "I don't know what it is or how long it'll give me to live. But however short my time is, give my regards to the boys in the band and send my love to whoever cared enough to listen."
He begged me to never mention him like this again.
But there are just some things I can't forget.
His only other ungranted wish was for her to stop staring and start making sense.
She was stuck stalking his shadow to the ends of the earth until the very end.
"Well, there's something inside her,"he said. "And she knows perfectly well what it is. So tell her to deal without the dealer. All she needs is digression and distraction from the drama."
But it wasn't just the withdraw, it was the "without anything to draw from."
The drugs were just a distraction from the addiction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE AFTERGLOW
To her, it was just such a waste.
An entire years worth of watching and waiting down the drain.
All the same, she couldn't quite bring herself to say that nothing should've changed.
"Well, it's over," she said. "So good-by and good riddance to my sweet sickness. The demon of my addiction will just have to go back to hell empty-handed."
He didn't quite know what to make of it.
I thought it was nothing less than a miracle that he even noticed.
But for someone who's entire world was music, he sure was comfortable with the silence.
"Well, it's over," he said. "And I can't really say it makes much difference. But I could've never been comfortable with such an intense audience. So tell her good-bye and good luck.
I was told she'd love me forever, but I always knew she'd find something better."
But it was never meant to be an upgrade, just a replacement.
Just because she moved on doesn't mean she's not still in the exact same place.
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