Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I love you, CASSEH AND JENNIEZ!
Earlier today, I tried to write a To Kill a Mockingbird parody. Twas to be told from the perspective of Boo Radley. I didn't get very far. I only wrote one page and a puny paragraph. Still, I think it went pretty well though. I might post it later this week.*shrug*
Anyway...
I just read the latest chapter of Cassie's and Jenny's story, and it is SO good that I simply MUST whore it. Like, now.
SO SHUT AND READ!!!!!!!!
chapter seven: trapped in the closet

the three teens passed the time until the other's arrived in a pretty boring fashion. they watched music videos and chowed down on snacks. pete left a good ten minutes before anyone else showed up. he was leaving to go and pick up patrick, which cassie was eager to see now that she had the newfound courage to ask him out.

cassie had known patrick since ninth grade and always kind of liked him for just as long. so cassie tried to stick with her plan that she would ask out patrick tonight, the thought made her heart skip a beat but she tried to remain calm.

she was half tempted to talk jenny into making her hit on ryan but she knew that jenny wasn't really ready for that and would probably have a heart attack if she were to ask.

jenny and cassie had been sitting on the couch when the phone rang. cassie grabbed it and heard a soft girl voice on the other end.

"cassie?" the girl voice asked

"yeah." cassie said unsure of who was on the phone as the voice didn't sound too familar. jenny was looking at cassie curiously, obviously wanting to know who was on the phone.

"it's belinda..." the voice said and cassie's face brightened as she recongized it was her young friend belinda.

"hi, belinda. how's the food poisoning?" cassie asked. there was a light sigh before belinda anwsered.

"oh? puking my guts out? going great!" belinda said weakly. "anyway, joe came over and told me that you're having a get together at your place tonight." belinda said.

"um yeah, some people are coming over but it hardly counts as a get together." cassie said trying not to make belinda feel bad.

"i wanna gooooooooo! but my parents won't let me out of the house!" belinda whined weakly.

"don't worry belindy, we can all hang out again when you feel better." cassie said.

"is william coming?" belinda asked with a newfound sense of determination in her voice.

"ah, no actually." cassie said. she had forgotten that belinda had an epic slightly stalkerish kind of crush on william beckett, a senior and the school's student council president.

"ah, i feel better now..." belinda said as she kinda trailed off.

"um how's spencer?" cassie asked. she didn't know whether or not belinda had talked to her home economics partner but she was curious.

"i haven't heard from him in awhile. not since he called me a million times to tell me it's MY fault that we got sick when it's obviously his fault! i told him to cook it longer!" belinda cried and it seemed that remembering the tainted tuna dish that caused their sickness in the first place sent another wave of nausia through belinda and she quickly got of the phone.

shortly after cassie got off the phone with belinda there was a knock on the front door. cassie looked back at jenny who was on the couch and jenny looked nervous, obviously thinking it was ryan at the door. cassie went to the door and pulled it open and grinned as she saw ryan and jon standing on her porch while brendon and krissy stood behind them.

she welcomed them in and stood there as the four teens entered her house. everyone had basically come over at least once and she thought that ryan was the one who had been over the least amount of times. cassie followed them into the living room and found that jon had taken a seat next to jenny and ryan next to jon, while brendon and krissy sat next to each other on the smaller loveseat.

cassie didn't think that brendon had asked krissy out yet or krissy would've been desperate to spill the details.

"hey, cassie got any snacks?" jon asked as he looked over at her hopefully. she nodded and started into the kitchen.

"i'll help." she heard brendon say and in seconds he was in the kitchen with her. cassie pulled out a couple bags of chips and whatever else she had that could be considered a snack, while brendon leaned against the counter watching her.

"so, i hear you're gonna ask out krissy." cassie said smiling at brendon. brendon looked surprised but answered with a "yeah."

"does that bother you?" brendon asked. he had opened one of the bags and had poured the chips into a bowl. it was cassie's turn to look surprised.

"no, why would that bother me?" she asked as she copied brendon's actions.

"you know why." brendon said with a slight smirk and cassie rolled her eyes before she picked up one of the bowls of chips.

"we don't talk about that remember?" she said as she headed back into the living room.

"guess i forgot." brendon teased as he followed her.

cassie tried not to be thrown off by the mini conversation that she and brendon had just had. now she was just eager for pete to return with patrick in tow. but until then she was focusing her energy on getting jenny to talk to ryan, seeing as jenny wouldn't do it on her own.

"hey, ryan." cassie said, getting ryan's attention. he turned to look at her as did jenny who was slightly wide eyed as if afraid that cassie would say something.

"jenny was just telling me that she was dying to hear about that painting you're working on in our art class." cassie lied. jenny looked somewhere between terrified and confused. ryan turned to look at her instead.

"really?" he asked and jenny managed to make herself nod. ryan grinned as did cassie. she knew that ryan was a big art freak and that bringing it up was almost a surefire way to get some ryan time for jenny.

"jon, switch me seats so i can talk to jenny." ryan said with a nudge to jon's side. jon looked like he'd not like to be bothered with moving but he stood anyway and allowed ryan to scoot over next to jenny. cassie could only hope that jenny could keep calm.

jon stated that he was using the bathroom and left the living room. jenny looked up at cassie.

"i think cassie's interested in the painting too!" jenny said and she looked at jon's now vacant seat. cassie took it as jenny not wanting to sit alone on the couch with ryan so cassie shrugged and took a seat next to ryan.

brendon and krissy were listening to ryan talk but krissy had slipped a hand up around brendon's shoulders and brendon grinned. before much time could pass they heard the front door bang open and pete's loud voice fill the room.

"we're back!" he called as they heard him head into the kitchen. "and we got beer!" joe's voice added.

andy and patrick entered the living room just as jon came back from the bathroom. cassie looked over at patrick and her heart beat a bit quicker as their eyes met. she got up off the couch, much more eager to hang out with patrick then to sit and listen to ryan.

at this point jenny didn't seem too broken up that she had gotten up so she smiled as she approached patrick.

"hey, patrick. you want a drink or something?" cassie asked and patrick gave a nod as he followed her into the kitchen.

pete and joe were already in the kitchen. pete was in the fridge pulling out drinks and chilling beers while joe was cracking open cases of said beer.

"pete, hand me two soda's." cassie said as she leaned against the counter.

"soda? wouldn't you rather have beer?" joe asked and cassie shrugged.

"not yet. maybe later." she said and patrick agreed. "oh trick, i listened to that cd you gave me." she told him and his face kinda lit up.

"yeah, you like it?" he asked and she nodded and he grinned.

in the time span of fifteen minutes drinks had been passed around and someone managed to score a bag of weed. jon and joe were lighting up in the living room when megan arrived.

"sorry, i'm late." she said and cassie half wondered if megan had waited until gabe had left for that wedding before she came over. megan quickly joined in the activities.

by twenty minutes joe, jon, and megan were pretty high while brendon and krissy were downing drinks. ryan, cassie, jenny, and patrick were drinking but lightly. pete was kinda getting pretty wasted pretty quickly and andy wasn't drinking at all.

at some point pete wobbled up to cassie, his hands on her shoulders and his breath smelling like alcohol. "heeeeeeeyyy, caaaaaaaassssiiieee." pete started. "i was just telling jon about that time i jumped off your roof when i was sixteen...remember that?" pete asked and he really didn't wait for cassie to anwser but she did remember that. "well jon doesn't believe that i did it! can you believe that?" again pete didn't wait for an anwser and patrick who was sitting next to cassie at the time started laughing.

"so i told him that you taped it for me! so i need you to get the tape...so-so i can show him." pete half slurred and cassie tried to remember if said tape still existed.

"i think it might be in my closet ." cassie said as she tried to think of the last time she had actually seen the video tape. it seemed likely that it was there and cassie knew that pete wouldn't leave her alone until she at least looked for the tape.

cassie gave a light sigh. "i'll go look for it." she said as she got out of the recliner she was sitting in.

"i'll go with you." patrick said as he too stood. cassie felt a blush cross her cheeks as the thought of patrick alone in her room with her crossed her mind. she hadn't forgotten that she wanted to ask patrick out tonight and this could easily be the opportunity she was looking for.

the duo headed upstairs while pete argued with jon that he did jump off the roof. they entered cassie's room and cassie's heart beast fast. patrick had been in her room before but someone had always been with them...they were never alone.

cassie looked to the closet. she thought that the tape was on the shelf in there.

"you said the closet right?" patrick asked and she nodded. patrick walked to the closet and cassie followed.

"there's no light in there." cassie sighed as she stepped into the dark closet. she was surprised that patrick had followed her into the closet. the closet wasn't too large but large enough for two or three people to fit into comfortably. "i think it's up here." cassie said as she stretched up to the top shelf, her fingers barely brushing the shelf.

"i think i'm too short..." she said with a laugh. patrick who wasn't much taller then she was stepped up and reached up to the shelf feeling around. as patrick was searching there was a sudden loud banging noise from downstairs and something fell over. whatever fell over downstairs hit one of the walls with enough force to shake the walls.

cassie heard another bang and just as suddenly the closet door was pushed closed.

"what the fuck was that?" patrick asked though cassie could no longer see him.

"shit..." was all cassie replied. patrick didn't know yet...but the closet door was broken and couldn't be opened from the inside. "patrick...um, are you clostraphobic or scared of the dark?" cassie asked.

"um no. why?" patrick said and she strained her eyes to try and see his face.

"because we're kinda stuck in here." cassie said and patrick didn't say anything and cassie felt nervous.

"you're kidding right?" patrick said and cassie shook her head even though patrick couldn't see her.

"no...i'm not. we're stuck..." she said. "that closet door gets stuck."

cassie heard patrick sigh again. there was silence between the two of them and cassie felt completely nervous. they were locked in a closet together, it's not like there was a better time for her to ask him out. she didn't though and she felt stupid for chickening out.

"pete will probably come up here to find us. we probably won't be in here long." she heard patrick say in a reassuring way, it sounded like his voice had gotten closer. cassie shifted out from the back of the closet, her hands out in case she bumped into patrick. she felt her hand slide across patrick's shoulder.

"sorry.." she mumbled as she went and settled back against the wall by the door.

"it's okay.." patrick sounded strange too and she could hear him moving. "put your arm out." patrick said lightly and cassie did as he asked. she waited before she felt the warm tapping of patrick's fingertips trying to find her in the dark.

his hand wrapped around her wrist and she could hear him moving. she heard a light thud and assumed that he had went to the wall too.

"we could call for help?" cassie suggested.

"they have the music on downstairs...no way they'd hear us." patrick said and she could almost see him leaning against the wall, his face concentraiting on finding a way out. "hey, won't jenny come looking for you? you are her best friend." patrick asked sounding slightly hopeful.

"nah, she's probably too busy talking to ryan." cassie said. she absentmindedly pressed against the door hopeful that it would open but it didn't budge. "that's the whole reason i invited ryan tonight anyway." cassie said with a slight sigh.

she was a bit worried. if no one bothered to come and find them they could be up there for who knows how long.

"wait, jenny?...i thought you liked ryan?" she heard patrick ask and cassie laughed.

"what? no way! ryan's too girly for me. cassie said. there was a silence before patrick spoke again.

"oh...well...do you like someone?" he asked and cassie's heart started beating quickly. patrick sounded nervous and cassie knew that she had to tell him, it was perfect timing so she took a deep breath and spoke.

"i like you patrick."

it had slipped from her lips before she even realized it...'shit' she thought. she had just said that she liked patrick and now they were locked in a closet...if he didn't return her feelings, then things were about to get fucking awkward.

"you...what?" patrick said sounding surprised and she was insanely glad he couldn't see her because she was blushing.

"i-uh-like you." she mumbled out and she felt so stupid. this definitly wasn't how she pictured telling him and she just wanted him to say something anything, to let her know that he liked her too.

cassie could hear patrick moving again and her breath hitched lightly as she felt the warmth of his hand take hold of her's.

"i guess it's easier to tell someone you like them when you can't see their face." patrick said with a small laugh and she was unsure if she should laugh too.

"i've liked you for a long time patrick." cassie began, she was now worried that patrick didn't like her back and she still wanted him to say that he liked her.

patrick's words floated around her head as she waited for him to say something. he had said that he thought that she liked ryan. "wait, patrick?" cassie began.

"yeah?" he asked and he sounded almost as nervous as she felt.

"you thought i liked ryan...so were you jealous?" cassie asked as she grinned into the darkness. patrick didn't say anything and cassie laughed a bit. "you were! so that's why you were in a bad mood at lunch? because ryan was around?" cassie asked still smiling despite patrick not being able to see her.

"well, i mean ryan's way better looking so of course i thought you liked him." patrick said to her and she felt her heart jump a bit.

"no, no way patrick. trust me, it's you i like." cassie said, her voice dropping more serious.

"that's good." she heard patrick say and cassie felt his hand slide up her arm and the other hand found her cheek. it was like patrick wasn't sure where she was at. "because i like you too." he whispered into her ear and she could barely hear him with her heart beating and the blood rushing to her ears. but she did hear him and she sure as hell felt when he kissed her.

it was sudden and soft and patrick's lips were warm. his hand was still on her cheek while the other slid back down and held her hand. cassie's hand went to patrick's neck, his gingery hair brushing against her fingertips. it was eveything she had wanted for the last two years and here she had it in the form of patrick's tongue in her mouth.

patrick moved his hand to her waist and pressed her back against the closet wall. she grinned into their kisses and thought that now she didn't mind so much that she was locked in her bedroom closet with patrick stump.

it was then that the two teens heard a scraping noise and the door was pulled open. the light from the room poured inside the dark closet and cassie and patrick's mouths broke apart as they looked, squinty eyed and still holding each other. they looked up at a very shocked and still kinda drunk pete and a happy yet surprised looking jenny.

in that moment cassie thought that jenny and pete possibly had the worst timing ever.
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Monday, April 7, 2008

Lets get fucked up and die
I am so tired. Don't really feel like writing anything, so I'm just gonna take a bunch of quizzes and post the results, okay? I'm too lazy to care.
19

$4915.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.

44%

149,065 People

If I were a Dead Russian Composer, I would be Aleksandr Borodin. Son of a 19th Century Russian prince and a...non-royal...mother, I went to medical school and became a biochemist. Most people, however, (and probably my twenty cats as well) agree that they'd trade all of my scientific discoveries for another set of "Polovetsian Dances." Who would you be? Dead Russian Composer Personality Test

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Sunday, April 6, 2008

The hills are deaf with the remnents of Battle of The Bands
Hey.
Went to Battle of The Bands on Friday night. LOVED it. Another Secret Told is a bloody God-send. The Hint, too. Oh, and can't forgot unprecedented. Now, shut up and go whore them:
http://www.myspace.com/unprecedented
Shit. Couldn't find Another Secret Told.

http://www.myspace.com/thehintteam
Seriously. Go whore them. Like, now. Thanks.
AI LUFFLE YEW AWLLZZZZ
~MWAH!~
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Thursday, April 3, 2008

"And Love doesn't always work!"- Aquamarine.
Yeah, no shit, lady. By the way, that cute sk8er boy in my 7th period that likes me? I found his myspace. If any of y'all are curious, here's the URL:
http://www.myspace.com/chunk183

Also, I'm still a total Danny-whore at heart. And, on that note: Damn it.'-__-
Duuuuuuude, I'm, like, so tired today! I can barely think straight. I think I'ma go kill some brain cells with Civ IV.
Oh, and here's the url to MY myspace:
myspace.com/cold_as_yuki

AU REVOIR, HONEY MUFFINS
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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Life sucks.
Love me or die. FIX IT WITH EYES!! '''-__-

P.S.THE SINGER FROM ALL TIME LOW IS A SECKZ GOD.
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Saturday, March 29, 2008

TIME TO DANCE (misheard lyrics)
Hi. I made a misheard lyrics version of Time to Dance, by Panic. Now, read it or I'll shoot you. Thanks.

Welshie shot beet things on the ballroom floor
Just for Tea's attention.
Cuss that!
This ridicules Lee Todd.
Welshie, you're a faggot.

Here, a-sitting:
Trashin' magazines, limes, and walls, now.
The walls lie, the bull, it's soul!

Have a composer.
Where is Herb's oscar?
Oh, no nose!
You're fooling the Tigger,
Pulling the Tigger!
All wrong.

Halves, some Kosher?
Where is Europe, stir?
Oh, know nose!
You're up-ruling the trigger,
Ruling the Tigger all wrong!

Gimme A V, Gimme Alice, Gimmy,
You're a ten shin!
Gimley a Ve, Gimme ma list, baby,
Get me a brake!

When, eyes?
Hey, shotgon, you play wedding!
Shotgun, ready? Shotgun, ready?
Shotgun's ready!

She did knit.
Use this role.
Bush'll play it and, mace, it's sincere, soul.
You cry? You cry.
Bsuifhishf
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Friday, March 28, 2008

THE CATALYST, CHAPT 20
(The following was based on an excerpt from the diary of Jonah Knolle CXX.)
4/3/09, Friday

Complexity is contagious.
And if unrequited love is the new starvation, I think I might just be anorexic. Because never in my life have I felt so empty as I do now. Now, when I’ve got an entire world of poetry and politics gleaming back at me, staring right through me, cutting me down to size. Now, when the only time I don’t spend thinking like her is thinking about her. Now, when all I can do is watch the nebula of passion and pessimism and participation as it glistens with the brilliance of everything that ever mattered, all the while knowing full well I’ll never be part of that of category.
It’s sort of like looking at the stars and the planets while your half of the earth is still cloaked in darkness: it’s luminous, it’s beautiful, but at the same time, it’s unsettling. It makes you feel so small, so powerless, so insignificant. Sure, it’s beautiful and you can’t look away, but at the same time, it’s so humbling.
And that is exactly what I feel when I read her words, her thoughts: So scared, yet so empowered. So pathetic, yet so blessed. And it makes me so hungry, so desperate for more, but in another sense, it makes me whole. It, my friends, has been my beloved drug for 2 solid years now. And she is my beloved dealer.
However, I’ve been ready to give up the ghost for about more than half of those 2 and a half years. Seriously. It’s been bloody maddening. Ever since I read those first few written comments of hers, I‘ve been thinking and feeling and saying things I don‘t have the slightest comprehension of. I haven‘t a single clue of who the hell I am anymore! Yeah, I remember when it all used to be so simple and shallow. When I was nothing more than just another juvenile, callous, superficial jack-ass out for a laugh and some pleasure at everyone else’s expense. Yeah, nothing but sin and satisfaction. It was perfect. A total devil’s paradise.
And then, I mutated into what I am now: an irritable, infatuated, oh-so-tantalized sack of hormones, nerves, and borrowed contemplations. This, of course, is all her fault. Her words are my drug and whenever I’m high, I always wallow in concepts far too profound and far too complicated for my understanding. And, being the complete, oh-so-obsessed addict that I am, I’m high pretty much all the time. Meaning, I’m miserable pretty much all the time.
So, in other words, yes, it’s true: complexity is contagious. Trust me. I’m living proof.
And the kabuki face paint-covered, blonde, oh-so-drag-queen-like emo boy cliché that was seated across from me a mere 95 minutes earlier is my living testimony. Or undead testimony, as he’d probably prefer, the little vampire-wannabe.
Yes. that’s right: Vash came to visit today. And this time, he couldn’t even be bothered to at least pretend to be moderately sane by entering using the door, the little freak! I swear…
There I was, just reading a copy of the latest narration of hers in bed, not doing nothing to nobody, when I hear this weird tapping noise come out of nowhere. Now, of course, I assumed it was somebody at the door like anybody would, because, well, what else would it be, right? But I was too lazy and far too engrossed in her writings to see who it was at the time, so I simply automatically called out, without looking up: “Go away.”
But evidently it didn’t want to. Because the knocking almost immediately came again, this time a bit more insistent. And irritating.
“Dammit, I said go away! I’m busy!”
But apparently not busy enough to be too busy for a quick, impromptu drumming routine, because this time I hear a repetitive, rhythmic, oh-so-demanding: “TAP-TAP-TAP-TAPPITY-TAHHHHHP-TA-TA-TAP!” over and over again.
So, with my unknown provoker still banging away on what I assumed to be was the wooden entrance, I irritably grouched over to the door, opened it, and saw that no one was there. Uh, yeah. So, of course, there I am, thinking it was either some kind of stupid prank or I‘m just going a lot crazier than I thought and am starting to hear nonexistent noises when there sounds an oh-so-unfortunately familiar cry of “Over here, Joey!” And so I turn around. And, guess who I see at the window. No, really, guess. Anyone? Anyone? ANYONE?? That’s right. Vashoutoh ---ing Malluste. My dear uncle-in-law. My dear, dear, over-affectionate-to-a-point-of-sexual-harassment, possibly bisexual, bleach-haired, paint-faced, ear-and-lip-pierced, serpent-eyed uncle-in-law.
Oh, joy.
Me: [goes over to window] “What the ---- are you doing here, Malluste?”
Vash: “Oh, just hanging around. Here. On this towering, God-knows-how-many-feet-high house of yours. Very precariously. With nothing but this unusually slippery window ledge to keep me from falling to my death… Yeah, you know: The usual.”
(Oh, that reminds me: Did I mention my room is all the way up in the attic, at the summit of a possibly lethal, probably neck-breaking, estimated forty-something foot drop? Because, well, it is.)
Me: “How the hell did you got up here?!”
Vash: “Well, I don’t know, Joey, but if you don’t let me in, you’re going to see how the hell I’ll get down there.” [Gestures towards ground]
Me: [sighs warily] “Dammit, Vash…” [grabs one of his arms and starts pulling him inside]
Vash: [pulls himself up and into the room with the other arm, then “accidentally” falls on me]
Me: “WAH!” [is forced, crashing, to the floor, with Vash landing on top of me]
THUD!
Vash: [is smiling dubiously] “Whoops… Sorry.”
Me: [deep breath to keep from throttling Vash] “Okay. One: No, you’re not. Two: That BETTER be your life savings down there. And, three: GET THE --- OFF ME, YOU BASTERD!!!”
And then, of course, my mother, being concerned about the crash that had come from me room, with her impeccable timing, just had to pick right then to waltz into my room unexpectedly. (Uh-huh, yeah. Can you say “awkward”?) She was, as anyone can imagine, not at all pleased to find her notoriously evil, “bi-curious,” rockstar brother-in-law on top of her precious, oh-so-spoiled-by-her baby Jonah. But, oh-so-incorrectly assuming it was actually my will to have Vash on top of me, she dared not interrupt our “intimacy.” (No. Oh, dear Gawd, HELL NO. Never.)
Vash: [stares at the door in the wake of my mother, mildly bemused] “Well… That was awkward.”
Me: “…” [performs concentrated, well-aimed punch to Vashes stomach]
Vash: “ACH!” [rolls off me, doubling over in pain] “…Ow. Ow. Owwwwwww…!”
Me: [hastily gets off floor, fuming, stomps over to bed, and plops down indignantly] “Did you come over here just for a thrashing, Malluste? Because, really, all you had to do was ask.”
Vash: “Hey. That was an ACCIDENT, I swear! My foot slipped!”
Me: “Uh-huh. Yeah, sure. What the hell were you doing out there anyway? Couldn’t you have, like, I don‘t know, used the door?”
Vash: “Well, I figured entering via window was more romantic. Besides, I wanted to surprise you.”
Me: “Oh…” [reaches for the copy of the girls commentary to resume reading] “Well, I’m surprised. Mission accomplished. Bye, Vash. Don’t let the door--or window--hit you on your way out.”
Vash: [sees copy of commentary] “Oh, dear Gawd, boy! Are you STILL reading that poor girl’s diary?!”
No, of course I wasn’t. Technically, it wasn’t her diary at all, but a copy of an entry from her diary. Yeah, I know, that‘s just as bad, but ever since I sprouted a conscience, I don’t like thinking about things that make me feel guilty. And the fact that I’ve been reading my crushes diary for about 2 and a half years now without her knowledge much less her permission is one of those guilt-inducing things. But I wasn’t about to try to get Mr. Sold His Soul To The Devil For a Million Dollar Record Deal to understand this, so I just ignored him.
[INSERT 25-SECOND-LONG PAUSE HERE]
Vash: “Actually…” [sidles up next to my bed, and sits down in nearby chair] “I’ve got some news about your li’l girlfriend that you might find rather…. Surprising.”
Me: [Glares vehemently at Vash from beneath my eyebrows] “What’d you do to her, Vash…?”
Vash: [blinks at me in fake bewildered innocence] “What’d I do to…? Oh, Joey! [while laughing hysterically] What kind of monster do you think I am?”
Me: [still glaring] “The one you are.”
Vash: “Yeah, well… You’re a very smart kid. But this time the culprit seriously isn’t me. You remember that guy I used to work for?”
Me: “The albino?”
Vash: “Yeah, him. See, I’ve just heard from a very reliable source that he recently sent a cyber invitation to your girl to come down to his house in Chicago for a job offer.”
Me: [Is eyeing Vash suspiciously] “What kinda job, Malluste?”
Vash: “Um… One that wouldn’t exactly suit her. I mean, it’s not illegal, but trust me: You don’t wanna know the details.”
Me: [makes “incorrect answer” game show, buzzing/alarm sound with my mouth] “Nope, sorry, Vash. Too vague: Spill, Malluste.”
Vash: [sighs in fake dread and apprehension, pasting a perfectly martyr-esque, solemn grimace unto his face] “Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya…”
And then the over-dramatic little gender-bender tells me, as if this is the worst, most grisly, heart attack-inducing news ever shared, that his ex-boss wants the girl to be the co-lyricist for his world-famous rock band.
Me: “Okay. And…?”
Vash: “What do you mean ‘AND’?! YOUR [would be] GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO BE HIRED BY A GANG OF MUSICIANS THAT YOU’VE NEVER EVEN MET AND WHISKED AWAY TO HOLLYWOOD!! ISN’T THAT HORRIBLE ENOUGH?!?!”
Me: “Er… Not really. It actually sounds like the perfect job for her--her lyrics rule!”
Vash: “Yes, but do you honestly think SHE ‘LL think that? I mean, from what I’ve heard, she’s so conservative and withdrawn and understated, she’s practically Amish! Why, she would never have anything to do with something as famous and public as the music industry!”
Me: [sniggers coolly] “Yeah, and what’s your ex-boss gonna do about it? Kidnap her?”
Vash: [looks at me very grimly, speaks in a low, dark, sage-like voice] “Jonah, the question isn’t whether or not he’ll kidnap her. The question is, what will he do with her once he has her?”
Me: [smirk evaporates, narrows eyes to 2 suspicious slits] “You’re bluffing.”
Vash: [raises eye-brows challengingly] “Am I…? Because if I’m not and you don’t find out until too late, well… I’ll leave the consequences up to your imagination.”
At this, my insides froze.
My stomach lurched. It felt like I’d just been kicked in the kidneys, as the full meaning of what might happen to my beloved dealer sunk in. I can still see it now: Her, locked up in a dark, damp dungeon of a basement, slowly fading away into lifelessness from the maltreatment and malnutrition, exploited over and over again for the perfect verse, the best chorus, the hottest track. Her, being driven slowly--oh-so-agonizingly slowly--insane in her isolation and anguish. Her, with a razor sharp pencil, stabbing herself over and over again, too desperate for words, begging for death to save her. I nearly threw up just thinking about it.
Vash: “Joey…” [Watches my face pensively, automatically knowing my thoughts]“We can’t let that happen.”
Me: [nods slowly, still too sickened by lingering mental images for words]
Vash: “But we can’t depend on the police, you know. Wenterz, [my ex-boss], hasn’t got a criminal record of any kind: We’ve got no way of proving what he’s bound to do. And he’s so hard to catch that once he does it, it’ll be too late. They’ll never find her until he lets her go. So… We’ll have to take care of it ourselves, I‘m afraid.”
Me: [raises my anxious eyes to his yellow, serpent-like gaze] “How…?”
Vash: “What do you mean ‘how’? Boy, you’ve practically got an entire army at your disposal. There are at least a thousand ways to insure the girl’s safety.”
Me: [shrug] “I could lend her a legion of body-guards.”
Vash: [shrug] “Yeah. You could. But what happens if the so-called ‘body-guards’ get caught following her around? I mean, the girl doesn’t know she’s in danger and therefore wouldn’t realize they were just trying to protect her. And if the police find out her would-be stalkers are connected to you, well… That doesn’t help anybody, does it?”
Me: “But how do you know they’ll get caught?”
Vash: [snorts] “Well, no offense, Joey, but they’re not exactly ninja’s. I mean, they’re about as stealthy as a rabid bull in a red china shop.”
Me: “Okay… So what do you propose I do?”
Vash: “Well… I’ve got this one idea…But I’m gonna need you to lend me a generous fraction of your li’l army.”
Me: [rolls eyes warily] “What’re ya gonna do and how many Supreme Court Justices will I have to bribe?”
Vash: [chuckles dismissively] “Oh, relax, Joey! Trust me! I’ll behave. I mean, really, what’s the worst I could do with only a 10th of a legion of Euro-trash mob goons in a nice, secure little suburb like this?”
Ehheh. Yeah. He just HAD to ask.
FOUR DAYS LATER….
4/7/09, 8:10 AM
Me: [is sitting at dining-room table, pensively gazing at today’s paper]

Newspaper Headline: “PERRY HALL HIGH-SCHOOL MASSACRED, HUNDREDS KILLED, THOUSANDS WOUNDED, ALL TRAUMATIZED; KNOLLES MAFIA FAMILY SUSPECTED”

Me: [silently reaches for phone, dials Vashes cell-phone number]

Vashes voicemail: “…. So, please leave a message after the beep and I’ll get right back to ya. Thanks.” BEEP.

Me: “Hey, Vash? Go fuck yourself.”

CLICK.

And that, dear children, is why you never trust your evil, rockstar uncle, who is probably immature enough to be treated like your cousin, with a small faction of your family’s ungodly powerful army of mass murderers.
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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Yeah... FINALLY managed to get to the library. FINALLY. I was there for like 4 hours just reading this one book called Peaches. XD
Also, I have new favorite word: Tantalize.
Definition: To excite (another) by exposing something desirable while keeping it out of reach; to be so tempting yet unattainable to a point of torture.

Yeah, I figured because of all the unrequited love shit I've had to put with over the past eternity of months, it suits me pretty well, no?
Anyway, I've gotta finish writing this chapter before my writers block kicks in again, so au revoir Sweetz.

P.S. Homsar, you've ruined "Honey Muffins" for me. Good job." lmao
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Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Oy... I need to get to the library. Seriously. I've been itching for something new to read all week.
And now my baby sister is sitting on my lap telling me my emoticon's are mean....Yeah. I swear, I love her to death, but looking after her is getting SO tedious. I just can't deal with her and all the other kids 24/7.
Also, my bestest friend eva, Margaret, showed me her possible future boyfriend on myspace today. His name's Tom. (No, not myspace Tom. XD)
And he looks like a younger version of K-fed, only cuter.... Yeah. I dunno. Margaret thinks he's adorable, but I'm like "Meh... Whatever." Anyway, I'ma go play Civ 4 now, so au revoir, honey muffins.

Love y'allz~Shadowme
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Sunday, March 23, 2008

I'm not okay, I'm not okay, I'm not oh-fucking-kay.'''-__- Having another episode. Can't snap out of it. And I don't even know what it is. Argh...
I swear. THere's only so much of this I can take. I'm about to break down.
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