myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-05-02
Gender
• Female
Location
• Here
Member Since
• 2005-05-30
Occupation
• Life preserver :)
Real Name
• Belina

Personal

Achievements
• http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said
Anime Fan Since
• Ever since Pokemon
Favorite Anime
• I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3
Goals
• Make it out of here in one piece
Hobbies
• Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown
Talents
• :)

myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Read the post below this one
Not until lunch time did I finally manage to get it out of him. Apparently, he had been doing a lot of thinking over our brief separation period and had concluded that I was but a manipulating, heartless, Satin-spawned succubus. Well, those weren’t his exact words. What he actually said was, “It just frustrates me how every time we see each other, we end up fooling around,” but what I heard was, “I think you’re a loveless, soulless, sex-craving whore and that you’ve just been using me all these month for cheap, sexual thrills.”
This thought was completely preposterous. Firstly, we did not end up fooling around every time we saw each other. There were times when we just hung out too.
Secondly, we had been together for almost a year. Jon was crazy if he thought the only reason I had stuck around that long was because of weekly make-out sessions. As anyone with a computer and internet access knows, there are plenty of other ways to get thrills besides using random guys from one’s school.
Jon disagreed. These differences in opinion led to a very heated discussion and the heated discussion, in less than a minute, escalated into a colossal fight.
I spent the last five minutes of the lunch period and the first half hour of the following class period crying my eyes out, and the rest of the week trying to stall the inevitable. Alas, no matter how much space I gave him and no matter how hard I fought to keep our love from dying, Jon thought me clingy and my affections irritating. I had become but a burden in his eyes and it tore me apart.
Neither I nor Jon had any idea how it happened, but clearly something vital in our relationship had broken, and there was no repairing it. That week, as I desperately flailed day after day to keep our romance alive, I felt a little bit like a child trying to resurrect her dead puppy. That’s how hopeless the situation was.
Finally, I could delude myself no longer. The relationship had to end lest the pain get worse. That Saturday, I went over his house with my mom parked in the driveway, waiting to act as the getaway car driver, and told him that things had changed, that we had changed, and that I couldn’t take it anymore. Not even able to look at him, I took a deep breath and ended it. Then, I broke down in tears right then and there, as he just stared at me with wide, round eyes, doubly blinded by the salt water in my eyes and the sunshine streaming in through the open door in the garage. Not being able to take seeing me in tears even then, Jon awkwardly placed a hand on my shoulder and mumbled something about this being for the best and everything going to be okay, but I didn’t hear him. As if robotic, I pushed past him and got in the car. The second my mom peeled out of the driveway, I began to wail with fresh sobs. For nine months, I had sacrificed so much for that boy. He wasn’t my first kiss and he wasn’t my first time, but he was my first everything else. I had given him my heart, my innocence, my trust, even my lungs, in a way, as I was allergic to dogs and cats, and Jon owned both in abundance. All my efforts, all my sacrifices, had been for nothing. I don’t know how long I cried after that, but it was dark out by the time I stopped.
The present me could not take this strain anymore. She needed a rest--a long one. Someone else had to take her place in the meantime. Someone tougher, wiser, and stronger. In order to do that, I needed to be reborn. With this thought in mind, I went inside to leave my mom a note, then headed out, armed with nothing but a rosary, a cell phone, and what little money I had in my purse. Not daring to think of anything else but the road in front of me, I hiked down to the nearest convenience store, purchased the brightest, boldest, most rebellious color of hair dye I could find, then walked back to my house.

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