myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-05-02
Gender
• Female
Location
• Here
Member Since
• 2005-05-30
Occupation
• Life preserver :)
Real Name
• Belina

Personal

Achievements
• http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said
Anime Fan Since
• Ever since Pokemon
Favorite Anime
• I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3
Goals
• Make it out of here in one piece
Hobbies
• Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown
Talents
• :)

myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

Monday, July 11, 2011

I don't like myself at all right now.

I feel like such a has-been. An empty shell.

I haven't accomplished anything or done anything I can be proud of in forever.

Plus my paragraphs and sentences are getting shorter. And less interesting. And less grammatically correct! I CAN'T EVEN SPELL GRAMMATICALLY RIGHT WITHOUT SPELL CHECK ANYMORE!!!

To give myself some credit I have written a bit in the past month but I haven't looked at it since I wrote it so I have no idea if it's any good.

Went camping with some friends at Ocean City this weekend. Parts of it--like swimming in the ocean and taking pictures on the beach--were fun. Other parts--like getting into a giant fight with Josh over the phone because I feel incredibly intimidated by his best friend Kait and being stupid enough to take the relationship advice of an extremely biased friend--were not.

Actually, I had to leave early because I missed my family and Josh way too much. Is that pathetic? Yeah, probably. I'm sorry, God. I'm sorry, World. I'm just not ready to grow up yet.

My sporadic mind would like to delve into the depths of the semi-relevant and completely paradoxical for a moment so I apologize in advance, but sex is incredibly depressing (sometimes.) Well, this time, specifically.

I mean, I never actually did it tonight or any other night. With my trust issues there's no way I'll let anyone in in the literal sense before marriage. But I have done pretty much everything else... I think? Despite my experience, I am a virgin in the deepest sense of the word and therefore there are probably methods and favors and techniques I could never dream of, but most things the average person can think of, I've done... and tonight I almost cried. I'm not entirely sure why so it's probably just hormones... Or maybe I am every bit as filthy as I feel?

But no. I can't let myself think that. I've been down that road of shame way too many times and it never gets better. Sadly, that's the way it is with most of my thoughts.

LE SIGH. '-__- I really should not be sitting here alone right now. Bad things happen when I'm alone--well, no, it's more like shadows of dangerous and destructive thoughts are half-conceived. I really need to get control over my mind. It's freaking ridiculous that I have to resort to drugs (my medications, not the infamous Mary Jane) to control my mind.

That's an exaggeration... Most things I think and write are.

I am the girl who cried cancer when it was just chicken pox.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME!!! I'm boring. :P
HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS!!!

1. What is/are your deepest fear(s)?
(Being alone and completely untalented.)

2. Why would someone keep a loaded gun in an oven?

3.Why are people so disgusted with creamy, milky complexions (i.e., less than brown/orange skin)?

4. Whats the stoopidest thing you have ever heard?

5. What is the most important thing in a relationship: passion, commitment, or intimacy (not necessarily sexual)?

6. Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

7. If the path to Hell is paved with good intentions, is the path to Heaven paved with murderous ones? And if it is do all aspiring con artists, rapists, serial killers, and lawyers go to Heaven?

8. Does this font make my butt look big?

9. What's the secret to defeating insecurity?

10. What other question should I ask?

ily
~Belinda

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