myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-05-02
Gender
• Female
Location
• Here
Member Since
• 2005-05-30
Occupation
• Life preserver :)
Real Name
• Belina

Personal

Achievements
• http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said
Anime Fan Since
• Ever since Pokemon
Favorite Anime
• I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3
Goals
• Make it out of here in one piece
Hobbies
• Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown
Talents
• :)

myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

Thursday, August 11, 2011

So... My flash drive with my story on it got sand in it. I don't know if it still works. I don't know if I should care, honestly.

I hate myself for saying that. I was born to write and the book was supposed to be my baby but I haven't worked on it in so long. It's weird. I never have any trouble committing to relationships, but I always end up giving up on books and projects at some point. Once it stops being fun there just doesn't feel like a point. I guess I need to push myself a little harder... a lot harder.

In some ways I'm conflicted though... I don't want to be JUST a writer. I want to sing and act and dance and model and PERFORM instead of only sitting in front of a computer, typing away for hours on end. There's a stereotype that says writers are supposed to be quiet, bookish types.

I am the antipathy of quiet.

Oh, I can keep my mouth shut when I need to, but I'm not shy. Performing is a shot of adrenaline surging through my veins, heartbeat pounding, spotlight blinding--complete and utter Heaven. I don't want to give that up. Unfortunately, I have to because outside high school I know there's really not many opportunities for performing.

But I'm worried. I'm worried that once it sinks in that now that I can no longer be that crazy skeleton of pathos and unyielding emotional energy on the stage making everybody from students to parents to teachers think "Dayum. That bitch can RECITE/ACT/WRITE!" I will either come completely undone and break down or suppress everything that makes me loud, obnoxious, dramatic me and squish myself into society's box of normalcy.

Writing is the only way to save myself from those occurrences but I don't feel like it's enough. Or maybe it is and I'm just greedy.

There's an Oscar Wilde qoute that goes somewhere along the lines of "art's ultimate aim is to conceal the artist."
There's a lot of truth to that.

I probably just need to get over myself. That's usually how most of my problems are solved. (Well, that and a lot of prayer.)

ily
~Belinda
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