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Saturday, October 1, 2011


You know... Maybe I should have been born without genitalia. Maybe I should go into the bathroom, cut my tits off, sow my vagina shut and just live my life without sex or boys or anything resembling it.

I feelings too. I don't how not to have or show them--I never have and I don't know if I ever will. I'm a terrible liar. I'm passive-aggressive and viciously hostile most days and almost every time I try to be my own person I come to the inevitable conclusion that I don't like myself enough to be just me.

I've heard you have to be happy in yourself before you go into a relationship, but the truth is I thought I was. I liked myself for the most part. I was fun and cute and low maintenance and nice, even on my bad days. The only time I was truly sad was when I was lonely and I got lonelier and lonelier as time went on until Josh and I happened. And I don't want us to un-happen. He's a drug that intensifies everything. My bad days are worse and my good days so much better because of him... I don't know. I don't really want to think about it. As far as my mortal eyes can see, it's just one dead end after another
ily
~Belinda

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