myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-05-02
Gender
• Female
Location
• Here
Member Since
• 2005-05-30
Occupation
• Life preserver :)
Real Name
• Belina

Personal

Achievements
• http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said
Anime Fan Since
• Ever since Pokemon
Favorite Anime
• I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3
Goals
• Make it out of here in one piece
Hobbies
• Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown
Talents
• :)

myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

Monday, November 21, 2011

I'll survive. That is one fact life has taught me. No matter what happens, no matter who I lose or love or hate, life goes on and either you succumb to the pain and kill yourself or you bite the bullet and keep on living despite the emotional broken glass in your side, the boulder weighing down your heart so the vesicles and your lungs are almost touching.
Another thing life has taught me is you can't depend on anything--except God, but even then you have to be careful because what you want isn't always what He wants. Not at first, anyway.

For this reason, I'm no longer scared of what I'll lose. I know no matter what I'll keep living because I'm too much of a pussy to die. I couldn't kill myself in eighth grade for fear of hell, I couldn't kill myself after Margaret and I broke up for fear it'd hurt my family and Josh too much, I couldn't kill myself two weeks ago for fear everyone would spend too much time and money mourning me, and I probably won't be able to kill myself in the future for some other reason.

So I'll keep living. It won't feel like living at first because I'll be so miserable and agonized but at least then I know I'm not hurting anyone. I'll keep going, keep breathing...

I think in the past I underestimated the accomplishment of surviving. It's harder than people think. Harder than I think.

Sorry. I know I sound like a Lifetime movie. I'm just thinking...
ily
~Belinda
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