myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-05-02
Gender
• Female
Location
• Here
Member Since
• 2005-05-30
Occupation
• Life preserver :)
Real Name
• Belina

Personal

Achievements
• http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said
Anime Fan Since
• Ever since Pokemon
Favorite Anime
• I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3
Goals
• Make it out of here in one piece
Hobbies
• Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown
Talents
• :)

myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

Thursday, December 29, 2011

6 in the morning. Felt like I should do something productive like work on my story, but as soon as I pulled up the document, my mind was blank and I didn't have the will to think of anything to put down. I can never write simply whenever I feel I simply should do it, I have to be in the right mood for it.

Besides, even when I do force myself to write, it usually doesn't come out very good. :/ It just doesn't flow.

How was everybody's Christmas?
Mine was pretty good. Got to see a lot of friends and family I don't get to see normally--well, family, anyway. I don't actually have any legit friends besides Josh and you guys and maybe one or two other people.

Didn't get a lot of gifts and I'd love to be really mature and say that it didn't bother me, but it kind of did. I put on some weight since last year so I needed some new clothes and I'd told my parents that, but apparently I didn't stress this enough because all I got was a pair of leggings, a knit top, and a gift card to Forever 21--which is nice. It's just a lot less than I need. :/ I don't know. I don't want to whine about shit that really doesn't matter, it's just I'm having to face some harsh realities right now. One of my worst fears is being confirmed--no one will take care of me. I'll have to take some stupid, dead end job I hate in order to support myself and there's a very good chance I will never get published or become a full-time writer like I've always wanted to. Honestly, I'm really daunted. Everything seems like it's all going to go to crap any minute and is never going to get better.

I just really, really, really need some good news, some sort of confirmation or assurance that all my dreams and my work will amount to something. No one can give me that though. I'm too young and it's too soon to tell. Too much of it depends on me and the decisions I make now and in the distant future.

I'm growing up. And I'm scared.

ily
~Belinda
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