myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-05-02
Gender
• Female
Location
• Here
Member Since
• 2005-05-30
Occupation
• Life preserver :)
Real Name
• Belina

Personal

Achievements
• http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said
Anime Fan Since
• Ever since Pokemon
Favorite Anime
• I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3
Goals
• Make it out of here in one piece
Hobbies
• Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown
Talents
• :)

myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Just realized I'm a spoiled, priveleged, undisciplined brat.

Suddenly, my unemployment makes sense. :/ As does my mild distaste for Summmer.

As unpractical as it is, I don't apply for jobs the way some people don't digest lactose. This is probably completely fixable and purely psychological, but there's some stubborn sense of pride and privelege interwoven deep within me that asserts opportunites should come to me and not the other way around.

School is the only way to prove to myself that I am not completely hopeless when it comes to hard work--or any work, really. It's also perfect because the only thing I have to do to get the oppurtunities to earn better grades in school is show up.

Life's not like that--you have to go out of your way and look for jobs and promotions and all that shit.

Does anybody remember when they were young and thought that at some point they would simply and automatically be switched out with someone resbonsible and mature and hard-working? That growing up meant acquiring a split personality to do all the struggling and planning and work?

I do. I can remember with particular clarity entering my senior year of high school and being overcome with dismay that I was still me and not some practical, all-knowing grown-up that just looked and sounded like me--and then realizing with horror that that day would never come and I was stuck with myself for the rest of my life.

Dear Heaven. Still scares the shit out of me.
Self-absorption is such a dangerous endeavor.

Might finally get over myself and work at the nursing home where Rob works. As long as they don't put me in the same dining room as him, I should be fine.

In other news, everyone on my facebook (besides Corn) has turned into a bunch of complex, emo bastards and their requests for short story/poem topics are therefore no longer any fun, so I'm going to ask you guys. Give me the most random, craziest topic you can think of--something light and fun and ridiculous, please--and within a week I will write either a poem or short story and post it both here and on facebook.

Thank you!
~Belinda
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