myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-05-02
Gender
• Female
Location
• Here
Member Since
• 2005-05-30
Occupation
• Life preserver :)
Real Name
• Belina

Personal

Achievements
• http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said
Anime Fan Since
• Ever since Pokemon
Favorite Anime
• I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3
Goals
• Make it out of here in one piece
Hobbies
• Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown
Talents
• :)

myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

Monday, October 15, 2012

Joshes and my relationship pretty much went to hell over the weekend.
Ostensibly, everything was fine and then, in the midst of a fit of desperation and despair over him not wanting to take me home and disrespecting my religion, I blurted out something extremely hurtful and he just shut down. Went statue stiff. Wouldn't even look at me.

I cried the whole way home and after he left my mind just went to the darkest place possible and my mom had to drive me to the emergency room for suicide prevention and it was just terrible.

I called Josh later to do damage control and it was like talking to a brick wall--all one word answers and grunts and mumbles. From what I was able to piece together, though, he still loves me but he's sick of me acting like an insecure, passive-aggressive bitch, which all except for one time I honestly had no idea of.
There was probably alcohol involved.

So even though it's not official, he's pretty much gone and all I can do is sit here in this damn room by myself and wonder what the hell went wrong and what I'm supposed to do now and think how fucking stupid I was to believe everything he promised me.

I know I'll survive. I always do, but I really have no idea how.

I'm just so fucking pissed off. After everything we've been through and everything that's happened, one fucking sentence just makes that all null and void.

I'm gonna go... cry, stuff my face, rant to someone, I don't know.

ily
~Belinda
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