myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-05-02
Gender
• Female
Location
• Here
Member Since
• 2005-05-30
Occupation
• Life preserver :)
Real Name
• Belina

Personal

Achievements
• http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said
Anime Fan Since
• Ever since Pokemon
Favorite Anime
• I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3
Goals
• Make it out of here in one piece
Hobbies
• Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown
Talents
• :)

myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X

Monday, December 17, 2012

Starting to feel slightly better.

My crying fit only lasted about an hour or two today. Watched Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights on netflix. That definitely helped.

I'm scheduled to hang with Margaret tomorrow evening. You remember. We ripped each other's hearts out a couple years ago after 12 years of friendship because of misunderstandings and because of some boy who ended up leaving anyway?

Yeah, well, from what I can tell she's forgiven me and I've forgiven her, so... Yeah.

I've had this guy Chris in Illinois talking to me for a while. He's going through something similar, so we've kind of just been a distraction to each other.

He's not Josh. But Josh is gone. At this point, I doubt I'll ever see him again. Although I better because he owes me $290. '-__- Figures he dumps me AFTER I give him hundreds of dollars...

Whatever. I'll send a message to his mom on facebook about it if I have to. I don't know if it'll accomplish anything, but at least he'll have someone nagging him about it besides me.

My heart hasn't completely regenerated yet. I can't trust anyone with it yet. I'm not sure I want to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was on the phone with her when she made the first incision
Felt the knife slice,
Heard her flaps flip
--off—
And I knew the skin was gone.
A wince at the wound escaped her lips.
Then she sipped her w(h)ine and went
Right on talking about the Weather.
“Bella,” I said, “Bella, what you done?”
She laughed: “There’s so much pain, there’s no room for pleasure.”

When the paramedics got there,
They found her passed out, pants down,
Blood pooling around her hips
And what used to be her lips.

She said she’d been listening to the wrong mouth,
And she was tired of getting killed by triggers
From the south.

In the ambulance, she reached for me,
Whisper-screamed:
“Be my Midas,
Make me yours,
Make me gold.
Carry me in your pocket
Wherever you go.”

I wanted to.
Believe me, I always wanted to.
But I knew she wouldn’t fit
And I didn’t want to take
The piece she’d cut off for me,
So while she was sleeping in the surgery,
I held her hand and let God hold her heart.
I reached in and ripped off
A sliver of her pain,
Tied it around my waist,
And let myself turn emerald.

We are your wounds,
Your lost loves,
The ones who promised they’d never leave,
Then left.
No matter how much you try to slice us
Out of your hearts, mind, and skin,
We are still there because you loved us once.
And we loved you too.

I gave her hand one last squeeze,
Got my coat,
Turned to leave,
And asked God if in the future
Her weather might be better
And come to better ends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For some reason, cutting off genitalia has always been a motif of mine. XD Maybe I'll write something about cannibalism or anal rape next. Delightful as always, I know.

I love you
~Belinda
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