Saturday, July 5, 2008

Would You Still Love Me & Mean It?
well it takes a 5th guy to show me that guys are fucking bastards. some not all, just the ones i find and get attached to. i swear i think this guy is finally going to be the death of me. I'M SUCH A STUPID, FUCKING NAIVE BITCH! what the fuck is wrong with me? can someone tell me? please?

well as you all know i broke up with Aubrey and i will tell you all how this came to be. on the 26th of june i asked Aubrey a question and it was 'do you think i'm holding you back from certain things?' his answer was 'kinda' so i took it the wrong way thinking he meant sex and i still believe that's what it was even though he said he doesn't care for that, but i call bullshit. i asked again after the break up and his answer was 'school and work' that's what he felt that i was holding him back from. oh wow.

you know, i had a really fun time watching the fireworks, i have some voice comments that i recorded of me watching the fireworks, you can hear them in the background it sounds like gunshots going off. but when i came home i didn't think i would come home to something that would break me, i didn't think i would come home to something that would hurt me. my best buddy Greg called me and mind you i just got home from all the fun and excitement. i come home and i get comfortable, and Greg calls me and asks if i'm sitting down..

i told him 'no, i'm not, why? whats wrong sweetie?' and Greg says 'Hun, i love you we all do, i think it's best if you sit down' so i go to my room and sit on my bed and Greg says 'once again we love you and when i say we, i mean Rosie, your mom and i. sweetie, Aubrey has a new girlfriend' when he said that it felt like someone took a fucking knife and just stabbed me to death. i couldn't stop crying and i still am, i have to take breaks from typing. Aubrey is all happy and shit with this girl, she's my age and has two kids. and you know, i don't think he ever wondered how i would take this, how i would react to this shit.

he's all 'im so in love with her. Shes the one ive been looking for my whole life' and 'I dont need 2 meet anyone when i have her in my life' i shouldn't say shit. i guess he didn't like the fact that i wouldn't give it up to him. well i'm sorry for that, i'm just a good girl in that fucking department. i promised myself i would only give myself to the person i truly love. i come with a lot of problems and issues and i just wouldn't want to take Rosie down with me. Rose deserves better, not some fucked up girl.

to be honest i just want to sleep for days on end and never wake up, i want to sleep like i'm dead to the world..
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