Sunday, October 19, 2008

One To Many, She'll NEVER Be Happy ...
well guys it's over. my instincts never cease to amaze me. he was avoiding me and his mom is helping him with it. i called his home and his mom answered the phone i asked her if patrick was home, guess what she did? she hung up on me...
i called his cell none stop and he never answered, not even a return text message. i left him a voice message, i couldn't stop crying. but hey i took the hint, that he's avoiding me and doesn't want to be with me. in the voice message i told him to be a man and give me a reason why he's doing this, why he's throwing away what we have. i told him if he's a REAL man he'd call me and give me a answer and not hide like he's doing.

my mom called the home phone to see what i was up to and she heard how i sound she knew something was wrong and i couldn't hide it anymore i just broke down in tears. then she said 'hold on, i'll be there okay?' so she left work to come and check up on me and she asked me what was wrong and i told her that patrick's mom hanged up on me and so on. when i told my mom all of that she got pissed off. she told me to stop crying and that he's not worth the tears. she gave me a hug and told me that everything is going to be ok and went back to work. then Greg called and i told him what happened and he's pissed too and told me that i'm just wasting water on him.

also, i think his mother told him something, i dunno what but she doesn't like me and the reason she don't like me much is because i'm spaniard. she perfers him to be with his own race. i was his first spanish girl ever. i think he should make his own decision who he wants to be with. before he met me he was in a ugly depression but when he was with me he changed, that's what others said to him, the reason he was different was because he was happy. when we talked the last time i told him i wanted him to better himself and he told me he is bettering himself, he's bettering himself 'cause he's with me. what hurts the most is that when we hanged up he said 'Babe, I Love You'.

yet again i have lost another Bf. Patty and I were together for three months, i still can't believe we lasted that long, i still believe we could have stayed together much longer. i dunno what the fuck i do wrong? my mom told me that it's not me at all. this was my second longest relantionship with a guy. my first was with Jack. i told my mother that i'm going to fucking balloon up on food so that way nobody won't find me attractive and NOBODY would want to touch me, she said she's not going to allow that to happen. you know what else is fucking miserable? my best friend Keith, you guys remember Greg talking about him? anyways i've known him for three years and when i ran into him he told me that he's always had a crush on me. then when i told him that i had a Bf he told me this, i copyed it off of the e-mail he sent me;

'Just to keep him on his toes, tell him you have a Canadian just waiting for him to slip up so that he can steal you lol. And just in case you didn't get it yet lol, I think you are awesome lady e mail or chat with me anytime, I'd love that. Take real good care of yourself, hope to hear from you soon, I love you ..'

he likes me. and i just act stupid like i don't know he loves me more then just a friend. whenever i see him again i'm going to confront him and tell him i know that he cares more for me then just a friend, i get a strong sense that he likes me more then just a friend and when i do, i'm going to tell him i'm not going to be with anyone for some time and the reason is because i'm still very much madly in love with patrick.

i'm gonna go, i look like a fucking idiot crying over the goddamn keyboard.

here's a favorite Qoute of mine;

'And So The Lion Fell In Love With The Lamb. what A Stupid Lamb. What A Sick Masochistic Lion'

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