Sunday, October 26, 2008

Hang In There Kitty..
hey guys *hugs all* it's been awhile since i've posted. i'm somewhat okay, i'm not excellent but i'm okay, it's better then anything, right? well i took some new pix yesterday, i had to do something, anything just to keep sane so i took pic's. there was only one person i would smile for in pictures and that was Patrick, i don't have him anymore so whats the fuckin' use in smiling in pic's, but i thought of him and only have two pictures of me smiling.

i'm trying to be strong and get out of this fucking pain but i see his name everywhere, like when i'm watching a movie and they roll the film credits, i see his name, Patrick. and i think to myself 'Ah shit' and then i start crying. ever since the break up i can still hear him. every time we would end our conversations on the phone i'd blow him a kiss or two and he'd blow back like 5 or 6 and i'd just melt and start laughing like the goof tard i was Lol. but i know in my heart someone had something to do with the break up besides his mama, i just want them to know that it's going to come back to them threefold.

i also did something VERY fucking stupid. when i tell you guys please don't get angry or pissed off at me. now when i did this i was in a really ugly state ok, i found a brand new shaver still in the bag in the restroom a couple of nights back, i took it out broke it apart and used the razor blade and i carved 'My Own Worst Enemy' on my stomach. the next morning i woke up like i got hit by a fuckin' big rig. yeah i felt like shit. i wasn't on my pills at the time, but i know that's no excuse but i'm making damn sure i take them when i'm suppose to. i talked with Keith not to long ago and told him about the break up with Patty and Keith told me that Patrick never deserved me in the first place. i didn't have the balls to tell Keith that i know he likes me, i think it's best to just keep that to myself.

well today is already sunday can't wait for monday, i'm getting paid so i'll be able to get out of the apartment, i need some air, all i've been doing is sleeping all day towards the night then wake up and eat, then lay in bed watching tv like i'm fuckin' comatose, also been playing my radio and cd's 24/7 music always seems to keep me sane, so i'm thinking of maybe buying some cd's and maybe some dvd's just to keep me busy and such. it's already 2:25AM, i'ma go watch some movies, talk to you all later guys *hugs and blows kisses*

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