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AIM
• HalfbreedMomo
E-mail
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• Asakurazaki
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Birthday
• 1991-12-17
Location
• Finland. Unfortunately
Member Since
• 2004-11-20
Occupation
• Heavy Hippy
Real Name
• They call me Jay
Personal
Achievements
• Becoming a seme of 2 girls and ONE GUY. He's so cute. Oh yeah. and. I HAVE A SON! <333333
Anime Fan Since
• Since I saw Ginga. Aboute 4 years old kid.
Favorite Anime
• Currently... Naruto, Ouran High School Host Club or... I don't know.
Goals
• To make Omen A ((Our band, Im the drummer and the leader-sama)) to succeed
Hobbies
• Drawing, collecting manga and candles.
Talents
• Drawing, cooking, messing up
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Saturday, May 28, 2005
Damn it....
*sigh* I cant dumb him. You know why? I will excplaine it to you.
I have told you many times how we are so alike. Well. You know I have tried suicide secerval times too. So has he.
Once, I was bored and started textmessaging him. We talked a while, then I asked what he was doing. Hes answer was 'Im standing in a field a gun in my hand'.
It was clear what he was trying. He told it to me too.
We're much alike. We both live for only one person. Without that person, I wouldnt be alive anymore. Same thing with him. As my guardian angel, its not your business who it is. But for him..... its me. Im the reason hes alive. He said it himself. Hes friends have said so. So if I leave him, I will kill him. In hes msn reads 'Johanna is my life, if I lose her you will lose me because we will go different places after life'. Isnt it clear? I would leave him if he wouldnt be so close to kill himself.... And this feels desperate. I want to help everyone, tho I know I CANT help everyone..... I just want to be there for everyone. As for now, I gotta hide my feelings from him, and now matter how much I hate it, I gotta pretend to be inlove. Life is just a game. When he feels better, I will leave him. Or waite he leaves me. Life is hard. But we gotta handle it.
As my life out here.... I hate it. And he doesent make it any better. I have my reasons why I cant make a suicide, if I told you you would laugh, think Im crazy or just not understood, but I cant. I hate this. I.... hate this. Because everyone here calls me bat. Because everyone here hates goths. Because everyone thinks that goth and satanist are the same thing. Because everyone keeps telling me Im ugly. Because everyone keeps pissing me off. Because everyone out here hates me. Because I hate everyone out here.
I dont feel depressed. I feel.... Angry. Desperate.... I feel Milessannes feelings. Tho I dont mind. Milessanne and Angelica.... make me understand life better. They make me understand my feelings. And as they do, Im sorry to say but I cant love anymore. Not the way I used to. I do love but.... I never know if its real or not. I never know if theyre mine or someone others feelings. And I gotta live in this unknownledge.... Is it right? Maybe not. But its my way to live. At least Im alive. I only know one thing.... I love one person in this life. And its enough.... I want Milessanne and Angelica out of me. Because they have their beloved ones too..... and I know both of them. And as they love them, I love them too. Its not right..... Its not me....
I dont think even half of you understoods what Im talking aboute. But you dont have to. Its just the dark, sad, hiding, real me. Not the happy one who uses to hide the real me. Finally.... I really am me. Im not hiding anymore. And you gotta used to my depression. Tho you shouldnt mind it. It will soon turn into anger..... And anger will fade away.
As for my schoolmates who call me bat....
"Go on, call me a bat. But remember one thing..... Some bats can transform into a vampire"
Have a nice day.
You are the average darker personality. You dress
dark, act dark, probably participate in some
darker religions or cults too. You are
fascinated with the void and stranger things.
You dont give a shit how they make fun of you.
They are wrong. You enjoy scaring people
because you are different and you love it. You
enjoy making people squirm. Unfortunatly this
"fun" comes at a price; you give up
your parents trust and lose alot of friends to
join a group of people just like you... they
will be your friends! Good luck out there!
What type of person are you?
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