Friday, September 14, 2007

On a Walk
It is SO beautiful outside right now..
It's cool, cloudy - so nice.

Think I'll go on a walk.
I miss going on walks :(

+ Roxas +
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Thursday, September 6, 2007

I'm Happy Again ^_^
So my best friend just asked me out last night (well.. one of my 2 best friends. but whatever ^ ^).
He said that even though he would never even THINK such a thing, out of respect for my dad he would like to ask my dad's permission first.
I'm almost completely carefree right now -
except for one thing, one BIG thing.
My sister is going to be so.. so very disappointed if not angry with me..
My friend, whom she is pretty much not friends with anymore (she doesn't ever have anything nice to say about him, and she doesn't hang out with him like I do either), is kind of her "ex."
They didn't date or anything, but they were.. "together" a long time ago. A long time ago as in about 2 years, maybe a little longer.
But she has a boyfriend now that she's been with for a year and a half and they're really happy together; they honestly love eachother.
And if she and my ex were in the same situation.. i would let them have their happiness.. i feel that two persons should always have a chance to be happy together.

+ Roxas +
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Monday, September 3, 2007

Stupid A.M....
I woke up this morning around 2 a.m.
lol.
I woke up, and I was wide awake.
So I lay in bed for 4 hours, trying to go back to sleep - or at least stop THINKING long enough to go to sleep >_<

+ Roxas +
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Thursday, August 23, 2007

My job.. and extra money.
So right now I'm working at the gym again.
But mostly in the store - i'm working only 2 hours a week teaching, and an extra hour every other week.
In the store, I get paid $5.15 an hour.
Bad? Yes. Very.
Especially during the school year because the hours are even MORE limited than during the summer.
And I hate working in the store - I do pretty much nothing, other than dust (which takes about 20 or 30 minutes) and sell things whenever somebody comes in (hardly ever).
But I HATE sitting around, I should be DOING something. That's why I want another job.
But they need me there, and my boss likes me working there >_< Except for the pay, the store is bearable I guess.
I made $100 in a MONTH at the store (not including the gym, which was about the same). Bad? Yes.
I need to earn at most $5,000 to go to Italy.

+ Roxas +

Wow, just got a phone call from my boss.
He needs me to teach at 6.
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Monday, August 20, 2007

+ Song That I Love +
GREAT SONG
BY SEETHER


"The Gift"

Hold me now I need to feel relief
Like I never wanted anything
I suppose I'll let this go and find a reason I'll hold on to
I'm so ashamed of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to get by

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

I can't face myself when I wake up
And look inside a mirror
I'm so ashamed of that thing
I suppose I'll let it go
Untill I have something more to say for me
I'm so afraid of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to defy

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

Hold me now I need to feel complete
Like I matter to the one I need

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

Now I'm ashamed of this
I am so ashamed of this
Now I'm so ashamed of me
I am so ashamed of me...
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Sunday, August 5, 2007

this is how I feel
I think he could more easily love
my sister than he could EVER love me..
or even LIKE me..
maybe they were right.. maybe i
CAN'T be loved..

..but you know what?
^ - ^
i'm not going to give up.
I don't want to, I'm tired of not trying
just because something MIGHT be in the way.
I'm sick of it. I won't give up, but i won't push it, either, i won't push what I want because i know it most likely is not what somebody else wants or needs at the time.

And for SOME reason, I hurt again :(
I hurt really badly, physically.
Dangit i thought I was over that.. lol i don't even know what it is. It's like my heart giving out except that I've never had heart trouble.
I'd guess so, because that's where it hurts, but i could be wrong. I've been wrong enough times before.

+ Rocker-Doll +
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Saturday, June 30, 2007

All Alone..
"Sitting in a room
Filled with those I know -
Everything kills my heart,
And
No, I don't think that I'm
meant to be alone.."

+ Roxas +
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Saturday, June 23, 2007

+ Art Museum +
Yesterday I went to an Art Museum - the Gilcrease Art Museum. It has Western art, in the "cowboys and indians" sense.
Not all of it, but mostly.
It was fun, I enjoyed myself.
I saw some really great preliminary sketches and watercolors by a man named Andrew Wyeth.
But I can't find this one certain picture anywhere on the net! It's of a window, form the inside of a house. Wind is blowing through it.
I really want to fin dit :(
Ohwell.
Anyways, I'm trying to get this stuff done:

+ Get rest of homework together to send off for grading
+ Learn Italian
+ Work on piano
+ Paint some watercolors

Plus everything I have to do during the week:

+ Sunday: Church from approx. 8:30-1:00

+ Monday: Ballet 7-9

+ Tuesday: work 8:30-12:00, 5-8 (depends, hours change)

+ Wednesday: Church 6:30-Approx. 9:00

+ Thursday: Work 8:30-12:00, maybe teach form 5 or 6 to 8.

+ Friday: Every other Friday Art lessons

+ Saturday: Every other Saturday go to John Casablancas (it's 1 1/2 hours away and from 10-5)
Every other Saturday work form approx. 10-11 or 10-2.
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Thursday, June 14, 2007

+ Kind of Hate Myself.. +
Yeah.
Just a lot.
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Wednesday, June 6, 2007

A NEW JOB.
I want to get a new job, especially this summer -
You see, I work instructing gymnastics.
At least I did before summer started.
There are fewer classes during the summer,
but there are just as many teachers who want to work.
The pay is minimum wage, and I get extremely few hours during the week.
This summer my employer has had me working in the store there at the gym - nobody goes in there, and there is nothing to do.

So I was thinking of getting a job at the local Subway. Does anyone know how good the pay is, if it's a good place to work, etc.?
I like interaction with other people.



+ Roxas +
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