Thursday, September 28, 2006

what's up with u all? i'm miserable. miserable. *sighs*

i think i like this guy at school but idk. i mean...i haven't told any of my friends and i don't plan on it until i know for sure. otherwise i think i like him.

Thomas, someone who's a semi-friend, is a pervert and makes these nasty jokes. i'm sick of him. WHY CAN"T HE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!

i got called a slut and a pregnant lesbian on the bus today -_-** i was so pissed off. I AM NOT PREGNANT! AND I AM NOT A LESBIAN!!

i like guys. lots of guys. HOTT guys mind u. *dreamy eyed* now i sound like a whore but i am still a virgin and i don't go around sleeping with guys i don't like or even fucking know! god.

i hate ppl. sorry...but i do. more of an animal person. i especially hate the kid who said that to me. i hate him hate him hate him. damn. life sucks.

but as that saying goes.

"Life's A Bitch And Then You Die"

oh well i'm bored. i think i;m gonna go. post more tomorrow or sometime. idk. bye

Shia
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

eating poptarts. today was ok. as usual. my math still isn;t done.

bleh

ok...i'm really really bored. i have nothing to say. >< so...bored.

my room is still messy

i'ma go now!! bye!

Shia
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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

hey all. *yawns* i FINALLY got AIM triton!! YES!! well today was good. we DIDN"T HAVE TO RRUN INTO SKALICAN!! thank GOD. lol. well my room still isn't clean and mom seems to have forgotten about it! yes!

lol well i'm bored. yup...i'ma go.

[In a Good Mood if u haven't noticed]

Shia & Smokey
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Monday, September 25, 2006

LOVE

Chapter 1
Sighing I slowly opened my locker door. School was ending and I wanted to get out of there fast. Not after seeing him with her. I don’t like her.
Will trudged up the hallway. I was surprised because the leech wasn’t with him. His new girlfriend. Vanessa. She was cool, popular, and had been a real heartbreaker. I didn’t want that to happen to Will. Who just so happens to be my best friend.
He didn’t look so happy. I gave him a look of sympathy. Gathering my books and stuffing them in my messenger bag I walked to him at his locker.
I looked at him more closely. Was he crying?
“Will?” I asked putting my hand on his shoulder. He jumped. I flinched. “Sorry…”
“No, it’s okay. I’m just…not in the mood is all. I’ll be fine.” I was hurt. I stepped back.
“O-okay. I understand.” I left, walking to the two double doors that lead to the outside of the school. I looked back. He was gone. I sighed.

Will. Will. Will.He was on my mind. Are you okay? I kept wondering. Did something happen? Oh why won’t you tell me?
I laid on my bed and flipped through a sports magazine. Leanne-another one of my best friends-burst through the door. I jumped up screaming.
She laughed. Of course.
“Sorry,” she said. “I just heard! Vanessa broke up with Will!” she seemed all to happy about this. She wasn’t as good friends with Will as I was. They only talked sometimes and Leanne sat with a different group of kids but we still hung out.
“She did?” I was shocked. Vanessa said yes when Will asked her out. Didn’t she like him? Maybe she found someone new. I pondered on the thought for awhile when Leanne’s words hit me.
“He’s available now Kay! He’s so mine,” I stared at her. “You like Will? Since when?”
“Ugh. Weren’t you paying attention to me in gym class the other day?” she scoffed.
“I was paying attention to the soccer ball…the one you got smacked with.” I said back.
“Yea, yea whatever! The point is, I’m going to ask him to the Pre-Prom.”
Pre-Prom was a junior high dance at the end of the school year. I wasn’t planning on going because no one had asked me and I didn’t really dress up for those things.
“Congrats.” I said. Why did I feel so much pain inside. “Want me to talk to him?”
“No!” she exclaimed a little to loudly. “I mean…no, no it’s fine. I want to sympathize him. Let him know I’m caring. And then…go in for a simple kiss and give him my number so that he can call me to talk.” She smiled. I felt like puking.
Running to the bathroom, I did.
I don’t understand why every girl wants to do that to Will. He’s a great guy and deserves better. Or…so I thought anyway. It’s his choice. Not mine.
I called him. I think he hates me. He doesn’t talk to me anymore. Like he used to anyway. We used to tell everything to each other. He was my diary and I was his. Now…it’s like I lost him. And I don’t know who this person is.
Maybe I should leave him alone.

Chapter 2
I awoke to the sound of my alarm. School time. Great. Sighing I tugged on black jeans and a red T-shirt. Where were my sneakers? I moaned. “LACY!!” I screamed.
I ran downstairs skipping several at a time. If I didn’t get my shoe back in time I was going to kill that dog. “Lacy you stupid dog!!” I said again running faster down the hallway.
Slam!
I ran into Will. I fell back landing on my butt. I sat there in complete silence. Not because I wasn’t talking to him, but because my butt hurt and I was afraid to say anything for fear of saying something stupid.
Will broke the silence.
“Sorry,” he said. “The door was open. I thought we walk to school together.”
“I’m not a little kid,” I snapped. “I don’t need your supervision.” I stood up. I glared at him and saw hurt in his eyes.
“I deserve that,” he said.
“Yea you do,” I said back.
“I should just go…” he headed for the door.
“So that’s it?” I asked.
“Guess so…” he replied.
“Why did you start dating Leanne? Why did you neglect me in the hallway the other day? What am I to you?” I was near to tears. But I held them back. Will never seen me cry, and I was never planning on letting him see.
He stopped and turned around. He had that look in his eyes. The look of fear.
“Kay…I’m sorry, Vanessa won’t date me unless I stop hanging out with you. You’re just not cool enough. And as for Leanne, I dumped her. You used to be my childhood friend. We’re in high school now. Time to find new friends,” I stared blankly at him.
“No,” I couldn’t lose him.
“What?” he was confused.
“I said no. You would choose some girl over your best friend? We’ve been together since we were born! How can you just walk away saying we can’t be friends anymore?” I was really close to tears.
He stood there. He was ready to leave. I couldn’t, no wouldn’t lose him.
“You are my best friend. I told you everything,” I could see him now begin to soften.
“Kay, I’m sorry,” he reached out to me. I stepped back.
“Just go…don’t ever come back.” I ran. I ran like lighting until I reached my bedroom. I slammed the door shut. To bad it didn’t have a lock.
I fell to the floor crying. I felt different. I was in love with my best friend. But he would never know that. No, he left. He’s gone. Never coming back and that’s that.
It’s over.
So why do I feel as if something has just begun?


Chapter 3
I missed school for a week. I never miss school. I was miserable though and didn’t want to go. I felt like my heart was ripped out. I shouldn’t feel this way. Not about him.
I do.
I have to tell him. I have to tell him something in order to feel free again.
How do you tell your best friend you love them?
You can’t. If you told them, they would reject you. It happened to Leanne.
I will tell him. I have to. even if I get hurt.
I went to school. Finally. I saw him and he looked at me. I gave him a look of disgust and walked away. I saw hurt in his eyes. Now he knows how I feel.
I cornered Vanessa. She said she never told him that. She wasn’t going to go out with him again anyway. Why would he lie?
I’m terrible.
I slammed his locker shut when I found him at it. I nearly smashed his fingers. By now the school was waiting for something to happen. I started yelling.
“You lied to me. She didn’t say anything like that. Vanessa may be popular but she isn’t shallow! How could you do this to me?” I glared at him. Humiliation would soon hit him. Eventually.
“Kay, can we talk privately?” he was horrified that I had done this.
“No,” humiliation had found him. “You hate me. What did I do to you? was it because your dad finally left you and your mom and now you have to take it out on me?”
Slap. He hit me. I covered my cheek.
“It has nothing to do with my father. It’s you Kathryn. I hate you. You aren’t apart of the guys so go back to your sissy land!” I stared at him. I smirked.
I slammed my fist into his gut, knocking the wind out of him. “I’d watch what you say to me William. You know nothing about me anymore. You’ve been a fake this whole time,” the slap still burned. “Don’t ever touch me again.” I gave him one final blow and he fell to the ground.
I held my head high and walked out of the school and off of school grounds.
Now how was I supposed to tell him? Love was complicated.
I reached my house. Dropped my bag on the sidewalk and stared blankly at the face I had longed to see in over seven years. In his eyes I could see all the drama that had gone on.
The eyes stared back. Dull brown eyes. I hated those eyes. I hated him. It had been seven years. Now he’s here. Home. I stared at the once forgotten face of my father.
To Much Drama.

Chapter 4
Mom and dad were arguing. Of course. That’s why he left. They could never get along. I needed to tell someone. Will.
Wait. I was mad at him. I couldn’t.
I did.
I sneaked out of my bedroom window and walked to Will’s house. Climbing up the vine I saw him in his room listening to music and staring at a picture. I rolled my eyes. Probably Vanessa.
I knocked. He looked up startled. His mouth dropped open and he hid the picture.
He finally let me in.
“Kay? What are you doing here?” he asked. “I thought you were mad at me…”
“I am. Still am anyway. I had to talk to you,” I looked into his green eyes. I never realized how much they sparkled. His shaggy, long brown hair fell into his face and he shook it out. I blushed and looked away.
I walked to the bed and sat down. “My father is home.”
His eyes went wide. Anger filled them. “After all these years?” he was angry. But why?
“Yes…” I replied calmly. “He and mom were arguing when I left. I was hoping I could stay here…and phone my mom tomorrow. I can’t stay there Will! I just can’t…” I held back more tears.
“you can stay here. The guest room is being occupied by my cousin but the hammock is open.” He pointed to the gray hammock in the corner of his room. I forced a smile.
“Thanks.”
“That was some hard punch you gave me.” He chuckled.
“Well, you hit me. Slapped me actually. I was hurt…”
His expression softened. “I know…I’m sorry. I couldn’t hang out with you anymore.”
“But why not? We had so many fun times. Why did you desert me?”
“Because I was afraid.”
Now I was confused. “Why?”
“That you wouldn’t feel the same way.” He walked towards me. Slowly. I stepped back afraid.
“Feel what way?”
He stepped closer. I stepped back. He stopped. Thank God.
His hands took mine. I was scared. I pulled mine back. A tear slid down.
“Kay…you’re crying. Why?” he was confused.
“Because I’m terrified of losing you.” I couldn’t take anymore of this pain. I ran towards his window, ready to climb out. I saw the picture. It wasn’t of Vanessa.
It was me.
Did he love me?
Was that what he was going to tell me? No. I wouldn’t let him. It would ruin us. No. No. No. I started crying harder. I reached the out the window and grabbed the vine. No.
He stopped me. Grabbing my hand he pulled me back in. I fought him. I couldn’t take this. I was hurting and I didn’t know why. I fell for the guy who was my best friend. Everything was so wrong here. I ran. I crashed through the window.
I can’t remember the rest after that. All I know is that I was found on the ground, bleeding and a broken wrist and leg. I was stupid, they said. Crazy.
Crazy and stupidly in love you might say. Crazy and stupid.

Chapter 5
It was a month. I was out of the wheelchair and off the crutches. Lucky me. I hadn’t seen Will. I wanted to but I didn’t want to. Life is hard. Love is harder.
I found him at his locker one day at school. I had my plan figured out. I would do it. I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and stared at me. I closed my eyes and kissed him. Kissed him.
Then I walked away. I left him and everyone who watched. He was dumbfounded but I didn’t care. I did it. I finally kissed Will-the guy I loved-and he would have something to remember me by.

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I answered the door. I was tired and wanted to sleep in on that Saturday morning. I opened the door and to my surprise I saw Will. “Um…hi…” I managed. “Is this about Friday?”
He pulled me close and kissed me. I close my eyes and feeling his warmth it was as if we dissolved into the morning air.
“I wanted to tell you…that I loved you Kathryn. I love you. I was afraid. That’s why I wanted to end our friendship. I was afraid of losing you.” he said.
“I’ve been wanting to say the same thing. But I didn’t want to end our friendship the way you did. That hurt you know. A ton.” I was still in his arms. He kissed me again.
You could say everything went according to plan. Or you could say we were just high school lovers who ended everything and separated. You can believe what the rumors tell you. But only one story is the truth.

The End


***********************************************************

There. There is my story. I hoped you enjoyed it. If you didn't, oh well. idrc. yes, surprisingly i am alive. oh whip-dee-doo.

My foot just fell asleep -_-'' i hate it when it does that. Welp there goes my leg. grr. AGH!! IT"S NUMB AND FEELS WIERD!!! T_T i can't move my leg of toe without this tingling...vibe running up my leg and to my ass. T_T owie.

grr...i need a distraction....OH!! i know...i'm writing that FanFic. yea. yay me. i guess...

Smokey got violent. he actually swatted at my baby bother's eye and bit his cheek...of course then he had to be locked up which was so unfair cuz Jacob (5 yr old brother) picked him up when he didn't wanna be picked up! GOD! wth is up with my mom getting mad at my cat when he was defending him self? that is so messed up.

Of course she got mad at me when i brought it up. *sighs* oh well. idc. i didn't pay attention to her very well. lol

i do that a lot. I know, i'm wierd. but hey...if my friends can deal with me, so can u ^^ hee hee

School wasn’t call that bad. Okay it was basically TERRIBLE. I mean…everyone was ignoring eachother and ya-ya-ya-yak-yak-yak! In science class we have to run into Mr. Skalican. T_T I don’t wanna do that!! T_T

Anyway, for the most part everything almost seems normal like I said almost

I have CHEEZ-ITS!! ^^ yummy yummy cheez-its!

i have majorly gotta clean my room or i am so so so so so GROUNDED

my desk is a mess, my floor is like...un-seeable. i think u could get lost in there. mom says if i don't clean my room i lose my kitty. plus my attitude has to change. i started screaming at her telling her is's my room but nooooo she didn't listen. *sighs*

moms can be so...over cleany like. ya know what i mean. *sighs* well i'm gonna go b4 i get screamed at again.

byez!!

~Shia & Smokey~

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Sunday, September 24, 2006

Life Sucks.

Who agrees?

*sighs* i'm getting blamed for something i didn't do. i'm losing half my friends. i have one friend trying to kill herself cuz of something that went on. and the only thing i can convince her is that HE"S A DAMN GUY!! ~actually still not even sure of that~

i spent the night at envy's (mew holliberrii) house, me and jessy (classyjessy) did. i was hurting for envy. it hurt me to see her in so much pain. all i could do was be there for her.

She still cares about him. yet he doesn't seem to care how much he's hurting her! and all he can do is CUT himself!! DAMN IT!! WHAT THE HELL DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO DEPRESSED ABOUT!! HE CAN FUCKING ROT IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE!!!

he's hurt envy. and he doesn't even know it.

God, life sucks.

Did i mention i might have to give up Smokey? Well i might have to. Mom says if i keep having an attitude she's gonna get rid of him. idc. not anymore.

Mom says i'm selfish.

Well if caring for ur friends 24/7 and trying to keep them from flippin killing theirselves and u never have time to worry about urself b/c ur caring about ur friends b/c they are more important then u is selfish. then yes. I'm a selfish bitch.

I care about my friends. they mean more to me then my own family. They are my family.

i care about them more then i do myself. i wish they weren't hurting. But they are. It's all my fault. i can;t do anything to help them. I feel so pathetic. maybe i should leave them alone. but then they really might do something.

SOMEONE JUST SHOOT ME ALREADY!!!

*****************

selfish. i know. i know. i am. and i'm talking about me. not caring about anyone else. i do care. i'm selfish tho. ask anyone. i'm a selfish bitch who can't get over herself. why can't i stop crying? i fear for not only envy's life but mellys and thomas's. i should've just kept my giant mouth shut. this wouldn;t have happened. it would have all ended eventually without me saying a god-damn-fucking-word.

oh god. i swear. something bad is bound to happen. something terrible. and i won't be able to stop it. i'm losing my the war. Envy hates Melly and Thomas b/c they hurt her. yet she cares about them. she wouldn't do anything to hurt thrm back. she just wants them to leave her alone. Anyone can understand that. Anyone.

Men Suck. well...not all of them. just the ones i hate. And i can make a pretty damn long list to!!

sorry i didn't post this earlier. just that i spent the night at envy's and then went to my aunts after that and then went to my granparents, came home, got in the shower and now i'm here.

*crys* someone plz kill me. i can't take this anymore!!! *shoots self* or i could leave. run-away. or transfer schools. IDK. ANYTHING WILL DO!!!

Dad actually might get transferred to a different state with his job

the thing is...i DON'T want to go. i DON'T

i can't leave this place. to many memories. i have real friends here. well ever since last year anyway. but b4 that it was like i was being used for other ppl. i was a slave amongst the populars. they used me to help with h/w or studying. and in return i was still completely shunned.

Damn i feel so pathetic for letting them lead me on!!!

...i'm going to go. i'll post more tomorrow after school. if i'm not dead that is.

bye everyone. tty 2maro!!

~Shia &Smokey~




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Saturday, September 23, 2006

I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. <---- sorry just sorta upset.

I was actually planning on going to a friends house yesterday but my dad said no so i didn't get to go. now i'm glad i didn't go! i hurt, i ache. my shoulders are badly bruised and idk how that happened. i twisted my ankle~yes, unfortuanetly it was my sore ankle~and sprained my wrist while trying to move a table for my mom yesterday. oh well.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Did you know it is very fascinating to watch ur 2 cousins and brothers yell "She's Back! She's Back!!" yes. they are talking about me. what they mean is that i play with them more often now. I went outside and played soccer, i played video games again ~4got how much fun that was!!~ and i guess they are just happy.

Dallas~cousin 11 yrs old
Devon~cousin 9 yrs old
Alex~brother 11yrs old
Jacon~brother 5 yrs old.
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The most AMAZING thing happened. i FINISHED a story. yes. it's short though. 5 chapters and the chapters are short. but it's called Love. (well for now until i can think of a better title)
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Everything is complicated. Envy hates Melly b/c Melly and Envy's BF like eachother. Everything is screwed up and UGH. it's so messed up. i guess it's really my fault b/c i'm the one who told melly to tell Envy the truth. she had a right to know. But i also think i screwed up their friendships (mine, melly, "the guy"~that's what i will refer him to~and envy)
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i have some more pics of smokey. ^^
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October is coming. My favorite Month. Halloween! ^^ i have my site and stuff already planned out. well...some of it.
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You know that FanFic? well i believe i might start one. i am know as the Dark Witch Shia. She's a vampire demon who has powers. she lives off blood from feeding off of mortals. She doesn't kill them but just takes enough blood that the mortal still lives and she lives too. she has a dark gray cat and she comes across Sakura, Syoroan (sp?) Mokona, Kurogane, and Fye in her town when a young boy finds them. She is friends with the Demension witch yet sometimes gets on her nerves. she begins to travel with the team.

well idk if i'm going to stick with it. maybe. idk. ^^ well i'm outtie. BYEZ!!

~Shia & Smokey~

I'll post pics of smokey some other time.

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Friday, September 22, 2006

hi.

i'm here.

i got grounded. but i'm on the comp for 3 hours everyday.

i'm p.oed. in a bad mood. i don't want to make anyone's stress worse so i'm gonna stay quiet.

did i mention i hate my life?

Well i do.

i hate it so much.

i wish i was dead.

Some one shoot me.

so what's up with everyone? yes i'm back. i know i said i was going but...ur all like family to me. so i couldn't go.

well i'm gonna go now.

Shia

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Thursday, September 21, 2006

i'm not gonna get on the comp any more. i might again in a week or two. but right now i'm just sick and tired of it all. i'll be back sometime. just to much pressure right now.

i'll be back. i promise.

so...yea...bye

Shia and smokey saying goodbye
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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

SMOKEY IS HOME!!! :) i'm so happy.

tonight is a football game for my school. GO SHARKS!!! WOOT!!!

idk what to say. i'm sorry but i don;t well, i'm a go now. byes!!

Shia and smokey
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

^^ my baby comes back to me tomorrow. hyuu -^^-

ok have u ever been so happy and then suddenly depressed and u didn't know why? that's exactly me. right now. ...

idk. this isn't gonna be a long post. the weekends are meant for long posts. yea. i'm gonna go.

Byez

just shia again.

here is what smokey looks like




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