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myOtaku.com: XxForgottenxX
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Friday, August 25, 2006
i feel like crying. i feel so terrible. everything is so wrong...at first my parents and i started to get along again. but then it turned disasterous~idc if it isn't spelled right~ we started to have family outings like we used to. but...then i did something that disappointed them. i told them i didn't want to attend WVU (west virginia university) so that engaged them into an arguement with eachother. when i tried to stop it i got slapped. my dad didn't mean to do it. i guess it's my own fault for screaming SHUT UP over and over again. when i think of how much i disappoint them, it reminds me how much i wish i wasn't born. i'm tired of all the lies and i want my parents to trust me again. i want them to be able to love me again and not feel ashamed of who i am. that way i won't be afraid of who i am. i won't be afraid of my dad when he screams and yells. (and no my father doesn't abuse me, he isn't like that. he just yells a lot which is scaryier b/c he looks like a furocious pit bull) it's like the song Perfect by the band Simple Plan we used to have so much fun together. he would take us fishing (more times than he did this year) horse back riding, up to the bike trail, he would even take us out on a boat. but...everything changed when we moved. My dad's company might even be getting transferred in the next year or two. I know this is possible cuz he's transferred b4. i'd have to leave everyone behind. i didn't want to tell my friends b/c i didn't want to hurt them. my dad btw owns H&H windows. Haas & Herbert (i think is how u spell the other guys last name) Windows. My cousin, Dallas, had overheard them talking on how my dad might be getting transferred.
The real pathetic part is we spent over a thousand dollars improving the house we live in now. We added on, we repainted the white walls to other colors, the doors were replaced, walls were replaced, frames, windows, u name it we probably replaced it. and we aren't even done! we spent over 2 and a half years here so far and it's not even done. Dallas, ~cousin~ said that my mom just sits around on the couch all day, watching TV and smoking. she's a housewife. But she does work. she paints, works on crafts and stuff for the house decorations, it's not true what they say. she's....a good mom i guess. she just doesn't show it...
I'm sore b/c i didn't sleep at all. i've been thinking all night and reading, i also tried working on my story but that failed and i didn't get a wink of sleep. Anyone believe in Miriacles? cuz i sure as hell need one right now. aren't the moons, stars, and the sun supposed to tell u ur fate? well i found out mine. Pure Misery For Life.
~chaning subject~
I hope u like my new theme. Momentary Bliss
It's a Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle theme. oh and so my mind gets to distracted i am asking-no begging- for ppl to make a layout request. i need something to do.
SKF made my layout for this site. so i owe her a great deal of thanks. it was screwed up for awhile but she figured it out and now it's just slow processing the header on my CP. *sighs* great.
Do you think Long Distance works? if so plz tell me...
After i get off the CP at 3pm i am tearing down every single artwork i have on my walls. i don't want to be reminded at how i disappeared at drew trying to forget what was happening in the other room...
Melly might come over today. god i hope so. when i have guests my parents act like they love me. but sometime they forget and they start yelling. My arms are sore...my eyes are heavy but i'm terrified to sleep b/c of the nightmares i have been having.
Anyone wanna know there horoscope? i found this site that tells u ur horoscope and it's really cool. ^^ it even got mine right. it described me! that's freaky right there. and if u wanna know something else that's really cool (i found it is a magic book my sister had and it got my personality right!) u can have ur personality delivered right to u! it may not ALL be right but most of it is! i did all of my friends and they didn't know it (now they will) and it actaully described them! it's called Arithmancy- a type of divination- sorta like fortune telling only ur future isn't being told.
for ur horoscope told i will need: Ur DOB, zodiac sign, and ur name. (and if u have a bf or gf his/her name will be needed also) i will PM u ur results^^
for the Arithmancy: first and last name are required (u do not have to do this, this is ur choice)
well i'm gonna go. if you would like ur Horoscope read plz just simply leave it in a comment or PM me. and if u would like to know when u would die, PM me-do not leave it in a Comment b/c some information is required.
i'll post up my horoscope tomorrow, and each and everyone who wants there horoscope posted also i will do at least either 2-3 a day. ^^ byes
~Shia
May God Bless you through all ur hardships and the pain u will endure
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