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myOtaku.com: XxForgottenxX
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Sunday, September 24, 2006
Life Sucks.
Who agrees?
*sighs* i'm getting blamed for something i didn't do. i'm losing half my friends. i have one friend trying to kill herself cuz of something that went on. and the only thing i can convince her is that HE"S A DAMN GUY!! ~actually still not even sure of that~
i spent the night at envy's (mew holliberrii) house, me and jessy (classyjessy) did. i was hurting for envy. it hurt me to see her in so much pain. all i could do was be there for her.
She still cares about him. yet he doesn't seem to care how much he's hurting her! and all he can do is CUT himself!! DAMN IT!! WHAT THE HELL DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO DEPRESSED ABOUT!! HE CAN FUCKING ROT IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE!!!
he's hurt envy. and he doesn't even know it.
God, life sucks.
Did i mention i might have to give up Smokey? Well i might have to. Mom says if i keep having an attitude she's gonna get rid of him. idc. not anymore.
Mom says i'm selfish.
Well if caring for ur friends 24/7 and trying to keep them from flippin killing theirselves and u never have time to worry about urself b/c ur caring about ur friends b/c they are more important then u is selfish. then yes. I'm a selfish bitch.
I care about my friends. they mean more to me then my own family. They are my family.
i care about them more then i do myself. i wish they weren't hurting. But they are. It's all my fault. i can;t do anything to help them. I feel so pathetic. maybe i should leave them alone. but then they really might do something.
SOMEONE JUST SHOOT ME ALREADY!!!
*****************
selfish. i know. i know. i am. and i'm talking about me. not caring about anyone else. i do care. i'm selfish tho. ask anyone. i'm a selfish bitch who can't get over herself. why can't i stop crying? i fear for not only envy's life but mellys and thomas's. i should've just kept my giant mouth shut. this wouldn;t have happened. it would have all ended eventually without me saying a god-damn-fucking-word.
oh god. i swear. something bad is bound to happen. something terrible. and i won't be able to stop it. i'm losing my the war. Envy hates Melly and Thomas b/c they hurt her. yet she cares about them. she wouldn't do anything to hurt thrm back. she just wants them to leave her alone. Anyone can understand that. Anyone.
Men Suck. well...not all of them. just the ones i hate. And i can make a pretty damn long list to!!
sorry i didn't post this earlier. just that i spent the night at envy's and then went to my aunts after that and then went to my granparents, came home, got in the shower and now i'm here.
*crys* someone plz kill me. i can't take this anymore!!! *shoots self* or i could leave. run-away. or transfer schools. IDK. ANYTHING WILL DO!!!
Dad actually might get transferred to a different state with his job
the thing is...i DON'T want to go. i DON'T
i can't leave this place. to many memories. i have real friends here. well ever since last year anyway. but b4 that it was like i was being used for other ppl. i was a slave amongst the populars. they used me to help with h/w or studying. and in return i was still completely shunned.
Damn i feel so pathetic for letting them lead me on!!!
...i'm going to go. i'll post more tomorrow after school. if i'm not dead that is.
bye everyone. tty 2maro!!
~Shia &Smokey~
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