Monday, January 22, 2007

okay sooo I talk to dolly again after like 4 months of inactivity because she just got her internet back today. It seems Jen is a total backstabbing cuntfuck WHORE. From what Dolly tells me, she's been talking about both her and Dolly's brother Bunra (who is dating Jen's sister Rachel, who is one of the sweetest girls ever) AND me behind our backs. Jen was looking through some photos from Sugoicon, and her dad sees me and goes "god what a skank" and Jen said something along the lines of "Yeah, she's always dressing like a slut." NOT TO MENTION she's been telling people secrets that she SHOULDN'T BE TELLING, and she's always been making me COMPLETELY stressed beyond reasoning about her stupidass childish feud with Hannah (thank god Hannah grew up and got over that). AND THEN she texts me bragging about how she's going to Chicago to see the Dir en grey live on my birthday, knowing full well it would make me envious (haha little does she know I'm not that bummed about missing it). She tries to get me to make her a copy of my Duel Jewel tape from Acen03 that Shae so graciously shared with me, tries to get me to sell her my Duel Jewel shirt, and after she says all THAT bullshit about me. See, that text stuff happened about a month ago, and I just found out about the backstabbing shit about an hour ago, so yeah I'm a bit PISSED the FUCK off. WHAT THE FUCK, IT'S OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE. I have never said an unkind word TO Jen. Granted, I haven't considered her a friend since Sugoicon, but I never EVER said unkind words to her that would ever deserve that sort of thing. Jen is making up absolute BULLSHIT to get her parents to think she's the perfect little angel and everyone else is a whorish bitch -- well NEWSFLASH, JEN-- You're an eighteen year old who dropped out of high school because they wouldn't let you keep your hair pink. Grow the fuck up I swear, the next time I make a trip up to Kentucky I will TRACK HER ASS DOWN and bitch her out until her earsbleed. I cannot even describe how utterly angry I am right now. UGH.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, January 21, 2007

current song :: Masturbates - MSI

I went to my friend Mitch's birthday party last night. It was cool, he has a huge garage separate from his house and it was filled with fog and lights and whatnot lol. Lots of people were there that I don't like, but I ignored the ones that didn't come near me, and the ones that did try talking to me got a cold shoulder or a simple "yeah". What can I say, it's either that or I get really mean with them. Paige squirted a LOT of silly string in my hair, and anyone who knows me knows that NO ONE touches my hair, I freak out. My hair is extremely high maintenance with all the dye and spray and other products I have to put into it, and most people know not to try to touch it. So needless to say I got mad, but it was kind of funny and I don't have a completely dry sense of humor, so as soon as I ripped a big hunk of it off of my head, I threw it at her and ran to get a comb to get the rest of it out. Paige thought I was really mad at her apparently, because she didn't talk to me the rest of the night. But if she wants to go complaining to other people how sad she is about it or whatever, instead of coming directly to me to ask if I'm mad (which I wasn't. I was only mad about the silly string being IN my hair and being such a pain to get OUT of my hair, I wasn't mad at her for doing it), then it's her problem. I didn't acknowledge that I knew why she was pouting out back all the rest of the night, I just ignored it. Mitch is a sweetie, I'm glad he invited me, though a lot of the night was awkward, I had fun. He's extremely friendly though (sometimes overwhelmingly so), and my friend Sarah so 'kindly' informed me that he doesn't own a pair of underwear...and he was wearing these tight leather pants o___O;; So when he jokingly came up behind me and started grinding me I was like "OH MY GOD NO GNFKLGFDNGLFD" and did the little joking fake cry. Yeah *cringe* I could have gone my whole life without knowing that. Thanks Sarah. Thanks. Everyone has a crush on Mitch, except for like....me and Sarah. So we were amused while we watched all the girls there fawn over him and flirt with him. Haha he is such a he-whore. My braces keep rubbing raw spots on my tongue and mouth, and the stupid wax they gave me to cover up any 'stabby' wire things doesn't like to stay ON the braces. Roar. Humph. I should sue XDDD xXTOCXx

Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, January 19, 2007

blahh kay so surgery went great. I had a couple of panic attacks before they stuck me with the IV, but ironically I didn't feel a thing. It's not the pain so much that makes me freak, more the idea of a needle entering skin and not coming out the other side of it. It just makes me panic. But literally about 6 seconds after the IV was in, I was out like a light. The last thing I said was "I don't wanna look at it" and then the next thing I know I was waking up with a mouth full of gauze. So in addition to my braces now, my mouth is filled with stitches, which, of course, prohibits any eating for a while. I had a little bit of soup and then a little bit of a smoothie yesterday ALL day because I wasn't allowed to eat before surgery and I was asleep all day due to the drugs I had to take to kill the pain. I almost passed out when I got up to wash my mouth with salt water (my mouth was FULL of blood and I had fallen asleep in my parents bed and ended up getting blood all over the pillow O_O;;), my dad had to catch me and help me back to the bed so I could sleep more. Today was a lot better, the stitches are bugging me and it's really gross to see this little golden chain embedded in the roof of my mouth, but the stitches should dissolve within a week... yuck. I'm glad I don't have a boyfriend now, because these things are hideous o___O'' yeeeah good news though, this is the end of my dental work, aside from tightening my braces every month :) and some of my teeth are already straight after just a day ^o^ it makes me very very happy. aacck.... my parents are outside fighting again about money. Wonderful, isn't it? ): I hate being tight on money, and I'm beginning to think it's just a bad thing all together. Money ruins families. Money ruins lives. Money ruins relationships. It just ruins everything. *sigh* I wish there was something I could do to help them with it but I can't until I get a job D: damn. well, I hope you're all doing well. I'm going to go attempt to eat something (I can barely eat anything right now b/c of all the stuff in my mouth) xXTOCXx

Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

DDDD: I. Hate. Braces. Womg. I can barely eat ICE CREAM, it's a pain in the ASS. They don't hurt at all, it's just that the brackets get crap stuck in them if i chew, so i have to suck it off of the spoon DDx shiett. well, one down, one to go. surgery tomorrow. wish me luck? D: oh yeah and...picture of my new hair b/c i promised it: it went from this.... to this :) i like the color...and I got a lot of compliments about it too. That aside... This Saturday my dad wants me to go to a Harley show or something, so I'm planning on that. Then later that night my friend Mitch is having a party for his 16th birthday. It's weird, I never thought he liked me much, but then one day he just came up and gave me a hug and I was like o___O?????? Yeah, so apparently he doesn't loathe my rainbow guts. Maybe my hate-radar is glitched. Megan and I webcammed with Yuky again (My spanish friend). He's a sweetie, and we talked on the microphone too. Well...Megan and I did, he doesn't have a mic or camera. He was so cute, he liked to hear us speak in English, I think it amused him hahaha. I woud tell Megan random things to say in Spanish and she would do it xDDD And when Yuky would laugh at it she'd be like "OMG WTF DID YOU MAKE ME SAY?!" yeeeah. good times. We wanted to talk to Dustin (German boiy) too, but he wasn't online D: I felt bad b/c apparently I had left my MSN on all day, and he had IMed me while I was at school. ;3; oops. SORRY DUSTIN !!!!!!!! (even though he cant see this XD) god these braces feel so weird....like my mouth is full and they can barely fit. Ugh I hope I get used to this soon...it's bugging the hell out of me.... xXTOCXx

Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I got a new moniter for my old computer. But I'm beginning to remember why I hated it so much >:| gr. At least I got AIM and MSN back, though. I was able to talk to Momo-chan again!!! I love youuuu Becky ^0^ Also, I dyed my hair purple... photos are...being stupid....so I'll update my profile pic later I guess ALSO I'm talking to my gorgeous Spanish friend yet again, he's so nice! His English is good but sometimes he skips words, it's so cute hahaha. He always calls me "my love" and tells me I'm pretty, and well, when a beautiful guy tells you you're pretty, you'd be flattered too, right?! XD He's such a cutie. I drew him too, I'll post that up later... And I met a beautiful German boy over the weekend named Dustin. He messaged me because he liked my purple hair, and Megan and I talked to him for nearly 4 hours (until 5 am!!). He is a sweetie and SO funny xD Schedule for the week: Wed: Braces Thurs: Oral Surgery Friday: Pain Meds & Rest Weekend: HOMEWORK and a Motorcycle show in Nashville ;_; this is the last day for not-metal teeth!

Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, January 12, 2007

short post at 12:33 am

I think I realize why I'm so uptight all the time Okay so -- about in the fall of 2005, there was a lot of home-drama and my parents sent me to a therapist for a while in case I needed it (or something like that). She told me it sounded like I had OCD, and my parents as well as lots of people who know me agree with it. I have a blinking issue, I have to hitch my breath in certain patterns with blinks and if I do it wrong I have to start over again. I tap things repeatedly and, again, in certain patterns and at certain speeds. I'll twitch or shake my arms or hands or shoulders, I count floor tiles a lot, I go absolutely insane if things aren't positioned the right way and spend forever trying to fix it, spots on chalkboards bother me immensely and I have to FORCE myself not to lash out at the teacher to let me go up and erase the board (it's not the same if they do it, it doesn't feel right), I'll type out whole sentences, then erase them and type them again -- just random little things like that are so significant to me that if I don't do them my mind freaks out and I start to store up all the anxiety from it. If I do things like that in public, well quite frankly people may think I'm crazy or something. So I've ceased most of those things lately, except I still have a strong urge to do them and I want to so badly that I cry or want to cry sometimes out of frustration. But I can't because I'm just terrified that I'll be marked 'insane' or something like that. I get so completely irritated that I'll turn total bitch on anyone in just one second. Eh I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about this so hard, so I had to write it down. Sorry for lameness on my part D: got to go to bed before the parents catch me now xXTOCXx

Comments (2) | Permalink

Saturday, January 6, 2007

time: 12:02 am....

oh my god So yeah I'm about the most pathetic creature on earth and I've been silent/crying for the past two hours due to the information I've just been given. Hayato of Duel Jewel and one other "mystery member" (we're guessing Yuya since him and Hayato are tight friends and all) are going to Katsucon and Megacon. Guess when they're going? Two days after my 16th birthday (which is February 13th). Yeah. I'm tearing up even writing this, I'm just so entirely pissed off and just...fuck I can't believe this. Of all the years for EVERYTHING to go wrong, it's the year of my "sweet sixteen". My dad loses his job, my mom gets all these epideral shots in her spine to fix her shoulder and thus has been off work for WEEKS, I get braces and oral surgery in the next two weeks, Dir en grey has a concert ON my birthday in Chicago (though Dir isn't one of my favorite bands -- I'd still loved to have gone), and now this. I can't even begin to describe to you how upset I am right now. My stomach feels like it's in my throat, I'm too nauseous to even think about eating and the only thing I can do is try to remember how to work my lungs. If this were later in the year I doubt I'd have a problem going...but this is the WORST timing...of all my bad luck I've encountered this is the worst. I keep thinking I'm about to throw up but it's always a false alarm, I just end up choking on air. I wouldn't even be close to this upset if it were anyone else, to be honest. But this is different in so many ways. These are the people that kept me alive in more ways than you know, I owe so much to them. And THIS of all things for a 16th birthday present, oh my god. Granted, I highly doubt Shun would be there, and he is my hero, it would still be the most amazing thing to happen for me. God, you know that feeling where the outer layer of your skin is ice cold but everything else feels like it's burning up and liquifying? That's exactly what I feel happening to me. Excuse me if you think I'm being overdramatic, I know that I probably am. I'm just so fucking upset. I can't even talk anymore, it's only making it worse. ugh xXTOCXx

Comments (1) | Permalink

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

okay so. explanation time.

Friday night I went over to Megan's place for the first time, she is a sweetheart Anyway, nothing eventful happened until after he parents went to sleep. She had some Bacardi stashed away and, since I've never drank anything and liked it before, she offered to me a taste. Needless to say, we finished it off very quickly, resulting in me being just a bit tipsy for the next little while (yeah...low tolerance I guess) A bunch of her friends I haven't met came over, they were cool though and they liked me so we got along well :D I got flashed by three of them, which I admit was strange @___@; but it's not like I'm a prude (far from, actually) so I don't really care haha. They were having a New Years party and invited us along, but we couldn't make it anyway because Megan's mother isn't too fond of the girl having it. They stayed for about an hour and a half, they had to leave, so Megan called up her friend Scott around midnight or so, and he came by to take us down to the Waffle House just down the street. We bullshitted and lots of people we knew showed up so we ate and talked for a little while. Now see this whole time Megan had been trying to get one of her legal-aged friends to go get us some Bacardi (we HAD money to buy it, okay, so we weren't like mooching off of them, it's just the fact that we don't have proper identification xD;), and no one had been available to do so, but we met a girl at the Waffle House, gave her $10, and she got us a 6 pack of Silver Raz @A@ So after Scott took us back to Megan's, he left and we took it into her room and just sat around for a while, I basically nursed the same bottle for a little bit until she called up her Cousin's boyfriend, Jay. He's 22 and he owed her a bottle of vodka anyway, so he picked us up and drove us to his house which we were in until 5:30 am. He bought her Smirnoff Ice, and we brought the Bacardi with us in the first place, then he showed Megan a bottle of vodka for her (I don't like Vodka, so I stuck to my Silver Raz ._.;). We were fucking hammered. Not so much that I don't remember the night of course, just bits and pieces I don't recall happening. Like the drive home or walking up her stairs in my 4 inch heels @____@;; I just vaguely remember getting in the car and then the next thing I remember is saying "oh we're at your apartments already??" then i was in her bed half asleep. Yep. Saturday she called up Scott again and we headed to Downtown Nashville. Scott was being a dick, and Megan was sort of upset but I tried to keep the mood up and let him pout all by himself and took Megan with me. We went to Hustler Hollywood to exchange a shirt she had bought, I found these amazing thigh high latex boots @____@ I want them. .....eek. Then we went to this local cafe to eat. It was cute, very small and it used to be an old house. We went to a bunch of little shops and tried on some clothes, but no pictures were allowed in like any of the shops so I can't share D: damn. While walking around we passed this guy with a monkey oo;;; it was dressed up in pants and a shirt and people were paying $10 to take pictures with it lmao weird there was also some strange lady, I think she may have been schizophrenic (totally misspelled that) because she was sitting on the sidewalk yelling to the world about Italians and underwear and...I dunno weird. Then...the REALLY weird part. Okay so this lady was holding a baby yorkshire terrier, right? It was so cute so Megan and I asked if we could pet it. The lady didn't mind and she started talking to us about dogs and whatever, she didn't seem too bad. We were about to leave, but while we were turning she goes, and i shit you not this is a direct quote--- "Just remember, Jesus loves you." Megan and I stopped dead in our tracks, Scott was smirking but I knew he was laughing his ass off in his head (the bastard). We turned around like "what?" and she starts PREACHING to us about how much God and Jesus want our acceptance or some shit like that. Then her HUSBAND comes by and starts preaching even more, and mind you he's being VERY enthusiastic at this point. It went on for 20 minutes straight, and had I felt like being a bitch, I could have said something along the lines of "Yeah, athiest here. Thanks." and left, but I let him talk hoping he's just shut up REALLY soon but he wouldn't. At first I didn't think they stopped us just because Megan and I were dressed as we were, you know stripes leggings black clothes colored hair, I just thought maybe they were freaky old people. But they kept mentioning "the punk phase" and "the wrong path of life" and it was severely starting to piss me off. If I would have had some cigarettes on me I would've just lit up right then and there while he was talking, maybe that would have got them to go the fuck away. Argh. Anyway yeah once that was over all three of us walked away in silence, I think we were all in shock, to be honest. I was the first to speak after a few minutes with "Well that was the weirdest fucking thing that's happened to us all week" and we couldn't stop mentioning it the whole weekend. It was just weird. We went home right after that and Megan's family invited me to go out to eat with them. They picked up her 21-year-old brother (he's umm...he's a strange one. Let's leave it at that @A@'') from Megan's dad's house (her parents are separated, she lives with her mom and stepdad) and went off to a restaurant called The Blackeyed Pea. My parents and I have been there a couple times before, but we already have two FAVORITE waiters. One is Irish , his name is James, and he has the thickest accent but he's hilarious. The other is named Austin, he is just a smartass and he's equally fucking hilarious. I saw both of them running around but only James saw me, he looked at me with a "do I know you?" kind of expression and I just smiled and waved to him. Later on Austin saw me and stopped, so I yelled "remember me??" and he goes "8D YEAH!!" and he came over and started talking to me. Megan then turns to him and says something, and he points at her and goes "You've partied at my house before!" Small world, isn't it? Turns out one of Megan's friends is best friends with Austin, and Megan has partied as Austin's house and visa versa. Later on she told me a bunch of stories but I don't think I should share b/c they're....just not necessary xD; Every time he passed us he would whack us on the head with menus or something lol I went home and slept on the couch after that, and then the next day (New Years Eve) I went BACK to Megan's house. Her parents let us have some Smirnoff (which means I couldn't get smashed again since they were there, but that's probably a good thing). It was only enough to get me a little tipsy. After I felt THAT taking effect I made a strange call to Kiku's cell phone and left a message XD;; I called Lauren too ;D And then later on at 2 am my time (which would be midnight Cali. time) I called Kiku again to wish her a happy new year, and she answered YAY 8D So I talked to her for a little while then texted Lauren and called Shou but had to leave a message because she didn't answer :O Then later THAT night around 3:30 we were going to go out again to her friend Anthony's house. We told her cousin that if her parents woke up to tell them we were with Scott at Waffle House, and proceeded to look for car keys, but to no avail ~___~ So we had to walk. Oh need I remind you -- it was FREEZING outside. I was wearing a short skirt with fishnets. And Anthony lives about 4 miles from Megan's house. Yeah, we're brilliant all right. We stopped by her friend Rachel's place since it was on the way and met her boyfriend, who was fucked UP. He was falling over and swaying worse than I've ever seen anyone sway, she said he was drunk and had just smoked a blunt *rolls eyes* So I had no sympathy. He tried to convince us to let him drive us to Anthony's, but Rachel took away his keys and we had to argue with him for 10 minutes before he got out of the car finally and went back inside. Megan and I walked the rest of the way there, getting there around 5:00, and I ended up falling asleep for an hour at Anthony's while he and Megan and some other kid I don't know watched music videos. We didn't leave until 6 am but she managed to call Scott and he gave us a ride (though I think he was severely pissed that we woke him up, and I don't blame him @_@). And we slept until 2:00 this afternooon :) And that was a shorter version of my really fucked up New Years weekend. I left out a lot of shit, if that seems possible. now then!!!! picture time! From last night, haha my hair was being all poofy and stupid xD like i said -- POOFY Her bunny was a psycho and kept trying to charge at me ;_; I love this skirt :DDD XD caught her getting dressed, ooooooh. Megan "raving" to Velvet Acid Christ in her room, I think it was. hahaha that was fun. yup. long. AND weird. @___@

Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, December 31, 2006

okay short post this weekend was the best/weirdest weekend I've had since I've lived here Friday night I got drunk off my ASS on Bacardi Silver Raz with Megan (along with a lot of other shit, but I'll talk about that tomorrow) Saturday was just ...WEIRD XD I can't go into a big post right now, I'm not sposta be online, but my parents are out. they'll be back any minute so...IM CUTTING IT SHORT 8D;;; I'm going to Megan's tonight again, we may hit up a party ^^ explain later~ had a good new year, everyone! xXTOCXx

Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, December 29, 2006

BITCH i vomit rainbows :D

So Sarah bought some blue hair dye at the mall the other day, and since I had let her use some of my red dye earlier this week she let me use a little bit of it :) I look like a Macaw parrot thing, as quoted by my mother, hahaha. I also had to cut a lot of it because the orange/red was overlapping the blue so much you could barely see it *_*; Yes, I know my lack of mascara is slightly retina-burning v___v'' yayyy but I want to go buy more colors now @__@; which I can't afford, because I need to be saving cash at the moment. In other news, I went to the mall with Sarah and Stephanie yesterday :D Stephanie is my 21-year-old friend, she kept talking about how she felt so old and loserish, hanging out with 15-year-olds xD haha but she's nice. She's the only Jrock friend of mine within a 400 mile radius, I believe. We took some weird ass videos, but I decided not to post them because uhh... well frankly when I laugh (which i did a lot in those videos)it sounds downright obnoxious and you can see my teeth. I hate my teeth. One of my canines decided not to grow down and so it's not there ._.; which is another reason I need braces *sighs* ANYWAY...continuing. We ate a bunch of shit and I probably gained 10 pounds in those 5 hours at the mall, but it was SO fun so I do'nt care :D We met a few friends of mine and Sarah's, so when we went outside for a smoke Steph and I chatted on about Jrock and stuff, I told her about the D'espa concert (EVERYONE loves the freaky stories from that live...those poor, poor musicians D:) and she told me about a friend of hers that worships one of Zero's watterbottles @___@ *mega sweatdrop* Sarah and the other girls chatted for a while about stuff I wasn't interested in, haha, so me and Steph just talked. This is the most fucking amazing drink ever. I hate coffee, so when we went to this coffee shop I didn't get anything with coffee in it, I got this. It's like a...strawberry vanilla "Uncoffee" as they called it. Jesus Christ, it was ungodly @__@ so mushc so that it deserved a picture xD heee XD Yeah we loitered in the underwear/shoes section of Sears for like half an hour, we are SO cool ;P Hoshit I haven't had poprocks since I was...what? 12? FLASHBACK TIME! Steph said my little lonely blonde pigtail (the other was red xD) reminded her of Bou....thus the Donald Duck. (we wont discuss that face xD Im retarded) this motorcycle wouldn't work....so Steph showed it who's boss x] Steph decided she wanted ALL of my mullet in pigtails....*facepalm* ignore my expression xD I was confusedddd A friend of Sarah's friend, haha. She had cool braids @__@ so i HAD to document them in a photoooo of course Mehh.... New Years is going to be so boring. I was gonna go out with Steph. and her friends but my MADRE dearest says I'm not going out with my 21-year-old friends on a party night she's afraid I'll get drunk or something -_- I don't even LIKE the taste of alcohol. AT ALL. I think it's disgusting to SMELL too. Jesus. But...I guess I can just stay home e_e if I must. My dad was discussing moving to Seattle :D I would LOVE that, as opposed to living HERE. I doubt we really will, but he applied for a job there. But I am, sadly, the type to get my hopes up in a snap, then be heartbroken when it doesn't happen. So...shit @_@ I'm trying my best not to get all excited about things anymore, just to be safe.

Comments (1) | Permalink