Saturday, August 26, 2006

this will be an immature and angry post, fair warning.

hmm... so an early[ish] post for the weekend.. It's saturday... heh... I will probably be going to visit Kentucky next weekend... meaning I might have to face the ones who made me hurt so much.. But I do have real friends there, Hannah I love you sweetie even though you don't read this blog. I'll go out with her and Erin and Anthony...and we can go eat at the Asian Buffet and I'll check out the hot employees for the first time in a long while... and see if I can work up the courage to finally tell the manager (because he likes me a lot and he is a big sweetheart) to inform said employees of their infinite sexiness. Then just to satisfy my total bitch impulse maybe I'll show up with Hannah at their work, Mcdonalds, because the people (whom i won't name out of sheer respect or maybe sheer anger right now) who hurt me happen to hate her. And nonchalantly order as if i don't even notice they are there. Maybe that's a good slap in the face. "do I know you?" *takes food to table* and I don't even EAT fast food anymore... so I'd probably just order a drink. I'm debating between that and just plain not telling them at all, but since hannah and erin both know them and talk to them on a regular basis at school, it'll get to them and they'll realize "oh wow alayna didnt tell us, hmm how bitchy she must be that little skanky whore" ~___~ payback would ease my mind but I don't know if I should reduce myself to doing it. What do you guys think? show up at their work and ignore them or just don't tell them anything at all? I still think they deserve it... flaunt my fucking sexpot revenge purse in their faces. "STIL JEALOUS OF MY SO-CALLED 'CONNECTIONS'??!?!?!" yeah they are all jealous big time of the people I know in the Jrock fandom. they think I flaunt the facts that I know certain people, and I DON'T brag about it to them I'm just extremely happy when said people offer me things or offer to get me things that are hard to get! I am not a naturally 'boasty' kind of person, I just like to talk about things that make me happy. oh yeah...and the sexpot revenge purse? Hannah bought it for me. I didn't even ASK her and she didnt even tell me about it unti lafter she bought it o_o She calls up one day and says "what's your address hun?" and i was like "umm...*tells*...whyyy?" "no reason, I'll call you back later bye." and a couple days later she calls back up and says "You like sexpot revenge right?" "yeah it's my favorite bra--- O_O HANNAH YOU DIDNT!!!" "expect a package in a few days ^_^" It's a nice little purse, I was so happy when it arrived yesterday. It's real black leather and smells so good, and it's small but has lot of compartments and pockets. The front is covered in large cone studs and has a hanging chain across it, along with a patch with the sexpot logo and some kickass classic sexpot engrish. I switched from my kuroneko purse directly into that one, I can't stop just holding it I'm so happy. but at the same time I'm still like-- hannah you crazy wanker, you actually bought me something worth about $50 from my FAVORITE brand without my CONSENT and I still LOVE it to death XDDD I am so buying her a fucking car or something for christmas. i owe her BIGTIME for that. Anyway... yeah... back to the point of the post...i think... Should I satisfy my taste for vengance? haha that sounded so gay. I just want them to know how much they hurt me, in a mature way (as mature as possible anyway0. So one of those two ways may work well enough ~_~ I wanna see them though, if not to give them absolute proof that I was indeed there and did NOT tell them about it. then not talk to them as much as I could. Psh. i think I will. I'm mean. can't help it. don't care. I have to go clean now because mother is bitching xXTOCXx ::EDIT:: this made my day better. Does anyone else just LOVE how he plays guitar? I want this just as a sound clip, I am in love with how it sounds. IN LOVE WITH IT. I like how he slaps it while strumming, I don't know I just really like it. I'd love to se Miyavi live, just because of the energy I know exists at his lives. He is so full of energy and it shows through everything he does. I mean, yeah I know many people (including some of my friends) who hate him to the death, and that's fine lol. Like...yeah I'll admit he is a gorgeous man, in my opinion-- but I really love his voice, it's so strange but you can immediately tell it's him when he starts singing or talking. And you have to admit he's good with guitar, haha. I don't know I just seem to like people and things that sound (or sometimes that look)...different.. The masses of raging fangirls going "OH EM GEE I WANT YOUR BABIES!" would annoy me after ten minutes but umm...I can deal. If I must. I had to deal with the flaming otaku at sugoicon for 16 hours the day of Sugoicon for a total of about 2 and a half hours of seeing D'espairs Ray (photos/autographs/live). So if I can deal with that, I can deal with the rest.....I hope o_O; one last video to make us all smile- aahhh Yomi. You own my icon AND this video. XDDD one of my favorite songs too ;D yessums, it is. He is such a goofball.

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Friday, August 25, 2006

i feel like my heart is breaking. There was bad drama yesterday... I don't think I should really give details, just out of respect for the people that hurt me (which sounds stupid..but I'm not as low as them...) I spent about 4-5 hours sobbing yesterday. Thanks to them... people who are supposed to be your "best friends" aren't supposed to make you feel hideous, aren't supposed to make you feel worthless and miserable, aren't supposed to make you scream and cry for hours on end. they're supposed to comfort you and be happy for you when you finally find happiness yourself... They're not supposed to tell you you're ugly when you're too far away for you to confront them. they're not supposed to be nonexistant to you for 5 months and then suddenly send you a MYSPACE MESSAGE, not even a phone call, no no, a MYSPACE MESSAGE, telling you how much of an egotistical bitch you are. I'm still so upset I can barely breathe, but I distracted myself as much as possible throughout school. I hate being upset in school. it breaks my concentration and draws more attention to me (like i don't get enough -__-). I have never been that angry...I hyperventilated and had an anxiety attack in the shower that was supposed to calm me down... I ripped off the necklace one of them had given me, ripped up the pictures of them on my folders... and it wasnt even intentional for me to do those things, I felt like I couldn't control my arms and legs, like I was running on auto. Today so many things made me think of them...EVERYTHING makes me think of them...and wonder why the hell they'd do this to me. Why, after knowing how much I've hurt and ached to see them again, they would break my heart once it was finally starting to heal. I drew Zero, and even in the middle of that I kept thinking of the D'espa live, which made me think of 'them'.. since they were there....and I would have to force my eyes to stop burning. I can't take pain like this...and I can't imagine my life without them...but friends don't make you feel that way... My lungs feel like they're on fire. And my throat feels like it's been drenched in acid... you know that term "misery likes company" ? It's so true...especially in certain people... anyway...on to better parts of today... pep rally was today..I just went to the cafeteria (you go there if you don't want to go to the pep rally's) which was a sea of black might I add *rofl and i wore two pairs of fishnets (red and black), my skirt, my red and black striped socks, my red pvc spiked collar, a black tank top that is skinny but goes below my hips (long) and a hoodie and armwarmers. and all day long people were asking me "aren't you hot?!" ._. ....no....I wasn't... ._. ..... I wear layers a lot but it was only today that people started to ask why I didn't have heatstroke lol brianna ...is just pathetic... that guy she knew for two days before making out with for 2 hours...mitchell...well evidently since then they have been "going out" (this was on wednesday people. it's been TWO FUCKING DAYS.) he "broke up" with her today. and she was sobbing and saying things like "I wish I didn't have a heart so I couldn't hurt anymore" which is really sad, and I did give her a hug because even though the reason for her being so down was BEYOND stupid, I don't like to see anyone that sad. So I cracked some very...blunt...perverted jokes *cough* and got her to smile... But honestly, TWO DAYS and she's only known him for like 5 at most. on the bus today I was talking to these 2 girls (sisters) and this guy who looks 8 but is really 15. The older sister is in 11th grade, one above me, and she asked who I was listening to and I said "dir en grey" she goes "ewwwww" and I went O____O but then she said "I'm just kidding, I like them xD" what a whore lmao I mentioned Miyavi in passing and she goes "FINALLY SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHO THAT IS!!!!" heheeeeee I always befriend the spazzy anime people o__O I'm seeing a pattern... Anyway um..I should go clean...because yesterday I didn't do anything but wash the dishes... my dad said it was okay though because he saw how upset I was...so i hope it won't affect my pay tomorrow. xXTOCXx

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Thursday, August 24, 2006

FIRST OFF-- click play I have a new song :D It's still by (guess who ^____^) <3 I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was at brianna's birthday. so I decided to go... after a day or two of debating... She broke up with that asshole Zack (the pothead from the car incident). i don't think I really want to get close to her though, there was this..just...ugh... okay so it was me, brianna, and 3 guy friends right? Brandon (one that annoys me), Brandon (with blue hair, we call him Bluey so I'll refer to him as that), and Mitchell (Bluey's best friend). I just met Mitchell THAT day and brianna just met him two days before then. During the movie that night? THEY MADE OUT THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!! Like I was watching it and then Brandon (annoying one) leans over and goes "what the fuck" and I look over and they're hardcore MAKING the FUCK OUT. and they didn't stop until an hour and a half later, 10 minutes AFTER the movie was over and we had left them in the theatre by themselves. I was angry, I mean this is the second time I went out with her anywhere and AGAIN she was just PDAing with a guy. In public. and I admit I'd probably be a PDA-freak but I wouldn't make out in a movie theatre. A short kiss, and I mean short as in 5 seconds or less. That's as far as I would like to do OR see in publlic. Maybe I'm a prude (haha yeah right I'm a pervert beyond belief). So anyway.... pep rally tomorrow. Luckily if you don't want to go to the gym to watch, they let you go to the cafeteria. and they slack off on the dress code tomorrow to let people dress for school "support". HAHA like I'd do that. I'm wearing my skirt, my fishnets, my boots (if I can fix them somehow by myself), whatever. I hope it's not hot tomorrow... GAH and this kid in Spanish class. FUCKING. ANNOYS ME. I'm annoyed by idiots, i'm sorry. I'm not annoyed by every human being although it may seem so, just specific people. Like this kid is like brandon, they both try to crack jokes and be funny but they're gross and dirty (that sounded shallow ahaha ^^;) and so when they make sex jokes I actually GAG. And they are stupid. and want attention like you wouldn't believe, they are the type who try to act like they are being modest but they are so obviously attempting to brag (about stupid things, mind you). UGH and anyway this kid in spanish...Russel I think his name is. He has a crush on me. -_- WHY DO I ALWAYS GET PEOPLE I HATE?! Jesus am I THAT hideous?? do I lack a personality THAT much?? am I just SO stupid and annoying that I attract the same kind of people?! FUCKING CHRIST I hope this is one of those times when opposites attract D: I really hope I'm not that dirty (physically) and annoying and stupid. GRNGLNLGTNBKLTNGBLK I spent the ride home on the bus half asleep with my head leaning on the window...listening to Duel Jewel and just started remembering all these old things...Duel Jewel brings back so many memories, like I'm serious I can't listen to any songs from Lapidary or Vermillion or NOAH without thinking of everyone back home or reliving all the old memories I have with them. Kind of like I can't listen to certain d'espa songs without thinking of Sugoicon and the concert and all those incidents that happened there. I was afraid I would start crying on the bus, and that's the last thing I wanted so I just closed my eyes and drifted off. I never really slept, just kind of dozed for a while...waking up every few minutes out of instict to make sure my stop wasnt coming up next. I feel so tired but I have to do all my chores from yesterday since I was gone all day and night after school AND do the ones for today :( So I have to try not to fall asleep or something....*sigh* love you all xXTOCXx

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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

:( I am really sad there are no pretty boys in my school. no eye candy. Ugh I'm gonna be single until I'm 20 D: xXTOCxx

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REPLIES before i go to school this morning: Larthtothnik: HAHA yeah that girl is one of my really good friends in San Jose. Her shirt said "teh Die he likes girls" xD I'm amazed the story travleed @@; momo-chan: HEHEE I dyed HALF hy head red XD the rest is still bleached :3 NYANYA on you you bitchwad (girl at school, not you hunnybunches *patpat*). Dir will live on, just with added irateness towards the US ~____~ thanks a lot you bitchy fangirls and equally bitchy non-fans. I hate you all. now im going to go get ready because I have lots of stuff to do before school today and only 30 minutes before i leave for the bus O_O!!! xXTOCXx

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Monday, August 21, 2006

GAH O___O EVERY fucking time I listen to Reila (its just barely started playing on WMP) I have a heart attack xD Because at the beginning ruki whispers "Reila" and I always jump really high and freak out like "OMG WHO SAID THAT?!??!" e_e *moron* Sooooo today ._. was umm....boring? I went to school with my hair back to "normal" as in the ends are now almost back to bleach blonde, except a little more golden because of the remnants of the red dye. So I'm debating whether or not to dye my hair again tonight and make it all shiny red for tomorrow....hmm.... This girl at school, I swear she hates my guts and I don't know why XDD She had bleached bangs and she had them purple last week and today she has them bright red. and I know I'm gonna get shit for dying my hair red tonight like "you only did it because she did" well newsflash peeps -- Alayna doesn't care :D My hair was red last week and it's gonna be red this week if I want it to be and you can bite me Irish ARSE you geitards. :D I actually have been not slacking on my Japanese lately, but with Spanish starting to speed up (fucking school I still can't believe they made me take that class) it's becoming a bit difficult. Today we were reviewing colors and numbers, and I already know all those because I learned them back in elemntary school Spanish....but I almost said "shiro" instead of "blanco" @__@ (both mean white, only "shiro" is japanese)...yeah so I'm gonna get mixed up a bit for a while I think =/ I'm getting my ass to speed it up with Japanese because I have been slacking off for a long while. I learned 12 kanji in 2 days xDDD I feel the pride dying though @@; I just keep writing them over and over until I know each one stroke for stroke So I have this black notebook filled with kanji and hiragana/katakana...over and over and over and really random phrases written in Japanese (because I do that when I'm bored. I'm lame I know.) Like...REALLY random. It says "You're gay" somewhere on there xDD and "your mom" e_e told you I'm lame :D So hmmm... Sacramento FVT update-- a lot of my good friends saw that concert, they all said it was really bad ): Dir looked irate and they walked off after the set list without any warning. Like Kyo didn't even announce the last song or say goodbye. And later on my friends Shou and Kiku went to go see them at the FYE booth (Die and Shinya) and Shou said Die was being an assface @@; (well not in those exact words xD). Like, he looked really frustrated or something and was really omg-get-this-overwith-already kind of. Toshiya was like that at the Phoenix live, my friend Melissa said, as well. Shinya is always described to me as a big sweetheart, and he always smiles and says "thank you" really sweetly....): God I hardly EVER hear anything good about these tours lately, something always goes wrong. Sorry, dir, hopefully you learn a lesson from this >:O!!! Now I have to go back to writing my report due tomorrow in English II honors...fucking class e_e love you all, I wish I could make this longer! xXTOCXx

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Sunday, August 20, 2006

ew

okay so.... I went to the mall yesterday in an attempt to make friends better with that Brianna girl. However she had to bring her little boyfriend, guess who that is? The pothead bastard who tried to fucking kill me in the car the other day. So I had to walk around and watch them PDA in every part of the mall and ignore me. Hell, they even left stores while I was in the back and when I looked over to say something to Brianna they were gone. I was so pissed off I just wanted to go home as soon as possible. And I was so happy when I did get home, but he more I was with them the more I realized I just wanted my friends back. I miss them more than anything and it broke me down again and I had to call Hannah. Just listen to her for a while, she's always the best at making me feel better. She was busy when I called but she said it was okay she could talk. She was moving stuff for her sister who is going to college again this year. So we talked for about an hour or so before she had to get off to continue helping. I don't want to go to school, how sad is that? One week is all that's passed and already the thought makes me sick. I don't want to deal with anyone, I just wish the teachers would make projects with partners OPTIONAL. If I neverh ad to deal with working with anyone I would probably do just that. Sit by myself and do what I have to do in class, there is no need to make friends or anything in that case. I don't eat with anyone at lunch (well I don't EAT at lunch anyway, I just listen to music and practice Japanese since I have nothing better to do), I just sit at the table nearest the door and another kid sits there regularly too. I have to eat with freshman, I said that before didn't I? Besides my class, I believe that entire room is Freshman that lunch period. I want Super Junior....*turns on Kpop* They make me smile. So I've been on this yoshiki binge since yesterday morning...ever since I decided to visit youtube again. See, my mom wanted to see P!NK's music video for Stupid Girl, and I used youtube to show her. So then I decided I would look up random conventions with Jrock guests that I had missed lately. I found a few of Hiroaki and Wataru from AX, and also Kamijo from Fanime. And I thought I would look up Otakon, just to see Yoshiki and what he did at the convention. I thought they wouldn't allow videos but they did so I was happy about it. he was very funny, I love listening to his voice. His accent is thick so sometimes I have to listen hard but other times it flows very easily and I can understand without much effort. He talked about, in one clip from his QnA, when he bumped into Michael Jackson at the airport one time. And Michael (I don't think he knows who Yoshiki is so I don't get it but...) asked him about his wrist braces and proceeded to ask if he could have some. So Yoshiki gave him some of his wrist braces @@;; He was really a very nice and funny guy, there were videos of the autograph sessions and he was asking the girl with the camera how to spell her name and he kept messing up and having ot ask again xD; it was so adorable. Made me feel better for missing it. I mean, come on, no matter what you think of yoshiki, he was a part of a LEGENDARY band, you know? I also saw a few videos touring his house in LA. That place is ENORMOUS. FUCK he is loaded!! His room is huge and he has a scary alarm clock that looks like a cat xD; And a bathroom the size of my entire apartment @__@ with a huge jacuzzi bathub (and no shower o_o...that I could see...so apparently he takes baths). And he has a big fridge filled with wine racks, and not one is empty. Also I saw an interview about 11 and a half minutes long with I think an assistant? I don't know. But there was one part...she was talking to him about yoshiki.net and how he pulled in millions of hits on one day, and he was about to answer when his intercom goes off. yoshiki listens for a second and goes "take a message" then continues to talk to the lady, then two seconds later the intercom interrupts him AGAIN and he goes "I'll call her back LATER" and tries to answer the question AGAIN. But not more than 4 seconds after that it interrupts them again and yoshiki goes "SHUT UP" xDDDDD Oh my god, I fell out of my chair laughing. My sides hurt so bad and I thought I would cry. It was too funny. You'll have to find it. Oh but at the end of that particular clip he was going to play a song on the piano, and he mentioned X Japan's breakup and "my friend's death" and I am SUCH a baby but just listening to him say all that, and knowing he went through it himself, it wasn't that I was crying over "omg hide died". That wasn't it, it was just listening to Yoshiki say it. And anyway...he said somthing along the lines of dedicating the song to "my friend up in heaven" and when he started to play I couldn't help but tear up. He plays so beautifully. Yeah, end of my Yoshiki binge rambling. My apologies. So all in all...I don't think I need friends around here...they're all druggies...again. And thieves. And liars. And jerks. And attention-whores. So I'm going to just avoid socialization as much as possible ~_~ It may not be nice and it may fuck up my social skills, but I don't care at this point. xXTOCXx

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Saturday, August 19, 2006

yet another friend met dir en grey in the past few days lol its becoming nothing new to hear "I MET SHINYA WOOO" weird how that happens... Anyway... aww she is like in love with kyo (as much as you, my momo-chan) and she saw him like 5 feet awat talking to someone, and like he was telling the guy "I'm Kyo" and she goes O_O "k-kyo? kyo??" and he like, bolted. she's all bummed because she hadnt wanted to like mob him or anything. poor thing is all bummed about that D: and apparently only shinya and toshiya (i believe those two ne?) were the only ones who didnt bring girls. e_e kyo's g/f was at the phoenix show my friend went to, we think. This japanese chick was all around Kyo and up in his business and whatnot lol! and im still talking to her, getting me to tell me juicy details xD she met die outside and shook his hand and he was a sweetie. she is so happy lol, despite the kyo incident. I would never have the courage to. Especially after my D'espa incident. I scarred Zero-sama for life, I think xDDDD poor baby. I ramble when I'm nervous, if I can remember how to talk and breathe. damn myself ^^; ack i have to cut this short thunderstorm = turn off computer. xXTOCXx

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:(

why is it that I always feel the intensity of extremely depressed bullshit at night.... ugh. Stpid brain.... xXTOCXx

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Friday, August 18, 2006

I'm hungry ._. just got home HAHA fuck myself.... I forgot my key and I was already dying of hunger/thirst/HEATSTROKE/exhaustion when I got up the stairs to my apartment door xD;; fuuuuuuck So then I had to walk all the way BACK down the stairs and across the complex to the clubhouse to get a copy of the key. heeeee I lost 3 or 4 pounds today O_O;; it was in water i think though. again ---- FUUUCK. Because I had PE today and even though I didnt run because I have a limp (i pulled a muscle remember?) I still played badminton :D I LOVE tennis/badminton. It's the only sport I'm good at! HAHA! And we had to partner up and practice serving (serving is different in badminton and i cant do it D: so i had my partner do it all the time lol!) and then we all had this "contest" thing where we would hit it back and forth with our partners and see which pair lasted longest We won two or three times >:D the only times i missed were when it was up and in the light and so I couldnt see or else because my eyes started to screw up and I would get double vision. I don't eat all day until i get home from school, so that was probably part of it, then lack of sleep because I was EXHAUSTED this morning, and then last night was really bad, I was crying for hours (dad+me=fight. So yeah. mom made me feel better though...we're getting closer lately o_O; weird). And I'm asthmatic so when I DID run a lap before my leg gave out on me and started throbbing again, I had a mild asthma attack but didn't say anything because i just needed to rest and it would pass. I didn't wanna cause any unnecessary drama. But yes and I have all black gym clothes *smacks forehead* It wasn't intentional but that's all I had D: Black sweats and a black huge shirt. And black shoes. and I wore my black/red tall socks today. because I'm an idiot. So I was COVERED in sweat Dx icky icky icky. Ummm so I've been tired all day...almost fell asleep in class a few times but we're not allowed to put our heads down so I couldn't @@; And I aced my second Spanish test today muahahahahahaaaaa. :D happy happy happy. ITS A WEEKEND WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I am gonna go take a shower and redye my hair...or i might dye it sunday night...so its fresh for school =/ it's really orange and REALLY yellow in some spots xDDDD heee ummmm my allowance is fucked for this week ;_; i slacked a bit...and my dad had to clean my bathroom last night (he didnt have to but thats the reason he started freaking out and yelling at me even though I DID mop and sweep it -_-) I'll probably only get like $15 ;-; pooo..... I'm hungry....fooood !! there goes that 4 pounds I lost today xDD xXTOCxx

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